When a cherished relationship comes to an end, how do you deal with the profound pain that results?
Imagine yourself in that relationship 5 years down the road and usually the negatives are so apparent you can become relieved it is over. I was relieved about my last one because it was impossible but grieved because some of it was so special. My granddaughter said, the most effective way to get over someone is to get under another but I think that could be a dangerous solution for a female.
Even though I was the one who had to file for divorce, and technically ended the marriage I suppose, it's been the hardest thing I've ever been through. I think the most important thing anyone has said to me was that it's ok to grieve. Time makes it easier. Taking each day as it comes. Being mindful of your feelings. Acknowledge them, allow yourself space to experience them, then let them go and move on with the day.
In my experience, losing a relationship that is close to your heart is almost as painful as the death of a close friend, you go through the five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally (hopefully) acceptance. But the scar will always remain, memories may bring a smile, but they may also bring tears. Only time softens the blow.
I was shocked when my wife decided to separate. I still love her dearly and have known her for 20yrs. I will do things together with her but she moved on and has a new boyfriend. We have a daughter and we all go out to dine together as often as possible. This has caused me a lot of deep pain but getting along and being able to see my daughter often has made a difference. Now it is time for me to get a new girlfriend which will not be easy but I have to move on with my life. I wonder how hard it is to find an agnostic or atheist girlfriend.
The end of a relationship is like a death. Except the other person isn't six feet under, he or she is still out there and can swing back and cause you fresh pain. But the process is the same, you grieve. You cry, you get angry, you're sad, you're miserable, and through it all you remember to breathe, until such time and breathing becomes automatic again, and like the tide the pain and grieving recedes. And like the tide then it will all come back washing over you again and you'll be back in the abyss again. And repeat. And you'll eventually be able to move away from the shore and the tides will be harder to reach you. When I divorced my ex I was pretty indifferent to him at that time, I had done most of my grieving before the split. We have children so I still have to see him several times a year. We're amicable. And he usually says something that makes my mouth drop open and I'm reminded what a maroon he is and I'm thankful I went through with the divorce. However, I had a long term relationship post divorce, it ended horribly, my heart was broken. It took some time to get over that, and it helped we had no connections for us to have to keep in touch. Gradually I got all reminders of him out of my life and only sometimes does it still hurt.
relationships are different . if it was a relationship where you've had children together , you're going to need to part and still remain civil to one another. If it was a relationship that just involve two people, I would recommend the no contact rule. Give yourself time to grieve, but then just let go. No talking ,no texting, no stalking on social media. You'll never heal if you keep breaking open that wound by being curious about your ex .
The profound pain comes not from the parting but the re-starting - re-starting to re-evaluate, redetermine, recalculate, research, regurgitate, re-establish, regroup, retrieve, resmile, resile, rebelieve, restore, ... My what a lot of rehashing is required to return to rationality.
Looks like I got into a re-rut there. I need an 'S' - SMILE.