Being a recovering heroin addict (6 years clean as of April 20, 2019 @ 10:08pm) I speak with a certain level of understanding when I say codependent relationships are real. The description provided in the article does not cover all forms, and the few it does cover are correctly called out as invalid. This subject is very personal to me, especially when considering that my addiction could have been addressed years before it was. This article contains both a false equivalency fallacy and a black and white fallacy. Education on the subject of addiction and what caused it is the most important thing. However, ignoring the truth of what codependent relationships do to both the addict and their loved ones is a massive mistake.

My daughter was a heroin addict for years. I did everything I could to help her. Rehab, therapy, fed her when she needed food everything. Thankfully she is clean now. I did detach in some ways. Stopped letting to keep me up all night, etc. But never stopped trying to help her. And thank God she is alive today. I look at codependent as something that happens when both partners respond in a way that keeps the dysfunction going on. Once you respond differently things change. You can't change another person only your response to them. I didn't try and fix her or beg her to stop. Just said I am here when you need me.

Interesting article. As the mother of a recovering meth/alcohol/relationship addict, it was total hell for many years. ‘Tough love’ helped me stay somewhat sane, and she indeed hit ‘bottom’ several times, got rehabbed, then she’d dive right back into that shit. I can’t really say whether the ‘codependent’ perspective helped me, or her, at all, but sharing in a group of other parents of addicts was helpful for me - the helplessness and fear is so overwhelming, and just knowing I wasn’t alone helped. I’m grateful she survived, and is sober more often than not now. I’m also grateful that two of her three kids (whom I ended up raising) have learned from their parents and are careful to avoid potentially addictive substances. So far anyway.

I read enough of that to say, again, this is not a simple, one-size fits all issue. My 2nd partner was alcoholic and I joined Al-Anon to try and cope with it. To me enabling is a social disease. When I refused to lie and cover for my partner's actions many criticized me for not supporting her. When my neighbor got hooked on meth he would call and ask us to come and clean him up. After the first time my partner said no more. He finally realized he was on his own and got into a program. People are adults and need to learn to be responsible for their own behavior.

Previously, we started having problems with my daughter (long story). We then went to a tough love seminar and saw our problems were mild compared to some others. Especially problematic were single mothers with big teenage sons who dominated their mothers. A support committee was formed and took action and we heard lots of stories that showed taking + action really helps.

YMMV, Of course. I found the book “codependent no more” very helpful in coping with a narcissistic wife. It showed me the patterns I was falling into. Among other things it helped me to avoid falling into the trap of blaming myself for what she was doing.

Sorry all! Link fixed!

[vice.com]
It was a link to another page which is why the request was denied