If there isn't that spark within a couple dates I don't think it will appear later.....at least not often.

One of my problems

Now that I've had STRONG chemistry with someone... it's hard to settle for anything less.

If there is any kind of interest...intellectual, whatever, I'd probably go out on a few dates and see what can develop.

I have stopped dating for a while because I wasn't interested in any men or the ones I was interested in ghosted me or lived too far away, etc.

It's frustrating to go out with quite a few people and go home and just feel "meh."

I often get discouraged with dating. To go out with someone who I feel like I've wasted my time at the end of the date. I fell like I need more patience. Maybe this comes with the territory after a very long relationship with someone.

Hey there.. livin' your Daymare.It does feel like a job interview. I think that's a result of the "tick the boxes" mentality the dating sites promote as a way to determine compatability. (Even this site does it. Beside your name I see a red heart and an 80% rating). It seems necessary to have some sort of checklist of must have and must have not criteria. Which, I agree, is useful for wading through the stacks and stacks of applicants beating on my office door lol But personally .. I'm finding out that now being single after a 17 year relationship I am more particular about who I share myself with on that depth of a level.

Apart from long chat/ text introductions that never materialized into a meetup, I've had 2 face to face get together moments.. neither resulted in intimacy of any sort. Nice enough people.. just a real flatline in the :chemistry" department. The first one we met up twice for different activities.. I think she seemed interested in my.. hmmm.. stability.. but I wasn't turned on in the least. Called it a day with her after that.

So I suppose my real life example answer would be.. 2 dates.

I'm thinking you're not ready for romantic dating yet... Maybe your splitting up with your last partner is still fresh in your mind... Forget about sex being the goal of the date and just have a good time... For awhile..

Two. There are a million reasons why someone might be off on any given day. If there is nothing there on the first date, I assume that they were having a bad day or were perhaps just not in the right frame of mind. If it happens twice then I assume it's a trend and move on. Now, I must clarify. By a 'spark' I mean that there has to be something there that makes me want to get to know them better. The relationships that I've had which started out as sexual desire have been wonderful but short lived. I've come to realize that the things which made a good long term relationship are not the same things which give me a feeling of euphoria and desire initially. While it is nice if it happens, it's extremely rare. Realistically it's much more likely for me to develop a sexual desire for someone who is emotionally and intellectually simulating than it is to become emotionally and intellectually stimulated by someone who makes my dick hard.

I tend to not have a sexual spark until I know someone better. But having a personality spark, that's vital to me. It tells me here's someone interesting I want to get to know better. I don't know if it will turn into lovers or remain friends, but all I know is this is someone I want to see again.

One.

I do not know about others, but I feel the spark right away, if after a fews dates it is not there, I am not sure it will ever be.

If it ain't there it ain't there, sex without attraction is not fulfilling,

I know after the first good hug whether there's chemistry or not. She may be beautiful, witty, nice body, the whole works. But when I hug her and get a close sample of her body scents, then...I KNOW. Oh yeah, we can date, have fun, kiss, and carry on. But the real magic ain't gonna happen. And I'm damn sorry about that. But it can't be helped.

PS - A friend of mine has a 90 day rule. No sex until 90 days has passed and something else develops. Another... No sex unless there's a ring on her finger. Everyone approaches thing differently. My rule: I don't need a relationship to have sex, but I keep in mind... Respect for my partner and respect for myself. Without that, masturbation is just fine. I don't need a willing wet hole just for getting rid of blue balls.

I've been meeting and dating for a long time now. On and off for I hate to say how long! I have found that any real connection happens quickly. The longer term relationships I've had have started with a spark, a deeper connection from the start.

Sometimes, you get the "spark" of sexual chemistry, but in all other ways, the person is an asshole. Sometimes, you find nice people, but sex, just ain't there. On occasion, you meet just the right mix such as a couple of friends of mine found with each other and it is an explosion of love. Sometimes, you can't tell the book by the cover until you open it and see what's inside. As Forest Gump observed, "Life is like a box of chocolates." So, bottom line is... There is no bottom line.

You get a idea first chemistry after meeting can't quite explain it hang in honey someone as beautiful as you will find someone

Does one really needs a spark to have sex? Or is it just a controlling tool invented by the church? How is a spark defined? Just from my memory - an electric field gradient strong enough to ionize a substance creating temperary free charge carriers, forming low resistance conducting channels.
Lol
Creating low resistance between lovers? Oh, stupid.

I'm in the exact same boat you are. Sometimes my hormones are holding on to people, and sometimes it's a connection. To make a long story short, I've had to fire my heart and my hormones and I've put my brain in charge. Oh, and I have an accountability team with an accountability leader. My decision-making has been that bad.

You're actually fortunate that the early dates aren't sexually "stimulating". It's letting you develop your "friend" factor....which might be a good thing.

Eventually there might be a date that you're "turned on" to but he's not feeling it with you....so be prepared for that as well.

This experience (you turned on, him not) also will let you empathize with the fellows you weren't "turned on" to that lusted to be with you....

Stay loose...and stay "thirsty"....good luck!