Agnostic.com
13 4

All relationships have ups and downs. When your relationship is on the skids where do you go for advice? Friends ? Family? the internet ? What works best for you and why

Kojaksmom 8 May 4
Share
You must be a member of this group before commenting. Join Group

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

13 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

1

My shrink & only my shrink. Bound by professional ethics & law, confidential revelations are protected. Family, friends, the local bartender are not.

Mooolah Level 8 May 17, 2018
1

I don't know a lot of people and i already know what family would say for the most part. My latest issue I ended up talking to her about it. It seems it didn't end well

Peanut69 Level 4 May 17, 2018
1

When previous relationships were failing first we went to counselors. Unfortunately, the issue was nonredeemable. Their families got involved and made matters worse for their own daughters. Relationships between adults is supposed to transcend families.

JackPedigo Level 9 May 10, 2018
1

I've learned a GREAT DEAL from various articles vs therapist, if I know what to search for. Did you know you can be "breadcrumbed" by family? (only recently came across the term, and a whole host of others)
I've also found a great deal of pieces that would help men a lot. Not much is written for them but it's out there, and it's kinda sad when I know an answer to something on say, this site, but just don't say anything because it will get "splained", only for them to go off and repeat the cycle again.
If ONLY I'd had access to this stuff when I was YOUNG!!! Hopefully my girl gets some benefit from discussing various topics.

A shoulder is nice to vent but I've found I have to be careful to whom and what I cut loose about...

Qualia Level 8 May 8, 2018
1

In my case, if I have an issue in my relationship the only way to resolve it is talking to my partner. I believe that bringing in a third party would only complicate matters. I would not trust myself to explain the problem to a third party because I would certainly be biased...

Sadanty Level 5 May 7, 2018
0

My first marriage was like yours in the sense that my ex-wife is a control freak. So bad that my son enlisted to the US Marines to be independent of her, She isolated me from my own brothers and we brothers are very close, began making enemies with my friends. I ended up taking hard drugs, eg heroin, cocaine) and things went tumbling down. I ended up in the streets after buying a nice condo near Central Park West in New York. I managed to get off drugs and got clean and felt so free after the divorce, I even gave my ex the condo. I remarried again and had a girl almost 10 years later. I did not want any relationships with women so I was like a priest for a long time. We lasted 15 yrs but we still have a very good friendly relationshio which has been good for my daughter. I am not getting married anymore. 2x was enough for me. I live alone and rather be alone than in a sick relationship. I will make friends, male and female and leave it at that.

2

MY first marriage ended badly, when I was in my early twenties after five years.
The marriage and relationship was all totally on her terms, I was isolated from everyone, family friends to such an extent, that later, I realised I was subject to cultish brainwashing techniques.
Ultimately the relationship collapsed on her terms too, for reason I won't go in to, she found someone better able to provide for her wants.
I was left with literally no one and nothing, even my relationship with my immediate family never fully recovered, they saw me as having deserted them, and I felt they abandoned me (my brother I believe even had an affair with my ex behind my back).
Afterward it took five years of therapy, new friends and getting my head straight to come to the conclusion that you cannot actually rely on anyone other than yourself, that you have to stay strong in will, protect yourself, be assertive and never submissive. Marriage and a relationship (be it romantic or friendship) is a partnership, if one or the other is constantly trying to get the upper hand, it is not going to work in the long term.
Mutual Love is and has to be the basis, it must be based on honesty, trust and determination.

Sounds like you got a hold of a female narcissist. I'm so sorry you had such a terrible experience.

I'm sorry you went through that. She sounds like a narcissist or something.

No one should give up their friends

1

I really think being alone is the best thing. Friends and family can offer biased and bad advice.

1

I seek the advice of a therapist. Then again, I may be biased, as I am a therapist myself.

And no, this was not a solipsistic joke: I go see other therapists, LOL.

ejbman Level 7 May 5, 2018

True, I can understand that they can indeed offer unbiased information to help you make your own decision

1

The only place I know of is with the person I'm having the issues with. Nobody else is involved. Nobody else knows the full story. Nobody else needs to be involved. Of course, friends and family will be adding their 2-cents worth, but that advice never seems to cut to the real issues or solutions.

mtnhome Level 7 May 5, 2018
3

Friends have always been a good source of perspective, if not advice. And some friends are better with some topics than others.

UUNJ Level 8 May 4, 2018
4

I don't need advice. I have learned through years of experience that whether I am right or wrong I apologize. That's what man has to do.

Mark9393 Level 6 May 4, 2018

Lol! Right!

That can backfire, though, if the other person feels they can walk all over you.

@UUNJ I agree, and if you are in a position where you feel apologizing is the only correct answer to every conflict, that manipulation is probably already in full force. Gender irrelevant.

True by virtue of nature the "stupid man" is always wrong, even if he is right and the awesome power of "yes dear" is often the key to a quiet if not happy life.

3

I always talked to friends and they'd be sympathetic and we'd bash on my ex. But it was my sister who stepped in and really helped me get away from him.

I’m glad that you were able to get out of that relationship, and I hope you are happy and safe now.

Write Comment

Recent Visitors 60

Photos 163 More

Posted by AtheistPeace666Hello I'm a single Canuck looking for my special lady Canuck.

Posted by KhaCRYou ever feel like you found the perfect sexual partner then he turns out to be a complete 💩bag and you can’t find the satisfaction in other encounters?

Posted by EntheogenFanI have a story to tell.

Posted by EntheogenFanI have a story to tell.

Posted by KateOahuYes, I agree that the reverse is also true.

Posted by JolantaThis is what women have to put up with and then they want to be intimate while we are still angry because they will not do their share of housework.

Posted by JolantaDucky, Snookums....

Posted by SorchaThis is a guy I was talking to from okcupid. He is totally new to online dating and it shows.

Posted by JolantaThat’s Amore. Some women are just far too shallow.

Posted by JolantaSomething for real intimacy perhaps.

Posted by Green_Soldier71Has anyone here had any experience with (or known someone who has/had) a SEXLESS MARRIAGE/RELATIONSHIP or a FRIGID PARTNER?

Posted by EyesThatSmileNakedness.

Posted by LetzGetRealMy family has often commented how I should become a "cougar"... as I look pretty good at my age and have a younger mindset than some of my peers, I guess this is there rationale?

Posted by Ann-1980The 4 types of Intimacy to feel sufficient, satisfied & healing in a love relationship.

Posted by Philip21over the top thinking? [agnostic.com]

Posted by DavidRussettI have been a widower for 2 years. I am very lonely. I am really looking for a relationship wth someone compatible with me.

  • Top tags#relationship #sex #intimacy #video #friends #religious #hope #religion #world #god #children #wife #marriage #book #kids #advice #death #reason #agnostic #beliefs #Atheist #hell #money #society #movies #fear #hello #Present #parents #belief #loves #Song #community #lonely #books #divorce #culture #humans #dogs #sleep #chemistry #Christian #college #soul #animals #sexy #philosophy #holiday #DonaldTrump #sexuality ...

    Members 1,849Top

    Moderator