Drunk or not,we're always responsible for our own actions.

That happened to me. But I made the decision that I was not going to sacrifice the rest of my life helping her to recover. It was a selfish decision, yes, but also a practical one. And I've never regretted it. She was never able to totally recover.

Those are deal breakers.

make a decision on the basis of cheating, which would be deliberate. do you tolerate it or not? drinking is an addiction from which it's hard to escape. you could be supportive of recovery efforts.

As a veteran of a 20 year marriage to an abusive alcoholic, I have absolutely no pity and no excuses for addicts. You are absolutely 100% responsible for your actions. You can make excuses all day long. But at the end of the day...your life and your choices and the fallout....are on you.

The two options are not mutually exclusive. I’ve learned to take care of me first. So that’s the question I ask. Can I be healthy in this relationship? If not, you gotta go.

Only you can make that call, but no mater if they were drunk or sober, they are responsible for their actions. If they have not said they want to stop for themselves asking them to do it for you or your relationship will never work.

Leave ASAP.

Fast answer... Go to Al-Anon. Alcoholics only care about their next drink. Don't be an enabler. For your own sake, get off the alcoholic merry-go-round NOW or you will harm yourself.

Ive given lots of second chances.. third or fourths? Depends on how much i like them..

I guess first I would wonder how it took you 5 years to see this...

That actually happened to me but with a different twist. Mt 2nd partner was a maintenance drinker and only drank enough to help her get by. She went to the top of her career at the university we worked at and even got her masters in International Relations. But things weren't right and I finally figures it out and confronted her and she admitted it and things went downhill from there. I moved to Seattle and told her if she wanted to come with me she would have to go through detox and she did. The next 5 years were wonderful until she relapsed. I also had to attend Al Anon and learn not to be an enabler. We tend to do that with the ones we love and it is a hard habit to break. She had no lovers as alcohol was her love and we broke up because I wouldn't share her with the drink. Later I found she had returned home to Michigan, got her law degree and moved to Arizona to do work with some native tribes.

The drinking and cheating are separate issues. Treat the cheating as if it were done by a sober partner. Would you accept an apology and carry on?

I tried to save my dead brother life by a court ordered 9 month inpatient detox program for 47 year long drunkards....his lawyer cut a deal to keep him on antabuse and he was dead 7 months later drinking wine IMMEDIATELY after the SHERIFF forced him to take his pills he puked it all out and boozed the next 6 days away before the next SHERIFF pill.....some people keep smoking out the hole in their throat after voice box is covered in tumors....they want to die in complete denial of their addiction

This is a profound ethical medical question needing a few more facts....does she think she's legally married to you responsible for her dead body next of kin ? Everyone is 100% responsible unless forced to do things at gunpoint or drugged like Bill Cosby raped children/women.....If you are her legal guardian you can intervene and have her committed to detox. Forgiveness is a completely different question. Violating a sexual fidelity promise includes STDs pregnancy and enabling her poor conduct if you forgive her to her face....Forgiveness for you is letting go of the expectation she is a loyal lover....ultimately she is committing slow suicide drinking and fucking boozed anywhere....she is not relieving stress as you say....she is diving into an endless bottle drinking until unconscious....quit telling yourself or her anymore lies....find a RATIONAL RECOVERY or other secular booze dope support group and keep going for yourself to learn about addictions....invite her to go with you....make your ethical decisions based upon legal responsibility not emotional rationalizing

I don't think drinking is the cause of cheating , although cheating , may be the cause of stress . Someone who hides their drinking knows they have a problem , enjoys their problem , has no intention of doing anything about changing it , but doesn't want to listen to you telling them they have a problem .

Already went through this except for cheating . I understand what she is going through forgave her still close friends just not lovers

That's a really hard question. Just because the alcoholic wants to recover does not mean that the alcoholic will recover. I would say give it a chance and be supportive, but if it's beginning to look bad call it quits.