In surveying the questions i notice that women are mostly asking/posting about intimacy of emotion and attachment while men seem to mostly be writing about sex. Do men equate intimacy only to sex? I guess im asking this question to the gentlemen in the room.
Yes yes and yes absolutely I realized finally recently and had to accept it they weren't just similar or connected they were one in the same my desire to be intimate and sexual are synergy. Many intimate feelings are weird to try to express vocally a man speaks his emotions through his actions and his body. he can do and say things physically that express exactly what he means without the vulnerability of vocal accountability
As a man and a person who is currently single. I can say that I love sex as it's an intimate act... buts just that. But I think true intimacy is when your with someone who you can relate with and understand on a fundamental level. You don't have to like the same things but your willing to share with, work with, and support one another. I do miss that kind of intimacy. Its the Little moments. But I think most men think that it's just too much work. Or they don't have the time. And so those men suffer for having that kind of mentality and never find fufillment.
I'm not sure where I read or heard this, and it was a much more complex thought, but the gist of it was: men have sex and fall in love... women fall in love and have sex. I'm not saying this is true for everyone, I'm not saying there isn't a blend of both for each gender, but the emotional wiring (as a consequence of our evolution) is for a woman to prioritize an emotional attachment to someone who will be around for at least as long as it takes to rear a child, while the male priority is to find a partner for long enough to conceive a child. Human relationships are often a compromise between these two conflicting goals.
Yes, we are much more than our genetic programming. Yes, I attach a lot of significance to emotional commitment. There is a lot more to intimacy than sex. But at some point, in an intimate relationship with a lady, I will want the physical act, and if it's missing, I'll feel that something is incomplete.
I think there is more to intimacy than just sex. Sure sex is intimate but, for me, intimacy means having a connection deep down. It means knowing me where my pain, joy and passion resides.
I think some people just don't know how to share their inner self to a point of intimacy. This goes for people of both genders.
I think cis men are generally socialized to believe that sex is the only kind of intimacy we get to experience, with the possible exception of time with our children. Other than that, we're supposed to be tough, not show any feelings, and always be "the strong one". That's oppressive and toxic, in my view, but it might help explain the trend you see.
Men see sex as the ultimate physical intimate act (well I do) and the ultimate act of love as mutual commitment, which is why so many of us are scared of it.
Sex is important to men as it is the final expression of masculinity according to social norms, though it may not be so to each man individually, either way a great deal of importance is placed on it during our youth and adolescence by our peers second only to physical prowess and the ability to be a protector/provider impressed upon us by our parents.
Thus psychologically it has in years gone by shaped our psyche and sense of worth and self identity, so that now in an increasingly genderless society many of us find it hard to know our place, and who or what we are expected to be. Since we are all in the same boat as men, we follow our instinct from childhood to ask our mothers or failing that trusted females.
Unfortunately the way things are at the moment most of the females are completely lost too, and so we a society of person knowing very well what we are not expected to be, but with very little idea of what is expected of us.
I would say, generally yes. A long running series titled "The Science of Sex", clearly demonstrated that males have a lot of seed, don't get pregnant and whose natural proclivity is to inseminate as many females as possible. That's why one sees a lot of harems and men with multiple wives (the record is well over 800 children by the same father). Famous sports players are proud to have had sex with 100's or even 1,000' of women. It is in our nature. What is also in one's nature is to evolve and learn. Intimacy, especially when one ages becomes about much more than sex. It is about closeness and sharing. That is at least for some of us.
I'm probably one who this situation was reversed. I've first off never been one who sees sex as love. But in my last relationship, the lady I was dating did exactly that. If we weren't intimate daily, she immediately would say I obviously didn't love her anymore. She couldn't comprehend that just going out for a hike, to the movies, dinner or dancing. Was in ways more of an expression of love than what happens in the bedroom. Now in fairness this isn't entirely on her. Once we discussed this it became clear that past relationships had built this ideology in her.
We did eventually split, and for more reasons than just this one. But I have to be honest in that months later she still viewed our relationship with that idea. And it placed such a strain, that it compiled with our other differences. Eventually had us splitting up. Not all men therefore see sex and love as always compatible. And I also believe that there is an inherent difference between "sex" and "making love". One involves an emotional attachment and one in ways merely is a physical workout and form of stress relief.
Most men arnt bred with an emotional spoon,at a young age,it's taken out our mouth,and we fend,for our selves,and we find talking about or looking at the female body,as a better past time,we don't explore emotions,and more explore our carnal desires.
We only find the intimacy concept,if we had explored it, with a group of like-minded males or just on our own.
I don't know,if this makes sense.
I speak in generalities here, first point being that male and female have intrinsic differences in primal psychology.
I have spoken a lot of love vs. sex and for this purpose I equate "intimacy of emotion and attachment" to love.
For men(again, in general), love and sex are not the same. I suggest that one of the biggest deceptions foisted on humans is calling sex, "making love". I find nothing particularly loving in the sex act, Before and after, perhaps. But during, and for the male, no love.
Men are more able than women to perform and savor the sex act with any other, regardless of love.
I have distinguished love and sex to student friends, as such. To me, "making love" is feeling joy in the relationship. For me personally, shopping together, cooking, cleaning, watching movies, playing games. Together and feeling joy in just being with her.
The key word here is "together". Time together, time to accustom to one another, to know each other and find joy in the knowing.
All this said, and to address the specific question. Men may find talk of love in detached(online)discussion to be premature, maybe discomforting, maybe deceptive. But the male has, I believe, a very pronounced interest in the sex act, and in venues such as these, relatively anonymous and "safe", we find entertainment in chatting explicitly about sex.
Sorry, pretty wordy here, but your question asks directly about something I have actually discussed a lot with young and exploring friends...
This gentleman equates intimacy to sharing a spoonful of ice cream with someone, holding hands during a movie, walking hand in hand thru a park....the "intimacy of sex," is an whole different type...like the difference of 'making love," vs."fucking." there is a major difference in intimacy even there.