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We can always redefine and redeem our lives.

1000runner 7 Apr 3
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I refer you to the 4 Agreements. #2. Don't take things personally. Having been catfished multiple times, I feel compelled to add, especially online. You are not responsible for another person's perceptions and or how they manifest their feelings.


I have had it both ways ,but emotional wounds regardless of fault are hard to heal or let go of at times

RoyMillar Level 9 Apr 4, 2019

After my bicycle accident last August it turned out the wound was my fault (poor job of installing an inner tube).


Yes, but it is just so very difficult


I disagree that forgiveness is necessary to heal. I think one can move on and grow and heal without forgiving the wrong-doer.

Takes much longer to heal in my case without that kind of closure in my heart.

@Davekp I read a response about it once that resonated with me: "A particularly harmful myth is that 'healing requires forgiveness' of the abuser. The abuser has no "right" to forgiveness—such privileges can only be earned. And although the damage was done with words, true forgiveness can only be earned with deeds.

For the victim of emotional abuse, the most viable form of help is self–help—and a victim handicapped by the need to "forgive" the abuser is a handicapped helper indeed. The most damaging mistake an emotional–abuse victim can make is to invest in the "rehabilitation" of the abuser. Too often this becomes still another wish that didn't come true—and emotionally abused children will conclude that they deserve no better result.

The costs of emotional abuse cannot be measured by visible scars, but each victim loses some percentage of capacity. And that capacity remains lost so long as the victim is stuck in the cycle of 'understanding' and 'forgiveness."

@demifeministgal as I said.. "in my case"

@Davekp well yes. But that does not mean I cannot share the other perspective with you and others. Right?

@demifeministgal I was only making a comment on my perspective.. it was not about you.

@Davekp As I was about mine from the beginning and then additionally onwards.

@demifeministgal Sure.. as you wish.

@Davekp This isn't even your post so literally yes I was. Believe it or not. Bye.

@demifeministgal of course. Bye


Sad but true

bobwjr Level 9 Apr 4, 2019

It's totally unfair that we are victimized by someone or some thing and then on top of it, are responsible for doing the work to heal and recover. But, that is how things are, and the longer it takes to come to terms with that fact the longer it will take to heal. The facts and realization about them can definitely suck, but I know of no true way around it, only through it. The good news is almost everyone is in the same boat to one degree or another. We can support each other.

ejbman Level 7 Apr 4, 2019

You have to do the work necessary to heal. Forgiving someone who has wronged you is some of the hardest work you will ever do.

Yep. Forgiveness is a process, but it’s just one facet of healing.

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