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Dating after 50

Is it just me, or is dating after 50 a nightmare?

It seems like almost everyone is so religious, which narrows the pool significantly.

Then out of those who are left the majority fall into one of these categories: looking for a nurse/care giver,
looking for someone MUCH younger to recapture their youth or REPUBLICAN

Then of the 10 people in your region that are left...you don't like 5 and the other 5 don't like you.

OYE! I think I just need a gay best friend to do things with and a new vibrator.

Crimson67 8 Jan 6

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362 comments (76 - 100)

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5

YES. I think I've just about given up on the dating scene, especially where I live. The pickin's are just too slim out here. Everyone out here my age is a bloated grandfather, sigh.

5

You have hit a hot topic that no one knows an easy answer to. I recently spent time with my brother, we were waiting on news of our mom who had a stroke. There was plenty of time making sure she was getting the best chance to recover but also lots of time just talking about life. He has witnessed the best and worst of my life. Truth is he wants me to be reasonably happy...not wealthy, not in a big house and certainly not with a huge upgrade socially.

  • I whined about my quest for a partner, my disappointments, my wants!

John says, "Shara, think about what you need, not what you want. That's normally two different things. Identify just what you need in a partner and give a guy the chance to meet those. That person will come in your life when you are ready. " (I'm skeptical of that one but what do I have to lose lol)

Simple but hard question...I've been thinking about it ever since.
*will answer later as a post. I leave tomorrow to join my brother John and family as we place our mother in a new facility. Sibs need each other's support through crisis.

5

Why on earth not!!!!!!!!! OF COURSE....................!

5

I feel the same. I'm 53, but I still look like I'm in my 30's, and I get a lot from people, "you should find a nice woman and settle down", and such like that. They just don't seem to understand that I have no intention of settling down, I love life, and I don't need a romantic partner to enjoy life. I enjoy my self, and my friends. All that dating stuff was stuff I did back in the day. I simply have no use for it any more.

Misery loves company. πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰

5

Be positive, don't give up. I'm not. But I do agree that you have hit a nerve.

5

I only know that my divorced and widowed friends have been paired up again with amazing speed. Gives me hope that if I became single again it wouldn't necessarily mean being all alone forever. Some folks of the opposite gender are in the same situation as you are. In my twenties I was a late bloomer, so I experienced dating pretty much the same way you describe dating at 50 plus. Meeting someone that you find attractive and compatible isn't guaranteed. Then I think they'd need a probationary period just in case there was more than met the eye. The odds may not be in your favor, but I hope you can enjoy staying curious and interesting in the meantime.

I know men from my profession and they were sociopaths and psychopaths and can come off so cool and become so cruel. You have to go by your gut feelings what’s that little voice telling you. There are many good man also. Sometimes you have to take a chance and dance just be careful

5

You have a lot of filters. You eliminated a lot of people. I am married and 61 and not looking to date... but its not dissimilar from making friends. If i eliminated all religious, or republican or friends with health issues, i don't believe i would have any friends. My wife broke her shoulder 6 months ago, she is in therapy.

I think you answered your question with your filters.

Hope your wife is mending.

@MissKathleen , she broke her shoulder in February. The bone mended in March, but she had surgery last week to reattach tendons and muscles. She is just at 25% of use on her left arm.

I didnt intend to be mean, just to share the reality of live in the late 50, 60 and 70's . Its perfectly ok for all the super healty to self select each other, they just need to recognize that the pool of people will be much smaller. I have a social circle of about 25 friends, mostly couples all in age from 50-70. Of the 25, only two are very healthy with no medical issues, one man and one woman not married to each other. Of my 25 friends 50% plus are conservative and republican.... that is for me to manage, but we find the positive. My broken arm wife is a gfellow free thinker though. Sorry I rambled, againg isnt pretty, none of us are as attarctive as we were before. For me I have to still try to find things I like about people or I would be very lonely.

@Bigwavedave I hope your wife mends quickly. It seems obvious that you have at least a reasonably successful relationship. That is to both your credit, I am sure. And let me say this about β€œthe pool”: I do not think anyone is looking for physical perfection. We’re all getting older and, as you say, are not as attractive as we once were. That makes other things more important to us, maybe disposition, maybe religious or political beliefs, maybe something else. But when one sees so many of the potential partners not even bothering to try to take care of themselves, as in making poor choices in diet, physical activity and lifestyle, one is discouraged from choosing any of them, because if they don’t care about themselves, it is difficult to believe they can really care about someone else.

@MissKathleen okie dokie. .

5

Yeah, it is a challenge. Wish I had a great answer, but I don't. The world is full of theists, which is a shame. I don't trust a lot of religion believer's decision making processes. You never know what foolishness was the basis for their decision. There isn't much pragmatism that comes from an idealogue. If the pragmatic answer lies outside their limited beliefs, nothing gets solved. Just look at politics in the USA.

5

I joined OKCupid about 10 years ago, met a couple of nice women who I dated and hoped to become permanent partners. I havent used the site in about 5 years and I hear its now no good. I've been severely ill over the last couple of years and currently have no wish to date.

I think its important to be clear in your own mind exactly what sort of person you're looking for, and why you are using a given site. If its possible, make your 'wish-list' known on your dating profile. Also try to describe youself honestly, detailing your likes and dislikes. If you're willing to be flexible on a given wish-quality, please say so. this is a lot to think about and process, but I believe the more detail you can give the better.

If as you have found, there appear to be no suitable men in your area, you have a number of choices:

  1. Change your requirements, perhaps for this site only. You may be hoping to meet a man with the aim of developing a romantic relationship. Are any of the men you've identified as local but unsuitable of any interest at all, for whatever reason. Maybe you can find a mutual interest that might give you the opportunity of doing things together and getting to know each other without it being sexually charged. Make it clear that you have reservations about someone and would prefer to get to know them more, without any thought of sex for the time being. You might be surprised that some men may be willing to proceed, and maybe, just maybe you'll find you like each other after all. Or someone might work as a mutual-interest buddy but will never be sexually attractive. Would you be willing to settle for that? If so, ask him if he would be prepared to settle for that too.

With OK Cupid, as with here, there was a good chance of meeting people with similar views through the discussion forums, who might make good online friends but live in another country and so be unsuitable to become genuine boyfriends/girlfriends etc. Its all down to what you want to do with your life and how well you want to utilise a dating sites resources.

If you're definitely not interested in settling for friendship, and don't see anyone that fits your criteria, are there any criteria that you can change? For example you may be looking for an idealised age range or physical build. Another quality might be the geographical distance between you.

If none of these tweaks yield anything, keep the site open (assuming you're not having to pay for it) and go try another site.
1 other option is to join a local club that caters to an interest of yours. I wish you luck!!!!

5

I've been very happily married since I was in my late twenties, when I turned fifty some many years back I started getting random contacts from old girlfriends and old female school friends who all find themselves now single, asking if I was still married and if so was it a happy marriage, and to let them know if I ever find myself free. Came as an unwanted shock I can tell you.
It's weird because as a young man I was always the one who got friend zoned, "I like you but not in that way" and the classic "I would but you're too nice." YuK!.
So I am assuming that should anything ever happen to my lovely wife, I won't lack company, but obviously I'm in no rush for that.

5

It would seem that maybe your just " out of practice ". Please don't take that the wrong way it's just a turn of phrase, but i'm 50 in a few months and simply find the more people I know the more open I am to finding someone. Maybe it's different here in the UK but being Athesist doesn't bar you so much. I'm sure you have good friends but make more, then let nature take it's course

As I rapidly discovered when I started travelling, each continent is different. (I'm from Africa.)
Europe was not too dissimilar, but then I stumbled across America. Canada was relatively moderate, but the USA was utterly strange to me. However, as I said to my wife when I went with her, "Don't knock it - it works."
However, where you have the Christian equivalent of Muslim fundamentalists, women are likewise a chattel and commodity.
Older men have an easier time by far!!!

5

What a great post this turned out to be. I have enjoyed reading all the responses. It seems most of us middle aged people are sharing the same nightmare...?

5

Seems many are religious or have no idea how to take care of themselves and never grew up...the dating pool sucks

@Jedi918: Well some of it sucks, some of it blows. Me I'm ambidextrous πŸ˜‰

5

I graduated college the year I turned 50. A degree in fine arts and theater. I stopped dating. Period. Focused completely on my art career for 15 years. OMG now, I'm retired (still making art) but looking for a date...YIKES. It isn't the same world I knew when my studio mate in college kept trying to seduce me. I still look way younger than my age, but men my age don't seem to be interested in women their age. I've satisfied myself with have virtual relationships with men. I find it very stimulating because men love reading my erotica stories.

5

I'm not quite 50 yet (49) but, it is a total nightmare. I thought by the time a man reached mid 40s that they would be more mature. But, all I am finding with men in my age range is that they want girls half thier age and/or nice bodies, etc. Basically, most of them are very shallow. And stop with the dick pics! LOL. I probably need to move. The town I live in are mostly conservative God bothering gun nuts.

Yes, sometimes the obvious way is the right way, too. I live in a NEW AGE or mostly Catholic small town. I would rather move or snowbird. IE: It is a great place if one is gay, though, there are a lot of liberals here.

5

Crimson67, your concern is sooo right on. I just don't date. Instead, I focus on making friends. Good to meet others with the same dilemma.

Coda Level 4 Apr 14, 2018
5

I'm writing as a 58 year old married man; I window shop bit I don't buy! What I observe in the folks in my neighborhood is that people "showing signs of being in the game" fare well.

please explain.

I've noticed a difference after dealing with WAW.
Self help, self improvement. How to dress, how to carry yourself, smile, chat up everyone you meet out and about to be better socially. Lots of videos on youtube for free. Dressing better and right fitting clothing has been most noted difference in getting attention!
Husbands of WAW make great 2nd husbands, her loss, did my work.

@zeliasgrand @witchymom @sassygirl3869 All of that plus clothes that fit, hair that works, or, generally speaking, shows signs of life. We all had to learn this in Junior High, and we may need to re-learn it while getting mail from AARP.

@BlueWave @witchymom walk away wife actual syndrome.

@andygee You hit the nail on the head. Hope some people understand this. When people just give-up and don't care about their appearances anymore they're just no-longer "in the game" (why was that confusing?). It's that simple. Get rid of the excess weight (actually, it's easy), get some nicer clothes, pay attention to the things you paid attention to when you really WERE hot! People will notice. Good things will happen. That's a promise.

4

It's a brave new world, AI, dating computers, extreme materialism and its concomitant, status? What's left of what we used to know as being human, having human interactions, touching, dancing, just saying hello without suspicion, having an open conversation without offending ones "liberal, conservative or religious" sensibilities? Hard? almost impossible to be "real" because what does it mean in the "new millennium?"

4

Age is no bar for dating, because only our body is subjected to ageing process and not our mind or desires.

Noyi Level 6 Sep 8, 2018

are you sure?

4

I think the majority of people are unrealistic. Everyone wants a conflict free world, country, enviroment, relationship, life, etc. etc.. Thats not reality. Reality is that the world and every aspect of it is always in conflict of some kind. It always has been and will always comtinue to be. If thats what you want and expect then you are delusional and trying to live an illusion. Single people at 50 have been through so much shit that they just want peace anymore. Well, you're going to be lonely then because nothing is ever perfect. I'm 48 and looking at my second failed marriage. My first wife was older, my second younger. Age makes no difference I can tell you that. I'll be damned if I'm going to give up though. It was my wives who expected everything to be perfect and always their way. Just because they were both that way doesn't mean there isn't a woman out there that knows that that is absurd. That everything won't always be unicorns and rainbows. I hope I find her. If I don't then I will settle for the good times I have with the next person until they are gone. I won't submit to being a disgruntled old hag like most of the single men and women my age that I know are. Also I think when someone looks for someone younger, that is why, because older single people's attitudes about relationships suck.

Even on this site where most people are pretty open minded, the majority have an endless list of criteria someone has to meet to be considered as dateable relationship material. I definately do not. If a girl has a pretty smile and is kind to me, Id go out with her and give it a try. Why not? What do I have to loose? Nothing I havent lost before.

@craycraycatty At our age I think all a person needs to bring to the table is companionship. You sound like my sister. Maybe it's all the rain. I went to high school in Vancouver. I have a lot of friends and family in the great northwest. Do you like seafood? There's a lot of great places to eat in Seattle. Elliots, The Walrus and the Carpenter? Maybe when I'm out there some day we could go out to eat and argue or something. Lol. There'll be leftovers for your cats. I do agree with you though, life isn't that easy but that shouldn't matter.

@craycraycatty I love crab. How about gooeyduck? I used to go to longbeach and get gooeyduck. Yum! Vancouver, Washington.

4

It is difficult; but I'm not sure that it's more difficult than younger years. The dating game has never come naturally for me.

4

I vote: Nightmare.

4

add to that...trying to find a SOBER person (for me ) !!! yeah. mission impossible.... and what's with all these guys that say they are "christian", but when asked about it, they flip flop all over the place like a fish in a boat...well...uh...not really...I just uh...you know...

My late wife and I married at a ministers house in California,and never stepped in a Church during our marriage, she had crosses in the hallway,we decorated a tree, and had gift exchanges,but not at all religious in other ways,. a very calm no drama marriage,no drugs,smoking of abuse by me or her.

SOBER... is right! After a 17 year marriage to an alcoholic, that's at the top of the list. And around here where I live, there isn't much else to do. I don't mind a drink once in a while... And for the first several years, it was just once in a while. Then as she got closer to 40, everything changed. And she went in the deep end, drinking to a drunken stupor every single day, but not before I invited her to leave. She married another, even worse alcoholic, and I took the kids. Now, I find myself both divorced and alone, having seen my youngest graduate high school this past spring. The divorced, I'm used to... but the silence drives me nuts. I keep the TV on now... Just for background noise.

@Junkman My past 12 year relationship was with someone who could drink half a bottle of grey goose vodka in one evening. She was very well off, nationally known in her field but nothing I could do or say could stir her from her bottle. Your post reminded me of why, when I date (and only infrequently) I gently try to ask the person't drinking habits.

4

Yes it’s a nightmare. The good ones have already gone. Those online seem weird, resentful, Republican, gun lovers, or predatory. They give good men a seriously bad name. Go for the vibrator and those gay men who genuinely like the company of women.

Livia Level 6 Aug 11, 2018
4

Yeah it's tough. There are women who are still looking for prince charming. I mean, I'm a romantic as well but c'mon, we're 50. How about just someone that won't kill me in my sleep, lol. Okay maybe there is something in between but...

have you been watching SNAPPED again? heehee

@DeeWoman had to look it up maybe I should be watching it. Lol

@onlyduh lol.... No, I'm laid back I'd be the one getting got.

@onlyduh myea I totally get it now, duh. I read it again and it sounds out with the caps...well done.

He was warned what!? Dang I never heard that...thx for the heads up, good to know.?

@onlyduh my nephews are Amerasian, is that proper to say? Anyway, them boys got it going on, js.

Then you're cool, I mean you didn't...romantic? Lol

@onlyduh he sounds like a real asshole.

@onlyduh yeah you wouldn't, I'm just proud of the men they became.

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