Learn to love yourself.. ex gf was married to a narcissist for 17? Yrs..(never met him myself but her descriptions of him.. wow) she had a lot of self love, self image problems..
Myself i have the "need to be needed" issues (likely one of many issues lol) .. we lasted for 3 yrs on and off.. but realized we were a bit toxic for each other..

Learn to live on your own and love yourself.

Thankfully I've never had the misfortune of dealing with one of these people. I think you should really seek professional help with this. From everything I've ever heard, they do a real number on your psyche! And if the wounds don't heal properly, your next partner (or partners) are dealing with the wreckage.

So, you have experienced trauma. That means you're actually suffering from post traumatic stress. ('scuse me for sounding like a shrink) But any real useful therapy for getting past post traumatic stress can't be done on a website--as far as I know. Of course, what I'm saying isn't useful at all to you. Sorry. Maybe we could talk about it privately. But for any real change, you'll have to find somebody local to you who does effective work with PTS.

Only if self destructive butterfly can be lightning too

Wow.. your post explained a lot about my ex gf in just one paragraph.. thank you.

Lightning strikes in between butterfly wing beats.
What is list is the small inadequate feelings in between lightning strikes
One can be sexy and compassionate
I know!

You allow the lightening strikes, because they may reoccur. But then you don't hold on to them or berate yourself for having them either; you allow them to pass.

Just after the moment when you realize that the butterflies are there because your partner actually cares about you rather than only caring about pleasing themselves. Butterflies from someone focused on me is ALWAYS better than lightning strikes which hit me because I was close to the lightning rod.

Take it slowly. Don't feel like you have to jump into anything. There is nothing wrong with having some "you" time.

I think of it as trying to get past addiction to most anything. Cut it off completely and relax. Those lightning strike were not healthy, get to where you don’t want to suffer them anymore.

I treat it is an addiction, from which I am recovering. No Contact is essential. It takes time for the cravings to slow down. To stop seeking the endorphin highs: they are never, ever worth the aftermath.

The information that at @robecology seems very sound . I would recommend that you look at what lightning strikes really mean for you and make sure it’s not a comparison that you are hoping another person can replicate from what you are leaving. Best of wishes ??