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Warning!

Though it's possible to date someone who believes in God, it is not possible to date a fundamentalist. I gave it my very best shot. Our personalities and characters meshed beautifully. Our time together was simply joyous in every way.

But . . . The NO sex until marriage rule was becoming unbearable.

And . . . When an outside conflict arose our approaches were too different. I was reminded how stymied fundamentalists are as they turn to prayer and biblical study first. Every time. And they avoid common sense.

ElusiveMoby 7 Jan 10
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34 comments

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1

I agree 100%. I lived with a believer for nine years. It was the best relationship I ever had. We never had a problem with my non-belief and her belief. She did not go to church. I believe there are more people like her and their numbers are growing.

Unlike you, I was pulling him away from his "first love."

8

I don't want to live in constant conflict. That's why I refuse to date a bible-thumper.

I live in light conflict with a reform Jew.

I can't avoid conflict, I'm constantly surrounded by it. It suddenly occurs to me that maybe I'm in conflict with myself. Hmmm.

5

I dated a girl who thought she was god.
I assured her my cat is god..........she left.

5

Sorry for your bad experience as I was once a fundamentalist. My stepson's wife thinks we are going to war with Iran. This morning she posted in Facebook that "god should protect our troops if it is his will" and this crap went on and on in a meme. I had to answer. I asked her what if it was not god's will. In that case we are all screwed! She didn't like it, but I'm tired of all these prayers "if it is god's will."

Your fundamentalist BF seems delusional.

Yes. Yes to everything you said.

5

Good on you for trying though. I don't think I'd be so open minded.

I'm too open-minded🤣

@ElusiveMoby you know what Lawrence Ferlinghetti said about that: “If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.” 😉

5

I agree, and I am sorry you learned the hard way that Fundies Have to disrespect you so you can be "saved"

I witnessed his ambivalence when he kept telling me what a wonderful person I was despite my lack of faith. It unsettled him.

@ElusiveMoby that is one hella "compliment"......

@ElusiveMoby Despite your lack of faith, huh? That's an arrogance even I won't touch. Wowsers.

4

I really do not comprehend the "No Sex Before Marriage Thing"

It's worse than buying shoes on the Internet.

Right. At least with the shoes you can reasonably expect to get your investment back if you decide in a reasonable time frame you're not happy with the product. 😉

4

There is no "one person meant for you". If one is "unequally yoked" with another, terminate the relationship and you will find another. IMHO.

You're right.

4

I went to a fundamentalist Baptist church for a while
You are totally correct about how they want to bring the bible into everything. They believe women should be submissive to men. Also very close minded

It really wasn't my place to give him advice either. Lol. I ended the relationship for several reasons but this was definitely one of them.

3

It continues to amaze me that women will date men who are obviously incomptible, while they won't date me because I don't smoke. (yes, this is real)

Because you don't smoke? That seems odd. Care to elaborate?

If you are wise enough to not smoke, why would you date a smoker?

I don't date women who smoke because I developed an allergic reaction to cigarettes. I cannot kiss them and not feel like I am going to throw up and I cannot take the smell.

@noworry28 I ended a relationship because she was a very heavy smoker it was like kissing an ash tray.

@bingst that was the most recent reason I was given by a woman who I had already met in person. I suspect I just wasn't macho enough for her, but that's the reason she gave.

@tinkercreek my choices are limited. I only get to choose from among the women who answer my invitations. Believe me, I've pursued some very high-quality women, but every rejection robs me of a little more self esteem.

@BitFlipper It need not rob you of self-esteem. Just keep in mind that for most of us the hit to miss ratio is statistically low, so increasing the attempt rate is necessary for success. If I ask out 100 girls and only 1 of them dates me, what's my success rate? Is it 1% or 100%? Doesn't matter. I've succeeded. You only fail when you give up.

@Shawno1972 I guess it's hard for me to think of them as just numbers. I think of them as people, and maybe I shouldn't.

@BitFlipper I'm not saying you should look at the people as numbers. I mentioned the statistics as a hypothetical, and only as it would apply to the rationale of action - in this case, attempting to find a suitable, loving mate. I was trying to illustrate part of the reason I feel no one should ever begin to adopt a defeatist position (i.e. reduced self-esteem), particularly when it comes to love. You absolutely have the power to succeed in this realm, and I want you to, so if anything I can say in any way affirms my belief that this is true, I'm liable to say it.

@Shawno1972 ha ha ha I didn't adopt this defeatist position, it adopted me. I try to live an evidence-based life, and to believe in something contrary to evidence is, essentially, religion.

But thank you.

@BitFlipper Certainly. However I have to admit I'm not following the reasoning you've provided. If you care to have the discussion, what is it you feel is contrary to evidence in this instance?

3

Yeah, never dated a fundamentalist. Don't think I would. I don't mind dating a Christian if we are mutually respectful, but honestly, the more invested they are in the religion, the more I expect to get pressured to believe/attend/convert with emotional pressures added.

I didn't convert as he hoped and he told me I broke his heart. Psychological abuse!

@ElusiveMoby ewww, so sorry to hear that! I was married to a not very practicing Christian for 28 years. Thankfully that was never the issue between us. Although she did have a period of time she was going to one church where she asked the pastor about unequally yoked!

2

I mean what if when you finally get married, on the wedding night or throughout the marriage you both realize that you are not sexually compatible?
You know, I think this marriage thing was initially designed to keep women virgins for their husbands. The tradition of FGM in certain cultures is proof of that.

2

I know how much that sucks. I've been there. I'd say I could've warned you, but there are some things we all have to learn the hard way.

When I tried to make it work with a religious woman, I thought that love could overcome our differences. When it ended I had serious doubts about whether love exists.

She said she couldn't be with someone on earth whom she couldn't be with in heaven. I couldn't deal with an adult who believed that her imaginary friend created the universe just for her. Without even realizing the irony, she said atheists are arrogant.

JimG Level 8 Jan 10, 2020

I guess it's a waste of time if they can't spend an eternity with us😂

2

I gave it a try myself - lasted 8mos. Same thing - we basically got along well, and had some fun times. He was willing to try sex without being married, but was awful at it - as guilt seemed to color his every move (and lack of erection). Ugh.
And bibles in every room of his house. Mistake for me - never again.

What made you tolerate his obvious incompatibility? Even as long as you did?

@BitFlipper We met at a gym we both went to, and had a mutual liking of an active lifestyle. And he treated me really well, which was easy to get used to. It took a while for the depth of his jeesus obsession to fully reveal itself. I thought we might be able to adjust things to a workable level - but had to finally realize that wasn't going to happen.

@evergreen I do the gym 3 times a week, but nobody talks to each other, so I don't talk to anyone either.

@BitFlipper Certainly your choice. The gym I attend is a pretty friendly place. Most are serious about their workout, but most also have their "regular" times for being there - so one tends to see the same people at each visit.

@evergreen well, it's been my experience that women react very negatively to being spoken to by men they don't know. At least by me. So I leave them alone.

@BitFlipper Sorry to hear that ...

2

how long was your relationship? I've been married a long time so my situation is different but I don't seem to have any good long term friends that are religious. Maybe that's a defect in my personality. I should try to be more accepting of the delusional. I still could not live with a fundamentalist though.

It was a four month relationship. At least he fixed my broken toilet🤣

2

It hardly ever works out.

2

I totally agree. 😄

1

Its hard when there is a strong feeling of attraction, and harder when great sex is involved, to not pay attention to little markers that show a misalignment of values that would lead to more hardship later. You might have taken a blow but dodged a bullet.

1

Love is irrational.. All of our emotions are irrational, and that is the world we live in, and most only use reason to reach irrational goals, like happiness.. Only a few of us reject rationality in favor of irrationality, and unfortunately, the deliberately irrational vote, and control much of the government..

It's possible to fall in love with just about anyone. Reality lurks in the shadows, though, like a bandit waiting to strike.

1

Sorry to hear it ended badly. I was hoping for the best for you. I have found it will always come down to SOME LITTLE THING(s) , some detail in their world view that just boggles my mind WTF?

I'm too sexual for him.😂

@ElusiveMoby His loss... BIG time

1

If they are someone who believes the Bible is true then I say that it would be a no go. If they believe the text and care for you then the need to save your soul would be to stressful for them and an annoyance for you.

This is exactly what I experienced. Every other word included god in conversation. Although fortunately we did live together without being married as well as have sex. The practice itself of having a home and running a household together was perfect. Too bad.

1

BTW, to date a fundamentalist, you have to take a tissue sample and put it under a flame with a spectrometer. That will give you a nice pretty picture but a funny smell.

1

I know the struggle😢. It's a waste of a beautiful relationship

Exactly.

1

Yeah, I had a similar situation. I put up with it for 3 years. It's in the rearview mirror now, no regrets. But man, it could've been awesome. Ah well, next play.

It's in my rearview mirror as well. I'm sad but incredibly resilient.

I'm not sad at all, to be honest. I should be sad of course. I am ANGRY at myself for inviting him for Christmas to meet my daughters. What a waste of effort on my daughters' part.

Thanks for listening.

@ElusiveMoby You have to look at it as eliminating one more wrong answer in the search for the right one. 😊

@zeuser Maybe, just maybe, I should forgo the need to couple up. And enjoy my life as it is. 😊

@ElusiveMoby It has its advantages. That could be your right answer.

1

….it’s a tuff one ..when an Atheist sits here quietly exclaming..gawd😕

Glad I’m so militant, and picky ...and have only been there recently, twice.. They ‘got it,’ and we moved on. Lots of chemistry … but there, for the grace of sanity ..went I ~

Isn’t it the shits to have graduated to a level otherwise attractive members of humanity either can’t or refuse to achieve… Damn ..as in ‘gawd’

Varn Level 8 Jan 10, 2020
1

I cannot even imagine being with a fundamentalist/biblical literalist even if they were able to break their rule of no sex before marriage.

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