So...
A friend of mine told me the story of how she inadvertently neglected to change the age category on a profile she completed for online dating. She is 60 but the site defaulted to 40. She is in great shape and could probably pass for a 45 year old. She got sixteen messages from men immediately and fourteen of the men were over the age of 60. Six were in their seventies.
This is an act of men scouting women 20-35 years younger than themselves for a potential long term relationship that could eventually lead to marriage. This is what my friend's profile clearly stated as to whom she would hope to find; a partner for the balance; a soulmate type of friend; an equal. As she wrote back to tell them all she made an age mistake on her original profile attempt and had since corrected the error, not one of them wanted to proceed. They apologized, but told her they were only interested in much younger women. She asked one of the replyers, "Why?"
"I need a younger woman to keep up with me."
It's my hope that if and when I do once again become a couple that "aging gracefully", an art I truly admire will become a staple of my relationship.
Is aging gracefully, together a lost art? Is leaving aging partners for younger people the newest way to feel fulfilled?
I will most likely die alone. 
8
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22 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Man , I will die alone as well most likely , and the most I am thinking , that's ok ! Absolutely no desire to be w anyone that could had be my son , and I get offers in real life often . I don't have the energy or the words to cover gaps or to maintain two different realities .
At same time , the men my age or slightly older , they prefer women 20 yrs younger than me . And even if still notice me , the possibility for a much younger woman is not a problem for them , or has been in their agenda b4, and that's when I smile and say " no thanks ".
One of the things that I couldn't understand 23 yrs ago when I came to USA , was how come and I see watermelon in January at the store . Or strawberries . Or grapes . In Italy and Greece , u knew cherries will come out in April . Watermelon in July ! Yay ! EVERYTHING ON ITS TIME TASTES THE BEST . ( an expression / quote ).
When I was a teen , my father will say " best grapes in August child , u have to wait ". And he wasn't taking grapes . I am in the fall season of my life I think at 48. I had my strawberries , I had the cherries , were delicious . Time for the younger ones to enjoy now , and for me to see and taste what my season has to offer . Most men in my season they don't care for these fruits . Those men are not for me then . The same way I am not the fruit for men on their winter time I guess .
U know what Sue ? It's ok ! Once every few months or so , I watch ( listen to while making my puzzle or such ), UNDER THE TUSCAN SUN movie . " lady bugs , lots and lots of lady bugs . Just go work on your house and forget about it ". ???
Happy Sunday to all , good morning guys !♥️☕️????
Pralina1
Level 9
Jan 20, 2019
6
I am not ready to face dating yet. I cringe when I think about it. I am missing marriage. I adore this analogy!
@TheAstroChuck I'm not. ✔ Right, Sue?
Guys and Guy, right??✔?
@TheAstroChuck thanks but it's for the best.
Interesting question Sue.
I'd say the first requirement to aging gracefully, together or not, is to accept the fact that we are aging. Not an easy or common occurrence in our youth oriented society.
bigpawbullets
Level 9
Jan 20, 2019
5
Absolutely! I actually love aging! It's such a peaceful process.
yes i agree. People are also in denial about the fact that we are all going to die. We never know when we will die. WE might hope to live long, but we just don't know. I think that once we accept the facts, then it allows us to appreciate the NOW.. and it helps to release us from the fears of living.. so we can just celebrate everyday of living.. hmm sounds good 
I am still rolling on the floor over that old dude's response to her. "Keep up with them" ????? Not to say that there aren't some older gentlemen that are in good shape and still very active - but for any of them to imply that a 60 year old woman won't be able to keep up with them is not only absurd - but downright pathetic. Why wouldn't you want to get to know this 60 yr old woman first - before making that judgment call? Honey, don't you worry about dying alone....I think I know who it is that's going to be dying alone..... 
Lavergne
Level 8
Jan 20, 2019
3
Hey, I find guys in my age range (70's) are no damn good for staying up past 10, never mind dancing!
AnneWimsey
Level 9
Jan 20, 2019
3
Well that sucks as I hardly sit out a dance!
@SukiSue just like from junior high onwards, all the women are up dancing, every wedding, every everywhere, while the guys molder in their chairs.....
@AnneWimsey I have one guy friend who I can always count on. Love when he's there!
Well, that lets me out. My legs don't dance.
Amazing how many men over 60 seem to think they have to have somebody 20 years or more their junior to "keep up with them." What they mean is "I don't think any women over the age of 60 have sex." They could not be more wrong.
sewchick57
Level 7
Jan 20, 2019
4
I agree.
I find that experienced partners make such better lovers. I still remember the movie Something's Gotta Give where Diane Keaton (she is super sexy) says, I do love SEX!!!
I guess they must not have tried a nice horny old lady. Lol. I find myself more interested in sex the older I get.
@confidentrealm lol, yeah, I'm not real sure a man over 60 is going to be able to keep up with me!!!
I tend to like older women than me. Smarter, more experienced women than me. Women that I can grow into or with. Women that complement me. I don't know -- the physical aspect isn't that important to me. (It's important, but not the top priority.)
My brother is the exact opposite. He goes for younger... (I'll stop there).
Kintaro
Level 6
Jan 20, 2019
4
You are a rarity today?
I am told that statistically the relationships most likely to succeed are men with older women. Mine have all been with older women and only premature death ended them. Good luck.
I think +/- 5-10 years is the most. After that the connection I think would be harder.
My SO and I have a 25 year age difference, and we've been together almost 22 years. Aging gracefully together is definitely not going to be possible although that doesn't mean we are not journeying through life together, enjoying the fun stuff and working through the challenges. To me, that is more important than just aging together. This works for us because there are things we both like and activities we like to do together, but it's ok if we want to do our own thing without the other. We don't always have to be together all the time and do everything together.
I think he notices and worries about our age difference (especially since people think I'm much younger than I actually am) more than I do. I don't notice it anymore (and my friends don't either) after all these years. He was never looking for a much younger woman. I was always interested in much older men (men my age I only see as friends). As for the aging part, we are both trying to keep as healthy as possible so we can have a longer time together.
graceylou
Level 8
Jan 20, 2019
4
That said, I accidentally signed up for a hookup site once. Was on the Greyhound bus and tried to get on their wifi. A pop up window showed up asking if I wanted to sign in with my email or my Facebook. I didn't want to give them my email address so I clicked Facebook, and got on the wifi. After that I kept getting emails from a particular site though I never looked at them, figuring it's spam. Until one day I decided to look at those emails, and I was shocked that they were messages from men wanting to hookup with me. I went to the link to my "profile" which apparently had been built for me when I signed in through Facebook on that Greyhound bus. I was shocked because it had all my pictures, my age, and other information. LOL. I had 19 messages from different men, ranging in age from twenties to seventies (I was 45 at the time, and my profile indicated that). That was pretty interesting. Needless to say, I deleted my account right then and there.
Most likely these old coots want a Mother and a Wet Nurse. I can't think of much worse for a younger woman than having to take care of some old fart...Wait!
GuyKeith
Level 8
Jan 20, 2019
3
I think being in the same age categories allows for sharing more experiences. You listened to the same music in high school and you saw the same movies, ate the same food. I find that larger age gap you lose that. Nothing better than signing along in the car an 80's song and remembering where you where when you first heard it.
AlexRam
Level 7
Jan 20, 2019
1
I agree. I think of awesome relationships that have lasted a lifetime. There was no pressure to discard and replenish as needed.
I don't know, sometimes I feel like I'm getting younger. When I was young, I was far from anyone's idea of the ideal partner. Now I feel I have way more to contribute, and will hopefully find someone who appreciates me for who I am and how I got here. And hey, it works both ways -- maybe someone younger will find ME interesting... Well, someone young-at-heart, at any rate.
bleurowz
Level 8
Jan 21, 2019
2
My ex wife was just two years younger than me. I try to date within 10 years of my age. I had a tinder date recently with a woman 14 years younger, and it was pretty clear to me that it was a bad idea to take it any further. Single at 65, the dating pool around my age is a bit shallow. I never considered aging gracefully in the context of a relationship, but that's mostly because I never expected to last this long. Oh well.
zeuser
Level 9
Jan 20, 2019
2
So, Sue!
Here's the REAL reason. Linda is 9 years younger than me. So, when there's 6+ inches of snow, and drifts in our driveway......
bigpawbullets
Level 9
Jan 20, 2019
2
Lol... She's awesome!
It's tough. I look to be "energized" by someone younger than me. I understand it's a fool's errand, but I do not shut out the possibility of it ever happening. But as it is, I realistically look out for for those in my age range. I consider myself relatively useful for my age, whatever that means, and it's not like I never considered someone actually a few years older than me that is otherwise also youthful in their appearance. But then again, how often have I seen women who appear too incredibly youthful for their age, and are apparently using old photos of themselves. Is this a trap, and do they do so in cognizance of the the discussion in this thread?
godef
Level 7
Jan 20, 2019
2
Deception will catch up to anyone, eventually.
There's no fool like an old fool.
Arouet
Level 7
Jan 20, 2019
1
And it goes either way... man or woman, I guess.
In a moment of weakness a while back I looked into a matchmaker service because I figured I would crumble in an online dating scenario. The matchmaker told me I should do well because there are some professional men out there who want an age appropriate woman who takes care of herself and looks younger. They thought they would look foolish to their peers dating someone young enough to be their daughter and didn't want it to ever be questioned as such. I declined - not yet ready. But online dating has it's deficiencies.
The best bit about getting older is you know the chasing and striving is all nonsense but you wouldn’t have not done it!
Geoffrey51
Level 8
Jan 20, 2019
2
I feel the same way but it seems younger men are also interested in older women. I might consider a younger man. I would rather have one my age or older but you're right, seems many men want younger women. I don't understand why they believe that a woman their age could not keep up. I can.
confidentrealm
Level 7
Jan 20, 2019
2
So...women put on requirements for height, age, weight, salary, etc etc etc, and that's not a problem, chalk it up to these women "knowing what ( I ) want and not settling for anything less". Guys want to find a younger women, and it's an issue?!? OK...whatever...
jondspen
Level 7
Jan 20, 2019
1
That's a problem as well in cases of extremes. You should talk about this!
I see your point, Jon. I think people should ask for what they want -- no value judgement on personal preferences.
But if they offer a rationale for their position, it should make sense.
@Bierbasstard Why should I answer a general question about the whole views of society and relationships based on one woman's experience that has been relayed to us on here by her friend? I don't think I would be in ANY way qualified to speak on what the whole dating culture is like....other than to point out that it's women that initiate 65-70% of the divorces, against men who have provided and supported a family, so they can go out to Cougartown and enjoy the years of their sexual prime with typically younger men. I honestly don't know if this is the norm for one sex over the other, for both sexes today, or if this is just a small minority of individuals that seem to get the most attention.
@SukiSue You're whole premise wasn't about the question, since the first 2 paragraphs and a follow up sentence was about how 14 men did this to your friend. I don't know if you intentionally structured it this way, but stating this one example of multiple men against your female friend, painted the issue in a skewed tone based on anecdotal evidence. I merely pointed out women are just as, if not more picky when it comes to online dating, including age and typically many other more meaningless factors (height for example). I then pointed out the fact that women also initiate the majority of divorces and then go one to enjoy playing with "boy toys". I don't see how my comments are off topic at all from the example you described in great detail, other than it doesn't fit with a pro-woman feminist agenda and sheds light on the flip side of the coin. Yet as usual on this site, when someone points out both sexes do this, or one sex may actually be worse - it is met with what is essentially a "Shut the F up" comment. Seems like the only time people want to 'talk' about a subject is when it fits within their SJW boxed views of the world.
I think online dating is a waste of time and energy, for both sexes. It's good for finding a hook up, but that's about it. Many people do meet this way, and some do establish long term relationships via online dating, but ( 1 ) most people don't know what the really want out of life or love anyway, and ( 2 ) people lie about who they are to themselves, and essentially are putting up a "most awesome me" resume - slanted toward dating - so what you see on the profile isn't the true them anyhow. Given this, it's no wonder people seek out someone younger, either to recapture their youth, or to continue living in denial about their situation.
I would also add the dating site she was on makes a huge difference. There is a different 'vibe' I would call it between the different dating sites. Much like a bar, you get different types of people based on the vibe. If you're friend was on eHarmony or AdultFriendFinder - you can damn well guarantee there is a different type of dating mindset between the two.
Finally, let's address the elephant in the post - your friend essentially lied on her profile about who she was. Granted, we can say it was an honest mistake and she didn't mean to, but yes, she did technically lie about who she was on the site. Maybe, just maybe, these guys saw that as a red flag and used a looking for something younger line to get around calling her a lying, deceitful, person. Catfishing is not cool and is a real turn off. BTW....now that she has updated her age, how many hits is she getting? You conveniently failed to address that part in you post.
@jondspen Thank you for your input.
I think the site should have asked to fill in the slot rather than simply defaulting. People have a hard time filling these complicated things out, I hear.
I think I need to get with the times? Short term is most likely what most of us will be forced into as we age. Correct? We will be traded in for a newer model? Kind of like cars?
Perhaps I tried to explain too much in the post? I simply should have posted:
"What's with this age thing with people and online dating looking for 20-30 years younger?"
Better next time!
@SukiSue Yea...or if you are looking to attract a person on a dating site, after you fill out the info, go back and proof read your profile. I don't go fishing without making sure the lure is properly attached to the line, and that's just fishing - not looking for my next true love!
Ehh...I know a lot of couples that are together b/c they can tolerate each other and want to have someone there due to companionship and safety. You slip or black out alone and it can be deadly, even more so for seniors. By short term - not sure if you're referring to FWB type of short term, or end of life terminal dying soon short term. LOL
@SukiSue ...and you never did answer my question - now that she has updated her profile and age, is she only getting hits from 80 y/o guys? I would suspect she was getting up near a hundred of replies, regardless of age, since women tend to get tons of responses, and men tend to be the one's reaching out. Very few women are secure or confident enough to innate contact. Has the age change on her profile made any difference in the inbox count - considering of course new profiles get more hits compared to existing ones?
@SukiSue My suggestion to her would be go out, enjoy your life with hobbies and interests, and when a guy approaches you, don't shut him down. I find since I've been actually approaching women and just be me, quirks and all, I have much more success with dating than I did with the online crap.
@SukiSue Perhaps (some) people feel that by being with someone much younger it will help them deny their own aging? They can kind of live vicariously thru their younger partner? I don't think that works - not long term anyway - there has to be some real, solid connections between two people regardless of the age gaps.
@Lavergne I just don't "feel" it. I know that's just MHO. I did honestly try to date someone who was 38 when I was 20 and every single time we went out to eat someone would comment on his lovely "daughter." It got old. I liked him because he was my dancing instructor, I guess. I would never have intended it to be long term and neither would he.
@SukiSue I am married to a much younger man. (We've been together 30+ yrs). I am not a cougar.....I consider our situation an anomaly - not the norm. Nor would I particularly encourage women to seek out younger men. People are all different....my younger husband is a very old soul and always has been. So perhaps, we are, as a couple aging gracefuly. ??? This is one of those issues that truly is a "one size does NOT fit all".
@SukiSue Yes and not surprising....as a society we have become obsessed with youth and wanting to be (and look) young forever. Young women have always been attracted to older men for a variety of reasons - in past generations it was a way of being financially secure for one. These days - just finding another individual who can laugh at the same things you do - enjoy doing the same things you do - and truly enjoy each other's company - well it seems to be getting harder and harder. There's a lot of unrealistic expectations out there.....
@SukiSue How rude. Growing up in retail, you learn to keep your mouth shut about stuff like that unless you know the situation. I go out with my daughter and grand-daughter all the time, and everyone comments on how cute my daughter is. I usually say "Thanks! And while I love her, I think my grand daughter is even more adorable!" I guess seeing someone ask how far along a women is in her pregnancy, and her responding she's not pregnant is a good way to learn how not to eat crow!
I think this is happening with both sexes. When on pof I had multiple conversations with ladies who were actively looking for guys not in their "regular" age range..
Whatever floats your boat i guess..
As to dying alone.. thats should have nothing to do with any segment of a population that was not meant for you in the first place.. i firmly believe everyone has the "the one" out there .. you just gotta find em..
hippydog
Level 8
Jan 20, 2019
1
As to the why?
I think its just another aspect of online dating..
People are more likely to attempt to try different things simply because they can..
I wish I could have aged with one of my partners. I have been in relationships with women 20 years younger to 20 years older. Age was never the criteria for any of them. When I was still using dating sites, and even on here, I limit my searches to -10 to +2. I am not interested in starting life over.
Barnie2years
Level 8
Jan 20, 2019
1
By the way, looking at your profile, I would date you in a New York minute! ? You remind me of Sally Fields, who I think still looks amazing!
To each his/her own. Anyone who has been on a dating site knows that everyone has their own desires. If everyone agreed dating wouldn't be so difficult. Your friend probably didn't tell you about the 10 guys that responded to her that were age-appropriate but she just didn't like them. Why didn't she? I could just as easily say, "what do you mean I have to have a Porsche, a $1,000,000 and workout daily?" I guess I would die alone. But that's not the attitude you have to take if you're going to play the dating game. And you have to play the game, because you can't win if you don't play. There is a reason those men who declined her are still looking, they haven't found what they want either.
lerlo
Level 8
Jan 20, 2019
1
Only one age appropriate reply so far so time will tell, I guess? And she is a catch!
PS... I almost wish I found an example of a man as well so as to not cause rebuttal and distract from the question.
@SukiSue you can age gracefully with a guy who's 20 right? If the premise is her profile showed her wrong age then you can't blame people coming at her thinking she's younger. So I guess your hidden question is why can't we all date age appropriately and then decide who gets to decide what's appropriate
@SukiSue well I'm pretty sure you can't get to marriage without dating. Jump in and don't pay attention to the BS, just go in with the right attitude. p.s. don't go to a site that defaults to an age if it lies about yours and be truthful in your profile and all will be fine. p.p.s if I still didn't find the question because I'm not very bright, Please spell it out for me because it obviously has nothing to do with your friend or what older men want. If it's just can you live out your life aging gracefully, yes you can.
@lerlo I hear you and thanks for the encouragement. I hopefully will feel ready to jump in some day again. The "Art" of aging together. I was wondering if it is still alive somewhere today or is the trend toward discarding lovers once they appear too old or you are bored? I understand I will have to adjust to the trend to partake. I just hope there are some "long-term" minded men out there who do not mind an aging partner? I am seriously being told, "Nope."
@SukiSue there's no Trend. Nothing has changed. You dated before, it was always the same, there were some 40 year olds looking for 20 year olds and 20 year old women looking for 40 year old guys. You find someone who thinks you're wonderful and vice versa and age is irrelevant. You may not be used to being told no like guys have to be who always had to make the first move, but if you're on a dating site that's going to happen. It really comes down to you can't win if you don't play. Would you rather be alone?
@SukiSue I am seeking someone my age to grow older with after being widowed, but I can tell you from my paid dating site experience that most women in my area who are age 53-55 (I am 60) will not date someone my age but will date someone as much as 15 years younger than them, according to their profiles. So it's not just men who seek much younger dating partners. I will date as much as 8 years older than me, but that probably won't prevent me from dying alone...
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