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I'm gonna be alone forever. I've known that for a long time but finally coming to terms with it for the first time.

I some times wonder if love is a hallucination. I see it everywhere but never experienced it. It's like smelling weed but not being able to smoke it.

Some times I get burst of confidence, like maybe today is the day, then reality comes crashing back down on me.

The depression, the social anxiety, the non existent good looks the perky set of man boobs.....yeha I got em lining up around the block.

Plus being a liberal, atheist, democrat in the south is the final bullet to the fucked up mess that is my non-existent love life.

Im gonna grow old and die alone with nothing and no one.

You have any idea how terrifying that is?

Nerdy_Tarheel 4 May 1
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24 comments

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13

I don't know you but have seen your recent posts, the only thing I can say is :
Don't fuck your Dignity! you Have to Love Yourself. Pity Love Worths NOTHING!

Diaco Level 7 May 1, 2022

Agree. Once you accept who you are (warts and all) and learn to love your life as you, others will find that self assurance attractive'
Live to please yourself, not anyone else. But don't be a narc about it (hurting others to gain pleasure for yourself)

12

You said you are a liberal democrat, contact the county party to see what type of activities they have going. You would be surprised at the female to male ratio. Primary night and general election nights are gold. You have already eliminated all the conservatives just by being at the party.

12

I am 84 and have been single and living alone for over 50 years, will end this life that way, and it has been by my choice. I have had a fantastic life as a single man, free to live as I please, spend time with whom ever I please, any time I please and be by myself as I please. It takes all kinds to make humanity.

I wish you well and success in finding what you are searching for here and in your life.

Love and Peace

I hear ya, I’m happier alone then I’ve ever been living with another.👀

I remember many years ago placing an advert on the community board in the local supermarket "fat intelligent man with gsoh looking for erudite intelligent amorous slim woman, view to synergic lasting relationship". I think the viewers all got stuck at fat because not one of the tear off phone number tags was taken.
So like you after nearly 40 years I live alone but I'm not lonely.

12

Feeling sorry much. Before you can find someone to like you, you're going to have to like yourself.
I bet given 10 seconds to list things you don't like about yourself, you would come up with 15 or 20 things. How long would it take you to come up with the same number of things you truly like about yourself?
This is your life, you and you alone are responsible for your happiness. You can not put that burden on another person.
You want someone to share your life with then you're going to need to do some work and earn it.
Pick 3 things you would like to improve and set them as a goal to be met with a reasonable time limit. When you have accomplished that then find a hobby or volunteer. You like cats so maybe a shelter or groomer.
You like photography, games, cooking, etc., get involved in group activities and projects/classes.
These are some of the things you can do to help build confidence.
A councilor could provide you with resources and encouragement.
You're young and intelligent and I know you can do this. Do you want to?

Betty Level 8 May 1, 2022

i will start to believe in god if he agrees tospare me from this drivel

Good suggestions and Analyses there, however, given his previous postings and self-pitying commentaries I am, as both a Psychologist and one has walked through the darkness of Depression, I am forming the opinion that ANY suggestions. advice, etc, etc, given to this person will be akin to pouring water over a ducks back.

@holdenc98 Not a compassionate comment. A little understanding can go a long way.

@Triphid Anyone who is willing to put themselves out there at the risk of being ridiculed is worth some compassion and empathy.

I see that Triphid and holdenc98 predictably chose to troll the OP. Since I have both of them blocked, I can't see what they wrote, but thank you for sticking up for the OP. And people wonder why almost nobody posts anymore about their dating experiences or their love life on these forums? Well, I know why and I posted about it quite a while ago. For obvious reasons, nobody is interested in being shot down, trolled or ridiculed for being honest and vulnerable about their struggles. That's why I quit doing it and I see no reason to change my decision in the face of how most people still act on these boards.

Also, your suggestions for him hold some value, especially about seeing a therapist or counselor. The ideas about volunteering may or may not be right for him, but you are undoubtedly correct in suggesting that he get involved in something that will give him more social interaction with others, since it has always been the case that the world never comes to you, unless of course you are great-looking, you have to go out and engage with it if you are ever going to make friends or find love.

@Betty Either that or they are merely using it to garner sympathy and compassion BECAUSE that is what THEY thrive upon.
You, I and a million others both on this site and all over the planet KNOW what TRUE Grief, Loneliness, Depression, etc, etc, are and what can be done about IF we have the BALLS to stand up and accept the help.
I have been trying to help him in the last month or so but seem to be wasting my time and efforts, efforts I can better employ to SAVE children and youths from the torments, etc, of REAL Depressions, etc, etc.

@TomMcGiverin That's very kind of you. Thank you. 🙂

@TomMcGiverin, @Triphid Yes, I know grief, loneliness, and depression. I also know what it is like to live in a black hole and the struggle it took to climb out. I also know I can not judge another unless I can walk a mile in their shoes.
We each have our own life experiences and react to them in our own unique way. Some find it harder than others to find their way.

@holdenc98 Oh, no. I believed in god once and studied the bible beginning to end. Never again! Please, never again!

@Betty Please feel most free to relay this to Herr Von @TomMcGivern if you please.
At the age of 10 years, I was raped, anally btw, by 3 grown adult males, less than a year earlier I went into my Great Uncles house as I did EVERY Saturday afternoon and found him dead and beginning to rot and decay in a seat in his loungeroom, in my first 6 months as Trainee Male Nurse I saw 3 people pass away and 2 young children as well, then less than a month later after working Night shift, I was called to a neighbours house where her husband was laying on the floor and dying from, as was discovered at a later Autopsy, a rupture Aortic Aneurism, I knew both people very very well btw.
I won't trouble you with the number of dead bodies I helped to remove from under railway Locomotives and railway wagons/carriages in the 12 years I worked on the State Rail Authority of New South Wales or the condition/state they were in, YES I have and show/give compassion where it is due but my well Educated opinion is that, imo, @Nerdy_Tarheel is playing on the sympathy of others, sympathy he is neither due nor deserves since by his comments he appears resolute to "milk" the situation for ALL that it is worth RATHER than heed a bit of advice and TRY to remedy the situation instead.

@DenoPenno No one can make you. lol

@Triphid My heart goes out to you. That is a lot to have to carry. I can understand some of it more than you know. You and I both had a parent that were born and grew up in the first half of the twentieth century and we were raised with a different mindset. That mindset is not applied to most millennials and gen Z.

@Triphid I didn't notice that my comment tagged another person. It wasn't intentional.

I laugh Betty because you mention cats. Recently I contacted my local cat organisation to help look after stray animals in their care. Despite various requests for them to action my request nothing was done by them. I subsequently learned that the committee of management were removed. The new committee has not bothered to contact me either.
Interestingly I have glowing references from cat & dog owners on how I have looked after their treasured pets whilst they have vacationed. My best reference however was my own cat who did something that none of the local vets had previously seen - she lived to the young age of 22⅓ years. If it hadn't been for her microchipping at 6 weeks of age none of them would have believed me.
Stupid people - who would want to live with such?

@FrayedBear I noticed that one of your monickers is Gypsy. I had a cat named Gypsy, lost her at the age of 17. She was a sweetheart. 🙂

@FrayedBear Just checked out your blog and I've saved the links for later. Thanks.

12

Are you looking for advice or just venting? Not everyone is going to be partnered, it doesn't mean you can't have a life of meaning. And just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you'll be happy or that your life will have meaning. You find meaning in your life by making it meaningful. If you don't want advice stop reading. My advice is to get involved with those less fortunate than you. Work with underprivileged kids, or with the elderly. They don't care about the man boobs or the looks. If you don't want to deal with people your humane society always needs volunteers. And then there is the AHA or American Humanists Association that may or may not have a chapter in your area: [americanhumanist.org] I am not familiar with North Carolina but there are a couple of chapters in the Raleigh area, and I think that is close to you. The last bit of advice I have for you is: People don't change until the pain of being the same is greater than the pain of changing. Are you in enough pain to make the changes that need to be made? Only you can decide what your are willing to do. One of the treatments for depression is to be physically active. That will help the man boobs too. Get connected to some community somehow. Helping others will help you. We all die alone, even if we're surrounded by others, it is a very solitary experience. While your living make your life count by helping others. You've taken a good first step, you've asked for help. Keep the momentum going.

W.W.A.R.S ?. ........."what tould ayn rand say ? i say you ave all the depth of a fortune cookie. did you forget "just say no to drugs " ?

here's my advise ......read NOTES FROM UNDERGROUND.

11

My son has expressed just that to me many times, despite being 31 and gorgeous looking. However, he is gay, and living in a very conservative area. He's afraid to come out to the people he knows. He's also mildly on the autism spectrum. I think it's being different that makes it more difficult to find someone to be with. Just remember, there are other people such as you who are different as well, and hoping to find love. I feel those feelings, too, as a divorced person in my late 60s. Just don't give up, but search for meaningful friendships as well. They will give you the most stability and support. If you think it would help, move up north to a liberal town. You might find it most liberating. Get involved in activities that interest you, and where you can meet others. Do you sing? Join a choir. Like birds? Go for a bird watching club, etc.

10

It sounds as though depression has taken ahold of you, and you don’t know how to break out of it. I am an introvert so probably won’t be much help but I do have a few suggestions. If you can see a therapist, I would start there. Sometimes we get so overwhelmed with sadness and depression and cannot get out of it on our own. Talking with a trained therapist can help a great deal. Get moving! Either go to the gym and do a little cardio to get your heart pumping, or If you don’t like that, get out and walk and change your scenery. Say YES whenever other people ask you to join them. So many times we say no to others due to the depression. Start journaling and writing down your thoughts and observations of things happening in your life. It helps to get all that Angst out and on paper. You will see just how much you are growing by doing this one thing. Stop denigrating yourself. Remember that others rarely see us as we see ourselves. I wish you the best on this journey we call life. 🤗

9

There are two very simple things you can do. If you are lonely, the best thing that you can do is to try to help others. Join some charitable groups, volunteer, and do as much as you can, that way you do four things, you get out, you occupy your time, you meet people, and you start to build a place and a role in a community, all of which relieves the feeling of being alone. But even more it vastly increases your social network and with it the chances of meeting people who could become a significant part of your life.

And the second thing is. Why should an accident of birth, or the company you work for, determine where you live. Travel widely at first and seriously contemplate a move. The South is only about one percent of the worlds land surface. That's it, tiny. If you walk into a prison and then shut yourself into a cell, then you will find yourself alone, why stay there, when the door is not locked ?

Good advice, @Fernapple 😎👍 Hear him!

9

I'm going to add something important to the excellent advice in this thread: BLOCK THE TROLLS!

I just did!

9

I would like the opportunity to help you in any way that a friend might be able to. If you were closer, I would invite you over to prove there are people who are concerned with your welfare. Let's start a dialogue here based on your concerns.

I am growing old alone with no one and nothing to speak of. I do not find it terrifying but want to hear why you do. I don't think everyone is built to be in a long term, romantic relationship. Me, for one. Does that mean life is meaningless? Not for me. I wanted to be in a relationship until I was about 50 but when I realized it wasn't realistic, I began to shift my priorities. Family, friends, knowledge, accomplishments, career, you get to decide what is important to you!

A couple of things I must include: In my experience, any form of escapism ultimately backfires. What almost any woman wants more than almost anything is someone who treats her well and that can override almost anything. There is nothing wrong with how you look and looks are not on the top of most women's lists anyway. I've seen you post before and feel quite concerned for you. Ultimately medical problems must be dealt with by a doctor so I encourage you to start building a relationship with one you feel you can trust. Is there any opportunity for you to get the hell out of the south?

7

Wouldn't solve all of your problems, but why not move out of the South?

7

Your first step is to believe in yourself and to love yourself. When you do that, the rest of your life can begin to come together.

7

Being single allows you a higher level of freedom
You can follow your passion
You can grow in character
You will learn how to be independent

But there are some things you can only learn while being in a relationship but that relationship does not have to be romantic.

7

Unless you are a truly awful person, you will find somebody who will accommodate your social anxiety, and not care what you look like, man-boobs and all. I bet you're NOT a truly awful person, so half the battle is won.

Lots of guys, myself included, have mental illnesses, are neurodivergent, and look like something you spread on a cracker. Yet somehow, I find myself living with an incredible woman who takes all this into account and loves me anyway.

I'm not saying you're me. I'm saying it's possible.

I'm no pro, but it seems to me the lynchpin here is your depression, and how to manage it effectively

I understand how badly depression can affect the way one sees oneself, and how it robs one of their energy and agency. It makes the fear of rejection all the worse. It makes one feel like nobody understands them.

Down through this thread you're going to read a lot of very helpful advice. I'd reinforce it--get some talk therapy (especially that which would emphasize behavior modification), consider medications and any other strategy and method that will reduce the amount of interference your depression affects your life.

Get the help you need to give the love out you want in return.

5

It may happen and may not. I have some of the same fears you do but these days I have very little stress. I get lonely but I'm too busy pleasing myself to worry about how to please someone else and keep them happy. I have periods I love to have people round but I also think they need to know when to go home.

4

Well, in this society we're sold and pushed the idea that we should have company and so on. I can relate to what you said and I think I'm more or less on the same boat. I have been making most of my life on my own and I don't give a fuck anymore. I learned how to be independent and standing up on my own two legs and not depending on others. People can see me as a threat but I don't give a flying fuck about it. The guys at my main job think I'm gay when I'm not. People talk shite, thinking they're very righteous when in fact they're being simply retarded. They only believe their own truth and they don't bother to listen to the other side. If I tell them the facts, they don't believe. They prefer the safety of their lies and gossip and they even find strange that I don't listen to them, I'm very hard headed and I'm also one-track-minded but, if you explain me things right, I'll listen. Nowadays I appreciate being alone to appreciate the peace and quiet that it brings. Of course there are advantages and disadvantages like everything in life. I just turned 50 last Wednesday, never married, have been single most of the time and I don't give a damn anymore. I organised a birthday party, as I always do and I got more people showing up than what I expected. So, it can never be that bad. About my workmates thinking I'm gay, today it's very likely I'll go for a drink with a gorgeous Belarusian lady I met in tango. The dogs bark but the caravan goes on. I don't know about you and what you're doing, some people will make suggestions, you take on board what might work for you and try it. Good luck with it and I hope you find a way that works for you.

Happy Birthday. 🙂

@Betty, thanks, milady!!!

@Paddypereira You're welcome kind sir. 🙂

4

I don't think I have any advice for you but I can relate to what you are feeling. Loneliness can, at times, be painful and soul crushing. I've learned to accept it though. As I see it, I've managed to live with loneliness this long that I think I can endure it for a couple more decades.

I live in the south too (Georgia) and know how uncomfortable it is being a liberal atheist here.

About all I can say is that for me its the small things that keep me going. Find things to at least distract you from your misery. There must be some things in life that you gain some satisfaction from doing. For me it's music and reading and a small and infrequent, but enjoyable social life. Do whatever works for you.

Best of luck.

3

Start with fixing your depression:

Alternately, ketamine is legally available.

Eating psilocybin too frequently can cause heart problems. From what I've read, doing a proper dose once per month is optimal.

2

Dude! Ya gotta get the fuck outta the south!
We are the creator of our own world/happiness and to help with that I would see someone locally and perhaps start an anti-anxiety drug.
You were given some solid advice to your most recent post, sadly there are some who I would avoid on this site - the aussie guy who claims to be a therapist is one of them.

2

Yes,I do.

2

As a Psychologist of some note in Australia where I live and am still working, pro bono and gratis, as a Psychologist I am sorry to say BUT the more an longer you elect to wallow in your self-pity, etc, etc, the less you will truly deserve the understandings, etc, of others.
And as the father and Sole Parent of a child whom was lost to cancer in January 2001 and every stage and level of grief and grieving you can think of for hour after hour, day after, week after week, month after month and year after year, and btw, still grieves, yet still manage to keep himself going, keep on counseling others in need at ALL hours day and night I'd tell you to STOP wallowing in your own pit of self-pity, get yourself up off of your pathetic, self-absorbed ARSE and stop whining and sniveling like some spoiled little brat who can't get his/her OWN way and be a MAN, get out and do something with and for yourself and stop seeking and expecting everyone else to cry for you when they too have just as problems of their own as.
And, IF the root cause of ALL your self-assumed problems relate back to, perhaps, that your Mommy did NOT Tit feed you for long enough, which I am fast forming the opinion that it may well be the root cause btw, then SUCK it UP and be a MAN.

Sorry...but that's about the most abusive advice I've ever heard. :'(

@Organist1 Well, perhaps you may wish to take over from me and start counselling children and youths with problems, then we shall see who has the greater success rate in the NUMBER of Lives they have actually saved versus those who are now food for worms by their OWN hands.
Ready when ever you are Miss I know it All, come and get started IF you have what it takes that is.

@Triphid I do have a degree in psychology, have raised 2 special needs children, and never told either of them to suck it up. Unlike you, I do not pretend to know it all, but I know abusive advice when I see it. Anything else you wish to put out there? We're all listening.

@Organist1 Then you, of all people should know and recognise the idea of " Hard Love" and how it is intended to work, which for your enlightenment IS exactly what I was handing out to @ Nerdy_Tarheel.
Sorry that our Aussie ways aren't as soft and sickly as the American ones BUT we grew up under yoke of British Imperialism and we grew up tough and hard NOT soft as a new born baby's turd.

@Triphid That's a crock.

@Organist1 And your ACTUAL qualifications are?

@Triphid B.A in Psych, M.A. in Music, 35+years as a music therapist, teaching special needs children and adults. Adopter of a special needs child, and most importantly, a decent human being. It doesn't matter what anyone's qualifications are, as long as they are capable of empathy and supportive behavior. It's not about you, Triphid; it's about the original poster and HIS needs.

@Organist1 Well done, so nice to see and know that you have continued on learning throughout your life.
As for me well, well I can ONLY offer 1 ThD, 2 PhD's, a mere 5 Bachelor Degrees in numerous subjects, 5 Certificates in Nursing, a Certification as a Mid-wife, YES a man who is a Qualified Mid-wife, a Certification as a Paramedic ( current as well btw), Certificates in Oxy-Acetylene and Oxy -Propane Welding, Electric Arc Welding, Air Operated Braking Systems on Railway vehicles, a Full and Current Amateur Radio Operators License, a Certification as a Tutor for Primary School Aged Children in Literacy and Numeracy, Certifications in the Handling, Transportation and Storage of Dangerous Goods and Explosives plus a few other ones as well.
Oh, and MOST important of ALL, Father to 3 children, 1 son from a earlier and previous relationship, 1 son still born at 26 weeks and a daughter who died after the reappearance of Mature B Cell Lymphoma in 2001, aged 16 and a half years.

@Triphid my child passed away of COVID 2 years ago. I've been there. I don't feel I have to be cruel to others. I am not sure where this is coming from in you. Perhaps a little self-inventory may help. Good luck. No one needs a resume to be a decent person.

@Triphid Hard love or tough love which it is called in the states, is not the universal answer to all problems. It is appropriate in a select number of situations, and is inappropriate in all others.

@Organist1 there is a current thread entirely devoted to this horribly abusive behavior, he cannot see it because he has blocked pretty much everyone on it, which was a Great relief.
I suspect you're next as @triphid cannot stand even one tiny jot of (perceived) criticism, Especially when it is Richly deserved, as seen right here.
The kindest comment i believe was mine when I suggested dementia & that we should not engage in any way as he cannot handle it.

@AnneWimsey Hey sister I live in AUSTRALIA, a country where we grew up tough and did not hide behind Mommy's apron strings.
In Australia you either get tough because the country does NOT forgive or crawl back in to your hole and wait to die.

1

Dude! You are not alone in your despair. Often it is due to an imbalance in brain chemistry or a compromised area of the brain. Finding purpose helped me along with medication. Seek some methods of dealing with the feelings that are less than joyous. Seek out joy in something other than damaging, temporary relief. I chose to rescue cats & dogs & injured wildlife. That has diminished with covid, spay/neuter, less folks dumping animals in my rural location. In the south there is a great need for moving unwanted pets to the north where we have less of this problem. There are plenty of non profits that need volunteers from mentoring children to removing invasive species from preserve habits. I intend to be alone when I pass so as to not involve folks in any sorrow for my passing. But if one is social, one needs to reach out by finding comradery. Covid makes it more trying b and avoid the news until you can endure its constant negativity. Seek nerdy others. Take action & do some exercises & change your diet. Welcome to the site which has slowed down from the intensity of 5-4 years ago. Find a reason. But don't attack the Capitol building. LOL.

1

When I was your age I was ending my first marriage. Then another woman came along and we had 12 years together but it didn't last. A couple of short timers followed and we are still friends. At 53 I met another woman and we dated, long distance (it can work) for 10 months. Our partnership (it was a real partnership) was for 16 glorious years. Unfortunately she died (a wonderful, easy death). You see there is still plenty of time but horizons need to be opened some perhaps out of your comfort zone and area.

1

Lets see those man boobs.

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