Hey there. I am 57, and I was until recently in a 5 year romantic relationship with a devout Catholic man. I told him straight off that I was not religious and he said it would not be a problem. He went out of state to visit a Catholic priest friend last Christmas, and came back totally changed and distant from me. It took him 5 months, but he finally told me that our differing beliefs about god were a deal breaker. I was stunned. I loved and accepted him as he was. I just didn't think I would be single again at this time in my life. Now I am going through menopause, and my sex drive is so non existent as well...I just don't know how to navigate the dating world or if I even want to.
I’m so sorry, @CaliGirl, what a betrayal you’ve experienced! It’s perfectly natural to be grieving, compounded by shock, compounded by menopause ... it must be overwhelming. But it won’t always be so, and you’ve proven that by taking the step of coming here (Welcome!). There’s a solid group of people here - like @UUNJ - that are willing and able to help you get through this. You’re young, you’re beautiful, and you’re among friends. Sending good wishes!
Oh heavens no, don't give up. You're still young enough to have a helluva good time. And your sex appetite will perk up when you find a man who has the right pheromones for you (aka "chemistry" ). But please, please avoid picking a Believer. I learned to avoid them decades ago (after a Catholic girl broke my heart--because her priest gave her some kind of strange advice--and warning). Naah, find yourself a good HONEST non-believer.
If you are not sure you even want to date, just wait. Focus on other things. 5 years is a long time and perhaps you need to recover from that loss before you open yourself up to someone else. And yes menopause creeping up on you is a beast And I am sorry about the break up! Always painful.
You may feel that you're doomed to spinsterhood right now but believe me, 57 is hardly over the hill. I'm no great catch but I found my perfect partner at 62. Take some time off, at least from looking for Mr. Forever. Fun dating should be the limit to avoid rebounditis. And remember, you're better than the guy who abandoned you and you will find someone worthy of you.
So sorry you're going thru this....but you dodged a bullet. Time would have only made this situation worse - not better. And try to think of it this way: you need time to heal, mentally and emotionally - if your sex drive was in high gear, that would only complicate things (cloud your thinking and judgment). As you meet new and interesting men, your sex drive will pick back up....
I know.. believe me.. I know. After 17 years I hadn't planned on being single either. Took a year to regroup and have been actively pursuing the "dating" thing for 10 months. Some of it is absolutely brutal but I am still optimistic that something good can happen.
Should you choose the online dating route.. have patience and a thick skin is helpful, too. Good luck!!
Sorry you have to go through this but I guess better sooner than later. Hopefully, there are no kids that have to deal with this.
There were 7 of us kids and we were all raised Catholic. Only 1 still has a religion (JW) and the rest are atheists. One brother we weren't sure of as he never talked about religion but his wife is very devout. Finally, we asked him and he said he does not believe. His wife's family were upset she was marrying an atheist but. He said that is one area they don't discuss. I find that a relationship like that is crippled (and his marriage seems like it is like that). When getting to know my late partner there was a list of things we had to settle before any committed union could be had and one big item was religion.
Be happy - this idiot got a good BJ from the priest. Fuck him!
On the serious note, I went through menopause. First year was quite unpleasant. Found a great medical specialist and the hormonal replacement - under her constant observation- works wonders. Bio identical hormones. There are weeks when each night I have a differemt young lover. Go for it!
then just relax,think things thru on your own and let life come at you.Why do so many want to share their problems here instead of working it out on their own or seek professional help? I know y
all are gonna jump all over me but, to me ,all this to me,sounds like a bucket full of poor poor pitiful me. Im not saying the problems arent real but for the love of whatever matters, yall might feel better if you didnt take the advice of people you have no idea about and just want to cry their sad stories to whomever may decide to listen..I wish you all peace.Remember i am not putting y`all down.I simply don't know what happened to pulling oneself up by their bootstraps.We are remarkably weaker than that now. And since I just split apart from a friend on here for exactly that as one of the reasons...I say best of luck to yas
That’s a really difficult breakup Caligirl. I’m sorry you’re having to go through it. I’m 67 now, separated from my ex 9 years ago, divorced 5 years. I’ve dated women in menopause. I’ve seen them navigate their newfound rhythms, physical reactions, and experienced with them a sex drive that comes and goes. Take @UUNJ up on her kind offer. I’ve gotten to know her from reading her posts, her adventures traveling and dating. She seems a genuine and caring woman and I believe she can help. Best wishes to you...Bob