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When did you last have sex with a partner? (A 50 and over confidential poll)

I've been curious about sex for the over 50 crowd (of which I am). When I google about that topic, headlines come up that say things like "The Truth About How Often You Should Have Sex To Be Like Normal" or "How Often Should You Be Having Sex?" or "Drop in Sex among the over 50 population is worrying".

Really? Is the frequency of sex such a cultural norm or expectation that we have "shoulds" about it? "You should be having sex X number of times per month in order to be normal." One study said that 1/3 of adults over 50, who are in relationship, are not having sex at all. Why is that not OK? Having some kind of cultural expectation about frequency of sex is creating shame and embarrassment among those who don't live up to the norm. What about those of us that are not in relationship?

I suspect that people are having less sex than the culture expects or promotes. This culture promotes sex in the media as a primary focus, second only to violence. This society promotes sex as the penultimate experience of life. Don't get me wrong, I think sex can be pretty great, but sometimes it's not that great. It can be pretty routine, in my experience. And if you're mad at your partner, sex can be pretty empty. The unstated cultural belief is that if you're not having sex, then you're a loser or dysfunctional in some way. Why is there a measuring stick about this at all? Why can't society just let people live their private lives as they wish without creating expectations?

For me, I haven't been in relationship for several years, so it's been a long dry spell. The on-line women that I'm communicating with find that to be a big red flag for them. I'm starting to wonder if this is something that one "should" be ashamed of.

So I'm curious about how often people actually have sex, rather than how often the cultural norm or expectation says.

View Results
AwarenessNow 7 July 4

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50 comments

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0

I almost voted virgin. I feel like I'm starting over.

I have recently read about a 30-day 'test'. If you have a partner (which I don't at the moment) you should have 30 days of sex in a row. I've never tried this, but can see the benefits as well as how difficult it might be. Anyone want to be a test bunny with me?

13

I don't care what society or culture says about how often I should or shouldn't have sex. I decide what I want, with who, when, and how often. It's been 9 years since I had a significant other but I have had sex during that time with as much as a 4 yr gap in between. I have what I consider a healthy sexual appetite but try not to put expectations on frequency, that is determined by myself and the individual I'm with. So society can go fuck themselves, I determine my own norm!

Does fucking one's self count? LOL!!!

@Shelton, didn't really mean to sound so intense but I decide for myself what's right and wrong and to think others or society/culture want to try and dictate to me what is normal doesn't sit well with me. ?

13

It might be more useful to ask: 'when did you last have enjoyable sex?'.

ahhh so true. Big big difference.

Oh, in that case then it's been a while

10

I haven't had sex since my husband left me two years ago. Our sex life was fairly active up until the last few months when everything fell apart. I have never been big on sex just to have sex without any kind of emotional attachment, so until I am in a real relationship, I expect this situation to continue and I am 100% ok with that. I am in my 50's and I'd rather have no sex than bad sex with baggage and drama.

9

Sex? what's that again? 😉

9

It's been so long I'm not sure I remember even how it goes

I am a firm believer...it is like riding a bicycle...once you get the ‘feel of it,’ it works like always! Lol

Where it goes

8

This is not what I consider normal, but due to lack of a partner, it has been a long time. When I was married, I would have had sex 4 days or more a week if my wife had been agreeable. Now, at 66, I would be happy to cuddle, and let sex happen when we were ready. I sure do miss it! ?

8

At least I'm in the majority! 😀

You seem so happy about that! ☺

Well, I'm mixed because it just dawned on me it's been a while. Lol!

7

Oh wow ? I can't remember it's been so long ago. Lol

6

Slightly more than ten but way less than thirty. So to damned long.

@Shelton OK, this is not about judgment here.(see post below)

@Shelton , somettimes we have to make adjustments in life due to circumstances beyond our control. That's life.

6

Mine is not going to be a representative sample, since it was an attempt by my ex as an alternative to marriage counseling and getting to the bottom of the real problems. And I gotta tell you, "save my marriage" sex is the worst kind of sex.

I don't know. "We have to have right this minute because I'm ovulating" is pretty awful, too.

@Minta79 Eugh...

Well, I guess it depends on the circumstances, but... the performance pressure!!

@Paul4747 to be honest I have found post divorce sex to be so much better than almost all forms of married sex.

@Minta79
At this point I have to take your word for it...

6

It was in May. I have a farmer friend that comes to town once in a while. I'm pretty sure he's super busy with farm stuff right now. He'll show up again.

6

Wait, its been over a year since I have had sex with someone so I am a virgin again! Maybe that's one reason I have been in a funk lately.

@fathercat EEEK!

@fathercat ...and 20?

@fathercat My eek was more at the 1 year to regain virginity than your 10 years comment. I'm not judging your 10 years at all.....I'm not that far behind you. I'm not even sure that I even remember how it is done!!!!! 😕

@fathercat LOL..well alritey then. Nice to know. 😀

@fathercat Minors?...not like mining for gold or anything? Now we are bringing out what secrets your generation is holding on to!

6

I'm guessing that to have pride or shame around sex is a completely normal thing to do. It's possible that we all judge ourselves about our own personal sexual history. It's different for men vs women. I think that people fear being judged about having too little or too much sex. What the right amount is, who knows?

It's almost as if we use frequency of sex as the measuring stick to judge our own self worth. Isn't it enough to be kind, compassionate, loving human beings in order to be self worthy?

5

I'm pleading the 5th.

@Shelton Why plead the 5th? Is there shame or embarrassment? Fear of judgment? Fear of your wife trolling your posts? (Rhetorical questions) I understand because I've been at the receiving end of judgment around this topic. There are quite a few brave individuals who have voluntarily shared information that they didn't have to. I respect your decision to"'plead the 5th", but if you're going to do that, please withhold your judgment of others. Knowing that you're not alone in this world regarding your experience and life story is a great help to me and I'm sure others on this post.

@PalacinkyPDX OK, I'm busted...

@Shelton In retrospect, I should have included farmboy2017. I was thinking more about the previous WOW comment and this one combined. I took the "WOW" comment as a judgment about another member. You've corrected me. I apologize, my mistake.

5

Interesting post! And I almost agree with you completely! But, why would not having sex, be a red flag to anyone? Maybe, this shows what is upmost important to some people? I say the same for having or not having sex...’never judge a book by it’s cover!’

5

If you look at the ads on TV and in print sex is only for the young. The exception being ads for Viagra and Cialis. And they imply older men are all dysfunctional. All of this is a bunch of bunk.Studies have shown that older people who have sex (once a week or more) have less depression and are happier in their relationship.

Sex sells...for all that I know, hidden sexual messages are imbedded in just about every commercial! Lol Every stage of life has it’s seasons...why are some seasons promoted outside their norm? Just to plant subliminal messages...that ‘to be all that we can be,’ we must have sex and that thing, they are selling will bring on our lost excitement!

5

No option for 'can't remember'?

adz Level 4 July 4, 2018
5

"I think sex can be pretty great, but sometimes it's not that great.". The worst I ever had was wonderful.

"For me, I haven't been in relationship for several years, so it's been a long dry spell. ". One does not have to be in a relationship to have and enjoy sex.

"I'm starting to wonder if this is something that one "should" be ashamed of.". In my opinion, one should only be ashamed when they have caused or done harm to another.

5

I truly cannot remember, but I think it has been more than a year. I remember who, just not when. I'm not sure if I should be concerned or not. But I haven't found anyone in the past couple of years or more that I've wanted to develop a relationship with. If I was willing to have a long distance relationship maybe things would change, but such as it is, Omaha is where my kids settled and I don't want to move.

4

What does sex have to do with atheism unless you were fucked by your clergynaut as a child? After seeing some of these responses and comments I wonder if any of you get out and socialize?

No, I'm a devout introvert and dislike going out.

I get out but obviously not enough.

This site also has the dating/relationship aspect to it. This particular section is "Love & Relationships". Anyway, that's why I joined, hoping to find someone who isn't a religious nutjob or so obsessed with theological v atheist spectrum that that's all they can discuss.

Starting to see this tone of people who just seem to want this site to be for discussion only and it's annoying the bleep out of me.

This is the Love & Relationship Group for atheists, on an atheist site. Really?

sex has nothing to do with atheism. you miss the main point. as an atheist, i am only seeking other atheist as potential mates. that is where it has to do with me being an atheist living in the bible belt. not as a part of atheism as your remark seams to be building a straw man.

4

No Vote... I don't get poll by strangers on my personal habits or history. Society tells me shit about what I do, how I do it, when I do it.

4

I should have designed the survey better. They only offer a maximum of 8 choices, so I apologize. If it's been greater than 30 years, just vote for the 30 year option.

4

good points

3

i don't feel this is an age thing, its an i am an anti-theist living in the bible belt thing, that is holding out for someone worth being with. sex i can get if i wanted to lower the bar. it has been a challenge holding out for that person. while some may think its based on sex drive. i can say for myself its not. thank god for porn, and a working set of hands. lmao

3

Having had a 38 year long monogamous marriage (36 legal) I have had the spectrum. Multiple times a day, years apart. There is no "should be" or not.

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