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Do you ever think it's appropriate for someone to give up on finding true love? Can someone be so jaded by the dating world and being misled and hurt so many times that it would be in their best interest to just give up?

By Kojaksmom8
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27 comments

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5

It’s appropriate if that’s what the person wants. I know quite a few people in their 60s who got tire of looking and decided they are OK being single. Is that giving up? Or making a decision to focus on what one has instead of what is missing?

UUNJ Level 8 Sep 3, 2018
5

"Giving up" might be an opportunity to come to the realization that you were never lacking something in the first place.

AwarenessNow Level 7 Sep 3, 2018

Exactly

5

"give up" is a state of mind...it's often a good idea to "give up" on actively seeking...never good to "close up" to opportunities that come our way...

seattlepanda Level 7 Sep 3, 2018

Good point

5

Yes, I think certain people reach a point where giving up is appropriate. A person's emotional health may depend on it.

Infoguy211 Level 8 Sep 3, 2018
4

For me it is more important to work on personal goals, and doing things that make me happy. If I meet someone, that would be great. I am open to it. The important thing is to have happiness in other areas of your life.

GreatNani Level 8 Sep 3, 2018
3

I think it's in a lot of people's best interest to stop looking for love and focus on themselves instead. They need to learn to love themselves and be happy alone before putting energy into being with another person.

Finding love has never been a priority for me. I have a life and goals I'm working towards. I'm not giving up on love but I'm not looking for it either.

Paracosm Level 8 Sep 4, 2018
3

I think you need to do what is best for your mental health. I dropped off all dating sites, all I was finding were scammers. I have slightly increased my social activities among the Humanist group I belong to. I haven't "given up" on finding either true love or a long term partner, BUT I am going to live my life like I'm going to be as I am for the rest of my life. I have to make decisions that are best for me here and now. If I meet someone special then I will make adjustments if necessary. In my mind the door is pretty much shut, but not locked. I am going to live my life as fully as I can, do what makes me happy and benefits my kids/family/community as I see it. I will not be measured by whether or not I'm in a romantic relationship with anyone. Notice the pink shirt wearing companion in my picture. That is my most prized relationship right now, she is the future and I will give my life for her or her cousin.

HippieChick58 Level 9 Sep 3, 2018
3

I just posted my version. In the singles group. I certainly feel like it. I have had nothing but games since I started trying a year ago. Dating sites are hard work.

Rose2U Level 7 Sep 3, 2018
2

Love is not something we should seek, because it is something that cannot be found. It finds us, takes us by surprise, always unprepared. Seeking love always ends in compromise. Remaining open to love, then there's always the possibility of being found. Best thing to do is to get involved in social activities that you really enjoy doing, that way you'll meet people, and you never know....

rcandlish Level 7 Sep 3, 2018

VERY nicely said. "Seeking love always ends in compromise." has been my thinking all along.

2

I am in love with being in love. If i get hurt by one i feel it deep but i can and will love again because I love to love.

Nardi Level 7 Sep 3, 2018

The blessing and the curse...

2

I don't think of it as "giving up". I like to think I am facing reality and need to focus my energies on more tangible things. Funny conundrum, often one finds something when one isn't looking for it.

JackPedigo Level 8 Sep 3, 2018
2

Seek peace and harmony, with or without another person.

ownworstenemy Level 7 Sep 3, 2018
2

Creating love beats trying to jam myself into rituals that routinely fail. Give up? I don’t know what that means. Life is beautiful, lush, awful, sometimes lonely. If I continually "accept" rules that fail me, that feels more like giving up on my individual journey. Live life! Enjoy the dance!! Why keep acore? Just hike, experiment, play, visit museums, write, seize it all and live! Give up? Fuck that!

skye724 Level 7 Sep 3, 2018
2

If you feel burned out I think it's appropriate. It's harder for me to feel comfortable with dating if I'm smarting from rejection, I become hyper-alert of anything going wrong. Better to take a breather and regroup and take care of yourself.

bleurowz Level 8 Sep 3, 2018

True

2

Yes

1

I know some who have given up. Myself, I keep trying, and sometimes find interest, but I’m somewhat commitment-phobic and wonder if I’ll ever get into a satisfying relationship.

BudFrank Level 7 Sep 9, 2018

I feel the same way

1

I don't know if it is a matter of giving up as much as acceptance of the likelyhood that it won't happen for a few different reasons.

Sticks48 Level 9 Sep 7, 2018
1

I don't exactly like the phrase "giving up", but DO think people should NOT put their life on hold while seeking. Time can be precious.

Zster Level 8 Sep 5, 2018
1

I gave up years ago on 'love', which is just a slow death. Now I am just looking for play mates.

Wrytyr Level 7 Sep 3, 2018
1

I don't know if it's giving up as opposed to stop looking at the moment. Sometimes love finds you.

Captain747ex Level 7 Sep 3, 2018
1

I think it's okay to feel like giving up. I think it's okay to say the words out loud. I think it's okay to think that you have given up.

I think it's all a part of the individual struggle: to seek, to find, to fail and to fall; to pick oneself back up again and move forward. I'm pretty sure that looks different for everyone, in that it won't follow the same timeline or the same timespan.

I don't know that we ever really give up. In my case, to give up on love would be like saying that I don't exist, or that I'm some completely rare gem unlike anything in the universe and that's completely ridiculous. It's more ridiculous than saying that I'll never find something that I'm responsible for creating since my presence must account for at least half of it.

There's someone out there that wants the same things that we do; someone that values what we do and has the capacity to love as much and most likely more than we do.

It's completely appropriate for anyone to give up on finding true love because that may be exactly what someone needs to take some of the pressure off of love itself. I know that I didn't meet someone who had the ability to move me to new heights and challenge the capacity of my heart until I stopped trying to find something I had thought was missing and realized that it just wasn't present at the moment and that those two perspectives aren't even really looking at the same thing.

Here comes the sappy cliche, and you're welcome to roll your eyes as you like, but maybe true love is supposed to find you.

MFAtheist Level 7 Sep 3, 2018

Maybe its mincing words but I find myself needing to say that it is a type of relationship we often are talking about when we say true love rather than actual true love. True love is sort of a state of being feeling with someone that can exist with a lot of people in all kinds of moments and places regardless of the confines of a specified relationship..A happy intimate relationship between two that looks a certain way is maybe more to what we are talking about than true love because I believe true love like actual love can be found all over the place

So much easier to find when looked at through such a filter. An intimate relationship can be found quite often, as well. Many people have several over a lifetime. To find an actual, true, genuine love within an intimate relationship is something that I don't imagine to be very confining, but incredibly specific. I think that's why we forgive the misuse of the term "true love" because it seems that almost without clarifying, we all know what we're talking about.

1

I think each of us, in our own way, should occasionally just take time to recharge our emotional selves and reflect on our own lives independent from those of others--a kind of self-checkup. I've found that actively focusing on one pursuit or goal incessantly can lead to burnout & cynicism. That said, I think we should never lose HOPE of finding true love. In the past six months, I've met so many new & interesting people that at least numerically, my odds of finding love (or love finding me) are rising in my favor. And who knows where you, I, or anyone else will be in our lives six months or a year from now? That--and finally pursuing some long-delayed personal goals--is what keeps me going.

SonofMax Level 7 Sep 3, 2018
1

Sometimes giving up creates the space you need to get something. Nature abhors a vacuum.

Electro68 Level 7 Sep 3, 2018

@SACatWalker not magic but I have found that every great love I've had came when I wasn't looking.

@SACatWalker Holy shit! There are more options available. LIKE LIVING LIFE!!! It's not either give up or keep trying. Have you ever noticed how seldom black and white appear in nature? That's because grey is the most important color in the palette. Live! Enjoy yourself! Notice the beauty of the world! I am not naive. I've experienced horrors and losses and pain - and still do. But I also experience wonder and beauty and surges of joy. Why on earth would anyone fall in love with a sourpuss who is always keeping score on him or herself? I am not berating you - I am encouraging you to fall in love with life. If you are an agnostic or atheist, life ends and then there's nothing. Live it with zest, and someone may catch up with you!

@skye724 I didn't say be a sourpuss I live my life I just don't make finding someone first in my life. I don't need to be paired up to be happy.

@Electro68 No intention to call anyone specific a sourpuss! What I am finding a lot is that people seem to expect love to appear without being happy before then. My apologies if I offended you. smile001.gif

@skye724 you didn't, I think I wasn't clear in my first comment. I'm a believer in being happy with yourself before you can be happy with another.

1

it depends on whether you're a glutton for punishment

TheDoubter Level 8 Sep 3, 2018
0

In their best interest? Never, their best interest is to ultimately find love. I do know a few people that have given up and I mourn for them.

Nukdookum Level 8 Sep 4, 2018
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