I'm gonna be alone forever. I've known that for a long time but finally coming to terms with it for the first time.
I some times wonder if love is a hallucination. I see it everywhere but never experienced it. It's like smelling weed but not being able to smoke it.
Some times I get burst of confidence, like maybe today is the day, then reality comes crashing back down on me.
The depression, the social anxiety, the non existent good looks the perky set of man boobs.....yeha I got em lining up around the block.
Plus being a liberal, atheist, democrat in the south is the final bullet to the fucked up mess that is my non-existent love life.
Im gonna grow old and die alone with nothing and no one.
You have any idea how terrifying that is?
You said you are a liberal democrat, contact the county party to see what type of activities they have going. You would be surprised at the female to male ratio. Primary night and general election nights are gold. You have already eliminated all the conservatives just by being at the party.
I am 84 and have been single and living alone for over 50 years, will end this life that way, and it has been by my choice. I have had a fantastic life as a single man, free to live as I please, spend time with whom ever I please, any time I please and be by myself as I please. It takes all kinds to make humanity.
I wish you well and success in finding what you are searching for here and in your life.
Love and Peace
Feeling sorry much. Before you can find someone to like you, you're going to have to like yourself.
I bet given 10 seconds to list things you don't like about yourself, you would come up with 15 or 20 things. How long would it take you to come up with the same number of things you truly like about yourself?
This is your life, you and you alone are responsible for your happiness. You can not put that burden on another person.
You want someone to share your life with then you're going to need to do some work and earn it.
Pick 3 things you would like to improve and set them as a goal to be met with a reasonable time limit. When you have accomplished that then find a hobby or volunteer. You like cats so maybe a shelter or groomer.
You like photography, games, cooking, etc., get involved in group activities and projects/classes.
These are some of the things you can do to help build confidence.
A councilor could provide you with resources and encouragement.
You're young and intelligent and I know you can do this. Do you want to?
Are you looking for advice or just venting? Not everyone is going to be partnered, it doesn't mean you can't have a life of meaning. And just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you'll be happy or that your life will have meaning. You find meaning in your life by making it meaningful. If you don't want advice stop reading. My advice is to get involved with those less fortunate than you. Work with underprivileged kids, or with the elderly. They don't care about the man boobs or the looks. If you don't want to deal with people your humane society always needs volunteers. And then there is the AHA or American Humanists Association that may or may not have a chapter in your area: [americanhumanist.org] I am not familiar with North Carolina but there are a couple of chapters in the Raleigh area, and I think that is close to you. The last bit of advice I have for you is: People don't change until the pain of being the same is greater than the pain of changing. Are you in enough pain to make the changes that need to be made? Only you can decide what your are willing to do. One of the treatments for depression is to be physically active. That will help the man boobs too. Get connected to some community somehow. Helping others will help you. We all die alone, even if we're surrounded by others, it is a very solitary experience. While your living make your life count by helping others. You've taken a good first step, you've asked for help. Keep the momentum going.
My son has expressed just that to me many times, despite being 31 and gorgeous looking. However, he is gay, and living in a very conservative area. He's afraid to come out to the people he knows. He's also mildly on the autism spectrum. I think it's being different that makes it more difficult to find someone to be with. Just remember, there are other people such as you who are different as well, and hoping to find love. I feel those feelings, too, as a divorced person in my late 60s. Just don't give up, but search for meaningful friendships as well. They will give you the most stability and support. If you think it would help, move up north to a liberal town. You might find it most liberating. Get involved in activities that interest you, and where you can meet others. Do you sing? Join a choir. Like birds? Go for a bird watching club, etc.
It sounds as though depression has taken ahold of you, and you don’t know how to break out of it. I am an introvert so probably won’t be much help but I do have a few suggestions. If you can see a therapist, I would start there. Sometimes we get so overwhelmed with sadness and depression and cannot get out of it on our own. Talking with a trained therapist can help a great deal. Get moving! Either go to the gym and do a little cardio to get your heart pumping, or If you don’t like that, get out and walk and change your scenery. Say YES whenever other people ask you to join them. So many times we say no to others due to the depression. Start journaling and writing down your thoughts and observations of things happening in your life. It helps to get all that Angst out and on paper. You will see just how much you are growing by doing this one thing. Stop denigrating yourself. Remember that others rarely see us as we see ourselves. I wish you the best on this journey we call life.
There are two very simple things you can do. If you are lonely, the best thing that you can do is to try to help others. Join some charitable groups, volunteer, and do as much as you can, that way you do four things, you get out, you occupy your time, you meet people, and you start to build a place and a role in a community, all of which relieves the feeling of being alone. But even more it vastly increases your social network and with it the chances of meeting people who could become a significant part of your life.
And the second thing is. Why should an accident of birth, or the company you work for, determine where you live. Travel widely at first and seriously contemplate a move. The South is only about one percent of the worlds land surface. That's it, tiny. If you walk into a prison and then shut yourself into a cell, then you will find yourself alone, why stay there, when the door is not locked ?
I would like the opportunity to help you in any way that a friend might be able to. If you were closer, I would invite you over to prove there are people who are concerned with your welfare. Let's start a dialogue here based on your concerns.
I am growing old alone with no one and nothing to speak of. I do not find it terrifying but want to hear why you do. I don't think everyone is built to be in a long term, romantic relationship. Me, for one. Does that mean life is meaningless? Not for me. I wanted to be in a relationship until I was about 50 but when I realized it wasn't realistic, I began to shift my priorities. Family, friends, knowledge, accomplishments, career, you get to decide what is important to you!
A couple of things I must include: In my experience, any form of escapism ultimately backfires. What almost any woman wants more than almost anything is someone who treats her well and that can override almost anything. There is nothing wrong with how you look and looks are not on the top of most women's lists anyway. I've seen you post before and feel quite concerned for you. Ultimately medical problems must be dealt with by a doctor so I encourage you to start building a relationship with one you feel you can trust. Is there any opportunity for you to get the hell out of the south?
Unless you are a truly awful person, you will find somebody who will accommodate your social anxiety, and not care what you look like, man-boobs and all. I bet you're NOT a truly awful person, so half the battle is won.
Lots of guys, myself included, have mental illnesses, are neurodivergent, and look like something you spread on a cracker. Yet somehow, I find myself living with an incredible woman who takes all this into account and loves me anyway.
I'm not saying you're me. I'm saying it's possible.
I'm no pro, but it seems to me the lynchpin here is your depression, and how to manage it effectively
I understand how badly depression can affect the way one sees oneself, and how it robs one of their energy and agency. It makes the fear of rejection all the worse. It makes one feel like nobody understands them.
Down through this thread you're going to read a lot of very helpful advice. I'd reinforce it--get some talk therapy (especially that which would emphasize behavior modification), consider medications and any other strategy and method that will reduce the amount of interference your depression affects your life.
Get the help you need to give the love out you want in return.
It may happen and may not. I have some of the same fears you do but these days I have very little stress. I get lonely but I'm too busy pleasing myself to worry about how to please someone else and keep them happy. I have periods I love to have people round but I also think they need to know when to go home.
Well, in this society we're sold and pushed the idea that we should have company and so on. I can relate to what you said and I think I'm more or less on the same boat. I have been making most of my life on my own and I don't give a fuck anymore. I learned how to be independent and standing up on my own two legs and not depending on others. People can see me as a threat but I don't give a flying fuck about it. The guys at my main job think I'm gay when I'm not. People talk shite, thinking they're very righteous when in fact they're being simply retarded. They only believe their own truth and they don't bother to listen to the other side. If I tell them the facts, they don't believe. They prefer the safety of their lies and gossip and they even find strange that I don't listen to them, I'm very hard headed and I'm also one-track-minded but, if you explain me things right, I'll listen. Nowadays I appreciate being alone to appreciate the peace and quiet that it brings. Of course there are advantages and disadvantages like everything in life. I just turned 50 last Wednesday, never married, have been single most of the time and I don't give a damn anymore. I organised a birthday party, as I always do and I got more people showing up than what I expected. So, it can never be that bad. About my workmates thinking I'm gay, today it's very likely I'll go for a drink with a gorgeous Belarusian lady I met in tango. The dogs bark but the caravan goes on. I don't know about you and what you're doing, some people will make suggestions, you take on board what might work for you and try it. Good luck with it and I hope you find a way that works for you.
I don't think I have any advice for you but I can relate to what you are feeling. Loneliness can, at times, be painful and soul crushing. I've learned to accept it though. As I see it, I've managed to live with loneliness this long that I think I can endure it for a couple more decades.
I live in the south too (Georgia) and know how uncomfortable it is being a liberal atheist here.
About all I can say is that for me its the small things that keep me going. Find things to at least distract you from your misery. There must be some things in life that you gain some satisfaction from doing. For me it's music and reading and a small and infrequent, but enjoyable social life. Do whatever works for you.
Best of luck.
Dude! Ya gotta get the fuck outta the south!
We are the creator of our own world/happiness and to help with that I would see someone locally and perhaps start an anti-anxiety drug.
You were given some solid advice to your most recent post, sadly there are some who I would avoid on this site - the aussie guy who claims to be a therapist is one of them.
As a Psychologist of some note in Australia where I live and am still working, pro bono and gratis, as a Psychologist I am sorry to say BUT the more an longer you elect to wallow in your self-pity, etc, etc, the less you will truly deserve the understandings, etc, of others.
And as the father and Sole Parent of a child whom was lost to cancer in January 2001 and every stage and level of grief and grieving you can think of for hour after hour, day after, week after week, month after month and year after year, and btw, still grieves, yet still manage to keep himself going, keep on counseling others in need at ALL hours day and night I'd tell you to STOP wallowing in your own pit of self-pity, get yourself up off of your pathetic, self-absorbed ARSE and stop whining and sniveling like some spoiled little brat who can't get his/her OWN way and be a MAN, get out and do something with and for yourself and stop seeking and expecting everyone else to cry for you when they too have just as problems of their own as.
And, IF the root cause of ALL your self-assumed problems relate back to, perhaps, that your Mommy did NOT Tit feed you for long enough, which I am fast forming the opinion that it may well be the root cause btw, then SUCK it UP and be a MAN.
Dude! You are not alone in your despair. Often it is due to an imbalance in brain chemistry or a compromised area of the brain. Finding purpose helped me along with medication. Seek some methods of dealing with the feelings that are less than joyous. Seek out joy in something other than damaging, temporary relief. I chose to rescue cats & dogs & injured wildlife. That has diminished with covid, spay/neuter, less folks dumping animals in my rural location. In the south there is a great need for moving unwanted pets to the north where we have less of this problem. There are plenty of non profits that need volunteers from mentoring children to removing invasive species from preserve habits. I intend to be alone when I pass so as to not involve folks in any sorrow for my passing. But if one is social, one needs to reach out by finding comradery. Covid makes it more trying b and avoid the news until you can endure its constant negativity. Seek nerdy others. Take action & do some exercises & change your diet. Welcome to the site which has slowed down from the intensity of 5-4 years ago. Find a reason. But don't attack the Capitol building. LOL.
When I was your age I was ending my first marriage. Then another woman came along and we had 12 years together but it didn't last. A couple of short timers followed and we are still friends. At 53 I met another woman and we dated, long distance (it can work) for 10 months. Our partnership (it was a real partnership) was for 16 glorious years. Unfortunately she died (a wonderful, easy death). You see there is still plenty of time but horizons need to be opened some perhaps out of your comfort zone and area.