You are right to be upset for what your mom did to your dad...poor man.....people are so brainwashed on this subject it is hard to believe....just like religion....I don't know if you have talked this out with your mother....that should be done....you also need to consider your sons need for a grandmother...if she was a good grandmother otherwise then you risk harming him over things he may not understand...not sure how old he is....

I guess if it made her feel better, and we know it is all BS, what did it hurt? You and your sons know the truth, and you celebrate his life accordingly. I think he would have liked that you remember him as he truly was. It was just words, water and ritual. Meaningless things that give people a false sense of security. Those words held no power over him, so they rolled off like water off a duck's back.
Personally, I'd feel I was giving her and her god too much power to control me and my feelings that way. (not to say they are, just how I would feel) I would just give the ceremony the attention and the power it deserves - absolutely none.

I'd be angry too. However, I almost pity her for her beliefs. She is so convinced and so terrified of hell that she was SURE she was doing the right thing. You think it was just for her own peace of mind, but I think she truly believes that she just saved his soul from eternal torture. We think it must be awful to believe such things, but they know no other way.

So, you're not wrong to be upset. But don't stress out about "maybe she was right." Turn your anger into relief that you're not burdened by ridiculous fears like she is.

You're not wrong to be upset with her since your father was not of sound mind and it was probably against his will. However, have you considered that he might have agreed just to put her mind at rest? I would think his love for her would have allowed this since he was dying anyway. Forgive her and move on.

I would be more angry at the Minister, who knew and willingly broke the rules of an adult baptism. I can't be 100% certain of that first sentence because I don't know if your step mom belongs to an Anabaptist denomination. But in any event, an adult baptism requires a true conversion. You're step mom was just doing what she thought was best.

Might have just done it to humor her so that she was happy too even if he still didn't really believe

I think you have the right to be mad, BUT I wouldn't have been for this one simple reason. Your stepmom did it out of love for him. I would have told her that she is disrespecting the wishes of my father, but I'm not one to cut someone out of my life for an act that is meant as a loving act no matter how misguided it was. Had I had the power to stop it, I wouldn't have in this instance because it isn't bringing any harm to him, but it is easing her grief. This opinion of mine is just that an opinion and it's not meant to decare that you are wrong for how you responded to it.

Heartfelt condolences for your loss! You're not wrong, but I wouldn't punish her by removing you and your son from her life. In her mind, she was doing the right thing, and even though it was misguided, it was an act of love. I encourage you to place you and your son back into her life.

I think she was definitely wrong to do this to him while he couldn't resist and she knew it would be against his wishes.
I also think you hit it right on the head when you said you think she did it for her own peace of mind.
Fear drives religion, fear of dying, fear of hell, fear of the unknown etc. People will do strange things to appease their gods.

Thank you all so much for the awesome comments. You have all been so kind and I am absolutely loving being a part of this group.

So sad. My whole family gave up religion because of me. That makes me proud. Although my mom was going in and out at the end, she ranted that no religious bastard better come near her. She only wanted her family around.

It didn't do any harm.

I would have been upset by that as well. If he talked to her about doing that before he passed away, then that's a different story. I don't think a baptism would have changed anything afterwards either way. I think if there is a place for us to go, it will depend on how we lived our lives in general.

She didn't do it for him; she did it for her. Though it was a dick move, I would just let it go. There are better things to be pissed at (I'm sure).

By the way, my step-mother pretty much did the same thing to my dad. She filled the house with her conservative Christian friends and completely ignored his DNR. Was nothing us kids could do since we all live out of town/state from him.

No. Your mom was selfish. Honestly, Atheism is the way to go. My grandmother was a stout Christian who also died of cancer, but unlike your father, she cried nonstop because she was scared of "heaven" (the better afterlife for Christians).

No, your mother disrespected your father and his belief system.

It depends on whether your dad cared more about preserving his identity or consoling her.. still Im of the opinion that he was exploited in a moment of weakness.. and I'm disgusted by such predatory behavior on the part of the theists.

So many people do things that they think the person who is dying would "want" them to do. In reality, you are right;it was more for her peace of mind than his. This is wrong....wrong....and wrong......For a person to have suffered through the aches and pains of cancer, and then have someone over ride their wishes is not only wrong, but is brutal and the wrong way to send a loved one off into the unknown. You said his wife, so I must assume that it was not your Mother. My father re-married after my Mom died at 50 years old and was sorry from the wedding day. Religion didn't enter into it, but I only mention it to assure you that no matter what is said in this life, after someone dies, his/her wishes are up for grabs, and that is dead wrong. Their wishes should be followed to the tee, regardless of how different they may be from what we would desire for ourselves I hope you are able to find peace within yourself.....for that is the only place that truly counts.

My dad die with cancer to. So i can understand that.

Well, she isn't right. You are right that it was for her piece of mind, but many people can't escape that mindset. They are victims themselves. Hope you can be a little forgiving.

If your father lived his entire life as an atheist then he should have been quite comfortable in his belief system. His wife betrayed his wishes to satisfy her own beliefs. You have every right to be upset by that.

Hello, I just joined this site and was reading the replies here. Sunny, in my opinion she was completely wrong and she used his weak condition to force her will upon your father and your family. Pitiful, but I am sure you have heard the saying ....if you could reason with religious people there wouldn’t be any religious people!

She disrespected his wishes for her piece of mind? I guess I just do not get how that would ever work. If this god is all knowing he is gonna know it was coerced and forced on him when he was out of it. So this god just is excepting of this? Doesn't that just seem weird? Also would not trust this lady if that is how she works and her needs are the only that matter to her.

Since religion is rubbish, then a Baptism is an empty ritual and meaningless.

You are right to dump her, she did not understand your dad. Your memory of him is still in tact and so is his credibility. Don't waste anymore energy thinking about it.

I'm sorry for your loss, SunnySmiles.

I share your anger because this is NOT something that your dad would have wanted. I'm no "agony aunt" but this seems to come down to his wife's opinion (and actions) versus yours (and your dad's). His wife may have been thinking that she was doing the right thing because she holds different beliefs to you. I'd share your feelings with her and then it is up to her to build bridges. Life's too short to let shit such as this get in the way of living it.