ABOUT MUFFINS. I see that the issue of Atheist/Agnostic has been rearing its head again, as it does every few days, so since some people find this a bit tiresome, I thought that a post on muffins would be more interesting.
Suppose for a minute, and for the sake of argument only, that there is a god, an afterlife, including a heaven and a hell; and that the god chooses whether people go to heaven, or if some go to hell, in fact the whole theist deal. Not only that, but the criterion on which the god makes the choice is based on the type of muffins they eat. ( Note: “eat” not prefer, this is not about free will or anything like that.) People who eat lemon muffins go to heaven and people who eat chocolate muffins go to hell, with limbo for those who don't eat muffins at all, of course.
Would that make a difference to your life ? Would you give up your chocolate muffins for an eternity of joy, and all the lemon buns after death you could ever eat ? Perhaps you would. But there is one vital thing that I forgot to mention, which is that, this particular god, does not tell you about the muffins, or how they affect your afterlife, in fact it keeps the whole thing a big secret just to itself.
Then in that case, of course, you could not make the appropriate changes to your life, or save your soul anyway. In fact muffins, gods preferences and even that god, would not impact on your life at all.
The point is this. That a gods, souls, the afterlife etc. have no effect on anything, unless that god, or someone, tells you about it, and you therefore have some knowledge of god's cake prejudices. Making this the big difference between religion, which pretends to offer knowledge of god the afterlife etc., and none belief which does not. Which is why the difference between atheists, humanists, agnostics and even deists, is so small and unimportant by comparison, because none claim any knowledge of gods preferences, and it is the pretence of fake knowledge which makes all the big difference.
23
Enjoy being online again!
Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.Create your free account
29 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Good analogy! I have just left a comment on another post regarding the difference between atheism and agnosticism, and in it I use the expression “dancing on the head of a pin “...which is what I believe all this constant defining and redefining is. What is common to all of us is a disbelief that a belief in god can affect either this life or any other mythological one!
Marionville
Level 10
Aug 13, 2019
6
I never knew that Chocolate muffins could be more appealing. However the suggestion that I can sate my sugar craving and piss off an imaginary god at the same time is doing my diabetes no good at all. Must be time for lunch.
MattHardy
Level 7
Aug 13, 2019
7
Muffins (probably) didn't exist multiple billions of years ago (earth).
And the god of muffins sent us this savior.
Mark013
Level 7
Aug 13, 2019
5
People look at me funny when I say in that voice “ dried muffin remnAnts”. Every once in a while though i meet a fellow Zappa fan.
@JacobMeyers He was a great musical composer. The lyrics, icing on the cake.
And those on the Atkins or keto diet are already in hell, having forsaken the heavenly muffin
chalupacabre
Level 8
Aug 13, 2019
5
The very deepest part, and it is all their own fault.
@Fernapple uh-huh, Dante's lesser known 10th circle.
I think I'm in trouble. I eat chocolate chip pumpkin or zucchini muffins. I eat both with a secret ingredient that makes me very mellow, and I find I listen to a lot of Stairway to Heaven in my beanbag chair after I eat them.
Wisewoman3
Level 7
Aug 13, 2019
3
@Shouldbefishing It seems right to me, but in the universe of muffin worship, I think I would be in big trouble. I am committed to taking my chances though, and carry on with the muffins I like and the secret ingredient that is soooo nice.
i now have easy access to the secret ingredient. just need to talk my wife into trying it in a muffin recipe.
)
In a few words: all gods are man made, and in the time it takes me to type this, there are probably a few hundred more that have been made- and 'all' the one true god. I refuse to take the time to argue about such a foolish subject; I refuse to call myself an atheist.
"Nature" whatever she is, if she is, has never revealed herself.
Diogenes
Level 8
Aug 13, 2019
4
well, you may refuse to call yourself anything you like. however, the word has a definition (and that is all it has, actually). if you are a vegetarian and consciously and purposely do not eat meat, but refuse to call yourself a vegetarian, you're still a vegetarian. if you grow blond hair out of your head and do not dye it or shave it off, and you refuse to call yourself a blond, you're still blond. if you aver that there are no gods and that all gods are man-made (and by implication fictional) but refuse to call yourself an atheist, you're still an atheist. i can call myself twiggy but i'm still fat.
g
You preach the false word, it is the sour deceiver who prompts you to turn away from the sweet rewards offered by the chocolate muffin. The lemon muffin will only taste as sweet with its drizzled words, but once the drizzle has been consumed, you are left with only the scrapings of its tart but zesty husk.
(Hope the run of puns was somewhat appealing to those who needed a laugh today)
PadraicM
Level 7
Aug 13, 2019
4
I'm with the Last Temple of Great Black Cosmic Muffin Mistress.
Oh? You've never heard of Her? I invented Her and She never caught on. She considers humans as Her greatest mistake. She doesn't want to hear from them. When they praise Her, it pisses her off. The temple has low overhead because attending temple just pisses Her off. Want to wreck your life? Go to temple.
The master plan is when Christians quote scripture to me, I can quote from the High Holy Book of Muffinism, starting with the book of square of negative one. I make up my scriptures on the spot as proof I'm correct and their scriptures aren't. My book is holier than anyone else's. I got talking hedgehogs in my scripture. No talking snakes, thanks! My talking animals are cutier than their talking animals.
So there! Nanny, nanny, poo poo.
WonderWartHog99
Level 8
Aug 13, 2019
3
I don’t believe in muffins
darthfaja
Level 7
Aug 13, 2019
3
Heathen Yankee dog! I make 'em from scratch if Petunia doesn't visit the bakery.
@WonderWartHog99
Don’t try to force your muffin theology on me!!!
@darthfaja Once again leading people astray in the bakery fails again.
Religious leaders make claims about deities to benefit themselves, personally..parishioners get heavenly credits by donating money to the clergy, obeying them, they control women in every way possible..in reproduction, clothing choices, dating behavior, etc., according to Patriarchal church dictates.
It's all about the powerful dominating the weaker, and usually sillier, although there are plenty of innocent victims.
birdingnut
Level 8
Aug 13, 2019
4
Damn. Now I want to bake muffins (vegan, of course).
graceylou
Level 8
Aug 13, 2019
2
Please don't blame me for any weight gain.LOL
Humans are basically omnivores, whether we like it or not. But I also feel that there are healthier, and more compassionate alternatives than eating the other residents of this rock.
I’ve got type 2 diabetes and can’t eat any muffins as much as I would love. Looks like if m in Limbo due to an external intervention rather than a muffin choice!
Geoffrey51
Level 8
Aug 13, 2019
3
Not keen on muffins but I would eat a minimum quota to keep wotsit happy with me. Then I would concentrate on pistachio ice cream, which I prefer.
Red_Cat
Level 7
Aug 13, 2019
3
I'll just have a chocolate chip cookie with milk and sit in the corner and watch.
bleurowz
Level 8
Aug 14, 2019
2
Will you allow me to sit in your corner too- if I'm sipping a pint? When I go into the pub, I call my pint, "Prozac". There are days when I let stress get to me. But to you, thanks for the smile.
i really don't give a fuck about what other people choose to believe in or not, that's their own business, not mine.
Mofo1953
Level 9
Aug 13, 2019
2
It's not about free will? How about free will-y? If that doesn't exist then who designated what muffins were consumed? Could I take one lemon and one chocolate and put them in a bowl, mush them together and exist in purgatory? Pardon me but I fell off of my magic carpet earlier. 
IAJO163
Level 8
Aug 13, 2019
2
I thought that was actually about muffins. Drat
MarkiusMahamius
Level 7
Aug 13, 2019
2
I like blueberry muffins best
lazylee
Level 5
Aug 13, 2019
2
That's because you've never had a huckleberry muffin.
Then I think that your soul will only find rest haunting the Stygian marches. LOL
Enjoy being online again!
Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.Create your free account
Share this post
Categories
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.