LINK We're on a road to destruction if we don't make changes. Some thoughts on outrage and an idea to get human.
I normally don't post commentary here as I try to stay neutral and behind the scenes. I have several goals in building this community - one of which is to help bridge the growing divide in society. My thought was if I could raise the view of non-believers in the eyes of religious people, it could help them humanize what they may perceived as bad people. That was one of my motivations in adding Humanism text here... to give us a shared vocabulary of "goodness".
As I expected, almost everyone who joined here was a good person who wanted to make the community a better place. However, I became disappointed in the way that the majority of members (who were left-leaning) treated the minority who are conservative in positions unrelated to religion. Before you say, "oh, they started it", please remember, I'm not picking sides but only observing that contempt is a dangerous thing - especially in groups of people. Many of our conservative non-believers have left in the last few months.
When couples are fighting, they often try therapy. The best predictor of divorce is whether or not the couple has contempt for each other. Make sense, as contempt can only build if the other person is dehumanized first. In society today, contempt has grown to a level unmatched since World War 2. Social media, which machine-learning algorithms optimize what people see by how effective the content is in creating outrage and contempt (as it increases revenue), is a major contributor to today's growing unrest.
This makes me think of how we can help improve things here. I realize that part of the fun many members have is jumping in a thread of some daily outrage posted by members who are tacitly encouraged to find the most outrage-inducing posts. It's a drug, pure and concentrated. While it was not our intention to become a pharmacy, we are.
It's more obvious when you scan the groups and imagine them as assorted drugs in a cabinet. Some come in extra-strength, 72-hour doses.
Aside from the normal admonishments of "hey, tone it down!", I want to help find another type of communication for members that is unrelated to a topic. I'm thinking of something like "hey, how are you doing?". Many sites have "status updates" where you can post temporary things that are at a single-human level instead of some external outrage at a 3rd person or group. It's hard to build contempt at another human being who is sharing their personal, intimate feelings. The weakness of status updates is that it only shows up to your friends and only if they're keeping an eye on you. I'm hoping that we could do better.
Here's what I'm thinking the "status update" feature would look like. On the main page, we put a tiny form for "How you feeling?" (or similar), it either opens a form or pops a small window for you to enter 120 characters or so. We then put that as a comment to a single post called, uh, "How you feeling?" and perhaps even display the last 10 or so on the main page. You are encouraged to reply KINDLY to these "comments" - even more than on any other posts. The member will get alerts when people reply to the status update.
What do you think? Are we on the right track? Other ideas?
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The reality is we have reached the point of No Return!
Just like those who stated it can never happen here in 1933 Germany!
It is happening we will not know the outcome until it is too late!
It will change us wether we want it to or not!
Like death no one gets out alive!
of-the-mountain
Level 9
Apr 28, 2019
1
tipi:
In a finite World, All is finite, even Terrian Life. But let's not get excessive, apocalyptical, millenarist! We must save what we can. Let's be Terra Protectors, not Terra Destroyers!
@Noemi
Only fools go on and stay with a sinking ship!
Especially when they have done nothing to maintain it!
@Admin Wow, lots of strong opinions here! Why not take a Darwinian approach and, if it’s not too much work, put it out there with appropriate settings to enable/disable it, and see what happens. If it’s ignored or abused, then maybe it’s not such a good idea. Anyway, thanks for trying to improve the experience.
jerry99
Level 8
Apr 27, 2019
1
Thanks, I think I might be able to help more by getting more involved in posts.
I was shocked by the Trump hate in this group. Supposedly this group is enlightened - and many are - but many express blind hate for Trump - and im sure many left this group because of that.
gater
Level 7
Apr 27, 2019
2
@BohoHeathen If you want to hate something, it should be worthy of that hate. Hate radical Islam terrorist if you want, hate rapists and murderers - why hate on a guy that is fighting for America?? The hate Trump has received from members of this group is pathetic!
@gater 45 is more than "worthy" of my abject loathing. I've hated that piece of trash for over 40 years. He has inspired it with everything he's ever done.
I will not apologize for that, and I will not curtail my hatred for him.
If other people don't see how vile and corrupt he is, that's on them. I will not alter anything about how I talk about him to appease anyone. Ever.
We both like GoT. So we have that in common. We don't have to agree on anything else. 
Tipping my toe in the water here... I feel that the 1-2 word labels (racist, x-ophobe, bigot, etc) people use to describe people any range of contrary opinions have the only purpose of showing hate to others. Have you ever seen a person respond to a label with, "Oh, you know, you're right, I should look at things differently"? While I'm not suggesting we do this, what if we had 1 month trial period where we all take an oath to never use these labels.. and were required to say nuanced things that starts with "I respect you as a person but..."?
Hate for the actions of a devient like Trump is healthy and normal. no sympathy for the walking trash fire.
@BohoHeathen So you hate Trump - but terrorists are not so bad?
As expressed by a few others below, Trump is worthy of the loathing sent his way. If there were another word or way to express greater loathing, I would choose it. What I find shocking is that you find it shocking. What is it about Trump personally and his policies that isn't loathsome? We obviously can't have a conversation since we obviously don't share the same truth.For what it is worth, I am the same age as Trump, am actually a white man, not orange, but can list a possible defect in that I don't play golf.
@DangerDave So you equate terrorists that bomb innocent women and children to Trump - are you stupid or something?
That's funny, I'm continually shocked by how much love he gets here. I am annoyed with your use of the term "blind hate" when in fact the closer you look the worse he appears. Even the hypocritical evangelicals admit they must "overlook" his character defects because they love his polices..
@DangerDave of course you can - they are both fruit, both edible, both grow on trees...its not like comparing apples to a wrench, or a stick of dynamite.
@Admin I truly understand what you are trying to do. Respectfully, I will not pledge to curtail my enmity toward 45.
I won't attack any other member directly, but I also won't give them a pass for supporting that pos. I just can't do it.
I'll do my best not to swear at them, but I won't give them a pass.
@BohoHeathen I didn't block you
@BohoHeathen your opinion is that Trump is a terrorists? lol omg
@DangerDave lol @ complete sentences
125 comments on this at the moment. Maybe the discussion has gone on long enough and it’s time to take some action and just see how it goes.
jerry99
Level 8
Apr 29, 2019
1
Anyone can come to Iowa and choose UNcommited Monday night sending a message to the world both blueREDS redBLUES duopoly is the PROBLEM
Classic idea, give it a go and see how it works out, maybe giving the REAL trouble-makers a 3 warning minimum and then handing out a PERMANENT Expulsion could be useful also.
Triphid
Level 9
Apr 28, 2019
1
Don’t you think that soon we would be all be just alike? After we rejected all those...not to our liking? Isn’t that kinda what people are doing now?
@Freedompath there is disagreeing with ideas, knowledge, beliefs and practices. Then there are smelly twats and dickheads out to simply cause disharmony, disunity, war and raised blood pressure. Those no one wants near.
@FrayedBear I know...but they ARE part of the fabric of life, wheather we like it or not. We can limit our exposure, as interacting with them, does take the wind out of our sails...but how will they ever be more pliable, if they are not exposed to rational thought process (I think that is what we, ‘others’ think that we are doing). 
@Freedompath i agree. Let everybody say what they want. Ignore them if you wish. Free and open debate. No censorship. BUT nothing wrong with asking them politely to be nice. OR to tell them to kick rocks.
@Storm1752 ...all good until, ‘tell them to kick rocks.’ that is not constructive criticism and is actually a put down! Anytime we put each other down...we are dismissing the other person! Wouldn’t it be better to say up-front...I am at a loss here, and rang-out, discussing this, I need to come back to this/that another time? That preserves the dignity of both parties?!
@FrayedBear ,
that's what the blocking feature is for..
no one here is forced to read anyone.
@Freedompath I'm not disagreeing with you or necessarily triphid. There has to be a point for each of us when we say enough is enough and I wash my hands of this person.
@callmedubious Quite agree but you do not have to block. Surely the Grr/Disagree emoji is what should be used not blocking? As I keep repeating "a broken analog clock still tells the correct time twice a day". When you block the blocker misses the twice daily information and the blockee is denied the blocker's thoughts.
@Antidronefreeman Isn't paraphrasing another's comment enabling them to correct any misconception that you have?
@FrayedBear, & others, I was using veiled sarcasm in my original comment btw.
I think that part of the problem is that people see spouses or the significant other as disposable. When the marriage or relationship stops working, get rid of the spouse or significant other and go find another one. I think dating sites has made this all possible and easier to do.
RobertMartin
Level 8
Apr 27, 2019
1
So you are advocating that members of agnostics should be like your stylised married couple and just go and find another social site?
@FrayedBear I'm not advocating anything, I was merely stating my opinion on the subject. This mentality could possibly happen from being married multiple times or have been in a lot of relationships.
Agreed that dating sites made our expectations higher which made many people less happy (and a few much happier)
I don't know if status updates would improve the situation or not, but it's worth a try and I don't think it will make it worse.
On a related note, Admin, this subject reminds me of my latest post, [agnostic.com] Check it out when you get the time and thank you very much for all you do here!
AndrewInVail
Level 6
Apr 27, 2019
1
Will do, it's on my tab.
I really needed to see this post. I just had a bad experience with a person commenting on my post. My post was not intended to gather ire. It was more of an outlet for myself and how to handle my situation. My situation is not one many in society would approve of, however, it was only intended to post down my thoughts. I have made it private now and written to the person offended or angry about it. It had nothing to do with anyone but me. It was not condemning anyone or ugly. It was about my relationships. I find it sad people say ugly things to one another. When I post I prefer keeping in on a level that is civil and not ugly. What I got was pure ugliness. I like what you lhave to say and appreciate it highly. I look foward to any updates.
JustLuAnn
Level 7
Dec 18, 2019
0
Thank you for the post. You should participate more often.
Lots to think about. But, whatever you wanna do is fine with me. If a new feature is used you will know it is good, and presented well.
If not, it may be in the presentation and not the substance.
In any case, you should at least allow donations.
JacarC
Level 8
Nov 19, 2019
0
I have confidence in your insight.
We ,in my family have that NEUTRAL TERRITORY.
I firmly believe in honesty and self discipline, so i
almost always refrain from a negitive OR attack comment.
I am here to learn and grow- i don't restrict the
of this knowledge ¤ If i cannot control my words~what do
i control.
P.S. I have seen similar data facets sited
through other sources.
BBJong
Level 7
Sep 4, 2019
0
Perhaps we should do the Jewish thing and demand a land for ourselves?
FrayedBear
Level 9
May 21, 2019
0
Its not a "Jewish thing". Its a human thing.
can't seem to paste anymore. any others having the same problem? if this is the case then this site is pretty useless.
callmedubious
Level 8
Apr 28, 2019
0
Try Ctrl+V it should work but Paste appears to be back online.
PM Admin directly if not.
@RavenCT ,
thanks.
I am feeling in ADMIRATION of you dear ADMIN. Your quest to raise believer bars up for us Atheists Agnostics hUUmanists spiritual Cherokee New Age give peace a chance PEERS is most LAUDABLE....You my beloved ADMIN remind me of BILL BAIRD the only human to win 4 US Sup Ct cases all increasing freedom for condoms birth control=abortion rights/education.....he is/was on your same road with believers who would force all women to stay pregnant unto death.... a fools errand to make peace with enslavers.... also the left right dichotomy of liberals versus enablers of TrumpOLINIpence theocracy ....it is NOT TRUE to characterizing "conservatives" leaving because of non religious issues like gun control or universal health care insurance.....nor is it true to equate contempt as a drug/bad therapy....we Atheists should have contempt for genuine believers who bribe us with heaven and threaten us with eternal painful fire not consuming our flesh.... that said I AM an American 1st and an Atheist 2nd. My standard of citizenship that declares believers have a right to be wrong about beliefs just as I have the right to be free from theocracy...a neutral government standard of conduct neither establishing beliefs nor prohibiting beliefs....if you dear ADMIN can enroll global members of this COMMUNITY to take that neutral secular freedom pill YOUR GOAL will be achieved of making the world a less CONTEMPTIBLE place of lovers and singles
GreenAtheist
Level 8
Apr 28, 2019
0
Enjoy being online again!
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