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Is it okay to pretend to love someone if you're up front about it?

and just to clear things a little bit, no I have no pretense with anyone and have no designs in that direction. I did make another comment in the post here which might explain the question.

hankster 9 Aug 14

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If someone told me they were pretending..... that would be the last time they said a word to me. Period. End of contact. To me it's a great dishonor to them and personally I would cut that person from my life forever. Which isn't a difficult thing to do with my personality.


So you told a person that you are pretending to love them? You say you pretend but are up front about it. I don't get it. If you are up front, doesn't that mean that you told the person you love them, but you really don't. Maybe I'm missing something here, but if it were me, I would never pretend to love someone if I didn't. It seems kind of mean to me.


I’ve read about this from the POV of a high-functioning psychopath. That is, someone who does not experience emotion or empathy in the way that neurotypical people do. We are talking about someone who behaves in socially acceptable ways, may even be pretty successful in their career, and sustains functional relationships. While they don’t necessarily experience “love” in the way that most people do, they can be a “loving” partner by understanding what their partner needs and responding to that. People do the best they can.

"...a high-functioning psychopath. That is, someone who does not experience emotion or empathy in the way that neurotypical people do." A psychopath cannot feel empathy, is manipulative. What makes you think you are a psychopath? I ask because I was married to one...she pushed our daughter down a flight of steps so she would be injured and could then sue the apartment due to loose carpeting on the top of the steps. Are you one of those?

@dahermit I did NOT say that I am a psychopath. I said I read a book. That’s why my comment starts, “I’ve READ ABOUT...” 🙄
I have done a lot of research about psychopaths, sociopaths, personality disorders.
There is a field of thought that some people have a difference in brain function that results in not experiencing emotion like most people, and therefore having difficulty feeling empathy.
These people might develop anti-social personality disorder, particularly if they experience childhood trauma, OR they might have a pro-social upbringing and be high-functioning, successful people.


How can you pretend about something you've already revealed to be fake?


Huh? What a strange question.

You mean is it OK to act like you love someone as long as you tell that person that you are faking it? Sure... I guess.


I honestly can't pretend if I like you or love you I'm going to say it upfront but that's just me


Someone terminally ill that wants to be loved is an example where it's OK to pretend IMO, as long as u can keep it up until they pass. I couldn't see a person who isn't terminal wanting someone to pretend so it wouldn't be something I would do with someone unless it was a case like terminal illness.

jorj Level 8 Aug 15, 2019

You are ambiguous here.

ambiguity is the best policy.


There’s different kinds of love. Logically we should love everyone. There’s no need to be deceptive about your feelings unless you are young and horny. In that case anything goes. Might as well jump into the fire.


Shit. I certainly hope so!


What's the point of pretending if you're being upfront about it?
Anyway, I think people pretend a lot of things to get what they want. Including "love".



Historically, most marriages probably were this type as they were arranged marriages. I'm sure most "pretended to love" while in private the couple made no pretense of their lack of love for each other. Years ago, duty, social norms, and religion kept couples together in this pretense.

In the modern era, couples have the freedom to be together because of their feelings for each other. This is now the norm.

However, can you pretend to love while being up front? Absolutely. Humans have been doing this for centuries.

Succinct, as usual.

I appreciate your ability to put into words what I'm thinking and incapable of verbalizing.

Heck, you clear my mind a lot.
Thank you. Your ordered mind and intelligent wording are impressive.

It was like that in the 50's. I remember four of those couples on my block alone. Three couples like that occupied the houses on each side of us during that period. You know after WWll there were a lot of couples who "had" to get married.

@Donotbelieve The grueling hell I was put through as a doctoral student. Despite that, it did teach me the ability to organize, connect, and communicate in a succinct and logical manner. Thank you. I appreciate your kind words.

@Winkiedink54 I don't think we see it so much today as we did years ago. Umm...can I suggest you watch the movie Mona Lisa Smiles? In the story a student, Betty Warren, marries a man considered appropriate for her level of wealth and status. In the movie, you'll see that quite soon after they marry, she begins to realize that her husband does not love her. When she tells her mother the marriage is over, her mother's reaction was one that she should be satisfied with image, status, wealth, and reputation over love. Although the movie is not a true story, the depiction of couples together for other reasons besides love is definitely true.

@Winkiedink54 Sounds like you were the smart and enlightened one in the family.


Like this?


Sure sounds like a"Friend with Benefits" concept!!!


I don't understand how one can be upfront and pretending at the same time?


Loyalty, to me at least, is more important than love/lust.

I count respect far above love and lust.


How do you 'pretend' while being 'up front'?


If you care enough to be up front about it I would say love is already in play.


Wow.. i honestly had to think about that one..

My gut reaction was no..
But as i thought about it.. and as long as the other person is fully consenting and happy with the situation.. then sure.. its ok .


Reminds me of the Clintons sham of a marriage a bit. Could never believe that Hillary actually forgave and still loved Bill after all the humiliation he put her thru. No doubt she stayed married to him and they both faked their continued marriage all for her political ambition and their shared hunger for power.....

And understand that my contempt for the Clintons, as well as all corporatist pols, is not because I am a conservative, which I am not, but because I am a socialist who hates all pols that are phony and serve the status quo.

And Melanoma loves the orange circus peanut?

@BufftonBeotch No, I doubt she does, but that is a whole other ball of pathology... In her case the attraction is money and fame that she gets from being with The Donald... Equally sick, just different.....

@TomMcGiverin She stays with him because Trump insists on pre-nups and is willing to play arm candy even if she won't hold his hand.

@BufftonBeotch she is the typical gold digger that allows rich and powerful men to "grab their pussy". They are a dime a dozen and Trump was being honest when he said they allow him to do it. Women all thru history have loved the rich and powerful men no matter what they look like or act like.

@WonderWartHog99 5 any rich person who don't insist on a prenup is a fool. Just shows Trump isn't as dumb as Jeff Bozos, his ex-wife will be tied for richest person in the world because of no prenuptial agreement. Why she deserves that much just because they were married is just beyond comprehension to me. No way do she deserve to get half because she certainly didn't do half the work to gain it all.

@jorj Once you are on the Forbes list, you can lose 90% of your wealth and still fly first class daily.

For most of the ultra wealthy the money is a game. It's lost most of its importance except to use it for social change and public relations.


oxymoron. if you're up front you're not pretending and if you're pretending you're not up front. so whether or not it's okay is moot; it's not possible.


Yeah. I caught that too.

Is this a "Love for Sale" thing?

@BufftonBeotch i have no clue!



If we're just pretending to love someone better not to love at all...the most and worst thing that we don't want and avoid to happen is somebody playing our emotion....
Emotional investment is the hardest feelings to widraw.🙂

Mahal kita.


Maybe I'm not understanding the question.
Pretending to love anyone is a deception.
Being up front about it is admitting to a lie, and
perpetuating it anyway.
None of that makes any sense to me.

I'm perplexed by that too. Can't really be deception if you're transparent about it


I once loved a woman I believed loved me back but it turned out she just really, really wanted a baby. She broke my heart.

She didn't get one.

sorry man.

@hankster Live and learn, I guess.

That's terrible. I'm sorry.
Deception and betrayal really suck.

@KKGator They certainly do. I was sure she was for real. Shows what I know.

I always get told women don't do that kind of thing. They say women never lie to get pregnant and I'm sure u have heard the same at some point.

@jorj Next time you get told that, you can tell them there are still some who are willing to. I know one personally.


How can you be both up front and pretending? Role play is OK if both parties are agreed on the parameters, but otherwise, pretending to love someone will ultimately hurt them and prove you to be a jerk. Let’s assume you aren’t, and therefore you won’t pull one over on anyone

UUNJ Level 8 Aug 14, 2019
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