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Why is it so hard to find a lover that shares the same beliefs?

I guess common sense isn’t so common! Trying to find love with another atheist really narrows your search down! Not many people claim their atheism! Even though it is slowly becoming more acceptable in society, it’s still hard to find someone on the same page! I know they’re out there, they just don’t represent it enough to where likeminded individuals can find them and establish some kind of communication! I just don’t understand why common sense isn’t common!

MikeReynolds 4 Nov 11
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51 comments (26 - 50)

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Try! to use! fewer ! exclamation points!
Everything isn't an exclamation ... you only needed one, at the end. If you communicate to others in this same manner, they may think you are a drama queen and don't want to interact. My 2 cents.

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I think it's because beliefs, when created, like to create fortresses to protect themselves. If I challenge you've beliefs, your beliefs take that personally as an assault to who they are. Working with beliefs takes some real skill, so as to bypass the artillery without posing a threat. That goes for all of us, since beliefs are baked into the cake. We all have them.

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We're all different?

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Why is it so hard to find a lover. Answer that and I’ll move on to qualifiers.

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" If you wanna catch trout, don't fish in a herring barrel!"--Anne Landers

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Because the lord doesn't want us nonbelieving sinners to be happy.

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It is not a matter of common sense... people, especially in the bible belt, have to be in the closet so as not to jeopardize their employment prospects/business opportunities, to not be ostracized from one's community and to not lose the social support of one's family (because yes there are toxic religious people that will essentially ex-communicate atheist/agnostic family members). So it is a matter of survival for many people. Although it is still frustrating on our ends as "out" atheists in the dating world for sure.

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Because literally no two people have the same beliefs. Building connections with others demands that we learn to work around differences. Do it right and you've got orgasm. Penises fit in vaginae (or the anus, whatever your style).

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Feeling your pain here as well, my friend. That's why I'm here as well. It's very frustrating and defeating to click with someone and them realize you think so differently on this subject. It can be a serious dealbreaker.

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It is extremely difficult to find someone compatible in any way, with atheism one of many factors. Many people are fickle too, and fecklessness is a plague.

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That is the entire reason I love porn. It never discriminates, nor argues. lol jk.

I've had some relationships with both believer, as well as non. in every case with the believer, honestly, we never really talked about it much, just accepted that we held different "beliefs" for lack of a better word, and neither tried to "convert" the other. Although I guess I've been lucky.
To be honest, I much prefer having some differences in a relationship. other wise it gets fairly boring. My best relationships were the ones where each of us learned, or had something new to show the other.

As long as it was with someone even if they were a believer, if neither tries to convert the other, I would do it again.

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Most of us here (including you), are not part of the main fold, the most common, the default position - which are believers in some god thing.

As if finding a compatible partner isn't a challenge enough already, we have that extra high hurdle to add !

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I thought when I joined this site that I’d have an atheist boyfriend in no time...... not so easy!

Move to Austin and you will probably have much better luck. Austin is a very secular city.

@Sticks48 just pick up and go huh? I like Austin, go at least once a yr but only to float the river, I wish I knew ppl there!

@sandrarocks83 I know moving is not easy. I have moved a lot and sometimes forget that. Austin is a much different place than Dallas. I have lived in and around Austin at different times since the 70's and it is not a churchy city. The average age in Austin is 32 years old and it is a very social city. You will definitely find many more like minded people in Austin. It might be worth checking into if there is nothing holding you in Dallas. Moving can be scary, but it can be very exciting too.

@Sticks48 I’m not bold or brave enough! Ha! But it would be exciting I agree!

@sandrarocks83 You might think about it. Austin is a very open and friendly city. It is Texas so there wouldn't be a great cultural shock like moving to the Southeastern part of the country or to New England. The traffic sucks, but there are tradeoffs to everything. Just a thought. I used to play in Dallas a lot at one time' but never really liked the city that much. I actually had a better time in Ft Worth even though it is more conservative than Dallas, but do they party there. Good luck. 🙂

Ditto, I thought the same (that I'd quickly find a girlfriend) when I found this site but there are substantially fewer members from the Austin area than I expected. So far, I've not met anyone here... Back to Bumble I guess, ha ha.

The next time you're in Austin, let's meet up and get tacos or maybe float a river. I'm always interested in meeting like-minded people. 😉

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Coming from a rural area of very conservative people, I know exactly what you mean. It's even more difficult if you're a senior citizen because most of my generation, in this area especially, come from religious backgrounds. Many of my friends attend church, ask for prayers and pray, and support conservative causes. I hear this regularly at football games, luncheons, and just anywhere we gather together. Most know I am an atheist but chose to ignore that fact. It's almost as if they think I'll eventually come around to their thinking. How does this relate to dating? Most single people who want to date depend somewhat on social connections to hook them up. But, though I may be a "catch" in many ways, the lack of God belief seems to trump it all. Though they know from observation I am a moral person, they still find me lacking because of my Godlessness - there is suspicion and doubt as to my worthiness. At this time in my life I've found satisfaction in my singledom, but I still have hope that I will find a compatible man with whom to live out my life. The odds are against me.

The older we get, the more of a chorse it seems to become. That's been my experience anyway.

@15zelda well in oklahoma the odds may be slim... plenty of world left tho...

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One reason I find that common sense is not common is that both sexes think differently. To simplify that statement let me point out that in early life both play with dolls. The male doll is usually called and Army man while the female doll might be a Barbie. Variations of this continue on with time.

Then we all have to realize that it is harder to get out of the house and mingle with others as we get older. This is the real key to finding a possible partner.

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But the bigger problem is being an atheist you have nothing to describe you to another person so you / we often get overlooked.

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I know what you mean! I decided not to get involved with anyone again unless they're an atheist.

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Because unless you live in a rigorously orthodox system, not many people are gonna have the same beliefs.

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There are boneheads out there which have not evolved beyond acceptance of one's upbringing as a child. Mostly Trump supporters. I digress. Go where the atheists are....at the next convention.

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On that, everyone is different from each other. So I think it's wiser to accept that the other half will have different beliefs. A few have said to me and I have to believe them that we are all the wrong people trying to make it right.

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I don’t know, that’s not an issue where I live. Good luck with the move 😉

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I don't know any atheist is very difficult find at less a friend who is atheist

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You make a good point. It's not like us atheists run down the street proclaiming our atheism for all to hear. Because of workplace repercussions, being surrounded by ardent theist believers, it's difficult to find potential like minded individuals to date.

This site is good for discussions with like minded individuals. But I have not found it a place where I feel comfortable seeking a date. I appreciate my intellectual friends on this site and the people I've met here. But I feel reluctant to flirt on the assumption that I might be misreading their intentions and lose a friend. Not good at online schmoozing. Lol

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For me it's the area I live in. Most people here are far right-winged and very religious. There aren't very many known hangout places for people like us. I'm sure they are out there but to find them can prove to be tricky. Also being an introvert doesn't help in the least.

Try starting a Meetup

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beind atheist is like being gay or transgender people are scared of others not jus like them. There are more atheist out there they are too scared to come out of the closet. I get well my parents beleived so what you have to be blind too. I guess some just don't like to rock the boat just follow like sheep. That is why preacher refer to their group as a flock. Then you get those who are scared of death and want the fairy tale of an after llfe. Yes it is hard to find another atheist close to what you can live with but that is true of all people that is why half of all marriages end in divorce. People are too used to lieing you hear every lies which is no excuss.

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