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Dating after 50

Is it just me, or is dating after 50 a nightmare?

It seems like almost everyone is so religious, which narrows the pool significantly.

Then out of those who are left the majority fall into one of these categories: looking for a nurse/care giver,
looking for someone MUCH younger to recapture their youth or REPUBLICAN

Then of the 10 people in your region that are left...you don't like 5 and the other 5 don't like you.

OYE! I think I just need a gay best friend to do things with and a new vibrator.

By Crimson678
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368 comments (76 - 100)

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5

Over 60 is no picnic either. Not sure I want to live with someone but I miss having someone special. Biggest issue so far? The last THREE men who showed interest had EXTENSIVE physical ailments. One was really sweet and we clicked instantly but im pretty healthy for someone who is going to be 65 next month. Is it too much to ask not to want to be someone's nurse? Been there, survived that...really don't want to do it again.
Not ready to give up yet...but this is harder than I thought it would be.

I'm with you! I think that, as we get older, our priorities DO shift....younger, we love good looks and a certain prosperity and superficial things. As we age, we find what really matters...similar tastes, similar interests, similar humor, etc. I spent years tending to a dying husband and, realizing this sounds shallow, etc....I will NOT do that again! You're right--as many men age (NOT ALL OF THEM, of course) they look for nurses and caretakers. NOPE!

You are beautiful! Just remember that!

@LucyLoohoo I couldn't agree with you more. My last relationship of '6 years' I spent taking care of him... It got to the point where I quit taking care of me - when I finally sent him back to Texas his family called me the devils spawn because I wouldn't stop taking care of him... I think they thought that hurt my feelings ???

5

"Is it just me, or is dating after 50 a nightmare?"

It's not just you.

5

I agree. I can't even get a date. I'm a 70 yo stuck in a 50 yo body. Much of what you said i find to be true. Being an athiest puts in you in a 1% group and it goes downhill from there. I'm extremely fit. Hardly anyone above 50 even has a pulse, and then i actually read nonfiction books, go to museums, classical concerts, and no lie, the ballet. And it seems all the women have a dog and cat menagerie and you had better gush over their pets!! A nightmare of stupendous proportions.

5

YES. I think I've just about given up on the dating scene, especially where I live. The pickin's are just too slim out here. Everyone out here my age is a bloated grandfather, sigh.

BlackDove Level 7 July 13, 2018
5

You have hit a hot topic that no one knows an easy answer to. I recently spent time with my brother, we were waiting on news of our mom who had a stroke. There was plenty of time making sure she was getting the best chance to recover but also lots of time just talking about life. He has witnessed the best and worst of my life. Truth is he wants me to be reasonably happy...not wealthy, not in a big house and certainly not with a huge upgrade socially.

  • I whined about my quest for a partner, my disappointments, my wants!

John says, "Shara, think about what you need, not what you want. That's normally two different things. Identify just what you need in a partner and give a guy the chance to meet those. That person will come in your life when you are ready. " (I'm skeptical of that one but what do I have to lose lol)

Simple but hard question...I've been thinking about it ever since.
*will answer later as a post. I leave tomorrow to join my brother John and family as we place our mother in a new facility. Sibs need each other's support through crisis.

5

Why on earth not!!!!!!!!! OF COURSE....................!

5

I feel the same. I'm 53, but I still look like I'm in my 30's, and I get a lot from people, "you should find a nice woman and settle down", and such like that. They just don't seem to understand that I have no intention of settling down, I love life, and I don't need a romantic partner to enjoy life. I enjoy my self, and my friends. All that dating stuff was stuff I did back in the day. I simply have no use for it any more.

Misery loves company. smile009.gifsmile009.gif

5

Be positive, don't give up. I'm not. But I do agree that you have hit a nerve.

Marika Level 4 June 8, 2018
5

I only know that my divorced and widowed friends have been paired up again with amazing speed. Gives me hope that if I became single again it wouldn't necessarily mean being all alone forever. Some folks of the opposite gender are in the same situation as you are. In my twenties I was a late bloomer, so I experienced dating pretty much the same way you describe dating at 50 plus. Meeting someone that you find attractive and compatible isn't guaranteed. Then I think they'd need a probationary period just in case there was more than met the eye. The odds may not be in your favor, but I hope you can enjoy staying curious and interesting in the meantime.

I know men from my profession and they were sociopaths and psychopaths and can come off so cool and become so cruel. You have to go by your gut feelings what’s that little voice telling you. There are many good man also. Sometimes you have to take a chance and dance just be careful

5

You have a lot of filters. You eliminated a lot of people. I am married and 61 and not looking to date... but its not dissimilar from making friends. If i eliminated all religious, or republican or friends with health issues, i don't believe i would have any friends. My wife broke her shoulder 6 months ago, she is in therapy.

I think you answered your question with your filters.

Hope your wife is mending.

@MissKathleen , she broke her shoulder in February. The bone mended in March, but she had surgery last week to reattach tendons and muscles. She is just at 25% of use on her left arm.

I didnt intend to be mean, just to share the reality of live in the late 50, 60 and 70's . Its perfectly ok for all the super healty to self select each other, they just need to recognize that the pool of people will be much smaller. I have a social circle of about 25 friends, mostly couples all in age from 50-70. Of the 25, only two are very healthy with no medical issues, one man and one woman not married to each other. Of my 25 friends 50% plus are conservative and republican.... that is for me to manage, but we find the positive. My broken arm wife is a gfellow free thinker though. Sorry I rambled, againg isnt pretty, none of us are as attarctive as we were before. For me I have to still try to find things I like about people or I would be very lonely.

@Bigwavedave I hope your wife mends quickly. It seems obvious that you have at least a reasonably successful relationship. That is to both your credit, I am sure. And let me say this about “the pool”: I do not think anyone is looking for physical perfection. We’re all getting older and, as you say, are not as attractive as we once were. That makes other things more important to us, maybe disposition, maybe religious or political beliefs, maybe something else. But when one sees so many of the potential partners not even bothering to try to take care of themselves, as in making poor choices in diet, physical activity and lifestyle, one is discouraged from choosing any of them, because if they don’t care about themselves, it is difficult to believe they can really care about someone else.

@MissKathleen okie dokie. .

5

Dating or marrying for a woman after 50 in the Western world is difficult, because of demographics of this age bracket: simply there are fewer men available. For example, according to the US Census of 2010, there were 1.36 single, divorced or widowed women in the 55-64 age bracket for each single, divorced of widowed man. About 35% of the total population of these women were not married, while only 28% of men. Furthermore, upon remarrying, men chose on the average women 10 years younger, according to a Pew Research Center study [washingtonpost.com]. Consider also that many available men don't want to date, are dating already or are gay, so... the probability for a woman 50 or older marrying is very small, in the order of 5%.

Yes,Nature seems to stack the odds against the Human female,she is born with all the eggs she will ever have,but the Human male keeps producing sperm until he dies,each release (Ejaculation) inside a Woman's Vagina produces between 5 and 200 Million sperm,all trying to get to the egg she released to fertilize it,starting life in her womb, if things go as they are supposed to,9 months later a is born.

@mudhen, I think dating is about having love, companionship, friendship, someone to go out with, to talk, to share interests with, etc. Sex is part of it, or not at all, that's not the main reason, but you are right, statistics do not reflect interest or desire.

@mudhen I love your bluntness! ??? I was thinking it would be great if older men who can no longer get it up anyway just admit it and learn how to enjoy being great companions and friends to women their own age who have similar low libido or no interest in sex. But instead I often see older guys bragging about how they’re still in the game and taking drugs for low T so they can prove it. I think they think this makes them more appealing, but for me as a person who isn’t interested in sex, it’s a turn-off. I guess I also need a gay male BFF. ???

@kerrys in practice for people over 60 this happens more frequently than men would admit. Taking testosterone does not work well for libido, and none at all for erectile dysfunction, while Viagra and similar drugs cease to have an effect after some time of use. The only solution remaining is a penis implant, but it is very expensive (more than 15,000 USD in the USA, I heard).

@mudhen not every woman feels that way about sex...at 68, my libido is going strong.

@rsabbatini your remark about testosterone, Viagara and implants approaches the issue of sex only for the male perspective. This line of thought assumes that once the male is no longer functioning sexually, sex is over. It is a selfish man who thinks that way. A loving male partner will learn the ways to keep a woman happy until she is no longer interested. I know a 80-year-old woman that is still sexually active. She keeps company with younger men. She wouldn’t have to if men her age got a clue. Frankly, from my perspective, woman who don’t like sex haven’t been properly taken care of by their partners.

@rsabbatini yes, dating is about all that.

@mudhen I want to date, and I'm dating. I'm optimistic about my future. Tonight I'm going out with a man who is two decades younger than I am and we're both looking forward to getting to know each other and see if it goes anywhere. Statistics are what they are, but you can't measure badass.

@Louise1920 don’t dilute part of your point men have lots of sperm but as they get old so do their sperm and men’s old sperm can cause birth related problems not just women

@Millerski25 Yes,the increase in Autism and other birth defects are devastating to a family,with a lifetime of support needed for the child,mostly by the State and Federal Governments.Food and Water additives(chemicals),where a person lives, especially not knowing the history of the housing area that once was a land fill. It's a wonder that children are born healthy at all.

5

Yeah, it is a challenge. Wish I had a great answer, but I don't. The world is full of theists, which is a shame. I don't trust a lot of religion believer's decision making processes. You never know what foolishness was the basis for their decision. There isn't much pragmatism that comes from an idealogue. If the pragmatic answer lies outside their limited beliefs, nothing gets solved. Just look at politics in the USA.

micktoz Level 5 May 23, 2018
5

I joined OKCupid about 10 years ago, met a couple of nice women who I dated and hoped to become permanent partners. I havent used the site in about 5 years and I hear its now no good. I've been severely ill over the last couple of years and currently have no wish to date.

I think its important to be clear in your own mind exactly what sort of person you're looking for, and why you are using a given site. If its possible, make your 'wish-list' known on your dating profile. Also try to describe youself honestly, detailing your likes and dislikes. If you're willing to be flexible on a given wish-quality, please say so. this is a lot to think about and process, but I believe the more detail you can give the better.

If as you have found, there appear to be no suitable men in your area, you have a number of choices:

  1. Change your requirements, perhaps for this site only. You may be hoping to meet a man with the aim of developing a romantic relationship. Are any of the men you've identified as local but unsuitable of any interest at all, for whatever reason. Maybe you can find a mutual interest that might give you the opportunity of doing things together and getting to know each other without it being sexually charged. Make it clear that you have reservations about someone and would prefer to get to know them more, without any thought of sex for the time being. You might be surprised that some men may be willing to proceed, and maybe, just maybe you'll find you like each other after all. Or someone might work as a mutual-interest buddy but will never be sexually attractive. Would you be willing to settle for that? If so, ask him if he would be prepared to settle for that too.

With OK Cupid, as with here, there was a good chance of meeting people with similar views through the discussion forums, who might make good online friends but live in another country and so be unsuitable to become genuine boyfriends/girlfriends etc. Its all down to what you want to do with your life and how well you want to utilise a dating sites resources.

If you're definitely not interested in settling for friendship, and don't see anyone that fits your criteria, are there any criteria that you can change? For example you may be looking for an idealised age range or physical build. Another quality might be the geographical distance between you.

If none of these tweaks yield anything, keep the site open (assuming you're not having to pay for it) and go try another site.
1 other option is to join a local club that caters to an interest of yours. I wish you luck!!!!

eeyorn Level 4 May 8, 2018
5

I've been very happily married since I was in my late twenties, when I turned fifty some many years back I started getting random contacts from old girlfriends and old female school friends who all find themselves now single, asking if I was still married and if so was it a happy marriage, and to let them know if I ever find myself free. Came as an unwanted shock I can tell you.
It's weird because as a young man I was always the one who got friend zoned, "I like you but not in that way" and the classic "I would but you're too nice." YuK!.
So I am assuming that should anything ever happen to my lovely wife, I won't lack company, but obviously I'm in no rush for that.

5

It would seem that maybe your just " out of practice ". Please don't take that the wrong way it's just a turn of phrase, but i'm 50 in a few months and simply find the more people I know the more open I am to finding someone. Maybe it's different here in the UK but being Athesist doesn't bar you so much. I'm sure you have good friends but make more, then let nature take it's course

As I rapidly discovered when I started travelling, each continent is different. (I'm from Africa.)
Europe was not too dissimilar, but then I stumbled across America. Canada was relatively moderate, but the USA was utterly strange to me. However, as I said to my wife when I went with her, "Don't knock it - it works."
However, where you have the Christian equivalent of Muslim fundamentalists, women are likewise a chattel and commodity.
Older men have an easier time by far!!!

5

What a great post this turned out to be. I have enjoyed reading all the responses. It seems most of us middle aged people are sharing the same nightmare...?

5

Seems many are religious or have no idea how to take care of themselves and never grew up...the dating pool sucks

Jedi918 Level 5 Apr 24, 2018

@Jedi918: Well some of it sucks, some of it blows. Me I'm ambidextrous smile009.gif

5

I graduated college the year I turned 50. A degree in fine arts and theater. I stopped dating. Period. Focused completely on my art career for 15 years. OMG now, I'm retired (still making art) but looking for a date...YIKES. It isn't the same world I knew when my studio mate in college kept trying to seduce me. I still look way younger than my age, but men my age don't seem to be interested in women their age. I've satisfied myself with have virtual relationships with men. I find it very stimulating because men love reading my erotica stories.

5

I'm not quite 50 yet (49) but, it is a total nightmare. I thought by the time a man reached mid 40s that they would be more mature. But, all I am finding with men in my age range is that they want girls half thier age and/or nice bodies, etc. Basically, most of them are very shallow. And stop with the dick pics! LOL. I probably need to move. The town I live in are mostly conservative God bothering gun nuts.

Aushra Level 6 Apr 22, 2018

Yes, sometimes the obvious way is the right way, too. I live in a NEW AGE or mostly Catholic small town. I would rather move or snowbird. IE: It is a great place if one is gay, though, there are a lot of liberals here.

5

Crimson67, your concern is sooo right on. I just don't date. Instead, I focus on making friends. Good to meet others with the same dilemma.

Coda Level 4 Apr 14, 2018
5

I'm writing as a 58 year old married man; I window shop bit I don't buy! What I observe in the folks in my neighborhood is that people "showing signs of being in the game" fare well.

andygee Level 7 Jan 6, 2018

please explain.

I've noticed a difference after dealing with WAW.
Self help, self improvement. How to dress, how to carry yourself, smile, chat up everyone you meet out and about to be better socially. Lots of videos on youtube for free. Dressing better and right fitting clothing has been most noted difference in getting attention!
Husbands of WAW make great 2nd husbands, her loss, did my work.

@zeliasgrand @witchymom @sassygirl3869 All of that plus clothes that fit, hair that works, or, generally speaking, shows signs of life. We all had to learn this in Junior High, and we may need to re-learn it while getting mail from AARP.

@BlueWave @witchymom walk away wife actual syndrome.

@andygee You hit the nail on the head. Hope some people understand this. When people just give-up and don't care about their appearances anymore they're just no-longer "in the game" (why was that confusing?). It's that simple. Get rid of the excess weight (actually, it's easy), get some nicer clothes, pay attention to the things you paid attention to when you really WERE hot! People will notice. Good things will happen. That's a promise.

4

It's a brave new world, AI, dating computers, extreme materialism and its concomitant, status? What's left of what we used to know as being human, having human interactions, touching, dancing, just saying hello without suspicion, having an open conversation without offending ones "liberal, conservative or religious" sensibilities? Hard? almost impossible to be "real" because what does it mean in the "new millennium?"

Blackmind Level 3 Jan 15, 2019
4

Age is no bar for dating, because only our body is subjected to ageing process and not our mind or desires.

Noyi Level 6 Sep 8, 2018

are you sure?

4

I think the majority of people are unrealistic. Everyone wants a conflict free world, country, enviroment, relationship, life, etc. etc.. Thats not reality. Reality is that the world and every aspect of it is always in conflict of some kind. It always has been and will always comtinue to be. If thats what you want and expect then you are delusional and trying to live an illusion. Single people at 50 have been through so much shit that they just want peace anymore. Well, you're going to be lonely then because nothing is ever perfect. I'm 48 and looking at my second failed marriage. My first wife was older, my second younger. Age makes no difference I can tell you that. I'll be damned if I'm going to give up though. It was my wives who expected everything to be perfect and always their way. Just because they were both that way doesn't mean there isn't a woman out there that knows that that is absurd. That everything won't always be unicorns and rainbows. I hope I find her. If I don't then I will settle for the good times I have with the next person until they are gone. I won't submit to being a disgruntled old hag like most of the single men and women my age that I know are. Also I think when someone looks for someone younger, that is why, because older single people's attitudes about relationships suck.

Even on this site where most people are pretty open minded, the majority have an endless list of criteria someone has to meet to be considered as dateable relationship material. I definately do not. If a girl has a pretty smile and is kind to me, Id go out with her and give it a try. Why not? What do I have to loose? Nothing I havent lost before.

@craycraycatty At our age I think all a person needs to bring to the table is companionship. You sound like my sister. Maybe it's all the rain. I went to high school in Vancouver. I have a lot of friends and family in the great northwest. Do you like seafood? There's a lot of great places to eat in Seattle. Elliots, The Walrus and the Carpenter? Maybe when I'm out there some day we could go out to eat and argue or something. Lol. There'll be leftovers for your cats. I do agree with you though, life isn't that easy but that shouldn't matter.

@craycraycatty I love crab. How about gooeyduck? I used to go to longbeach and get gooeyduck. Yum! Vancouver, Washington.

4

It is difficult; but I'm not sure that it's more difficult than younger years. The dating game has never come naturally for me.

Anne209 Level 6 Aug 17, 2018
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