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I am a recent widower and signed up on a dating site. Finally found a woman I really liked. We talked by phone for hours and hours but never touched on religion. My dating profile stated I was an Agnostic and hers said Christian. After a long planned meet up we finally met.. Disaster!! When I stated that I had quit believing in God about the same time as I found out there was no Santa Claus she said that her family prayed before meals and she went to church on Sunday. No problem for me since she was Christian but, well, the opposite wasn't true. After a 375 mile drive each way I learned a valuable lesson. Ask a person if they know what an agnostic is. Most don't. Maybe I should get some cards printed up with the definition of Agnostic on them!

tymtravler 6 Jan 21
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70 comments

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1

religion or lack thereof should be an early topic of discussion if you expect to get cozy with someone

I agree. I don't have time to waste. I address the matter up front, early on.

14

Sorry you had that bad experience. Live and learn.

"If you are a Trump supporter, hit the back button NOW" is in my profile.

It also clearly states that I'm an atheist.

12

I suggest if you don't want a repeat experience to change your dating profile from agnostic to atheist. Most religious people think that when people represent themselves as agnostic there is some hope of their being converted to their faith, because they see agnostic as just doubting that god exists, rather than actually not believing. Atheist sends a clear message of not believing. Religious people have great romantic fantasy lives and believe that they can change and convert people "if only they hear the(ir) truth".

Don't feed the fantasy. I strongly suggest that you change your dating profile to atheist

That's what mine says! Nobody wants me

@twill I tell people to look at themselves, find those aspects of themselves that they don't like and change or improve on them one by one. Over time, they will be a happier person, and happy people are always attractive to others.

On the other hand, I did this and after becoming happy with myself, I no longer felt I wanted someone else (who wasn't extraordinary) and thus remained single. But, at least i am happy.

10

Rule of thumb... never date a theist and most do not understand what being an agnostic or atheist is so they say, until the reality check comes to slap them in the face and then they turn on you. I stay clear of anyone saying they are religious.. don't need that shit in my life and its only going to cause issues farther on down the line unless they say up front to you they don't partake in the rituals of the dogma.

9

I use the word Atheist because is much more clear with no room for ambiguity.

I told my last boyfriend I wasn't a believer and he seemed okay with that.

Then I used the word Atheist and it all made sense to him.

8

Most religious people think that if you are an agnostic and they are a believer it means you can believe too once they explain their god and religion to you. Of course, only their religion is true. All the others are some sort of nonsense. To them. being agnostic simply means you have not heard enough god arguments to make up your mind.

I agree. My kids think I am agnostic and they hold out that hope for me. Once my parents are no longer with us, I am going to come clean to them about the full extent of my non-belief.

Yep. True..

@Joanne My family is the same. My sister in law offered to pray for me recently after I had to have my dog put to sleep. Then she said, oh, but you don’t believe in prayer? I told her it was ok, just to send me good thoughts.

7

I simply tell people that I'm not a believer. That usually doesn't get misunderstood, and their reactions are instant and tell you all you need to know.

Deb57 Level 8 Jan 24, 2020

I understand how you feel and why, but it is not true that we do not believe in anything. Have list ready when someone finally gets sensitive enough to ask your beliefs are.

@Mcflewster I believe in lots of things, too, just not any gods. And usually around here, nobody cares what you do believe if you do not believe in their god.

@Deb57 That is our great challenge - to reach maximum human potential [Get Maximum potential DONE!!!]

7

She must've thought you came from Agnostica. Surely you don't want someone stupid?

7

Yep, I've run into many people who don't understand "agnostic" or "humanistic" or "freethinker" and so on. Yes, it's a good idea to state the definition of "agnostic" at some point in communication, before traveling 375 miles to deliver the definition in person. Good lesson learned - and thanks for sharing it!

7

Sorry you had to go through that. Happened to me once and now I always ask before meeting. So much for “love thy neighbor.”

I’m sorry your wife passed and I hope you find what you’re looking for. Be cautious.

6

So the lesson was don't drive 375 miles for a date?

No, not at all. The lesson was to discuss belief systems before driving 375 miles for a date.

6

I know it's scary to bring up subjects that might "queer the deal", but things like religion and politics are significant indicators of personality. My profile says prominently: "if you like trump you won't like me".

Have to admit, I get almost no messages. But the women who message me are always politically compatible.

5

That was a full day of driving with no payoff. I guess it is good advice to discuss religion before making any commitments. I don't suppose she gave you any gas money for the trip home.....it would have been the Christian thing to do.

5

You drove 375 MILES each way. What the fork?!! All I can say is WOW! My range limit is 50 miles. Was it Angelina Jolie? That would've explained it.
Anyway, damn, sorry it didn't work out. 750 miles, I'm still in shock.

I’d drive that far for Angelina😁

50 miles confines you to limited variety, and yes, she actually looked better than Angelina.

@tymtravler 50 miles does have limitations but I'm not complaining.. I'm not driving 375 miles one way for someone I don't know. I'd only do that for someone I loved in an emergency. To each their own dude.

5

Labels are killers, just say you're a non believer.

5

Been there-done that! Not 700+ mile part, but definitely seemingly led on to believe we had similar belief system. Some people live in a different world. I am now very forthcoming about religion AND politics. No need to waste each others time.

5

Sorry you had to go through that but better now than later.. but sooner would’ve been better, eh? This certainly makes the case in favor of putting your Dealbreakers right out front.
Better luck next time!

5

I think you had an easy escape.

But the escape was a 375 mile drive. I'm still amazed about that. Just me obviously.

he got off lucky

@ronnie40356 375 miles is nothing. You could have had years and years of her trying to 'save' you. Count your blessings.

@Jolanta I wouldn't have had years & years of her trying anything because I wouldn't have driven 750 miles to meet a stranger. Now if she actually looked like Angelina Jolie as he claims I might've considered flying..

@ronnie40356 More fool him if looks is the defining factor.

5

"When I stated that I had quit believing in God about the same time as I found out there was no Santa Claus", why didn't you simply say from the start that you were an Atheist instead of an Agnostic?

Not believing in God or gods isn’t the same as a firm belief that there aren’t any. Agnostic is just a non believer who has no firm belief/ faith that there isn’t a god/s. This does keep coming up 🙂

@girlwithsmiles So, you are agnostic about Santa Claus also?

@jlynn37 I believe in the legend, but disbelieve in the story perpetuated by some parents that he does an impossible task on Christmas Eve. I believe in the many people hired around the world to keep parents and their offspring happy. I know that many parents give gifts they claim are from Santa Claus, I believe many parents don’t see any harm in this perpetual fraud! Lols.

5

Sorry to hear it. Not all Christians have a broomstick up their touche. My late wife was unperturbed by my budding apostasy later in our marriage. Our relationship was not constructed around church activities, but around each other. But more fundamentalists than not, don't understand the distinction.

4

Wow does this resonate with me, I recently got divorced after a long marriage, It was not bitter or hateful, but one of my constant refrains was " I don't believe in Santa Clause" . Along with the Catholic church knew about and condoned abuse of children for almost is Entire history bothered her. One of my life goals is to continue to learn and strive for Humanism. The challenge is being able to forgive an person the can support a: Liar, Hypocrite, Duplicitous, Mendacious, Bigot, Racist, Misogynous, Narcissist, Megalomaniac, Immature Bully, and frankly Not intelligent enough to use Critical Thinking - and still say they are Christians. Shame on all of them!!!!!! almost 50 % of the American voting public. Anyways I apologize for getting on my soap box. I am having similar experiences with the dating scene.....

4

375 miles is a long way to drive - each way! - to get belief-shamed. Sorry that happened to you, partner. Hope you had some fun on the trips. And now you have a valuable piece of experience to guide you in the future. Learn, and then live on. Best of luck, and may harmony find you. 🤓

4

Your telling me after talking on the phone you were a coward and just wanted to get laid. Is you crazy?

Please don't make assumptions that aren't true. Getting laid wasn't in the equation for this date.

4

I had the conversation with my girlfriend when we first met online. She is a witch but spiritual. We have talked about me being an atheist and her beliefs. We do not agree on all aspects of spirituality but she does not believe in gods. So we now talk about our beliefs to understand each other but do not hold said beliefs against each other. We have been dating 4 months and she is the most wonderful woman I have dated!

4

A lot of Christians are in denial, as well, thinking they'll be able to convert you somewhere along the way.

3

Valuable lesson never date a fanatic thesist always a nightmare

bobwjr Level 10 Jan 25, 2020
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