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My loving and caring parents are actively trying to pass down Christianity to my little, impressionable toddlers. Part of me asks what harm would it do, and part of me asks if I really want my kids to be deeply indoctrinated. I'm approaching mid-thirties and it's taken me this long myself to see through the Bible and it's many inconsistencies. My dad sings Bible songs to the kids and still doesn't know about my atheism, and I don't dare talk to my mom about it. We are renting a space from her and just might get kicked out. Any suggestions?

Biblebeltskeptic 6 Sep 4
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38 comments

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0

Well now, what is more important, saving rent money or watching your parents inflict psychological abuse on your children? I suggest that you discuss your position with your parents and ask them to stop the brainwashing. Commit yourself to the best interest of your children; you'll sleep a lot better. If they kick you out, you did the responsible thing, and your parents will never see their grandchildren again (or they shouldn't).

It may not be a case of “saving rent money”. Perhaps she cannot make it yet alone. There is child care cost an so many other things, and fast food places do not pay a lot!!

8

Now is the time to srop indoctrination. Sounds like you need a long sit down with your parents. These are your parents not theirs. Your duty is to protect them

I believe she said they are not in a position to move out!!

@Rodatheist yes I had to tell that to someone three times. Everyone seems to be oblivious to that fact for some reason. That is the main reason for her concern!

@Rodatheist She said she is renting from them and might get kicked out. Maybe not a bad thing at 30. If the kids were sexually molested,would the moving be an issue then?

7

Please don't let the children be brainwashed. 😟 Teach them to think critically. 🙂

6

Carefully explain to kids grandad likes fairy tales

4

Well, first things first. Do what you have to do to survive and feed your children. Then, as soon as you can be independent, begin the repair work so that it does not take then until their 30s to be free.

Agreed.

4

Your kids, your rules.
Just make sure you are completely prepared to pack up your kids and
move into another place BEFORE you tell your parents that you don't
want them indoctrinating your children. If that takes a minute (which it
would make sense for it to), you can counter with teaching them about
other gods throughout mythology, and you can tell them how all gods
are myths made up by ancient religions. That's usually enough when
they're really little.

I don't believe in giving that stuff a pass. Religion is harmful. I don't see
anything wrong with telling people to keep that stuff away from you and
your children. I don't care if it's a family member. Your kids, your rules.

I suppose a good approach could be . . . . think about something that THEY kept away from you while you were growing up,. because they thought it harmful, and draw a contrast between that, and your belief that religion is harmful. If they cannot come to grips with that, then maybe they should not be seeing your children.

I agree. At this time, we are not even in a place we CAN move out. They are our babysitters while we both are at work. And they've been doing this for us for next to nothing. We are actively looking for a solution though.

4

Think about it. Your parents would kick out their grandkids? Maybe you. Lol. But not if it means not seeing their grandbabies.

That's a good point.

4

I would try to mitigate the indoctrination by exposing them to other religions. Like others said, just show them that others believe differently than your parents. Make sure they have a good understanding of science and evolutionary theory when age appropriate.

3

Here is the plan!! Definitely work toward becoming independent. Once you are ready, and while still living with them, let them know tour thoughts about the education of your children, in a gentle and loving but firm manner. This way, you will give them the chance to see your point and react to it. Who knows, may be that will weigh their beliefs against the presence of their child and the opportunity to see their grandchildren grow, and may be reason will prevail. If they don’t come around, plan B will already be in place.

Thanks. I appreciate your advice. I will definitely work on becoming more independent!!

3

Keep it under wraps. You’re in a delicate situation. You already said it’s permissible. Just keep tabs on what’s being indoctrinated. Songs are harmless. If it goes beyond that then speak your mind gently. Maybe some discussion will come out of it.

I grew up in a Fundamental Baptist Church and church school, attended christian choir, and memorized mostly all the songs in the hymnal. Songs and Christian music can play on your emotions and make you believe in a god even when it rationally doesn't make sense.

@Biblebeltskeptic Frighteningly true!!

3

You needn't capitalize the word "Bible" anymore, by the way. It doesn't have proper-noun significance in your new, expanded world.

If you don't want your dad singing religious songs to your kids, put your foot down. Have a Plan B in place for your living arrangements, however, just in case your mom only knows how to live and love in the context of Jesus - discarding all else. Maybe that's an important thing to put to the test?

3

This is a wonderful opportunity for you to interact with the kids & ask questions that inject Realness!

That's a great way to look at it!

3

In order to be more well rounded... Don't you feel that your kids should grow up learning everything and then make a decision for themselves? If you force Atheism down their throats you are no better than a flim-flam Christian. (Without the tithing! lol)

There is nothing wrong with you pulling your kids aside and telling them that Christianity is a "belief." There is a reason why they cannot call it a fact! We all have our own beliefs and they will one day choose their own... And, they may change over time. (Yup, prepare them for that too!)

I don’t know that she’s forcing atheism down their throat. If you want to expose your kids to all thinking, then you have to also explain the atheism point to counterbalance the theism points.

They’re toddlers, so they may be too young for in-depth knowledge about these things. They’re still learning not to eat dirt. 😄

@Apunzelle Agreed... The term "forcing" may have been too forceful! 😉

3

Do a little comparison here to Santa Claus when it is just you and the kids. Put Santa into the stories. If you do this right the kids will outgrow both god and Santa about the same time.

3

Welcome to the site, I don't have anything to add that you will not find in the following responses.
I wish you and your family a very happy and prosperous future.😊

3

If your mom would really kick her daughter and grandchildren out of their home for being atheist, then I fear I have very little respect for her - but you must do what is best for your children, the 'religion desease' could genuinely harm them for the rest of their lives.

Perhaps YOUR duty to them is to teach them how to think, how to base their perception of reality on evidence - that way you might 'inoculate' them against your parents' faith.

3

I would teach them christianity like this: there was a guy named Jesus. He taught that we should love one another.

thats all.

You know that the biblical Jesus existed outside of myth? I know I don’t and I’m betting you don’t either. I’d be inclined to refer to him as one of many myths from antiquity that still has an extremely large amount of believers.

@Falsifiable1 you're missing the point entirely. if you don't fill in the blank beforehand then you let culture do it.

@JeffMesser I see your point, but I’m not in favor of replacing one unprovable statement with another. For one, it could backfire with the child catching you in an untruth and this can come with negative repercussions. There’s more that can obviously be told to the child and how you phrase it should depend on the ability of the child to consume it. For example, if the child understands the difference between a fable and a real story of a provable occurrence this opens up the parent’s ability to open the conversation in that vain. This is just an example and your statements don’t need to be unprovable. Like.... your grandparents believe in a fable and I don’t because it’s unprovable. This provides an opportunity to discuss the difference between fable or myth and provable events and people.

3

You are in a tight spot given your reliance on their generosity of shelter. The answer relies on your knowledge of your parents and tolerance for risk.

Perhaps you could approach from the angle of your concern with indoctrination of the vulnerable and impressionable. That you want to take a different tact in your parenting with regard to religion and would greatly appreciate their respect and support for your position. You may not be able to avoid hurting their feelings, but you can decrease the potential pain by testing out the conversation with a friend or trusted family member before approaching your parents.

What ever you decide make sure you do so with confidence and conviction and present them that way too.

3

Until you get a place of your own let it slide. When they are old enough to understand and you are out of your situation, tell the kids their grandparents were just telling them fairy tales. They were just made up stories Grandpa told them for fun.

2

what harm would it do? are you kidding? rent space somewhere else!

Only problem: she watches my kids for free. :/

@Biblebeltskeptic peace of mind and protecting your children's brains doesn't come cheap

2

You are lucky enough to have loving and caring parents. You aren't going to change them now. This isn't a serious problem Your children will be more influenced by you than by your patients. Maybe once they are teenagers they'll reject your ideas - it's the way teenagers are. Much nicer now to live in an extended family without conflict.

2

I think the time may have come for you to have a frank talk with your parents. You cannot go through your life hiding your views and pretending that you believe something you don’t, and if your parents are unable to accept your views then it will be a good thing to find out sooner rather than later. You are a fully fledged adult and parent yourself now, and your first duty is to yourself and your children, and well meaning though your father probably is, his indoctrination will be taking root in the minds of your children, so he must be told that you don’t wish him to do it. Children’s minds are like sponges and they will be absorbing all that they hear, you already know this because you say it has taken you 30+ years to see through the bible and it’s many inconsistencies...act now is my advice. If they love you, as I’m sure they do, they will respect your views on this, but if they can’t you should start looking for alternative accommodation.

Yes. They are very impressionable.

2

It is a tricky one for you. You know your children will learn themselves one day.

2

Have an open conversation with your parents. If they are the type of person who kick their own daughter with her toddlers out of the house for religious reasons then you shouldn't want them anywhere near your children.

Dietl Level 7 Sep 4, 2019
2

I told mt parents around the age of 5 that none of this is true just like i figured the Santa Claus was fake by 4. Even though i was forced to go to "bible school" for two weeks out of every year of my school vacation i was asking questions the preacher had no answer too. Such as where did we come from, why is the sky blue? Simple things such as that, all he could say god made it that way, but then i ask why? No answers. I never believed in anything in this book, the goatfuckers guide to the universe, but it just a computations of stories told verbally until someone came along that knew how to write. I could go on for days about the errors in translation, the contradictions and so on. All that book was is just man trying to understand the world around him. Anyone this day and age should be imprisoned for making a child believe it. Its mental abuse and several million will attest to that.

2

how benevolent can they be if they would kick you out for being an atheist? you may want to consider (if possible, and i realize it isn't always possible) finding new digs. at the very least, if they think you're christian, couldn't they trust you to teach your own kids? but that isn't really the point; the point is that you want to save your kids from being, well, saved lol. in the interim, you may want to have some private sessions with your kids and say something, at their level, along the lines of "isn't it fun to sing songs with grandpa? those songs are about a nice fairy tale, like cinderella, but shhh, grandpa thinks they're real. you can still have fun with them. if you have any questions about what grandpa and grandma tell you about these stories, just ask me. we'll keep it just between you and me!

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