In my experience, dating has always been a nightmare. It’s awkward and unnatural. The few people I’ve had relationships with were all people I met while just going about my daily life. I met my former husband at a music store where he worked. I met my last boyfriend at the office where we were both working. I met another past partner at the library, another at an art opening. And then we just started chatting and hanging out and the rest was history. The problem with being older is that I don’t really go out much, and the people I work with are all a lot younger than me so the opportunity doesn’t present itself. Which leaves online dating... and, sadly, that has been a complete fail (although not surprising, considering my history - see above).

As we age the old adage that was true in our youth:" A good man is hard to find" becomes:
"a hard man is good to find";

Yeah, it is a challenge. Wish I had a great answer, but I don't. The world is full of theists, which is a shame. I don't trust a lot of religion believer's decision making processes. You never know what foolishness was the basis for their decision. There isn't much pragmatism that comes from an idealogue. If the pragmatic answer lies outside their limited beliefs, nothing gets solved. Just look at politics in the USA.

I guess it depends on what you would like in a relationship after 50

I find that the men are either addicted to something, or looking for a barbie doll. even though they have a beer gut and wear socks with sandals!

Sudden inspiration:
If looking for sex, check out repressed believers in fundamentalist anti-sex religions, because they often seem quite ready to abandon their scruples when given the opportunity. And if they're scam preachers, they have money.

I was always kind of a loser with girls as a teenager, but after my wife left in my late 50s, I've met at least half-a-dozen women whom I'd love to partner with, and I have so enjoyed dating and meeting them and enjoying their company. I'm now 65, still healthy and fit and have an actual job, and my competition is mostly apparently dead or debilitated in some way. I'm having the best sex of my life with a lovely 69 year-old teenager in a seemingly stable relationship (with help from generic Viagra and Merlin the Hitachi Magic Wand).
But of all the hard questions I'm going to ask the Big Guy on Judgment Day -- of all the horrible sadistic things things this Creator must answer for from those of us who know what "theodicy" means -- He's gonna have to explain why I had to wait so long to meet this dear woman, and I know He doesn't have a good answer, and if I was as mean and vindictive as He is supposed to be, I'd send Him to Hell were it not for the fact that He assigned me a guardian angel incompetent enough to occasionally relax his vigilance over my virtue while he was off molesting some hapless cherub so I could get laid while he wasn't looking.

The nuns in school did teach us that sex was the dirtiest, evilest, mostest nastiest thing in the world, and we had to save it for the person we love most -- this alone made it sound absolutely irresistible -- but if they'd told me I'd have to wait until I was practically too old to do it, it might have been just a little discouraging.
But when Joy shows up on your doorstep, make it welcome.

Yup, sucks harder when you move from Los Angeles to some small ass city in the corner of Michigan. I am thankful I do not need a woman to complete me, but a friend sure would be nice. After 17 years of marriage, (the second one, the first was 10, so I haven't had to 'date' in 27 years more than half my life), I try to stay positive, full of love, joy, gratitude and just pluggin' along.

Sorry its a bit difficult for you. I'm beating women off with a shitty stick.

...OK that last bit was a lie

I have much better experience in Asia. Hoping to marry and move over next year...

And I thought it was all about NM!!! Hah! It’s the same everywhere!

Never say die!

Good Luck ?

Yup..that sounds about right.

Unlike you, though, I don't care.
As a demisexual I have zero sexual attraction for any gender or person and I can take sex or leave it.
If I start to feel a bit of desire at night, in a nonspecific way, I have a vibrator. As an androgyne, I can imagine I'm any gender I wish to achieve orgasm, and can imagine I'm doing it with any gender or combination thereof.

When I think of myself as male, I have a quick, explosive orgasm, and when I think of myself as female, I have the long, slow build-up and extended orgasms. But I can also pretend I'm both at the same time and have such a tsunami orgasm that it almost knocks me out.

Yet, like I said, I can take or leave it, and seldom do anything beyond getting the quickest results possible so I can get to sleep.

Nevertheless, I'm usually inundated by interested men, perhaps because my disinterest in them romantically challenges their egos.

I've learned to use disclaimers if men start hitting on me, casually informing them that I'm androgyne (mixed gender), a partial transmale, and a demisexual..including the definitions.

You'd think that would make them take to their heels, but what usually happens is that men often seem happy to adopt me as a side-kick pal, perhaps because my behavior is very male, despite my appearance.

That is not so far off. On other Dating Websites I have been on I would get nasty comment when they see on my profile that I’m an atheist. Why they feel the need to even make a comment is beyond me but it’s all good I wouldn’t care to date that kind of person anyway. I can only speak for myself; I’m not looking for a “much younger woman”. I will let the lady decide but I would not go below 45 years. I find that the real problem is finding ladies in my area that I can date.

The biggest problem is that all the best guys, like me, have been snapped up! (What do you mean, "big head"? It's quite average.)
Perhaps you'll have to find one to "borrow", then give back befire he has shirts to iron, etc. lol

Younger men can keep up with you both mentally & physically if you give them a chance. I am now dating a guy older than i...he is 73, I will be 70 in July) and while he makes me laugh a lot, he can be a bit stuck in the mud...for example, I want to try fake bull riding, there is a place only about 3 hours away, and it appears I will be going in the RV with just the dogs. Like there isn't a few other things we could do while in Boston.......

Dating after 50 is an adventure. Like all adventures - there are unexpected turns in the road. You just have to keep on going

You hit the nail on the head. It’s horrible.

I joined OKCupid about 10 years ago, met a couple of nice women who I dated and hoped to become permanent partners. I havent used the site in about 5 years and I hear its now no good. I've been severely ill over the last couple of years and currently have no wish to date.

I think its important to be clear in your own mind exactly what sort of person you're looking for, and why you are using a given site. If its possible, make your 'wish-list' known on your dating profile. Also try to describe youself honestly, detailing your likes and dislikes. If you're willing to be flexible on a given wish-quality, please say so. this is a lot to think about and process, but I believe the more detail you can give the better.

If as you have found, there appear to be no suitable men in your area, you have a number of choices:

1. Change your requirements, perhaps for this site only. You may be hoping to meet a man with the aim of developing a romantic relationship. Are any of the men you've identified as local but unsuitable of any interest at all, for whatever reason. Maybe you can find a mutual interest that might give you the opportunity of doing things together and getting to know each other without it being sexually charged. Make it clear that you have reservations about someone and would prefer to get to know them more, without any thought of sex for the time being. You might be surprised that some men may be willing to proceed, and maybe, just maybe you'll find you like each other after all. Or someone might work as a mutual-interest buddy but will never be sexually attractive. Would you be willing to settle for that? If so, ask him if he would be prepared to settle for that too.

With OK Cupid, as with here, there was a good chance of meeting people with similar views through the discussion forums, who might make good online friends but live in another country and so be unsuitable to become genuine boyfriends/girlfriends etc. Its all down to what you want to do with your life and how well you want to utilise a dating sites resources.

If you're definitely not interested in settling for friendship, and don't see anyone that fits your criteria, are there any criteria that you can change? For example you may be looking for an idealised age range or physical build. Another quality might be the geographical distance between you.

If none of these tweaks yield anything, keep the site open (assuming you're not having to pay for it) and go try another site.
1 other option is to join a local club that caters to an interest of yours. I wish you luck!!!!

You poor thing, you just live in the wrong place.

I've been very happily married since I was in my late twenties, when I turned fifty some many years back I started getting random contacts from old girlfriends and old female school friends who all find themselves now single, asking if I was still married and if so was it a happy marriage, and to let them know if I ever find myself free. Came as an unwanted shock I can tell you.
It's weird because as a young man I was always the one who got friend zoned, "I like you but not in that way" and the classic "I would but you're too nice." YuK!.
So I am assuming that should anything ever happen to my lovely wife, I won't lack company, but obviously I'm in no rush for that.

Maybe it's because I'm polyamorous, but I haven't really found it to be so difficult. I'm very "up front" about my beliefs, and that's a great jerk filter. I found it easier to find new partners before OKCupid got redesigned to be useless, but still - there are always new people.

It would seem that maybe your just " out of practice ". Please don't take that the wrong way it's just a turn of phrase, but i'm 50 in a few months and simply find the more people I know the more open I am to finding someone. Maybe it's different here in the UK but being Athesist doesn't bar you so much. I'm sure you have good friends but make more, then let nature take it's course

@ Crimson67, So True. Well put. After 60 doesn't seem like it gets easier either. LOL

What a great post this turned out to be. I have enjoyed reading all the responses. It seems most of us middle aged people are sharing the same nightmare...?

What a great post this turned out to be. I have enjoyed reading all the responses. It seems most of us middle aged people are sharing the same nightmare...?