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Hey there. I am 57, and I was until recently in a 5 year romantic relationship with a devout Catholic man. I told him straight off that I was not religious and he said it would not be a problem. He went out of state to visit a Catholic priest friend last Christmas, and came back totally changed and distant from me. It took him 5 months, but he finally told me that our differing beliefs about god were a deal breaker. I was stunned. I loved and accepted him as he was. I just didn't think I would be single again at this time in my life. Now I am going through menopause, and my sex drive is so non existent as well...I just don't know how to navigate the dating world or if I even want to.

Caligirl 4 Oct 14
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UUNJ Level 8 Oct 14, 2019

I’m so sorry, @CaliGirl, what a betrayal you’ve experienced! It’s perfectly natural to be grieving, compounded by shock, compounded by menopause ... it must be overwhelming. But it won’t always be so, and you’ve proven that by taking the step of coming here (Welcome!). There’s a solid group of people here - like @UUNJ - that are willing and able to help you get through this. You’re young, you’re beautiful, and you’re among friends. Sending good wishes!

Lauren Level 8 Oct 14, 2019

Oh heavens no, don't give up. You're still young enough to have a helluva good time. And your sex appetite will perk up when you find a man who has the right pheromones for you (aka "chemistry" ). But please, please avoid picking a Believer. I learned to avoid them decades ago (after a Catholic girl broke my heart--because her priest gave her some kind of strange advice--and warning). Naah, find yourself a good HONEST non-believer.

mischl Level 8 Oct 14, 2019

It's funny because l didn't even think about religion l am getting informed and annoyed terribly by how preposterous it is!


If you are not sure you even want to date, just wait. Focus on other things. 5 years is a long time and perhaps you need to recover from that loss before you open yourself up to someone else. And yes menopause creeping up on you is a beast 🙂 And I am sorry about the break up! Always painful.

GreatNani Level 8 Oct 14, 2019

I would guess that if you met someone you had a spark of passion for that your sex drive would come back on some level. Don't give up that it is gone for good.

Thanks, l sure hope so! I was a verital nymphomaniac before!!! Lol


The religious are, indeed, #religulous.

Be glad you're done with him...or he with you. Instead of navigating "the dating world" just navigate "the world" always meet someone better when you're not "looking" for them...but do "get out there"...

Robecology Level 9 Oct 14, 2019

Yes, so true!


You may feel that you're doomed to spinsterhood right now but believe me, 57 is hardly over the hill. I'm no great catch but I found my perfect partner at 62. Take some time off, at least from looking for Mr. Forever. Fun dating should be the limit to avoid rebounditis. And remember, you're better than the guy who abandoned you and you will find someone worthy of you.


So sorry you're going thru this....but you dodged a bullet. Time would have only made this situation worse - not better. And try to think of it this way: you need time to heal, mentally and emotionally - if your sex drive was in high gear, that would only complicate things (cloud your thinking and judgment). As you meet new and interesting men, your sex drive will pick back up.... 😉

Lavergne Level 8 Oct 14, 2019

Well, I don't think that high sex drive clouds thinking and judgement as long as you don't combine sex and romance. Absence of frequent, regular sex (preferably with multiple partners) is very dangerous for post menopause women.

@zesty Would you mind clarifying for me...don't combine sex and romance. Did you mean don't confuse sex and romance?

@thislife For me there is one man for romance plus sex and a few dozen for sex only. Works perfectly for me! Also, different sex partners prefer different sets of sexual positions, hence my body is loaded more evenly.

@zesty Okay thanks for clarifying. 🙂


I know.. believe me.. I know. After 17 years I hadn't planned on being single either. Took a year to regroup and have been actively pursuing the "dating" thing for 10 months. Some of it is absolutely brutal but I am still optimistic that something good can happen.

Should you choose the online dating route.. have patience and a thick skin is helpful, too. Good luck!! 🙂

Davekp Level 8 Oct 14, 2019

I only date non believers it just makes sense to me. One less difference to deal with.

TimberBob Level 4 Oct 17, 2019

I think it's perfectly okay to be single, and moreover to be happy about it. It's also okay to feel like you've been wronged. It hurts, but being hurt won't define you.

Shawno1972 Level 7 Oct 17, 2019

If your sex drive is non-existent now, it would have been non-existent anyway. And dating doesn't mean you have to have sex - I've been working on dating for a couple of years now and there has been absolutely no intimacy yet.

BitFlipper Level 8 Oct 14, 2019

Being dumped by an xian being 57 might destroy your libido @ age 37 .. use this time to sort out the difference between betrayal grief and changing endocrinology


Sorry for your loss,,just means it was not to be and another door will open soon,,After reading the posts alot of godd advice,,pick and choose what you are most comfortable with but most of all still socialize ,that helps a lot

RoyMillar Level 9 Oct 14, 2019

Sorry you have to go through this but I guess better sooner than later. Hopefully, there are no kids that have to deal with this.

There were 7 of us kids and we were all raised Catholic. Only 1 still has a religion (JW) and the rest are atheists. One brother we weren't sure of as he never talked about religion but his wife is very devout. Finally, we asked him and he said he does not believe. His wife's family were upset she was marrying an atheist but. He said that is one area they don't discuss. I find that a relationship like that is crippled (and his marriage seems like it is like that). When getting to know my late partner there was a list of things we had to settle before any committed union could be had and one big item was religion.

JackPedigo Level 9 Oct 14, 2019

Be happy - this idiot got a good BJ from the priest. Fuck him!

On the serious note, I went through menopause. First year was quite unpleasant. Found a great medical specialist and the hormonal replacement - under her constant observation- works wonders. Bio identical hormones. There are weeks when each night I have a differemt young lover. Go for it!

zesty Level 7 Oct 14, 2019

Give yourself time to get over that relationship. The menopause hormone thing for me waxed and waned, and still does. My sex drive varies from regular oven, to slow cooker, to power outage. I'm 61, in menopause over 10 years.


I feel your pain I've gone through a similar situation


I have given up .

GEGR Level 7 Oct 14, 2019

then just relax,think things thru on your own and let life come at you.Why do so many want to share their problems here instead of working it out on their own or seek professional help? I know yall are gonna jump all over me but, to me ,all this to me,sounds like a bucket full of poor poor pitiful me. Im not saying the problems arent real but for the love of whatever matters, yall might feel better if you didnt take the advice of people you have no idea about and just want to cry their sad stories to whomever may decide to listen..I wish you all peace.Remember i am not putting y`all down.I simply don't know what happened to pulling oneself up by their bootstraps.We are remarkably weaker than that now. And since I just split apart from a friend on here for exactly that as one of the reasons...I say best of luck to yas

lookinhard Level 7 Oct 14, 2019

Just reaching out to fellow human beings. It is comforting to get advice and consolation.

@Caligirl i wish you luck and peace.I can't imagine you won't find someone soon.Just relax,you are too nice to be freakin out.


LOL, Good luck!

St-Sinner Level 9 Oct 14, 2019

That’s a really difficult breakup Caligirl. I’m sorry you’re having to go through it. I’m 67 now, separated from my ex 9 years ago, divorced 5 years. I’ve dated women in menopause. I’ve seen them navigate their newfound rhythms, physical reactions, and experienced with them a sex drive that comes and goes. Take @UUNJ up on her kind offer. I’ve gotten to know her from reading her posts, her adventures traveling and dating. She seems a genuine and caring woman and I believe she can help. Best wishes to you...Bob

Bobbyzen Level 8 Oct 14, 2019
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