Well put. Stay vigilant. Happiness is just a outlook change away!

How long have you had consistent nightmares like this?

Have you tried the mental health group? I think there's also a recovering addicts group that may help.

Man dude. Got to a therapist. Please! Positive thoughts can help a whole bunch. Sending good vibes your way.

It is amazing how a job can ruin your life. I was in your shoes a few years ago.

When I was in my 20's career was the most important and as I grew up poor, I swore I would kill myself to be successful. One day I woke up in a hotel room somewhere in Asia after being away for days and I realized something. Changing jobs and taking a pay cut is fucking scary when you have kids, a mortgage, cars etc. But you can it. I was scared out of my mind for weeks after I decided to do it. I was running Excel spreadsheets of expenses and "What If" Worse case scenarios. I realized I work to live not the other way around and after all, I am happier, I have "settled down". Of course when I see some of my former colleagues take on that big job on LinkedIn, I feel a little remorse but then I remember that I get to pick my kids up at school at 3PM and sleep in my bed most of the time. Changing jobs is the most important thing you can do. You only have one life.
My wife works in Hospice and speaks to people on their death bed daily. They talk about their regrets, and in 20 years, nobody has ever told her, I wish I worked more, I wish I made more money, I wish I go that promotion...
NO they say, I with I spent more time with my family, I wish I had a better relationship with my kids, I wish I traveled more, spent more time with friends. In the end that is all that matters.
So as others said, seek help and get rid of the things plaguing your life.

If you don't like your life, change it. The gym is great. Sounds like you need a different job......

Therapy and medication. You don't have to live that way. And good for you on going to the gym.