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Suicide: a cowardly move? True or false?

EmeraldJewel 7 June 12
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101 comments

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3

I have mixed feelings on this, but I'd have to say the answer is situational. When I look at these people doing mass shootings, who then kill themselves (either by their hand, or suicide by cop) my first instinct is that yes, they are cowards, not only inflicting their fear and self hatred on others in the worst kind of way, but cowards who cannot face the fallout of their own actions.

Then, there is the other side of that coin. A month after my father died (I was 19), another man I knew - who had been like a father to me - took his life. His act was not out of fear, or cowardice. His was in pain, agony and desperation, when he could literally see no other way to stop the pain he felt both physically and emotionally. In his case, he got all his affairs in order, made sure his family was taken care of; he even made sure that the place he did the deed would be easily cleaned up, so as to not cause anyone to have to remodel or repaint the apartment he was living in. He even called the police and told them where they could find him, so no one would have to stumble upon the scene by accident.

I think back on what that man did, to keep others safe from his pain. How every day, with each step he took that brought him closer to the moment he took his own life... how brave he was to keep going. He was simply in too much pain to understand that no matter what steps he took to protect the rest of us, that we would all be hurt terribly by his absence.

Twenty-six years later, and I still find this hard to write. I still come close to breaking down into a sobbing puddle, wishing I could have found a way to help. But, I know that the best I could have done would have been to simply delay it.

But I will never see that man as a coward; he was one of the finest people I've ever known in my life. He just got lost in a dark tangle of despair, and couldn't see that there were other doors.

DerekD Level 7 June 12, 2018

The mass shooters have a ‘fragmented,’ personality/brain disorder...which would be treatable. Problem is, it is hard to diagnose. And apparently the person in that state of mind, has come to accept it as ‘the norm,’ for him. Even a mission, so to speak! It is still a brain disorder.

20

I think a better question would be 'Is it selfish of people to blame a person who commits suicide for their loss of that person?' The person who suicides is simply no longer alive but the sense of pain and loss that some people feel as a result of that person no longer being there can be great but it is their choice too on how to deal with that.
I've lost people in this life and it has often been a painful experience, especially when I was younger and didn't know how to deal with it. Blaming the person who opts to end their life by suicide is essentially blaming the victim, at least in my opinion.

Yes!

17

False.

I wrote my suicide note last year. No one tells you how hard it is - what do you say? I mean, it's your final statement, right? So you want it to be completely on message.

I then spent a comfortable hour in a hot bath with my weapon of choice - a box cutter - until I decided it was not for me. Not at that time, anyway.

And I burned that fucking note to ashes.

No, I don't judge anyone who voluntarily checks out.

I sincerely hope you are feeling better about yourself and life in general now. Hugs

@Marcie1974 Thank you. As always, life is a work in progress - for everyone, including me. You can never know how another person is feeling. They are their own barometer.

16

Sometimes its the bravest thing you can do

Corvus Level 6 June 12, 2018
14

Suicide is just an action. You need to understand the motives of the individual before you can make any characterization. It's not a true or false proposition.

zeuser Level 9 June 12, 2018
13

False. Suicide may the only way to get rid of the pain that made you feel this way. It's a persons choice to live or commit suicide. There were a number of times I considered committing suicide in my 30s. I felt alone, because no one outside of family cared that I was on this planet. I'm glad I found reasons to live, but it's not cowardly to do so.

13

Suicide is escaping pain.

Is someone who takes pain killers to numb the pain of a toothache a coward?

It is cowardly however, to judge those who've chosen suicide.

13

When someone is depressed they are at risk for suicide, and it is not a matter of cowardice, it is a matter of your brain going to a really dark place where you don't - literally - see the light at the end of the tunnel. In those cases it is not a matter about being a "coward" about facing life, it's about this intense sense of "hopelessness" brought on by their depression. If you've never felt it, then it's hard to understand what that is like and how that can cause someone to take his/her life. It's tragic because those who manage to do it, I suspect, they where trying not so much to end their lives, but to end that hopelessness in their lives. Many come to think that ending their lives is the only way to end the hopelessness inside. It is extremely hard to reason properly and maintain perspective when in a deep depression. That I know. That is why depression is dangerous and must be treated head on.

Then there are those who want "medical" suicide due to some terminal illness, and they just want to die with dignity. Neither case needs "judgment." What is needed is a greater understanding of the phenomena in either case.

12

Much like any other bodily autonomy/medical care question the answer is No. It is ultimately the decision of the individual. Yes they may leave pain and sorrow behind them when they go but ultimately it is THEIR life and THEIR death. It is no one else's decision or place to judge.

12

I know there'll be lot's of disagreement on this one but I say false. My daughter suicided at the age of 20 almost five years ago. Will never get over it but at the same time I think she thought she was doing the right thing:-/

❤️

It's always hardest on those left behind. For my daughter's sake I could never do it without good reason, and first explaining "why" to her.

12

Anyone who claims that suicide is cowardly is not even being logical. A COWARD, by definition, would never be able to commit the act of suicide.... OUT OF COWARDLINESS!!!
I suffered suicidal postpartum depression. When the pain of living is greater than the pain of dying; suicide seems like the only way out......and it makes you BRAVE enough to end your pain. If you are fortunate enough to have never felt that kind of pain; consider yourself lucky and DO NOT JUDGE!!!!!

12

I don't think people who are suicidal need to be judged. Suicide happens when the pain is so bad you cannot imagine a way out. It is mental illness. Until you have been there you will never understand, and I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone.

Very good point, good observations

12

so absolutely false.

11

"Cowardly" is such an insult. I've been thinking about your question since I replied (below) in the terms of what ''bravery'' really means. It means being afraid to do something but doing it anyway, because you're convinced it's the right thing to do. People at such a terribly low point are obviously as afraid of death as anyone might be...but they do it anyway, just to shut off their demons...or the knowledge of a long, painful death opening ahead of them. Faced with that prospect, I will absolutely kill myself...and die on my own terms.

11

It's just deeply, deeply personal. You and I can't possibly make judgements about ''cowardly." We can only say "SAD"

11

False. I enjoyed reading so many good responses here.

11

We do what we have to do when we have to do it - Its our own life as it will be our own death. I can't admit the word cowardly - I really don t like that word its as if we have t aspire to some false sense of how to be a person.

jacpod Level 8 June 12, 2018

Absolutely in agreement here!

11

Patently FALSE.
There isn't anything "cowardly" about suicide.
I'd LOVE to explain that to anyone who believes otherwise.

11

Here is how I see this question.
Is divorcing a forced marriage a cowardly move or not?
A lot of forced marriages do not end up in divorce because not always the relationship is bad.
People used to marry this way for thousands of years. Having a right to divorce is a very important right because in a lot of cases forced marriages are bad.
Same thing is with life nobody gave consent to be born into this life. Some may have a really bad life with lots of suffering in that case of course is important to have the ability to choose to die in dignity. It is sad that nowdays someone has to travel as far as Switzerland to have the right to divorce life.

I couldn't agree more!

11

No two suicides are the same. It is not black and white, but layers upon layers.

Exactly.

9

I'm not sure what the motivation for a question like this might be, but dealing with depression is a very difficult way to go through life. So in a since, both staying in... or choosing to leave... can both be 'acts of courage,' or even 'cowardice.' Though I would never call them that. Living and dying are both acts of courage.

9

The police officer handling the case of my daughter had seen suicides before. He called it, "When the demon comes", meaning that dark hopeless, desperate moment most people end their life. He told me about one young mother who killed herself in he bedroom with her baby in the crib next to the bed. The husband found her.
Anthony Bourdain hung himself with a belt from a bathrobe in a hotel in France, when the demon comes(I thought) is a pretty good expression of the hopelessness & desperation of the moment.
And last. If you see someone in pain try to help them. There's a national suicide prevention hotline @ 1 800-273-8255
Most always suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem.

9

Just what is cowardly about taking ones own life? I have heard this before & do not understand the logic. One cannot walk in anothers shoes in this regard. How is it cowardly to choose death over unrelenting pain?

9

Neither brave nor cowardly. It seems to me to be an act of desperation. Trying to shame as cowards people who contemplate suicide will have no effect.

EdEarl Level 8 June 12, 2018
8

Everyone will die. You can leave it to chance or you can take control of it.

Absolutely that is the right and duty of the thinking being.

8

It might be selfish... might be selfish with good reasoning (terminally ill). It might be a few other things but I wouldn't think it to be cowardly.

Agreed! I’ve heard so many people say this week that it’s a cowardly move, considering Anthony Bourdain’s recent situation. I think it’s so insensitive when I hear people say they feel no sympathy for suicide victims.

Agreed. I feel sadness for him. At the end of the, suicide is a personal choice. I have no doubts many suicides are the result of mental illness but some are a healthy choice. If pain, of any kind, in your life renders you unhappy and unable to enjoy a quality life. Then think it's an option. However, this life and the connections we make is all we'll ever have and it is ephemeral; not to be taken lightly. Tough topic. I always feel sympathy for those reaching the end of there life no matter the reason.

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