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As someone who is single after decades of marriage & relationships, I'm finding that it's just easier to have an arrangement with a close fried concerning sex, than to date. There's no BS, no games & everything is discussed beforehand concerning consent, so there are no surprises. I don't believe in dating assumptions. I'm not going to have sex with a guy on the third date, I might not on the 12th. That's me. I'm a huge believer in trust & honesty. I couldn't pick up a man, I didn't know, in a bar & then have sex with him. There are too many psychos out there, male & female. Does anyone else have a special friend that they have a special arrangement with & you keep it on the down low?

MermaidSuzy888 6 Apr 29
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17 comments

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0

No but thats just me and i don't think its something anyone has any right to view negatively

weeman Level 7 July 19, 2018
1

I've had fibromyalgia for 6 years & apart form the odd encounter, haven't had much confidence or success with women. BTW I think success is the wrong word or context - it's not a competition is it - I think I may have left my PE kit at home. I'm quite isolated but live in a lovel;y village by the sea. Everyone here seems to marrry young. So I guess my question is where do I go to meet like minded people of my own age?

0

I've had a few FWB's over my life and for the most part it worked well. Where things sometimes didn't work well is if the expectations of the relationship changed when one person wanted more or just different to the other.

It's something I;d like to experience again as it's certainly easier than the uncertainty of arranging hookups and the number of crazies out there who have no concept of consent, especially when it comes to safe sex.

Eastrenbi Level 5 May 8, 2018
1

I found Set My Friends with Benefits Arrangement in between relationships, provides both sex and intimacy without romance.

Mark9393 Level 6 May 4, 2018
1

I have a stable primary relationship and also play partners who are good friends. So does my primary partner. We also play with strangers sometimes (with lots of safety measures, of course), but we do that together.

It makes no sense to me to expect that one person will always fulfill all my needs and vice versa. Sure there is jealousy at times, but it's not too bad, and the benefits far outweigh the negatives. I also like feeling that I am secure enough to tolerate jealousy. It's a superpower.

I get the best of both worlds: I get to enjoy having close, intimate family life with someone who knows me and knows my story and vice versa. And I also get to enjoy the excitement of others I don't know as well, and also the joy of variety. It's very satisfying. I recommend it.

ejbman Level 7 May 2, 2018
0

I've met and started dating women who told me they had a FWB, and that was the end of dating them for me.
I see no point in going through the process of progressing through the stages of getting close with someone who's going to stop by Johnny's house on the way home from our date for a quickie. No thanks.

2

I did...but age changes things...I was married for 53+ years, and at one point took a new job, running a small electronics store, working with the owners wife. He was a religious freak, she was trapped. I gained her confidence, supported her thru a divorce and building self-esteem...for the better part of 40 years, starting while she was still married, we were a clandestine couple...are still friends to this day, but the sexual part is now history...

NormCastle Level 7 Apr 30, 2018
0

Many including me are in the same situation as you. We are single trying to find someone long term eventually. As we try to accomplish that long term goal If we develop a mutual arrangement that benefits both without any harm whatsoever then more power to us. We have needs and sex is one of them. Good luck on your journey. BTW I have close family that lives in your town.

kensmile4u Level 8 Apr 29, 2018

@MermaidSuzy888 My sis works at the Borgata and has lived on the island for around 25 years. I hope you didn't go through the hell she did with Hurricane Sandy. I never lived in Jersey. Been there many times. Yes i have a Wawa less than a mile away. I understand what you are doing as part of your journey. It's a normal arrangement that isn't hurting anyone from what you have described. So we do what we need to do until we find a better solution. I like to have some alone time too. Do you ever vacation in Florida? I know Ft. Lauderdale is a popular spot for many up there.

0

As with most things, limited opportunity for this to happen in my life due to my age. I put the effort in place a couple of times. Searched for an independent woman for friends with benefits to spend time enjoying activities in and out of bed. Took much effort just find the woman willing to agree. Two women came around after some compatibility found but did not take long before they wanted more of my time than I was willing to give. I really didn't have any problems with the possibility of something more but not at six to nine months into the arrangement. My experience, you don't really know who the person is for at least two years. You are right, crazy women out there as well as men. I would still like the opportunity. I have viewed the profiles of women here who live six ours away hoping for a similar arrangement. Weekends away is an appealing thought.

2TuffTony Level 5 Apr 29, 2018
0

I try to go the route you're going and sometimes it works out for a time, but in my experience it appears to be more challenging for women than men to see it through. Of course, my experience is hardly scientific, so perhaps I shouldn't put too much stock in it.

Shawno1972 Level 7 Apr 29, 2018
1

I've been single for decades...and I'm right there with you.

MissaDixon Level 7 Apr 29, 2018
1

I totally agree with you. I feel the same way about sex on the third date, etc. I do have an occasional FWB. We have a very unusual friendship/relationship. I care about him and he cares about me but, neither of us is interested in pursuing anything. Main reason for me is that I already know that he cheats in relationships and marriages. He's got a big ego and high sex drive so, he says that's what gets him into trouble. Whatever! LOL. Anyway, I'm fine with hooking up with him once in a while because I'm ok with being alone most of the time. It is just easier for me.

Aushra Level 6 Apr 29, 2018

I could have written the same thing, except I'm not sure if he cares about me.

0

I think people can be in a romantic relationship with "no BS, no games and everything discussed beforehand". They just have to be honest and drama-free. Could it be you got a little "gun shy" after some bad experiences? No one can blame you for that! But getting "benefits" without emotional attachment just sounds a bit too shallow and superficial for me. Keeping an "arrangement" on the down low feels a bit sneaky. Just my opinion. But I was married for a lifetime (hers) and single for only the last five.

dare2dream Level 7 Apr 29, 2018

@MermaidSuzy888 : Wow. What your husband did was deplorable. My wife had ALS, a disease where the paralysis spreads and spreads until they cannot move a muscle. In the last few years before she died, I took care of her like she was an infant. You can imagine. It was hard. But it gave me purpose.

@MermaidSuzy888 If you do find a primary partner for whom you develop more romantic feelings, consider the possibility of maintaining your FWB relationship by negotiating it with your new partner and your FWB. The polyamorous lifestyle can be a wonderful thing. The book More Than Two is a good guide, as is The Ethical Slut. Cheers.

@ejbman : I don't understand that. If you have a favorite "primary partner" (let's call Number One), and a couple of others you are seeing, wouldn't you really be wasting your time seeing Number Two or Number Three if you could be seeing Number One?

If I were out with Number Three, I would be wishing I was with my favorite instead.

@dare2dream I do see that you don't understand it, LOL. Although the following comparison has its problems, consider the same thing when spending time with your children. If you have three children, are you wasting your time with one of them and wishing you were with the others instead? Are you only able to love one of them? I hope the answer is no. It is similar with romantic partners, except there are extra components.

0

Yes... It is a great arrangement when you can find it. Sometimes you need some time without the pressure of everyone involved wondering "where this is going". There is constant upward pressure, as romantic partner play through the relationship script... Do you like me? Do you love me? When will they love me? Spend the night? Move in? Get married?
I think a different, and more meaningful relationship can develop when two people are fine with the relationship hitting a plateau. It can even be comforting knowing the other person isn't necessarily going to need more from you in the future.
This is the intimacy of the now.

0

No - that's not something that would interest me. But then I think dating at our age is very different for women than men. I don't really worry about the psycho aspect as much as I'm sure you have to...

jjhagen Level 6 Apr 29, 2018

I certainly understand your view. And honestly no judgement from me on it. I just have a really hard time separating my emotions from physical intimacy. I could see FWB going very poorly for me...

@MermaidSuzy888 And if you're both comfortable with that more power to you. Sometimes I think that would be easier...

0

Friends with benefits.

lbusche Level 7 Apr 29, 2018
2

No, but you make it sound awfully reasonable to do so. Easier for a gal to pull that off than a guy, I suspect.

mtnhome Level 7 Apr 29, 2018

@MermaidSuzy888 So there ya go, ladies. If that's something you want to try, don't wait for the guy to suggest it. Bring it up first! We're just not real comfortable with doing so although we've probably thought about it.

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