I've been curious about sex for the over 50 crowd (of which I am). When I google about that topic, headlines come up that say things like "The Truth About How Often You Should Have Sex To Be Like Normal" or "How Often Should You Be Having Sex?" or "Drop in Sex among the over 50 population is worrying".
Really? Is the frequency of sex such a cultural norm or expectation that we have "shoulds" about it? "You should be having sex X number of times per month in order to be normal." One study said that 1/3 of adults over 50, who are in relationship, are not having sex at all. Why is that not OK? Having some kind of cultural expectation about frequency of sex is creating shame and embarrassment among those who don't live up to the norm. What about those of us that are not in relationship?
I suspect that people are having less sex than the culture expects or promotes. This culture promotes sex in the media as a primary focus, second only to violence. This society promotes sex as the penultimate experience of life. Don't get me wrong, I think sex can be pretty great, but sometimes it's not that great. It can be pretty routine, in my experience. And if you're mad at your partner, sex can be pretty empty. The unstated cultural belief is that if you're not having sex, then you're a loser or dysfunctional in some way. Why is there a measuring stick about this at all? Why can't society just let people live their private lives as they wish without creating expectations?
For me, I haven't been in relationship for several years, so it's been a long dry spell. The on-line women that I'm communicating with find that to be a big red flag for them. I'm starting to wonder if this is something that one "should" be ashamed of.
So I'm curious about how often people actually have sex, rather than how often the cultural norm or expectation says.