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The longer I spend my time without a partner, the less I want one.
Is anyone afraid of getting old alone?
I find that I'm more afraid of settling or putting up with a dysfunctional relationship just to say I'm in one.

Freespirit64 8 Mar 15
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27 comments

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15

For those of us without children, getting old alone is a real possibility. I think about it sometimes. A long term relationship would be nice. I have no doubts it will happen, eventually. Like many other people here... I may compromise on some things (that is part of being in a relationship) but I won’t lower my standards.

10

FWB! Anticipation, participation, and never losing control of the remote!

AnneWimsey Level 9 Mar 15, 2020
9

I was more afraid of a new relationship than getting old alone. But, finding a like-minded and companionable friend has broken down lots of walls. But if it ever becomes dysfunctional, bye-bye.

9

I have always chosen to be alone rather than be in a dysfunctional relationship. That prompted my divorce from my 1st husband and the end of the 2 relationships I've had since my husband died.

Then there is the fact that nothing ventured nothing gained therefore even though I seriously doubt there is another person out there for me I cannot say I am choosing to be alone. Instead I'm still choosing to be choosy.

Lorajay Level 9 Mar 15, 2020

you have to keep your eyes open, but know what you won't settle for.

8

Not just I am not afraid, I will be happier being single. We have been told time and again and there is something wrong if we do not have a partner. PDA (public display) and showing off your boyfriend or girlfriend to others are born out of wanting being normal and fitting in to the common perception. American capitalism has been consistently telling us what to have every day such as a single house in a suburb, a three car garage, a gated community, certain cars, a fitness program or a gym membership, being thin, a European vacation, expensive manicure, pedicure (when we can easily do at home) and happy photos like other have on walls and desks and on Facebook.

We are continuously told how to be complete. We do not think ourselves who and what we want to be. The toilet paper sell-out in this virus scare is a good example of how we react to the news and want to do what others are doing. You can simply use water if you don't have paper. More than half of the world does not use toilet paper which is also not hygienic.

There are plenty of advantages in being single such as total freedom, more money, maintain the lifestyle you want, go and come and do things as you please. But more than that, we often get into relationships for the wrong reasons, especially in or after middle age. Financial, medical, care taking etc. These are wrong reasons to have company for. Trying to find love all your life is called the Cinderella Syndrome. Both men and women have it.

Wanting a companion because we are getting old is exactly the wrong reason to want one IMHO.

St-Sinner Level 9 Mar 15, 2020

Boy, are you spot on. Well said.

Hey , this is a Awesome statement !

@avectoi

I am red, fierce and awesome! 🙂

7

I definitely don't want a relationship just to say I'm in one. However, I want...hell...I crave a special someone in my life. I want long deep conversations. I want good sex. I want cuddling.

Cabsmom Level 8 Mar 16, 2020
7

I wouldn't make the decision to remain alone like that.. I'd remain open to the possibility of meeting someone if that someone came along..

7

I think that choosing to be alone rather than being in a dysfunctional relationship is a life changing move. It has taken me quite a long time to learn this lesson. While I am not afraid of getting old alone, I would much rather have a loving functional relationship.

6

I am not afraid of aging alone, but I do not like it. I certainly am open to the possibility of a relationship but understand the unlikeliness of that happening at this point. Of course, I am not interested in a dysfunctional relationship.

6

i am alone but always open to a new beginning

TheDoubter Level 9 Mar 15, 2020
5

When you are by yourself, you are not alone. And yes, life with the wrong partner is miserable. Been there, done that.

Mitch07102 Level 8 Mar 16, 2020
5

I was "the marrying man"...married 4 times....a total of nearly 30 years....so I worked hard to make it happen. But...it just didn't. I'm sad that I'm "alone" and would sure like a female "companion" but....I've turned out to be too fussy. or too particular...or too quick to jump in to a relationship...so now I'm adapting to - being alone. But...I do love my "alone" time more than ever!

Robecology Level 9 Mar 15, 2020
5

Withdrew myself from the dating rush sometime back . Better off on my own . Since then two gentlemen have written looking for a wife to raise their toddler/preschool children . Really ? ?

Cast1es Level 9 Mar 15, 2020

Stay safe from children, my friend.

5

Nope but not afraid but the right companion would be good

bobwjr Level 10 Mar 15, 2020
4

If someone is not in a relationship because they are afraid of settling, then they are settling for nothing. 😉

dare2dream Level 7 Mar 16, 2020

Why would you want to have a relationship just to have one? Why settle for something that is not right just to have someone? That makes no sense.

@GreatNani For me, life has more meaning and purpose when it is shared with someone.

There is no perfect relationship. It will take tolerance to have any at all. We take what is pretty good and then we MAKE it work.

“A happy union is not one of perfect partners but the triumph of love over imperfections.” - Unknown
“I believe that the measure of my soul is my capacity to love imperfect people.” ― Joseph Grenny

But your point is taken. If a relationship with someone is not right (they are not good for you) then it should come to an end.

@dare2dream that's my point. The relationship has to be good for both of us. I have had bad and ok. I know there is no perfect. I want good and will work to make it great. I am not being picky at all. I have seen too many people settle for relationships that at best were not happy to down right dangerous.

I find your comment sad. If you have "nothing" when you are not in a relationship, another person can't fix that. Liking and loving yourself is important. Good luck.

4

Yes, I decided better alone than settling. I have adult kids and grands so never truly alone. I will not settle for just anyone to avoid being alone. I like being alone much of the time.

That's pretty much how it is with my life. I'm certainly not lonely, no one leaves me alone long enough! But do appreciate the alone time....

4

I won't settle and until I meet someone who is right I am fine the way I am. That may never happen and if so I still have a full life. Great friends, family and work that is fulfilling.

GreatNani Level 8 Mar 15, 2020

@MissKathleen Very realistic and in truth I have very few deal breakers. I have no interest in marriage again and obviously not having any more children. I am 53 and totally happy with my age and how I look and even the 20 pounds I need to lose. I would rather be alone than with someone who does not make my life better, or enrich it on some way. And yes, I am always baffled at older men and the age range they think is acceptable. If I meet someone great, if not life will still be good 🙂

@MissKathleen And not expecting perfect either. No one is. Just someone who make me happy, the icing on the cake. My life is already cake 🙂

@MissKathleen I should say happier. I am already pretty happy. And whole and complete and all that crap.

3

I have been alone most of my life ,even feel that way in crowds at times,I have lots of friend and out for meals many times a month ,been with lots of women but the ones i have had a heart felt connection with were taken and i have no intention of breaking up a marriage as I do not want it done to me,But being older now i want to be with one for many reason,,

RoyMillar Level 9 Mar 15, 2020
3

According to you there are only two options. I believe there is a third.

Sticks48 Level 9 Mar 15, 2020

We are all waiting! Were you going to clue us in?😍🤣😱

@EyesThatSmile The same thing you believe is possible.

2

Totally agree and we have discussed the danger of getting involved in a relationship filled with 'drama." Yes it is tempting to get involved come what may but I have done that before and all I have to do is remember what it was like. Nooo thanks.

JackPedigo Level 9 Mar 16, 2020
2

Yes!!!
Sometimes or is it most times it is so much easier to deal with ones self than deal with another one!!!

1

no one should tolerate abuse.

so much depends on attitude as well as past experiences, skills to deal with life / 'give & take' necessary for a healthy relationship....
Some ppl can't compromise, they think it's 'evil'

guynoir Level 6 Mar 15, 2020
0

Not sure I understand this way of thinking since you’re in control of what you allow in to your life and you set the limits as to what you will and won’t accept.

Hazydays Level 7 Mar 20, 2020
0

Oh man, are you replaceable? Chances are very likely. Best luck.

avectoi Level 6 Mar 19, 2020
0

I can relate 🙂

Ann-1980 Level 5 Mar 17, 2020
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