Starved For Practicing Emotional Intimacy (SFPEI)

#1: PRACTICING EMOTIONAL CONNECTABILITY
Existing alone with these capabilities, I'm starved to death for connection. As for everything else besides this, I'm good. – I take VERY good, complete care of all my needs myself, and I do not want anyone close to me in my life who is not capable of practicing emotional connection / intimacy.

This involves having the base of emotional intelligence, the courage to be emotionally open, the integrity to be emotionally honest, the inner reach and reflectiveness to clearly select, define, and express about your deepest sublime sensitivities and emotions, and the emotional connective drive to, at times, share it all reciprocally with your partner.

You begin this journey with practicing meditation / self hypnosis to develop mental control, visual recall, and visual creation / synthesis. Alternately you develop, deepen and refine your total self-knowledge, by outlining, searching, and examining every possible facet of your entire personality, to develop full conscious awareness of everything you are, hold, believe, trust, long for, fear, suspect, rely on, and can be. It's always a practice, never a destination.

Bonus: These skills are fully transferrable into tantric practice. Hence, if I can never find an available woman who is capable of this (I haven't yet – must be looking in the wrong places), then I'm fully content to live completely alone, without ever touching another woman for the rest of my life.

#2: FRIENDSHIP
I like friends, but I don't have a lot of free time and I REALLY want to find a woman who is highly capable of being emotionally intelligent, emotionally open, emotionally honest, emotionally deep, and emotionally sharing. I'll gradually start bringing up those topics, if we seem to be continuing. So, if it gradually becomes pretty clear that you're either not interested or not capable of being highly emotionally intimate, then I'm really going to need to refocus my limited resources back toward my goals.

#3: SEX
I want sexual connection on a deeper emotional level... meditative... tantric…

Purely physical booty calls and other forms of non- or shallow emotionally connected sex are damaging to the relationship and to your partner's emotional / psychological health. I never want that kind of sex again, even if she's a billionaire.

#4: MOVING FORWARD
I will still meet women, occasionally, go on dates, do the talk, whatever… But, I'm not going to get physically intimate, unless it is as the result of some very healthy emotional intimacy first.

#5: WHY AM I DOING THIS?
I have learned emotional intelligence, independence, and explored sharing a bit. It feels good – different and better than sex, because it is more connected. I feel more than anything, this is what I need.

Sex, by itself is okay… exciting, especially at first with a new person – everything is “new”. But, even with a live-in relationship, without deep emotional connections, it gradually gets old, frequency dwindles, and then you just coast along in this gradually more boring but stable relationship.

Without deep emotional intimacy, the relationship just dries up, because you stop learning anything deeper about each other, and life with each other becomes just like another job. You both loose track of the dynamic and growing inner personality that both of you are. And that's when the conflicts begin, leading up to “well I just don't know who the hell you are anymore…”, the beginning of the end.

So, after 5 to 7, maybe 10 years, unless you stay together longer, “for the kids”, the relationship just goes away.

#6: FINAL RESOLVE
My big relationships were 13, 6, 9, and 5 years respectively. Each relationship is unique in it's own flows and details, but the general pattern is the same. The last was a bit bizarre, but in the previous two of these relationships, I attempted to formally discuss some fledgling ideas I had at the time about sharing emotional and psychological relationship factors better. But in both of those, the entire discussion was dismissed by my partner before I could even finish the introduction of my ideas, and I continued in the relationships anyway.

My ideas, today, are vastly refined from what they used to be in those old days. Today, I present them right upfront, to every possible candidate for relationship. I know that many will avoid me specifically, because of these ideas, before they have even a chance to know me at all in person. That's fine – it’s what I want. This is my screening net.