That is horrifying! I ache for you and your daughter.

@HippieChick58

Thank you.

Better to be lucky than good.
Please don't tempt fate.

@sweetcharlotte That almost never happens. Seriously. The vast majority of sexual assaults happen by someone the victim knows personally: a relative, a friend, a neighbor, a spouse, or a boyfriend/girlfriend. It is rarely a stranger (especially one pulling up in a van like in the movies).

@bigpawbullets True, that.

@sweetcharlotte it's not nearly as high as it used to be. piratefish is right, the odds of such a thing happening in real life are astronomically small. However, since it's still technically a non-zero possibility, I like to think I'd have the good sense to run, as anyone should regardless of gender.

@LiterateHiker I'm sorry that happened to someone you know, but personal experience is a poor substitute for the reams of collected data. The danger overwhelmingly comes from people the victim knows and even trusts. While strangers can and do commit these types of crimes, they are pretty rare, comparatively.

As a rule, it is better to focus mostly on the enemy responsible for nearly all attacks than to spend enormous energy worried about the one who almost never does. I know which one I am primarily concerned with.

@Piratefish

Where is your empathy? Stop minimizing women's pain and ever-present danger by trotting out statistics. One in five (likely more) girls are raped in college, including my daughter at age 19.

Nine years later, Claire still wakes up screaming. She still has panic-attacks.

Read my experience below. Of course, there's more.

@LiterateHiker Who is trivializing it? I think you seriously need to learn to relax and quit reading what you want to into another's comments. How pointing out that women are mostly victimized by people they know, and often trust, and not total strangers equates to me "minimizing women's pain and ever-present danger" is beyond me.

I am talking about WHO is committing the majority of assaults, not IF it is damaging and terrible. Try to get on the same page and quit responding to non-issues. You and I agree that rape is horrible, and that rapists and those who sexually assault women should be thrown into prison for a very long time.

Incidentally, I happen to know quite a few women who disagree with your premise that they are in ever-present danger from strangers. My mom, my sister, my ex-wife, my aunt, my nieces, my in-laws, a number of my co-workers. And before you accuse me of being uninformed or ignorant, I have actually bothered to have conversations with these women about this very thing. However, they do not report living in the same fear as you.

That doesn't mean there aren't women who have had traumatic experiences. I am in no way disputing that. It simply means that the majority of women haven't, and many who haven't are levelheaded enough not to become victims of fear from the constant media bombardment of "stranger danger". They know that the true danger will likely come from someone they know and trust, not some random guy wearing a ski mask and jumping out from the side door of a van.

Again, how this minimalizes any woman's pain who has been assaulted is a monumental leap. I just cannot seem to make the logical connection.

@Piratefish I agree. And while I'll take precautions and engage situational awareness just as everyone should regardless of gender, I will not live in fear. I lived in fear before my anxiety disorder was treated. I hated it. I won't tell other people how to live--if someone feels safer never going out and having seventeen locks on their door, I won't tell them not to, and I would prefer it if they didn't evangelise their way of life to me. Like the kids say, you do you, boo.

@memorylikeasieve I agree. But evangelizing goes both ways. Trying to make women afraid of every man they meet is not the solution. Especially when the real danger is often in their own home, next door, or with the guy they are dating.

@CoastRiderBill I know I am!

The only prison movie I've ever watched is Shawshank Redemption, and yes assault happened in that movie. I am not about to hate on you, I agree with what you're saying. Yes, men can be victimized by women, and men are usually reluctant to go to the authorities because of the scorn they will endure. And men do horrible things to other men, or anyone they perceive as being weaker than they are. As a people we really haven't evolved much.

@HippieChick58 Thank you, I wasn't sure if anyone would get what I was trying to say.
But yeah, I think it should be that every one, men and women alike should be treated with respect, and kindness.

@Gwendolyn2018 you had me up until "However".
It's not a competition. there are other ways of being victimised other than just physical.
I have a pile of stories, as well as other men I know about some horrible shit that women do to men, just as men do to women.
My basic point was then ALL people deserve to be treated kindly, and with respect.

@Gwendolyn2018 I love the double standard you use there.
You said that "If you have been abused and taken advantage of that many times, you are the common denominator and should examine the type of women with whom you consort".As if it is my fault that I was abused.
You do realize that it is the same thing as saying that women that are abused is their own fault.

And by the way, It wasn't just by women, I had an abusive father that put me in the hospital a few times.

And you still clearly missed my point once again that ALL people should be treated with kindness and respect. men and women alike.

Us guys really do suck far too often.

@kmdskit3 I don't put all of you guys in the same basket. I know there are some truly good ones out there.

I never realized just how bad this problem was or how often this sort of stuff occurred until joining this website and the growth of the #metoo movement. Hopefully the growing consciousness of this problem will lead to changes in our society.

@BlackDove I do try to not behave so reprehensibly but that doesn't mean I'm immune. I think it's important for all guys to recognize that kind of stupidity is within us.

Whoa! Gipsy!!!
Stand by for <written> abuse!!!!

@bigpawbullets Not Again!!!!

Ditto! I have a daughter in college far away from home and I worry constantly!

Thank you for mansplaining that. You don't have a clue. We're not paranoid in the least, this is reality for women across the globe.

@HippieChick58 But which is more likely? That I'm a bizarre mutant or typing this from an alternate dimension, or that maybe it doesn't happen as often as folks are saying it is? We only see what others point out and not the countless people who go about their lives, day in and day out, completely uneventful. That's human nature. It's reality for too many women, as even one is too many, but not every last female or female-presenting human on the planet, which is what this movement is coming dangerously close to implying. Extremism will only damage its goal.

so... you make sure not to wear high heels, do you, sir? i am glad for you. you check your back seat before you get in a car? how much thought do you give this? do you by any chance know how much more likely a woman is to be assaulted, sexually or otherwise, than a man? it might be worth checking that out before you make a further fool of yourself.

g

I think we all got the message in your original post. "Remain well clear of @stinkeye_a!"

Jeez.
Between you & @hippiechick58 , I'm going to stay in my compound.

@bigpawbullets That's where I stay. In my compound. Haven't had any trouble with males since 1998. Don't leave the compound. It's dangerous out there. =0}

@Countrywoman
We've grocery delivery available from our local supermarket & pharmacy. And of course, there's always Amazon. So you rarely need to leave "The Compound". But we do. We acknowledge the dangers out "There", and have taken steps to mitigate them.

Don't you think it immature find the premature death of a king funny? It was always traditional for a king reign a country, beside which, the young king did ultimately allow a Queen reign, although the traditional laws of primogeniture would still require that the first-born son would always be king.

Perhaps you would like pause for thought before mocking the traditions and customs of another country and culture?

nice, remind me the commercial of then President Lincoln being asked by his wife about a dress... does it makes me short? does it makes me fat? and him putting faces unable to dare to tell the truth, so be careful what you ask for but... put him on the spot!!! Very Nice!

@GipsyOfNewSpain You miss the point. It is asked so I am sure I can never be accused of attempting to dress to provocatively.

@Amisja I missed the point and my apology but that shows what you have to be conditioned about... you shouldn't be afraid of being too provocative to the point of driving an asshole beyond his threshold. You have the right to dress as you want. Regardless of men desires. I hope you understand my point that I am siding with your freedom not with the assholes containment.

I would say that a majority of women have had experiences, not just women in this forum. I can't say that I've had any experiences that stick out for me, very small minor ones, but it's a shame that I feel lucky to have not experienced it. I should feel lucky to not have had them... they should just not happen at all.

I truly believe every woman you know either has such an experience or has/had a close friend who had such an experience. They just don't talk to you about it. But on this site I think women feel safer to discuss it openly.

Sounds about right. Most every woman Ive got to know well enough for her to open up to me, on this site or elsewhere has a story or 3. Its disgustingly common, and severely underreported.

@Charity I share your pain. Hugs

The victims , are not the ones taking these precautions , The victims are the ones who did not take these precautions . These are those who , may have learned , at a high cost , what happens when you do not guard yourself . Not saying that all men are violent . But the ones who are , usually take on more than one victim , overall .

As others have stated, 1 in 3.
So yeah there are a lot of women who've had at least 1, the average was reported at 3. Add to this the recent statistics that over the last four generations over 63% have been abused in America and you'll see a seriously fucked up multi-generational trend.

[americanspcc.org]

Like global warming, this isn't just a "libs" whiny talking point that corporate media and the "toxic" conservative crowd can start claiming is hurting their "rights" and "free speech".

It is a epidemic.