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Please let me know if you would say something in this situation.
My best friend has this guy who works for him, and they are both very religious. My friend knows that I am an atheist and he respects my choice.
That worker, friend of his was passing out cigars, and praising god, and celebrating the news that he just received. His wife just told him that he is going to be a father, and that she is approximately three months pregnant. He got the news after the wife spoke with his pastor, and the pastor told him that it was god's will that the wife is pregnant with his child. My friend looked at me and grabbed me, and basically dragged me out of the room and into the kitchen, and told me not to say one word.
What was going through my mind was that this guy is such an idiot. Religion has turned him into a dumb ass. Now here is the rest of the story.
This guy lives in Florida and works very hard to support his family. He sends his paycheck home to his wife in Brazil to support her and his two kids and extended family. He travels to Brazil once or twice a year to visit his family. The last time he went to Brazil to visit with his wife was in December 2018. We are now in August 2019, and the last time he had physical contact with his wife was almost eight months ago. She is now three months pregnant. I know this guy and he is a good person. His pastor convinced him that the child is his and it is a miracle. She is only three months pregnant.
What would you do? Would you say something or just keep quiet?
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If the guy can’t figure out that the baby is not his, I don’t think anything you say will help him.
Plus, if this IS one of those virginal birth miracle things, I’d hate to be on the wrong side of Jesus 2 Electic Boogaloo.
indirect76
Level 7
Aug 15, 2019
4
Sometimes ignorance is willful. This appears to me to be one of those times. There is no way to "correct" this error without making him feel bad and that is what he will remember, how you made (or helped him to) feel. Find a way to be kind, that is rarely a poor choice.
Normanbites
Level 7
Aug 15, 2019
4
I loved the compassion in your response.
You are correct. He is trying to convince himself that he is the father. He is in denial.
@noworry28 My hope is whether he is in denial or not, he will be a good father to this child. The child does need and deserve a good father.
I fault religion for these situations where a man could say,
"I know this child is not mine. But it is not it's fault and the child needs a father. I love this woman, I will love her child." and he is shamed for being in that situation.
Religion offers shame and belittlement to such a person as a "cuckold". Disgusting!! Such a person should be honored. IMHO.
I would keep my mouth shut. It's between him and his wife and none of your friends business. He knows the score, but has decided to accept the kid as his.
Wisewoman3
Level 7
Aug 15, 2019
5
Let it go. Stupid is as stupid goes. If you ever get a chance to talk to the pastor - then give him the grief of being a shit.
Beowulfsfriend
Level 9
Aug 15, 2019
3
I disagree. Nothing good would come of forcing this fellow to face the truth. If he is happy about it, and the child is raised in a happy and financially secure home.... having spent time in Brazil. Peru, & Bolivia, I can attest for a different cultural view of this common situation. It's OK if everyone accepts the situation, and for whatever reason, is content.
My opinion only, of course...
I met the pastor one time and he does not speak to heathens like me. That is good for him right now because I would definitely give him a piece of my mind.
This is such a hopeless case I would stay out of it.
dare2dream
Level 7
Aug 15, 2019
4
I kept my mouth shut. Now I wonder about his other two kids.
It’s the preachers baby...
Also did you get a cigar?
darthfaja
Level 7
Aug 15, 2019
1
The preacher is in Florida and the wife is in Brazil.
@Shawappa44820 I don't like the smell of cigars and cigarettes. I did not take one.
Unless he was a really close friend of mine then I would keep quiet.
Piece2YourPuzzle
Level 8
Aug 15, 2019
2
There are certain things that someone has to figure out on his own.
What good would come of it? It’s not your business surely?
Geoffrey51
Level 8
Aug 15, 2019
2
I don't see the point in addressing the co-worker about it at all unless he specifically asks about the probability of it actually being his kid. Outside of that it's none of your business if he wants to believe a god miraculously impregnated his wife. He's already bought into the concept that it's possible just by being a Christian (Mary/Jesus thing) so what's the chance of you convincing him that he's wrong?
Although I'd probably have no problem letting other people know that I thought it was crazy and why. If my opinion gets back to him and he asks ... well, that's a different story. Then I'd simply tell him he's acting crazy and that there's no way that a three month old fetus his wife is carrying is his unless he's saying that the child is the second coming of Christ and that would be presumptuous as hell (although quite intriguing).
redbai
Level 8
Aug 15, 2019
1
Even if I say something, he will not believe it. This is something that he has to figure out for himself. I think he knows, but refuses to admit it to himself.
@noworry28 I stopped worrying about whether or not someone would believe the truth or not and simply use it regardless. Once you start changing what you will say to accommodate someone's imaginary friends you might as well start believing right along with them as you are already adjusting your life for an imaginary being.
Why would you feel the need to say anything? It is not a concern of yours in any way.
jlynn37
Level 8
Aug 15, 2019
1
I am the kind of person who says what is on my mind. In the moment I wanted to say " are you stupid or what? Can't you figure out that you are not the father. " I am glad that my friend grabbed me before I said anything, because he knows the kind of person that I am. He has to come to terms with the situation himself.
@noworry28 Then it’s a situation for you to practice not releasing a runaway tongue!
@noworry28 I also have that problem.
I'd tell him to do the math and to get a DNA test. She's a cheating whore, and he deserves better. I'd also mention that that priest needs his ass beat for lying to him about it.
Kafirah
Level 8
Aug 15, 2019
3
The priest/pastor could very well be the father.
He has to figure it out himself. He would not believe me anyway. He is in denial.
@noworry28 If you consider him a friend, I don't understand how you wouldn't tell him. Shit, even if he was a stranger, how could you just let him be fucked over like that without saying something? His denial is an excuse you are telling yourself because you don't want to get involved, but you know you are wrong, so your conscience is prompting you to ask for second opinions. Everybody in this thread that is saying mind your business... cowardly. Just stand by and watch this dude's life burn in slow motion without trying to help... ffs.
Shut yer yap.
If he pastor has convinced him it's a magical miracle his wife has been zapped by God and the little bastard is his by divine right, there won't be anything either of you will gain by doing the math and figuring out it's not legit.
Let his or her relatives point out the obvious to him. People will be doing that for the rest of his life. Jumping in line to be #1 to break the news to him won't be the kindess thing to do.
WonderWartHog99
Level 8
Aug 15, 2019
3
My thought is that he is in denial. There is no way in the world that someone cannot figure this out.
@noworry28 Oh, there's a way. You haven't met enough people yet. I regret you never met my old drinking buddy, Clyde d'Wonderfog. For one, he bought the drinks.
"I'm surrounded by idiots!" -- Dr. Evil.
@BlueWave God is testing your faith with this bogus test, son.
I would definitely say something
Probably why I don't have that many friends and why I am not Invited to work gatherings or celebrations like that, so maybe not the right thing to do in that regard.
The other thing to consider, this guy is going to find out eventually, secrets like that have a way of getting out, and then when it does, he will know that you were lying to him as was everyone else, I would rather be the asshole who tels the truth than be complicit in somebody else's lie
TiernanMcCann
Level 7
Aug 15, 2019
4
He is in denial. If he cannot figure out that he is not the father when he hasn't seen his wife since last December, than nothing that I say to him will make a difference.
That’s a tough one. Keep out if their business? Or speak up. Me... if it was my close friend, I’d say something. That’s just me.
mentalinnuendo
Level 5
Aug 15, 2019
4
Your friend , who knows him better than you do , and obviously understands math as well , should be your guide in this matter . That said , Let's think of an alternative scenario . Suppose they had wanted a child , but had been infertile , so the wife has been seeing a doctor about getting pregnant , using her husband's frozen sperm , and while the initial attempts had failed , one of her eggs has now been fertilized ? Could happen . The child could indeed be his own . I do realize it's much easier to assume his wife has been cheating on him , but you may not have the full story .
Cast1es
Level 9
Aug 16, 2019
3
Good point.
You can say something to your friend obviously but I am not sure if it is your place to say something to this guy... how close are y'all? Will what you say impact your friend and his business and then your friendship?? Are they in an open relationship or do they have an understanding that she slept with someone else but it was God's "plan for him" to raise another's kid?? Too many missing details here.
demifeministgal
Level 8
Aug 16, 2019
3
follow your friend's advice. it's not your business to tell the guy anything about his life. he may even know and be pretending; he may not know and be an idiot. how would telling him help ANYONE, least of all the kid, when it comes? i know it rankles, but that's how it is. life is unjust, idiots abound and you have no horse in this race. mum's the word. talk to your friend about it to your heart's content, if he is open to that, but not to the delusional person;.
g
genessa
Level 8
Aug 15, 2019
3
Surely you made this story up just to see the dumbasses take the bait? Please say so!
Mojo1998
Level 5
Aug 15, 2019
1
No I did not. It is real.
Gees I'd put a book on reproduction in his work locker where he could find it.
Someone needs to.
That's horrific.
He needs to make a mature decision here - not be bamboozled by religious folks.
It's okay for him to decide to keep on with her even though she's trying to pull the wool over his eyes with the pastor aiding and abetting - it's not okay that he's this uneducated in this day and age.
They are preying on him. And that's ugly.
I'm not sure it's up to you.
But it should be something one of his friends can talk to him about.
They're all treating him like the village idiot and that is so very uncool I don't have the words for it.
RavenCT
Level 9
Aug 15, 2019
2
@Shawappa44820 I would think that except she had the pastor speak to him.
IDK if that's cultural or a lack of reproductive education.
(Suspension of disbelief or actual ignorance).
I taught peer sexuality in the 1980's - what people learn in place of the actual truth will just amaze you. Particularly in a religious setting.
And some folks just never are taught any sex education. ie "Can I get pregnant from French Kissing?" - yes I've heard that repeatedly and with worry behind it.
I really hope the guy is just doing what he feels is right. Not that ignorant of facts.
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