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Last week was a bit rough.

By hippydog8
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17 comments

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1

I would strongly recommend reading everything you can about emotional intelligence, psychology, and social engineering. That way the next time you are in a dark place, you will know exactly what is wrong and how to navigate through it. This also opens up the possibility of helping other people out of emotional situations, or avoiding them altogether.

Happy_Killbot Level 6 Apr 25, 2019
0

Be Happy you have them,,life would not be the same without them

RoyMillar Level 7 Apr 9, 2019

You're right. Emotions make us feel alive. Even bad ones. But we don't want to be controlled by our emotions. It's better that we control them.

4

In my humble opinion, I am in control of my emotions and when I think I can't control them, it's kind of like laziness on my part. I can choose how to experience my life each day and when I am feeling something that is disturbing to me, then I analyze it and figure out why I am allowing it to be so important. Maybe that's just me, but I still have emotions, I just refuse to let them take over my life. Sorry you are having trouble with emotions. Take a look at the 4 Agreements in addition to Taoism. They work well together.

SiouxcitySue Level 7 Apr 9, 2019

Seems to me many people conflate emotions/feelings and behavior. Feelings just happen. Yes, we can learn to recognize something/someone that might trigger certain emotions and choose to avoid them but when a feeling comes there's no stopping it. Now, how we choose to react to those feelings is 100% on each of us as individuals. There are people who will try and use that as an excuse for their behavior but that's just nonsense.

To your point though knowing yourself and learning to be honest with yourself is vital for learning how to control how you "express" your emotions.

2

Is it emotions or are you an intense person. If you are intense, scaling them may help.

ToolGuy Level 8 Apr 9, 2019

What is scaling? what does it entail?

@demifeministgal Scaling is using a 10 point scale where you estimate the amount of emotion you should attach to something. For example a 10 (or 12) is the death of your child(ren) and is arguably the worst thing anyone can experience. The emotion associated with that is the most intense. Many people make 10s out of minor issues. One way to do this is to make a 10 point scale or even use a ruler and identify on it what intensity of emotion is appropriate for the triggering event. Some ratings have made spousal death the worst but the awfulness of losing a child is so unthinkable that people do not even consider that when they make up the lists of stressors and assign points to the event.

The key to this is to self-evaluate (or ask others) where the stress or emotion should be on the scale of 10 or 12. People who are intense tend to overreact or assign high numbers to relatively benign events.

One day a female client came in for her appointment and was visibly shaken. I asked what happened and she said that she had just witnessed a car accident. So, based on my impressions of her reaction and emotions, in my mind, I envisioned blood and gore and emergency workers, panicky onlookers, etc. It turned out to be a minor fender bender in a parking lot. No injuries whatsoever. We then explored her style of intensity (it looked to be a 10) and I used the scale — she had children — and after a lengthy discussion, I asked her to scale the fender bender she had witnessed. She joked and said minus 2. She visibly calmed down and we then looked at how she could manage her reactions. BTW, I checked for PTSD and other possibly triggering experiences in her life and there were none. She was catastrophizing a minor incident and scaling incidents and interactions can help get perspective.

The key is to ask yourself or get a trusted friend or family member to ask you “Where is this on the 10 point scale?” In order to interrupt the catastrophizing.

@ToolGuy Would it be safe to say that sometimes (like with your fender-bender example) there'a an Adrenalin rush that exacerbates the emotional impact? I think it would be affected by the nearness of the accident but I know I've been close to somebody else's crash and have been pretty amped up for a bit afterwards.

@RonWilliam53 Absolutely. But the approach I am suggesting has shown that you can cognitively amp it back down more quickly by stopping it with a rating on the scale.

1

See YouTube on vulnerability by Brene Brown

1000runner Level 7 Apr 8, 2019
1

If emotions are causing pain, detach from them and replace them with deliberation/intellect.

dare2dream Level 7 Apr 8, 2019

To be stoic is one thing. To the ignorant detach might translate to push down and ignore though which isn't healthy either.

3

The same door that allows in pain is the door that opens to pleasure and happiness
So hang in there!

1000runner Level 7 Apr 8, 2019

I really liked that statement, thank you!

1

I wish I could put them on tranquilizers.

Kojaksmom Level 8 Apr 8, 2019
1

Hygs , Hon !

Cast1es Level 8 Apr 8, 2019
3

Lobotomy short of that good luck

bobwjr Level 8 Apr 8, 2019
3

I'm sorry, Hippydog hug

FlippantLlama Level 8 Apr 8, 2019
3

Emotions are what make us human and let us know we are alive! Kisses sweet hippydog!

Wildflower Level 8 Apr 8, 2019

@wildflower That is true, but they also make us wish we were dead.

@Kojaksmom Oh I hear that. I've been there.

I think animals have emotions too. Intelect is what makes us human and sets us apart from the rest of the animals.

4

Im sorry you are going thru a shitty time. It must be going around. Ive been going thru it myself. Ive tried everything people say to do keep busy do the tbings you like doing. Spoil yourself. Nothing is really working. I have a really clean house right now though.

Wendiw Level 7 Apr 8, 2019
3

Hurting? The deeper you bury them, the longer they will hurt.

MissKathleen Level 9 Apr 8, 2019
4

Even when they’re very bad, they’re what make us alive and human. I know, I know. But the quickest way out of bad feelings is through them. Also, EFT helps me a lot. You might check that out.

brainyactress Level 7 Apr 8, 2019

what's EFT? smile005.gif

@demifeministgal Emotional Freedom Technique also called tapping therapy. Loads of stuff online. It seems weird but it’s been really effective for me.

@brainyactress ooh. Is that the thing with using like an elastic rubber band and snapping it on your wrist every time emotions get intense?

@demifeministgal No, not quite. ?

3

if you hold your breath for 48 hours.....yeah,never mind,the damn emotions still won't leave I fear

lookinhard Level 7 Apr 8, 2019

Thankfully its not THAT bad ?

3

Time will help, the more distance you get from it the better.

HippieChick58 Level 9 Apr 8, 2019
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