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Emotional Is the Truest Intimacy
It's also the most elusive, but I KNOW it has to be possible. I just have to get the word out and get some people start working with it.

I did not read about this anywhere. I found it on my own. While I was alone. And I have attempted to share it inside my last two relationships.

The first was oblivious. She had no clue and my lack of “traditional male enthusiasm and rapid climax told her she was sexually worthless”. Her words. And she was incapable of hearing anything else I said. Disastrous.

The second was open minded and quite receptive. I had hope for us. But, she lived at a distance, and my two solid weeks busy work cycle was too much pain away for her. We broke up just to get it over with. Or, at least that was what was said. Who knows.

I know I'm right on this. At least I know I'm right for me, for my personality type, and my level of deepness in these kinds of things.

So, there have to be women out there who have thought of this themselves. There have to be women out there who can learn this even for the first time from here. There have to be women who can at least understand it and talk with a friend about it who’ll say yes, oh my gosh, where did you see that, I have to read it too… I have to talk with this guy. At least, this is my hope. So, I write.

You can be sensual - working and focusing to stimulate and gratify your senses, but where are you emotionally during these acts?

You can be sensuous, presenting yourself, your assets, and your warmth to stimulate and gratify your lover's senses, but where are you emotionally during these acts?

Holding hands while walking together, out on the street, both of you, lost in the complication… suddenly, one finger moves softly… noticeably… against the soft skin of the back side of yours… it comes back again… and repeats, ever so softly again… oh, that's so sweet – tenderness!

A turn of the head to meet your eyes, wordlessly, both smile from the eyes… a nod of the head and you confirm with yours. Tenderness. So sweet. Message received, and acknowledged.

I want to say I love you, but… it's so wrong, intellectually… functionally in our relationship. How can we separate these things?

I want to say I WANT to love you, but in my heart I already do, in this moment. Isn't there another word or a modifier I can use to soften it up from “psycho” mode?...
I… pre-love you…
Never mind.

Sex means nothing. Oh! we’re doing it. My god! Should I become the animal? Give them all that I have? Should I be more passive, just let them take me? Move on top of me! Or, should I move more vigorously? Can I come for them now? Oh! What the hell is this about now, at this point in our relationship!? (sometimes, I wish we didn't have to even do this stupid crap.) What the hell is this for!?...

Utter stupidity! Yes? Then why even bother with the opposite sex matching? Why not just become a scout leader and go camping, build pioneering improvements and enjoy the gender neutral friendships?

Still… I want something deeper. I just haven't met “the one” yet… that would fix EVERYTHING… right?

No. That is nothing but BS. But there is something…

Look, everybody has sex. Some never use it. Some never share it. Some never explore it emotionally, With or without someone else around.


Emotionally? Alone?

Certainly. Listen to this:

Forget the word “masturbation”. Forget the phrase “self abuse”. Those are both religious terms.

You and your body and your emotions and your sexuality all evolved in your species together. You are a free, intelligent human being. You manage yourself. Do what you want, ESPECIALLY self kindnesses to your own body and your own emotions.

My own emotions?

Yes. Using meditation and self-hypnosis techniques. You control what goes in and flows out of your mind and your fingertips (figuratively) and truly (emotionally), better than ever before. And you gradually pair this with you very own sensuality, sexuality, and sensuousness. These things are all yours, and they are all very similar in how they exist and are controlled BY YOU in your brain; where you exist most of your life anyway. Yes?
Tenderness. Self tenderness. Meditation. Self love. Tenderness. Sex. Your sex. It is yours. Use it. Be kind to yourself. Tenderly kind. Learn what it means, fully, while you are alone. Own it. Love it. Be it, within yourself. Nobody, ever, takes better care of you, than you. You know. Then you can eventually consider sharing this with someone… someone else who knows, as you know. After you talk about it first, and you're sure you know they know.

Society… our culture, has made people SO ignorant. So ashamed and afraid.


You deserve to enjoy your body and your emotions by yourself. At the very least, you have earned the right to your own being from all the HELL that other people's stupidity and meanness has put you through. Yes?


Don’t you ever meditate? No? Then how do you expect to ever learn how to control your mind? To relax well and quickly. You need to learn this now. So get on line and buy yourself some stuff and start practicing it. Try several. You'll find one that works for you and then you'll change it your ways and then it will be great and, then you will be great, because you have this new ability inside of you.

Meditation and self hypnosis (same things, only deeper) are VITAL to being happy and well adjusted over a long life. Both alone and with someone who has practiced and can share properly with you.

Don't you know how to express tender emotions? I already gave you a hint, in the brief story before… tenderness - Ultra soft… highly controlled, tender touching… super-light, like butterfly kisses… sweet, super gentle stroking.

It takes concentration, patience, discipline... but the rewards are self evident – the body becomes MORE sensitive because of the lightness and gentleness of the stimulation. And the responses… the body comes alive and reaches for the stimulation… moves itself to find and receive it… it's all quite fascinating.

And when this is shared… The giver can feel the emotion as they are performing it – tenderness is an act of love! And you thought it was sex. No. It isn't. It's only a venue.

Sex, sharing it with someone else that is, is just another way of touching. Emotionally, that's all it is. So, the WAY you touch is EVERYTHING, plus, the emotions you attach when you do it right.

People don't attach to people… people attach their emotions to people, when they are treated in the corresponding way. And tenderness is absolutely the most beautiful way. Learn this for yourself. Know it for yourself. Then demand it from anyone who dares to love you.

Let me ask you a question now: When you share sex with another person, emotionally, what is THE goal?

Biggest orgasm ever?
Longest chain of orgasmic waves? No.
Quickest orgasm?
Slowest orgasm?
Okay, what IS the goal?
The goal is closer and deeper emotional bonding.

With the best simultaneous orgasms ever?
No. No orgasm at all would actually be better. At least at first.
No orgasm?

Yes. We're talking about emotional connection. You’re not stupid teenagers and you’re not needing to make a baby. Besides, this emotional connection thing is new to most people, so it's better if you just forget you even know that orgasm is a thing. Just love each other. Be close. Be intimate.

Hook up, but then rotate to a scissors position. Admire each other… meditate on it, appreciate it emotionally. Tenderly touch and tenderly stroke each other's face and arms, and hair. Move minimally. You're not making a porn show… you're making love… deep, emotional love.

You see how this works now?

This is all I ever want, from now on.

I hope you do too.



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CuriosityExtant 7 July 11
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some great read here,comments,insights and emotions thanks for sharing,lovee learning all the time

RoyMillar Level 9 July 13, 2019

There needs to be more options. One can be looking for this but also want more to their relationship also. That kind of deep intimacy should be the everyday part of a intimate relationship but also come together for physical pleasure through sex, and there are all kinds of sex. I had this kind of intimacy once and after about a year, he stopped giving that, hard to do this if the other will not meet you half way and the sex together was incredible when we were in this state, but after he stopped meeting me half way, sex became disconnected from emotions and all about the physical and not satisfying. We are no longer together!


Wonderful exposition of what I once had and has been lost. Thanks for putting into solid words the emotions that I, and I think many reasonable women, want. Had a long argument with my late husband about this once, he was religious and attended a bible study group, when he was involved with a group of presbyterian men discussing homosexuality. This was one of my arguments for allowing people to love whoever they love. He couldn't understand it, yet we experienced this type of bonding when we first met and in the early years of our marriage. Alzheimer's came and took away the intimacy and bonding. But you have reminded me that it is out there, just have to make the Effort to find it.


Very, very interesting analysis! Deep.. Reflecting reality, at least for me. My best friend and I have a no contact relationship, but we are very close in every other way. My lover, is sexual, but more interested in her own pleasure than mine. Frustrating.

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