More from the same scientific paper:

"Bowlby suggests there is no such thing as overdependency or true independence; there is only effective or ineffective dependence (Weinfield, Sroufe, Egeland, & Carlson, 1999). The more effectively dependent a person can be, the more confidently separate and autonomous he or she can be. In general, Western societies have denigrated dependency needs in adults and exalted the image of the separate, self-sufficient individual. Feminist authors remind us that women are often pathologized for their focus on closeness to others (Vatcher & Bogo, 2001)."

from: Attachment Processes in Couple and Family Therapy, edited by Susan M. Johnson and Valerie E. Whiffen, Copyright 2003 by The Guilford Press., 72 Spring Street, New York, NY 10012.

I think the article is wrong. I don't believe it is actually possible to be "okay with our own aloneness" as we are evolved to be social. We would have to contort ourselves all out of shape or make up imaginary friends. There are people with an avoidant attachment strategy whose attachment trauma has caused them to deny their dependency needs, even to themselves. But that is not healthy and not how we are evolved.

Here's a quote from a scientific paper:

"Contact with intimate others is the primary way humans have evolved to deal with anxiety and fear. Proximity to an attachment figure tames fear and offers an antidote to feelings of helplessness and meaninglessness."

from: Attachment Processes in Couple and Family Therapy, edited by Susan M. Johnson and Valerie E. Whiffen, Copyright 2003 by The Guilford Press., 72 Spring Street, New York, NY 10012.

A romantic relationship, especially a loving relationship, can be a healing balm that gives some time and opportunity to work on one's problems, loneliness being one of them. This works especially well if the partner is in on the work.

I agree with the premise. I remember being in relationships that left me feeling very much alone and enjoying living alone for 15 years and enjoying it very much even though I was by myself.

Great article... and I totally agree. Some people are lonely while they are in a relationship.....others enjoy their own company and being a singleton suits them well.

I think a good relationship can surely help a person feel less lonely... a GOOD relationship.

However, the pursuit of a relationship at the cost of settling with the wrong type of person, can be detrimental. I could be in a long term relationship right now I'm fairly certain...but he wasn't right person for me personality wise.

This shoe does not fit all

Same here but had a loving relationship that did solve the loneliness it's a two edged sword and trade off being that really loving someone leaves you vulnerable . But finding that someone is worth the risk .

I'm a "marrying man"...married 3 times too many (4 total...1st one died young of cancer).

But I learned young to "hold on tightly - let go lightly" (Ken Keyes, Jr quote)....I have no regrets and good memories from "taking the plunge" as often as I did.

The end of our marriages...and the divorces... were as much my fault as theirs...I just never found "the one".

Now happliy single...in and out, and in and out of a 120 mile long distance relationship...works for me!

I was lonelier married than I ever have been single. When I was married towards the end I was lonely because he made other things his priority and we had no intimacy or connection. He didn't care about my feelings or needs. When I told him I was depressed he told me he didn't want to hear about it because it was so depressing. Seriously, that was his reply. Like it is catching. So, I found other friends, other activities and my own life. And I found I like peaceful solitude and no unwelcome visitors. I'm alone most of the time, but far less lonely.

you're fooling yourself if you think they are