I've been curious about sex for the over 50 crowd (of which I am). When I google about that topic, headlines come up that say things like "The Truth About How Often You Should Have Sex To Be Like Normal" or "How Often Should You Be Having Sex?" or "Drop in Sex among the over 50 population is worrying".
Really? Is the frequency of sex such a cultural norm or expectation that we have "shoulds" about it? "You should be having sex X number of times per month in order to be normal." One study said that 1/3 of adults over 50, who are in relationship, are not having sex at all. Why is that not OK? Having some kind of cultural expectation about frequency of sex is creating shame and embarrassment among those who don't live up to the norm. What about those of us that are not in relationship?
I suspect that people are having less sex than the culture expects or promotes. This culture promotes sex in the media as a primary focus, second only to violence. This society promotes sex as the penultimate experience of life. Don't get me wrong, I think sex can be pretty great, but sometimes it's not that great. It can be pretty routine, in my experience. And if you're mad at your partner, sex can be pretty empty. The unstated cultural belief is that if you're not having sex, then you're a loser or dysfunctional in some way. Why is there a measuring stick about this at all? Why can't society just let people live their private lives as they wish without creating expectations?
For me, I haven't been in relationship for several years, so it's been a long dry spell. The on-line women that I'm communicating with find that to be a big red flag for them. I'm starting to wonder if this is something that one "should" be ashamed of.
So I'm curious about how often people actually have sex, rather than how often the cultural norm or expectation says.
I truly cannot remember, but I think it has been more than a year. I remember who, just not when. I'm not sure if I should be concerned or not. But I haven't found anyone in the past couple of years or more that I've wanted to develop a relationship with. If I was willing to have a long distance relationship maybe things would change, but such as it is, Omaha is where my kids settled and I don't want to move.
It might be more useful to ask: 'when did you last have enjoyable sex?'.
ahhh so true. Big big difference.
Oh, in that case then it's been a while
I haven't voted as I'm just under the age limit! Just over 5 years for me, but I don't (or should that say didnt haha) have meaningless sex for the hell of it. Quality beats quantity in every sense.
@AwarenessNow I was afraid you'd say that. 'Just over 5 years' sounds bad enough but 'within 10'...scary!
"I think sex can be pretty great, but sometimes it's not that great.". The worst I ever had was wonderful.
"For me, I haven't been in relationship for several years, so it's been a long dry spell. ". One does not have to be in a relationship to have and enjoy sex.
"I'm starting to wonder if this is something that one "should" be ashamed of.". In my opinion, one should only be ashamed when they have caused or done harm to another.
September 2015
Yep.
@Shelton it’s not like batteries don’t exist ?
Wait, its been over a year since I have had sex with someone so I am a virgin again! Maybe that's one reason I have been in a funk lately.
@fathercat EEEK!
@fathercat ...and 20?
@fathercat My eek was more at the 1 year to regain virginity than your 10 years comment. I'm not judging your 10 years at all.....I'm not that far behind you. I'm not even sure that I even remember how it is done!!!!!
@fathercat LOL..well alritey then. Nice to know.
@fathercat Minors?...not like mining for gold or anything? Now we are bringing out what secrets your generation is holding on to!
It was in May. I have a farmer friend that comes to town once in a while. I'm pretty sure he's super busy with farm stuff right now. He'll show up again.
It's been so long I'm not sure I remember even how it goes
I am a firm believer...it is like riding a bicycle...once you get the ‘feel of it,’ it works like always! Lol
Where it goes
If you look at the ads on TV and in print sex is only for the young. The exception being ads for Viagra and Cialis. And they imply older men are all dysfunctional. All of this is a bunch of bunk.Studies have shown that older people who have sex (once a week or more) have less depression and are happier in their relationship.
Sex sells...for all that I know, hidden sexual messages are imbedded in just about every commercial! Lol Every stage of life has it’s seasons...why are some seasons promoted outside their norm? Just to plant subliminal messages...that ‘to be all that we can be,’ we must have sex and that thing, they are selling will bring on our lost excitement!
What if they weren't really a "partner" but instead just laid still crying because I'm so bad at sex? Does that count?
It counts for something...but ‘god knows’ what? The ‘partner’ part is where I got hung up!
@AwarenessNow wouldn’t that mean, he plucked somebody from somewhere? They were even crying! I thought that I understood men pretty well...but this is not fitting my acquired knowledge!
@AwarenessNow read weelittleone’s post above!
@Freedompath this conversation has taken a strange turn
@AwarenessNow i think it might be a good idea to leave it here...because we may get so far off into the weeds, we might never find our way out! Lol
Interesting post! And I almost agree with you completely! But, why would not having sex, be a red flag to anyone? Maybe, this shows what is upmost important to some people? I say the same for having or not having sex...’never judge a book by it’s cover!’
Mine is not going to be a representative sample, since it was an attempt by my ex as an alternative to marriage counseling and getting to the bottom of the real problems. And I gotta tell you, "save my marriage" sex is the worst kind of sex.
I don't know. "We have to have right this minute because I'm ovulating" is pretty awful, too.
I'm pleading the 5th.
@PalacinkyPDX OK, I'm busted...
I haven't had sex since my husband left me two years ago. Our sex life was fairly active up until the last few months when everything fell apart. I have never been big on sex just to have sex without any kind of emotional attachment, so until I am in a real relationship, I expect this situation to continue and I am 100% ok with that. I am in my 50's and I'd rather have no sex than bad sex with baggage and drama.
I don't care what society or culture says about how often I should or shouldn't have sex. I decide what I want, with who, when, and how often. It's been 9 years since I had a significant other but I have had sex during that time with as much as a 4 yr gap in between. I have what I consider a healthy sexual appetite but try not to put expectations on frequency, that is determined by myself and the individual I'm with. So society can go fuck themselves, I determine my own norm!