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When did you last have sex with a partner? (A 50 and over confidential poll)

I've been curious about sex for the over 50 crowd (of which I am). When I google about that topic, headlines come up that say things like "The Truth About How Often You Should Have Sex To Be Like Normal" or "How Often Should You Be Having Sex?" or "Drop in Sex among the over 50 population is worrying".

Really? Is the frequency of sex such a cultural norm or expectation that we have "shoulds" about it? "You should be having sex X number of times per month in order to be normal." One study said that 1/3 of adults over 50, who are in relationship, are not having sex at all. Why is that not OK? Having some kind of cultural expectation about frequency of sex is creating shame and embarrassment among those who don't live up to the norm. What about those of us that are not in relationship?

I suspect that people are having less sex than the culture expects or promotes. This culture promotes sex in the media as a primary focus, second only to violence. This society promotes sex as the penultimate experience of life. Don't get me wrong, I think sex can be pretty great, but sometimes it's not that great. It can be pretty routine, in my experience. And if you're mad at your partner, sex can be pretty empty. The unstated cultural belief is that if you're not having sex, then you're a loser or dysfunctional in some way. Why is there a measuring stick about this at all? Why can't society just let people live their private lives as they wish without creating expectations?

For me, I haven't been in relationship for several years, so it's been a long dry spell. The on-line women that I'm communicating with find that to be a big red flag for them. I'm starting to wonder if this is something that one "should" be ashamed of.

So I'm curious about how often people actually have sex, rather than how often the cultural norm or expectation says.

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AwarenessNow 8 July 4
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43 comments

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13

I don't care what society or culture says about how often I should or shouldn't have sex. I decide what I want, with who, when, and how often. It's been 9 years since I had a significant other but I have had sex during that time with as much as a 4 yr gap in between. I have what I consider a healthy sexual appetite but try not to put expectations on frequency, that is determined by myself and the individual I'm with. So society can go fuck themselves, I determine my own norm!

Does fucking one's self count? LOL!!!

@Shelton, didn't really mean to sound so intense but I decide for myself what's right and wrong and to think others or society/culture want to try and dictate to me what is normal doesn't sit well with me. ?

13

It might be more useful to ask: 'when did you last have enjoyable sex?'.

ahhh so true. Big big difference.

Oh, in that case then it's been a while

10

I haven't had sex since my husband left me two years ago. Our sex life was fairly active up until the last few months when everything fell apart. I have never been big on sex just to have sex without any kind of emotional attachment, so until I am in a real relationship, I expect this situation to continue and I am 100% ok with that. I am in my 50's and I'd rather have no sex than bad sex with baggage and drama.

9

Sex? what's that again? 😉

9

It's been so long I'm not sure I remember even how it goes

I am a firm believer...it is like riding a bicycle...once you get the ‘feel of it,’ it works like always! Lol

Where it goes

8

This is not what I consider normal, but due to lack of a partner, it has been a long time. When I was married, I would have had sex 4 days or more a week if my wife had been agreeable. Now, at 66, I would be happy to cuddle, and let sex happen when we were ready. I sure do miss it! ?

8

At least I'm in the majority! 😀

You seem so happy about that! ☺

Well, I'm mixed because it just dawned on me it's been a while. Lol!

6

Slightly more than ten but way less than thirty. So to damned long.

@Shelton , somettimes we have to make adjustments in life due to circumstances beyond our control. That's life.

6

Mine is not going to be a representative sample, since it was an attempt by my ex as an alternative to marriage counseling and getting to the bottom of the real problems. And I gotta tell you, "save my marriage" sex is the worst kind of sex.

I don't know. "We have to have right this minute because I'm ovulating" is pretty awful, too.

@Minta79 Eugh...

Well, I guess it depends on the circumstances, but... the performance pressure!!

@Paul4747 to be honest I have found post divorce sex to be so much better than almost all forms of married sex.

@Minta79
At this point I have to take your word for it...

6

It was in May. I have a farmer friend that comes to town once in a while. I'm pretty sure he's super busy with farm stuff right now. He'll show up again.

6

Wait, its been over a year since I have had sex with someone so I am a virgin again! Maybe that's one reason I have been in a funk lately.

@fathercat EEEK!

@fathercat ...and 20?

@fathercat My eek was more at the 1 year to regain virginity than your 10 years comment. I'm not judging your 10 years at all.....I'm not that far behind you. I'm not even sure that I even remember how it is done!!!!! 😕

@fathercat LOL..well alritey then. Nice to know. 😀

@fathercat Minors?...not like mining for gold or anything? Now we are bringing out what secrets your generation is holding on to!

5

I'm pleading the 5th.

@PalacinkyPDX OK, I'm busted...

5

Interesting post! And I almost agree with you completely! But, why would not having sex, be a red flag to anyone? Maybe, this shows what is upmost important to some people? I say the same for having or not having sex...’never judge a book by it’s cover!’

5

If you look at the ads on TV and in print sex is only for the young. The exception being ads for Viagra and Cialis. And they imply older men are all dysfunctional. All of this is a bunch of bunk.Studies have shown that older people who have sex (once a week or more) have less depression and are happier in their relationship.

Sex sells...for all that I know, hidden sexual messages are imbedded in just about every commercial! Lol Every stage of life has it’s seasons...why are some seasons promoted outside their norm? Just to plant subliminal messages...that ‘to be all that we can be,’ we must have sex and that thing, they are selling will bring on our lost excitement!

5

No option for 'can't remember'?

adz Level 4 July 4, 2018
5

"I think sex can be pretty great, but sometimes it's not that great.". The worst I ever had was wonderful.

"For me, I haven't been in relationship for several years, so it's been a long dry spell. ". One does not have to be in a relationship to have and enjoy sex.

"I'm starting to wonder if this is something that one "should" be ashamed of.". In my opinion, one should only be ashamed when they have caused or done harm to another.

5

I truly cannot remember, but I think it has been more than a year. I remember who, just not when. I'm not sure if I should be concerned or not. But I haven't found anyone in the past couple of years or more that I've wanted to develop a relationship with. If I was willing to have a long distance relationship maybe things would change, but such as it is, Omaha is where my kids settled and I don't want to move.

4

What does sex have to do with atheism unless you were fucked by your clergynaut as a child? After seeing some of these responses and comments I wonder if any of you get out and socialize?

No, I'm a devout introvert and dislike going out.

I get out but obviously not enough.

This site also has the dating/relationship aspect to it. This particular section is "Love & Relationships". Anyway, that's why I joined, hoping to find someone who isn't a religious nutjob or so obsessed with theological v atheist spectrum that that's all they can discuss.

Starting to see this tone of people who just seem to want this site to be for discussion only and it's annoying the bleep out of me.

This is the Love & Relationship Group for atheists, on an atheist site. Really?

4

No Vote... I don't get poll by strangers on my personal habits or history. Society tells me shit about what I do, how I do it, when I do it.

4

good points

3

Having had a 38 year long monogamous marriage (36 legal) I have had the spectrum. Multiple times a day, years apart. There is no "should be" or not.

3

You are asking questions I have asked myself over and over: why are there so-called societal norms at all regarding something that is nobody's goddamn business but your own?

This is one area where "the media" is exploitative and intrusive, imho, and like you, I think they are setting standards and making pronouncements about something they should keep their fucking prying noses the hell out of. The only caveat there is, they wouldn't dig into it if people didn't want to hear it, would they?

I have never been one to discuss my sex life with others, no locker room banter, and that kind of nonsense, and I don't want to feel that I'm "inadequate" in some way because I'm not banging someone on a regular and consistent basis; that's complete and utter bullshit.

As far as I can tell from your post, you seem to have a pretty insightful, and incisive, outlook on the matter; another area where it appears society has gone sideways. Or, maybe I'm just a cranky old geezer, I dunno.

And, jfyi, it's been about 4-5 years; I can barely recall.

3

Ummm, what year is this? It's been awhile... that's all I'm saying.

3

8 hours ago. Happens every day. One of the perks of being a hippie. I feel sorry for those of you who have been sexless for months or years. The fault lies within yourself. You are the ones making the decision to be celibate. You need to open your mind and feel what the universe is offering you. Become one with the earth and surround yourself with the energy that courses through you at every moment of your existence on this plane. Learn to love all that you see and rejoice in the
fact that you are a part of it all.

Nobody wants or needs your pity, lady. Good for you if you're having sex, but we're all different and don't place the same degree of importance on it that you do.

@Condor5 I see why you are not having sex if you think I'm a lady.

@DrFaust well, perhaps you should take a picture of a man for your representation herein. Easy mistake to make.

@Condor5 it's pretty goddamned obvious my gender. Quit projecting your "I haven't had sex in so long my eyes are failing" fantasies upon me.

@DrFaust but you were once a woman, right? Transgender? Nothing to be ashamed of. I mean, it's pretty obvious.

3

Uh, it was over a year, and it wasn't that great.

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