@orange_girl For the most part true. Although new research suggests that as much as 40% of domestic violence may be women against men. Surprising I grant you but men are far less likely to report this.
As to plain old "assault" women will suffer at the hands of the same sex just as men do.

@orange_girl Look I am not trying to lessen what women go through but statements like "I would rather have a physical assault than being raped any day." Do no one any good. !st there is no point saying my dogs bigger than yours. Especially when its untrue. Victims of rape are so often threatened with violence unless they comply so... 2nd to what degree? I know that given the choice (and its not something I would wish to choose) would I rather have my balls felt be either sex against my will or have them crushed?
Is rape a fate worse than death?
No one should have to be subjected to either.

@MissKathleen I am not trying to marginalize the problem. Young men between 18 & 25 are far more likely to be a victim of assault than any other group. An understanding of what both sexes have to encounter has got to be beneficial for either sex.

@PalacinkyPDX I resent and refudiate your accusation. My comment was not meant to be all about me. It was an honest attempt to bring an understanding of what both sexes go through. If the questioner had omitted the word sexual first and THEN asked the audience the sexual assault question. Then many there might have picked up some insight and or tips to avoid these things. Many of the prophylactic measures stated by the original post are also things that men do too.

@Stacey48 Point taken but do you concede my point that men are far more likely to be a victim of common assault?

@TheMiddleWay, @orange_girl, @Stepmomofdragons, @Stacey48, @MissKathleen I include here a link and extract from the national crime statistics.
"Sex
Men were more likely to be victims of CSEW violent crime than women (2.1% of males compared with 1.3% of females1, Figure 9). This was true for all types of violence, with the exception of acquaintance violence which showed no significant difference and domestic violence which showed the reverse trend (0.4% of females were victims compared to 0.2% of males). The year ending March 2017 CSEW showed that:"

stranger violence showed the largest difference in victimisation between men and women (1.3% compared with 0.4%)
around twice as many men (1.2%) as women (0.6%) experienced violence without injury"
[ons.gov.uk]

@MissKathleen Okay if you get murdered then it ends there but what if you survive? My gay friend had his jaw smashed by thugs 5 years ago. He hung himself last year.

@orange_girl If you feel that my comment was irrelevant then just ignore it. My point was that the post gave out the impression that women are the only victims of assault and that men do not have to take measures to prevent being attacked. This is misleading. I stated right at the start of my comment that I was in no way trying to undermine or make light of the problem. Merely that men are (as my statistical reference showed) 3 times more likely to be a victim of stranger assault. Do you think that is a privilege?
There are many other threads here that address what you call the issue at hand. All I tried to point out was that we are all in this together sister.
All of my life I have endeavored to treat women with respect. It would be nice if that was reciprocated.

@MissKathleen Brian was a victim of hate crime.
I have never been raped nore have I been left for dead in a pool of my own blood. I would not be crass or patronizing enough to say that one was worse than the other

@MissKathleen I do wish to argue any further. The law does not view rape as a capital offence. I outside of the old testament I do not know any laws that do. Therefore society does not. If you disagree with this then thats your prerogative.

@jorj I am not sure that this is the post to discuss this but to a degree I take your point. Love him or loath him (I am of the latter). One thing Trump has done has stopped to trivializing of sexual politics. By being the lefts worst nightmare, small stuff are no longer being sweated. I recall a a news item a few years back when scientists landed a probe on a comet.All the media could talk about was the inappropriate shirt the guy wore for the press conference. (It had scantily clad ladies on it). Like scientists are noted for their dress sense. The guy helped put a probe on a comet ffs.

Better to be lucky than good.
Please don't tempt fate.

@sweetcharlotte That almost never happens. Seriously. The vast majority of sexual assaults happen by someone the victim knows personally: a relative, a friend, a neighbor, a spouse, or a boyfriend/girlfriend. It is rarely a stranger (especially one pulling up in a van like in the movies).

@bigpawbullets True, that.

@sweetcharlotte it's not nearly as high as it used to be. piratefish is right, the odds of such a thing happening in real life are astronomically small. However, since it's still technically a non-zero possibility, I like to think I'd have the good sense to run, as anyone should regardless of gender.

@LiterateHiker I'm sorry that happened to someone you know, but personal experience is a poor substitute for the reams of collected data. The danger overwhelmingly comes from people the victim knows and even trusts. While strangers can and do commit these types of crimes, they are pretty rare, comparatively.

As a rule, it is better to focus mostly on the enemy responsible for nearly all attacks than to spend enormous energy worried about the one who almost never does. I know which one I am primarily concerned with.

@Piratefish

Where is your empathy? Stop minimizing women's pain and ever-present danger by trotting out statistics. One in five (likely more) girls are raped in college, including my daughter at age 19.

Nine years later, Claire still wakes up screaming. She still has panic-attacks.

Read my experience below. Of course, there's more.

@LiterateHiker Who is trivializing it? I think you seriously need to learn to relax and quit reading what you want to into another's comments. How pointing out that women are mostly victimized by people they know, and often trust, and not total strangers equates to me "minimizing women's pain and ever-present danger" is beyond me.

I am talking about WHO is committing the majority of assaults, not IF it is damaging and terrible. Try to get on the same page and quit responding to non-issues. You and I agree that rape is horrible, and that rapists and those who sexually assault women should be thrown into prison for a very long time.

Incidentally, I happen to know quite a few women who disagree with your premise that they are in ever-present danger from strangers. My mom, my sister, my ex-wife, my aunt, my nieces, my in-laws, a number of my co-workers. And before you accuse me of being uninformed or ignorant, I have actually bothered to have conversations with these women about this very thing. However, they do not report living in the same fear as you.

That doesn't mean there aren't women who have had traumatic experiences. I am in no way disputing that. It simply means that the majority of women haven't, and many who haven't are levelheaded enough not to become victims of fear from the constant media bombardment of "stranger danger". They know that the true danger will likely come from someone they know and trust, not some random guy wearing a ski mask and jumping out from the side door of a van.

Again, how this minimalizes any woman's pain who has been assaulted is a monumental leap. I just cannot seem to make the logical connection.

@Piratefish I agree. And while I'll take precautions and engage situational awareness just as everyone should regardless of gender, I will not live in fear. I lived in fear before my anxiety disorder was treated. I hated it. I won't tell other people how to live--if someone feels safer never going out and having seventeen locks on their door, I won't tell them not to, and I would prefer it if they didn't evangelise their way of life to me. Like the kids say, you do you, boo.

@memorylikeasieve I agree. But evangelizing goes both ways. Trying to make women afraid of every man they meet is not the solution. Especially when the real danger is often in their own home, next door, or with the guy they are dating.

A great book on that topic is Gavin De Becker's "The Gift of Fear". In the book he speaks about survival instinct, and awareness of your situation at all times so that if something should happen, one is aware of one's options for escape, etc. I think all women, in particular, should read his book.

@Condor5 YES!!!! That book should be required reading starting in middle school. It could save soooo many lives.

This is, I'd guess, a rhetorical question:
Why the heck are young folks of both, or, I guess to be "enlightened", all genders, not taught this at home? Or, maybe in school? @Condor5 & @Qualia, where did you learn this?

@bigpawbullets If you read the book you'll see that girls are groomed from the time they are little to not appear rude, and minimize their feelings. This is dangerous.
As an example, a friend of mine prods her 3 year old grandson to kiss everyone on command as if he's known them all his life. That is dangerous. What if he doesn't feel like it? She GOADS him.
It just makes me think of the book.

No matter how street savvy you think you are, there are things in the book that will give you pause. I've been in situations myself where I didn't want to appear rude, but essentially put my life in danger as a result, but just got lucky.
Other situations felt VERY BAD to me, and I followed my gut & got the F out of there, once running out of gas & had to call a friend to help me out because I was pretty certain the way things were going I was in danger of being raped.

@Qualia
So, you learned situational awareness from a book. I find that a bit hard to believe. Did your parents not instill even a rudimentary awareness of the dangers of the world?

@bigpawbullets No need to be condescending.
Yes of course they did, but there are finer points to all of it beyond that.
There's one incident in the book where a woman is lugging groceries up stairs and a guy begs her to open the hall door, not wanting to appear rude she was nearly killed because he used it as a ruse, he happened to be black.

@bigpawbullets The Gift of Fear is about listening to your gut instincts. It's not only about women's issues, but turning into that "something doesn't feel quite right" feeling that your subconcious is trying to tell you something is wrong, even in instituational settings like a physicians office and the like.

There is a case of a woman ignoring her gut about a dr, she couldn't put her finger on it, and sure enough her kid died, but that's too brief a description.

@Qualia
I wasn't trying to be rude. But your previous post was quite a sales pitch for that book.

@bigpawbullets It's a GREAT book though, truly. I've given it as a gift a couple times and MADE my girl read it.

Incorrect about your face.
Glad you've avoided harm.

You are beautiful! Watching these senate hearings is to relive many experiences for many women. I had a rapist tell me I was ugly and lucky that he wanted to have sex with me. I am angry as hell. Enough of second class treatment.

@bigpawbullets Haha, I knew that was coming--youre the first place finisher!. TY. I'm not self-conscious about my appearance in the traditional ways. I'm actually quite grateful for the hand I was dealt there. From what I gather, it's hard to be taken seriously when you're very attractive--and I have a raging intellect. I'm glad I have not, largely, been exposed to the diminishment of my faculties for the comfort and wish fulfillment of others!

@stinkeye_a
Whew.
I had to post that ma'am. I went through this with our daughter. Who is also quite smart.
I was worried i'd get a verbal lashing for telling the truth here.

@bigpawbullets Not at all! I understand 1) everyone's preferences are different, and can be vastly so--such that one person's "beautiful" can be another person's "meh", and that's just how it is; and 2) there is strong pressure in our society for people--especially women--to look attractive, which results in pressure to feel attractive, which results in pressure for bystanding well-wishers to minister to what they perceive (rightly or wrongly) to be the injured feelings of those--particularly women--who voice feelings of unattractiveness by asserting how attractive they are --whether it's true or not. Say "I'm ugly" or even "I'm not pretty" and people will fall all over themselves to contradict you...regardless of where the "truth" lies. It's just social programming. I let it lie. I found early on that if I try to let people know I'm not bound to such social programming, things get very awkward, very quickly. I've got no problem saying "I'm not pretty", because I'm not invested in that paradigm--but it freaks out other people so I learned to shut up about it. I'm not calling your motives into question, here, BTW. That was a nice thing to say, whatever your reason for saying it.

@stinkeye_a
Ha! No hidden agenda here @stinkeye_a.
Just an observation. You've a fairly classic "greek/Mediterranean" face. And I'm convinced by your writing style that you're intelligent and well educated.

@bigpawbullets Hah! 100% northern European college drop-out! Thanks for playing!

@stinkeye_a
Did I mention the hint of neanderthal (eye spacing)? Well educated, in my opinion has little to do with College/University attendance these days.
Carry on!

The only prison movie I've ever watched is Shawshank Redemption, and yes assault happened in that movie. I am not about to hate on you, I agree with what you're saying. Yes, men can be victimized by women, and men are usually reluctant to go to the authorities because of the scorn they will endure. And men do horrible things to other men, or anyone they perceive as being weaker than they are. As a people we really haven't evolved much.

@HippieChick58 Thank you, I wasn't sure if anyone would get what I was trying to say.
But yeah, I think it should be that every one, men and women alike should be treated with respect, and kindness.

@Gwendolyn2018 you had me up until "However".
It's not a competition. there are other ways of being victimised other than just physical.
I have a pile of stories, as well as other men I know about some horrible shit that women do to men, just as men do to women.
My basic point was then ALL people deserve to be treated kindly, and with respect.

@Gwendolyn2018 I love the double standard you use there.
You said that "If you have been abused and taken advantage of that many times, you are the common denominator and should examine the type of women with whom you consort".As if it is my fault that I was abused.
You do realize that it is the same thing as saying that women that are abused is their own fault.

And by the way, It wasn't just by women, I had an abusive father that put me in the hospital a few times.

And you still clearly missed my point once again that ALL people should be treated with kindness and respect. men and women alike.

I would say that a majority of women have had experiences, not just women in this forum. I can't say that I've had any experiences that stick out for me, very small minor ones, but it's a shame that I feel lucky to have not experienced it. I should feel lucky to not have had them... they should just not happen at all.

I truly believe every woman you know either has such an experience or has/had a close friend who had such an experience. They just don't talk to you about it. But on this site I think women feel safer to discuss it openly.

Sounds about right. Most every woman Ive got to know well enough for her to open up to me, on this site or elsewhere has a story or 3. Its disgustingly common, and severely underreported.

@Charity I share your pain. Hugs

The victims , are not the ones taking these precautions , The victims are the ones who did not take these precautions . These are those who , may have learned , at a high cost , what happens when you do not guard yourself . Not saying that all men are violent . But the ones who are , usually take on more than one victim , overall .

As others have stated, 1 in 3.
So yeah there are a lot of women who've had at least 1, the average was reported at 3. Add to this the recent statistics that over the last four generations over 63% have been abused in America and you'll see a seriously fucked up multi-generational trend.

[americanspcc.org]

Like global warming, this isn't just a "libs" whiny talking point that corporate media and the "toxic" conservative crowd can start claiming is hurting their "rights" and "free speech".

It is a epidemic.

It does not matter if the fear is unwarranted or not, why would you want to cause any sort of fear if it is avoidable?

@Fernapple I think that it is a matter of not letting be controlled by irrational fears of others.

I worked in campus security when I was in college a billion years ago and I was taught to either slow down or quicken your pace to pass a woman on the street to make it clear you're not there to harm her. A newer way of handling it is faking a cell phone call loudly enough for her to hear you say that you're on your way to the club/restaurant or wherever to meet friends. The point is not to appear as if you're lurking.

@Olnoseven That's cool that you learned that even a billion years ago. I think that my man friend is unaware. Perhaps he's just sick of scaring everyone as he is a big black man and a lot of the reasons that he scares people is that they are racist.

THANK YOU for this!! I am hoping that someday, preferably in my lifetime, that the rest of the men of at least the US will evolve as much as you have.

@HippieChick58 Good luck and with the present leadership this is actually going backwards. Watch out for hairy chested men bearing big clubs.

@JackPedigo Yes, sadly you are correct. Which is why we need to impeach the orange POS POTUS, Despot Donnie before too much more damage is done.

That's an incorrect understanding of evolution, I think!

There's an interesting TED talk (I think; can't be arsed to look it up right now) that explodes the "alpha male" paradigm, using chimp or ape (can't remember) studies: they found that the most successful, respected male leaders were the ones who were conciliatory and empathetic--not the most aggressive, braggadocios ones. It's from the same guy who was involved in the wolf studies that gave use the term "alpha male", I think.

Us guys really do suck far too often.

@kmdskit3 I don't put all of you guys in the same basket. I know there are some truly good ones out there.

I never realized just how bad this problem was or how often this sort of stuff occurred until joining this website and the growth of the #metoo movement. Hopefully the growing consciousness of this problem will lead to changes in our society.

@BlackDove I do try to not behave so reprehensibly but that doesn't mean I'm immune. I think it's important for all guys to recognize that kind of stupidity is within us.

I think ... I fervently hope your wrong...my belief is that the more we teach our children and each other, things can and will change...getting rid of Religions that teach men to dominate women is the biggest hurdle as I see it...that's where it starts...every God Damn time...unless they are just plain psychopaths...in which case we need better ways to screen for it in schools...problem there is a lot of people will scream "invasion of privacy"...society as a whole needs to evolve or it will destroy itself. Equality, empathy, science and social conscience...namaste

@phoenixone1 I'd like to be wrong. I really would, but I don't think I'm going to see it in my lifetime. Maybe someday. Maybe never. No telling.

I agree and actually think it is going to get worse instead of better. A large portion of those who are or potentially will be predators are getting the message that even if they get caught it isn't a big deal. Just talk about how it impacts your career, family, etc and suddenly the criminal is the victim and the women who are abused are sitting on the sideline being hit with sticks and called a liar.

@KKGator well at least I hope you can be happy...if not all the time...a good some of the time...Namaste

Thank you for mansplaining that. You don't have a clue. We're not paranoid in the least, this is reality for women across the globe.

@HippieChick58 But which is more likely? That I'm a bizarre mutant or typing this from an alternate dimension, or that maybe it doesn't happen as often as folks are saying it is? We only see what others point out and not the countless people who go about their lives, day in and day out, completely uneventful. That's human nature. It's reality for too many women, as even one is too many, but not every last female or female-presenting human on the planet, which is what this movement is coming dangerously close to implying. Extremism will only damage its goal.

so... you make sure not to wear high heels, do you, sir? i am glad for you. you check your back seat before you get in a car? how much thought do you give this? do you by any chance know how much more likely a woman is to be assaulted, sexually or otherwise, than a man? it might be worth checking that out before you make a further fool of yourself.

g

Jeez.
Between you & @hippiechick58 , I'm going to stay in my compound.

@bigpawbullets That's where I stay. In my compound. Haven't had any trouble with males since 1998. Don't leave the compound. It's dangerous out there. =0}

@Countrywoman
We've grocery delivery available from our local supermarket & pharmacy. And of course, there's always Amazon. So you rarely need to leave "The Compound". But we do. We acknowledge the dangers out "There", and have taken steps to mitigate them.

nice, remind me the commercial of then President Lincoln being asked by his wife about a dress... does it makes me short? does it makes me fat? and him putting faces unable to dare to tell the truth, so be careful what you ask for but... put him on the spot!!! Very Nice!

@GipsyOfNewSpain You miss the point. It is asked so I am sure I can never be accused of attempting to dress to provocatively.

@Amisja I missed the point and my apology but that shows what you have to be conditioned about... you shouldn't be afraid of being too provocative to the point of driving an asshole beyond his threshold. You have the right to dress as you want. Regardless of men desires. I hope you understand my point that I am siding with your freedom not with the assholes containment.

The answer is, I take a lot of the same steps women take. Watch where I park, mind my surroundings, watch the people around me, have an improvised weapon at hand (if I'm not actually armed), vary the routes I drive...

I'm thinking that this is much like the Black Lives Matter issue. No one is saying that men do not suffer violence but that women suffer violence to a much greater degree. Yes. Violence against men happens. However, we need more focus on violence against women.

The term he used was , "being sexually assualted ," which IS gender neutral , so does not , slant the question , towards , as you suggested , an inaccurate outcome . Yes men can be sexually assualted , but the frequency , men have to face it , is significantly less than what women face .

Yes, sadly you are. You show that you are harmless by understanding females may be wary of you, give them/us space. Don't show aggression towards us or anyone. Talk to us, but more importantly listen to us (which I can see that you're doing.) And take it slow, trust is earned over time. No, a T-shirt isn't going to work, anyone can buy or make a t-shirt.

One of first things I my daughters; is when a man tells them , "Trust me ," it's time for them to run ,

@Cast1es I laugh, but it's not funny... it's true.

I had a good male friend thank me for posting this in FB. He said he had no idea.

@Stepmomofdragons yes. One of my daughter s walks with headphones in.so she can ignore catcalls.

For sure. Although, as I get older, I consider being mugged or otherwise assaulted a possibility. Though, sexual assault is never on my mind.

@EdEarl right. Since I have gotten to that "vulnerable" age myself, I am usually hyperaware of my surroundings, my head on a swivel, when I am in certain areas. I live in an area permeated by gang members, and while the violence and other crimes are under reasonable control, I'm still very cautious when I go out; and I virtually never go out at night.

A rapist is not going to respect boundaries. Rape is about domination and power. Some men feel entitled to take what they want, they do not see women as autonomous beings. If boundary setting worked for you in your marriage, good. That is separate from what this article is about which is violence/rape aimed at women because we are women.

There is progress, but not nearly enough. When I joined the Army i n 1976 my dad had to sign my paperwork. I could not get credit in my own name without a cosigner until a few years later. My dad would NEVER have cosigned on a credit card. He didn't believe in credit.

@HippieChick58 evolution is a slow process, yes.

Thank you for your insights!!

"It's not racism that people are concerned with, it's only racism against their race". I like that statement and will use it when necessary.

I'd say that's a bit of a generalization.
Does my wife trust me? Do I trust her?
How's about our daughter?

@bigpawbullets Generalization is one of the traits of the society we are living in (created and controlled by men). Not that I will trust women with my life but... You are getting me in Trouble again!!! ...just when I thought I was out.

That is horrifying! I ache for you and your daughter.

@HippieChick58

Thank you.

@CoastRiderBill I know I am!

Whoa! Gipsy!!!
Stand by for <written> abuse!!!!

@bigpawbullets Not Again!!!!