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I had a recent conversation with a friend and wanted to get everyone's opinion on this. She's the mother of four daughters, when her girls reach school age she takes them in for a gynecological examination and birth control shot. It doesn't matter if they're sexually active or not. At first I wasn't sure what to make of it. her explanation is that she remembers how intense first love is. She also mentions under no circumstance is she going to allow a pregnant teenager to live in her home. she also mentioned that most of her children don't have a problem with getting the shot ,even though they mention they're not having sex.

By Kojaksmom8
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17 comments

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1

Well as the saying goes, "if you have a boy you only have to worry about one penis but if you have a girl you have to worry about all of them." Makes perfect sense to me in case there's a "mistake" re other forms of birth control.

lerlo Level 8 July 2, 2018
1

What, in this discussion, is "school age"...?

slydr68 Level 8 June 3, 2018

High school

0

Good for her! I did this for all 4 of my daughters. one didn't take her pills faithfully and got pregnant on her 17th birthday. I would have never kicked her out! the boy is 15 today. my daughter has been married to the father for 14 yrs. she has a bachelor's in banking. my parents did kick me out- and it's a cruel world.

springlover Level 7 May 29, 2018
1

Good for her! I did this for all 4 of my daughters. one didn't take her pills faithfully and got pregnant on her 17th birthday. I would have never kicked her out! the boy is 15 today. my daughter has been married to the father for 14 yrs. she has a bachelor's in banking. my parents did kick me out- and it's a cruel world.

springlover Level 7 May 29, 2018
2

I personally do not think it's right. For me, logically, would be to make sure there is open communication about sex and relationships first. Then when they get into some sort of relationship whether it is serious or not, have the birth control discussion to see if they are ready for it. Their hormones are going to be constantly changing at that age. Why mess with them more than they need to be? Sometimes I don't think adults give their kids enough credit to make the right decisions. I also do not think there is enough taught about this issue in both school and at home. i.e. the consequences, the sacrifices that have to be made, the cost of living, etc. And if it is a particularly hard headed girl that doesn't seem to listen to anything the parent says and doesn't pay attention in school, then maybe it would be a good idea.

Aushra Level 6 May 28, 2018
3

I think open communication is great but it sounds like they’re getting the shot whether they like it or not.

Also, and I realize I’m being really judgy here, but I cannot imagine kicking one of my children out of the house if they got pregnant.

Marcie1974 Level 8 May 28, 2018

it's really not legal anyway. a parent would be forced to pay for their child, and their child's child. I suppose that's why birth control is mandatory in her house

2

AH the old brainwashing trick....

NormCastle Level 7 May 27, 2018

What's the brainwashing trick?

4

The message they may be getting is that she doesn't trust them to have control of their own life, although the consistency of doing it across the board may help them deal with that.

I found that communication worked well with my daughter and faux daughters, particularly when I followed it with the story of my daughter's conception. (I had been on the pill for 14 years and my husband was older, so we had been prepped that it would likely be a year or so before I conceived. In preparation for this, I went off the pill, and I conceived the first time we had sex after that. It was a good real-life warning story.) If they should for some reason not want to share with me, I have also given them full information on how to take care of it themselves, and they've all been responsible adults.

Lauren Level 7 May 27, 2018
6

I also got my daughter on birth control, and had a scary disease conversation so she'd glove up anyway.
Regarding the pill I told her, "now just because you are wearing a seatbelt, is no excuse for getting in a car wreck"

CraeftSmith Level 7 May 27, 2018
5

Good for the mom. Let her kids know what is expected of them and what she will do to help. My late partner told her kids if they got into trouble and ended in jail she would visit them but not bail them out. "Discipline first then love was her motto and it applied to everyone including herself and, of course, me. And don't think she was hard to live with, just the opposite.

JackPedigo Level 8 May 27, 2018

Well said.

5

They are likely given Depo Provera which can cause long term problems. I would not let my kids use it again, however my kids did dodge the problems. Yes, my kids were put on birth control. The chief reason was dysmenorrhea, painful periods. However I did tell my girls if they got pregnant I would not love them less and I would help them with the baby. Their dad, my ex was not on the same sheet of music. There is no such thing as an illegitimate baby, only foolish parents, which is part of the discussion I had with the girls. The grandbabies have all come when the girls were over 25 and in stable relationships, so for that much I think we did good.

HippieChick58 Level 9 May 27, 2018

Yes exactly. My oldest daughter is sterile because of the shot

@CraeftSmith rare side effec,t and when put up against pushing a human out of your birth canal after 30 hours of screaming in agony it pales in comparison

@Kojaksmom I don't think your comparison is valid. To take away her ability to have a child is horrible even if it wasn't intended.

6

The whole idea getting the girls used to birth control is a great step in the right direction. Not just the girls, boys too. We have enough humans on this earth right now to be detrimental to the well being of each other. Our elbow room is running low and there is violence popping up everywhere. Show them the cost of living index in many of the major cities, that should reinforce it.

OldGoat43 Level 8 May 27, 2018

You should have written that with all Bold and capital letters. Not enough people are listening!

@JackPedigo THANK YOU.

@OldGoat43 I agree. I think the chances of a young person getting through school and remaining a virgin are pretty low. That's I really do not have a general feeling about putting your child on birth control if they're not sexually active yet (the operative word here is yet.)

3

Sounds ok to me. Though if the unplanned were to happen, I hope she might change her attitude toward a daughter with something in the oven.

seattlepanda Level 7 May 27, 2018

Her philosophy about parenting is she would be a good grandmother to her grandchildren, but she is not going to be the mother. if any of her daughters got pregnant they would be asked to leave the home. she is a single parent so she has to be a good mother and a father which is I think she is very tough minded.

7

My daughter had the same doctor from birth to 18, We made it clear that it was up to her and private. He is a very commonsense, practical professional, so he would done what she asked. We found out later she had gone to planned parenthood on her own.

Buttercup Level 7 May 27, 2018

Kudos to her! But it does show the secrecy that teens feel about their sexuality.

@Kojaksmom I'm not sure that it's secrecy as much as privacy. As parents, I think we would all like to be sure our kids know they could talk to us. But, sometimes kids just won't...

6

I agree with the no way folks. If the kid is not asking for it, I wouldn't make them get it. I would be very open about sex (have been with my kids) and make sure they know I won't stop loving them if they become active. I'd also buy them condoms, take them to the gynecologist, or whatever is needed.

MrLizard Level 8 May 27, 2018

But when you think about it ,all parents say this but often times things work out very differently. Even if parents are open about sex it's somewhat unlikely that your child is going to discuss with you or be prepared to use birth control. I was propositioned for sex when I was 16 I never told my parents about it.

Exactly!

@Kojaksmom but force birth control on a child? Really? That is just WRONG!

@germangirl90439 forced might be a harsh word for it .they know what she's doing ,they know what it's for and she discusses it with them.

@Kojaksmom Parents need to be open about the options. When kid is old enough for sex, they need to take some responsibility. Not much we can do about that.

@Kojaksmom I still don't think it's right.

@germangirl90439
With more than seven billion humans on this small blue planet wreaking destruction, pollution, deforestation, eliminating all animal species, using all the resources, and worse. Why do you still think it is a good idea to allow more accidental births? How much does a two bedroom home cost to rent now compared to a few years ago?

@OldGoat43 We need to educate the kids and not take that education away from them. I have no earthly clue after just reading all this here, how I raised my now 24 year old son and my 19 year old daughter without them getting pregnant or getting someone pregnant.

Oh wait, here it goes ... open communication with my children about all the options that are out there to protect yourself and regulate your period if necessary.

Also, their genitals aren't falling off from STD's ... wow, how did I manage that?

Sarcasm off, and I'm done responding about this.

5

No just flat out no.

One those injections can have side effects. Including depression.

Also going to an OB/GYN for an exam before sex has ever occurred? Ouch. (Hymen).

I'd rather do what my sister did and keep a large quantity supply of condoms in the bathroom - let them know it's there.

Involuntary birth control - just no.

RavenCT Level 9 May 27, 2018

After a girl begins her menstrual period She may have problems that may require her to see a gynecologist and have an examination. I see that it's a non-issue

@Kojaksmom She is force ably making them go for her own reasons.

An exam for medical issues is entirely different.

@NotAndrew Now that is a Plan! lol

@NotAndrew Lol! Our children's sexuality is often a challenge for us. I just thank goodness that I never had any children that I can avoid this whole mess!

3

Wait! Are you saying elementary school age girls?

Frankly if they're under 18 this is kind of creepy?

@RavenCT not just kind of, but very!

Around the age of 14 15 16. I don't have kids I never will so it doesn't really matter to me. But I could see where she's coming from. she's an excellent mother, but she is incredibly hard core. She's not one of these teach your children sex and love go together mom. She teaches her children some really brutal things about young boys trying to get in young girls pants, she basically teaches them many boys are pigs. She's not wrong about that

@Kojaksmom I'm sorry, but that is NOT RIGHT. That causes prejudice in these girls against the good guys, of which there are lots. I have a daughter myself, and I NEVER even thought of doing something like this! This sounds like the opposite of Handmaid's Tale ...

@germangirl90439 @Kojaksmom This woman sounds like she has an agenda. And it's not healthy. Not for her daughters anyway.

@germangirl90439 I respectfully disagree because what she says is indeed the truth. And we could look back on our own teenage years and know it's the truth. coddle your children and make them believe that the world is all rainbows and love. I've always felt that parents over protect their children and they do not prepare them for the realities of life

@Kojaksmom Oh please ... you're grasping at straws now. I don't think we need to discuss this any further, since we're worlds apart.

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