You are not unreasonable for not wanting to go... seems the bulk of my fam members are similar to your uncle minus the flat earth and selling drugs bit... and I still go and see the loonies XD

Would you drink water laced with lead? Would you take toxin? This guy is clearly toxic, and it sounds like you're doing right by yourself staying away from him.

I have ditched half my family over their overly religious opinions and support of trump. I completely understand your choices here. I have no other advice, but stay strong and keep your standards high

I understand why you would want to stay away so you should trust your gut. He sounds like a very shitty person and it sucks that his presence would keep you from being with your family. In that regard, maybe put a laxative in his food or drink so he'll have be in the toilet the whole time.

I give terrible advice. Don't do that.

I know how hard it is to have to avoid certain family members. But, I would not go where I would be that uncomfortable...if another person that I do not trust is invited. Let your mom’s guest enjoy themselves, and visit with them on some later date when the ‘half uncle’ is absent. It hurts to take ourselves out of family gatherings, because we want to belong to our family unit. But, making ourselves sick will not help us or them. When, you can go to these gatherings and not feel emotionally distressed, then it would be ok, but until then you have a choice to make.

Nah. Use the oppourtunity to confront him about his drug dealing, that he ruins life, that he should apologize to your sister and try to make amends for what he did.

The flat earth stuff doesn't matter. He isnt deciding textbooks or government policy. If he starts on it tell him to STFU.

Other than that just make his stay very unpleasant...in your face, everybody can seeb unpleasant. I have no sympathy for drug dealers. F***k 'em.

You are old enough to make your own decisions on who you need to associate with. If it makes you uncomfortable being around him and the gathering is going to be intimate enough that you cannot get far enough away from him to be comfortable, don't go and make another time to spend with your mom and sister when he isn't there. Buy the food for the next cookout and make it just about your immediate family. Some things are not worth the discomfort, one of them is a free meal! LOL

No, you sound very reasonable not wanting to be around this guy. You can choose not go attend and be honest about why. Tell anyone who wants to know why you refuse to attend and let those you will miss seeing that you look forward to doing something with them without their uncle the pusher. You can't control who others choose to be around, but you have every right not to attend functions this guy is invited to.

I would use this as an opportunity. Throw in a nice jab. In front of a few people, ask him if he is still selling to the family.

If he's still dealing , make an anonymous call to the police on him . That way , he is removed from the family gathering , not you .

You take your fist and when he is sitting down and you are in a standing up position as hard as you can turn around clock him on the nose with your closed fist. Just make sure you hit his nose dead on. This has no weapons or DNA involved but the witnesses may be a problem so secure a good location.

I would not go and I would tell my mother that I feel very uncomfortable around a man that sold drugs to my sister.

Try holding your own family get-together, inviting only he family members you want to attend.

Do what ever brings you peace. Will seeing him outweigh your pleasure at being with the rest of the family?

(The following is a joke.) Maybe find out which flavor of Flat Earther he is, and then randomly float a competing Flat Earth theory. I hear there are several factions of Flat Earthers now who really hate each other.

I've skipped out of family functions for lesser reasons. However if it's important I might make a 30 minute appearance and either say I haven't been feeling well and I should go or say I'm not comfortable being around so and so (to those who would understand) and go. And who knows maybe he won't even show. I've rarely opened up to people about my anger or disapproval, most of the times I did I regretted it, the whole walking a mile in someone else's shoes thing. With the drugs part sounds like both your half uncle and your sister have a drug problem and they've both made bad choices. It also sounds like you've forgiven your sister, and maybe your sister and mom have forgiven your half uncle so maybe you should consider forgiving him as well if for no other reason than to find peace and not feel estranged from the family. If not your forgiveness then maybe he might warrant your sympathy, if not your pity. As for the other stuff, you've described half my family but they're family so what can you do.

is there a way to go and still avoid him? can you go and be cold to him without starting a fight? if the answer to one or both of those questions is no, then don't go. if the answer is yes, then think about it and decide whether the tension is worth it; it depends on how much you want to see the other family members. but don't pretend with him. don't give him an inch. he sounds like the kind of guy who would then take a mile.

g

Unreasonable? Nope. One thing I've learned with experience, you can turn down invitations without explanations, and that is just fine. If pressed, "I don't want to go" is explanation enough. People want to guilt you with family shit? Fuck 'em. The people who care don't matter, the people who matter don't care. May you find harmony. Good luck sweetie.

That's a very unfortunate situation. I have had troubles with my family in the past, and all I can say is there is no right answer, and ultimately, no one can tell you what to do.

If he knows about how you feel about him, that might help but not if he's the confrontational type. If it's that bad, then getting help from someone outside your family may be the best answer, even if just to eliminate conflict.

If there are enough people at the cookout, it might dilute the issue by making it easy to get away, but otherwise I wouldn't risk it.

I would not go. But do what you feel is best for YOU.

Nope

Why even feel guilty about it? Your mom invited him. You don’t want to see him. You don’t go. You don’t worry about it. You tell them why. Easy peasy.

I think I'd talk to my family about how uncomfortable making this is.

Perhaps they're in the forgiveness business and maybe he's trying to turn over a new leaf - but he's been a creep in your life (and your sister's) so far and they should acknowledge that.

You need to know if there is any attempt at change on his part - or if they're keeping him around to see if he can repeat the same crap again. (Which just wouldn't be wise now would it).

It's okay to state an opinion with family even if it differs from their own.

Imho, don't make up some excuse, just tell them 100% straight out the truth, you don't really need to associate with scum like that even IF he is a part of your family.
Try organising an event of your own and NOT sending that piece of shit an invitation plus instruct ALL other invitees that HE is 100% UNWELCOME to attend.

I don’t blame you one bit for not wanting to go. Don’t tell your family why you will not attend they need to know. Stick to your beliefs and stand tall.