Why is it so hard to find someone to spend the rest of my life with?

I've noticed that even in their 40s, people tend to be significantly more unyielding with respect to what they won't put up with. They see themselves as not having much time to weed out the prospects that are only promising yet not perfect.

So your perception is that the casualty rate in the first and perhaps second waves of attempts at dating them is much, much higher, it is saving you a bit of time. I don't necessarily agree that it significantly increases their chances of finding someone they match with, but I certainly can't tell them they're not entitled to do things the way they are comfortable with in their own private lives.

It's a minefield, ha ha.

I also know several professional women who would NEVER consider dating a man who makes $20k less lol and many of those same women say they're dedicated to dismantling the patriarchy. Also stay at home moms who demand all potential dates make enough to support them and their kids. One woman I know of recently got married but her biggest concern was his $70k salary would be a significant reduction for her children, she can't make $40k.

Sorry women, there simply aren't that many single men who make $100k, especially if you throw in supporting a 20ish failure to launch or the ego associated with not deigning to date plumbers

If we truly reject religious culture, wouldn't we also reject concepts the man is the breadwinner and women need to be demure that are intrinsically tied to religion?

Not quite 50, but I think many cut out potential mates for odd reasons. I'll date republicans who are rational, can articulate their motivations and are respectful of others. Sadly many of my fellow liberals can't do those three things we should have learned before high school.

Personally I haven't found dating in my mid 40s to be bad. I'm a social guy, several of my female friends and acquaintances have single friends. I think it's essential to cultivate platonic relationships, I met my last two GFs through acquaintances.

One odd aspect of religious dating that seems to infect heretics and infidels is men have to be assertive and women need to be demure. I usually figure out if a woman is interested so this helps me, but I've known a lot of women who never make the first move or make it OBVIOUS a guy they like should ask them out.

LOL, btw I've been in OK, TX and UT for ten years, it's not like I'm surrounded by a atheist hotties

I honestly haven’t found it as difficult as you may have. I do find that if I lay things out including who I am, what I’m about like my politics or beliefs which I won’t compromise on and yet respect others opinions, thoughts..... it helps . Also I try to be honest the I’m 66 years your and I’m an active sexual creature ( straight ) and enjoy intimacy and giving a woman oral pleasure.... this is who I am too

I honestly haven’t found it as difficult as you may have. I do find that if I lay things out including who I am, what I’m about like my politics or beliefs which I won’t compromise on and yet respect others opinions, thoughts..... it helps . Also I try to be honest the I’m 66 years your and I’m an active sexual creature ( straight ) and enjoy intimacy and giving a woman oral pleasure.... this is who I am too

Perhaps it's due to my lack of linguistic insight, but I still don't really understand what dating really is.

As a new-ishly (happily) divorced 52 year old, this thread is depressing - and true. I want a companion, but I have obligations. I want love, but have forgotten how to be a good lover. I want someone who is like me, but brings out my better angels. Who is my age, atheist-ish, lives near me, is well educated, smart, funny...etc. Oh, and I don't really want any of that - too much work. Easier to be on my own. But, then, I want a funny travel companion, and it suddenly isn't always easier to be alone...Wow. I like my life, would like to share it, but am too old and too picky to succeed. Well, thanks all. I'm now feeling old and want to tell people to get off my lawn. I'm off to bed now.

I don't think I've "dated" since I was in my 30s. My relationships seem to spring out of weird synchronistic circumstances. My last two long term (17 years and 7 years) relationships occurred from young men (17 & 19 years younger) pursuing me. I am NOT a cougar. They pursued me.

Why on earth not!!!!!!!!! OF COURSE....................!

Dating after 50 actually depends on your perception of yourself as well as your perception of others. I'm 88 and see no dating problems, period. I see many men and women over 50 enjoying life, and dating too. I have many friends of both sexes who enjoying life to the utmost. And that includes me. My life couldn't be better, and I see no shortage of nice ladies to date. I'm not well off financially, average looking, have no special talents, and yet I'm very happy. If you're unhappy with your social life maybe you should ask your friends to offer suggestions about helping your social life, and then really listen to what they say. You may find your life changing for the better in a hurry!

Have you given any serious consideration toward bestiality?

Oh wait, that's a guy thing. Never mind...

I thought dating after 30 was bad!

“ to thine own self be true”, stick to your guns and don’t every your self short. There are many people out there that can meet your needs and share beliefs. Wheathertexting and / or getting comfortable. I have been working for years and meet people all the time and the Sierra club is an example of like interests

What about mature children who imagine they know whats best for their single parents and do everything possible to retain exclusivity with mum or dad?

I feel the same. I'm 53, but I still look like I'm in my 30's, and I get a lot from people, "you should find a nice woman and settle down", and such like that. They just don't seem to understand that I have no intention of settling down, I love life, and I don't need a romantic partner to enjoy life. I enjoy my self, and my friends. All that dating stuff was stuff I did back in the day. I simply have no use for it any more.

Be positive, don't give up. I'm not. But I do agree that you have hit a nerve.

Dating is a nightmare! It really makes me wonder how the hell are were living on such an overpopulated planet?

I'm 54 and going through a divorce. I certainly don't want a 'nurse with a purse' or anyone churchy, and I want nothing to do with Republicans. One day, I think l'll be ok enough to jump back into the dating world. I'll probably be attracted to a woman who wants nothing to do with me or vice versa.

oh i sooooooo agree with you. the ones that annoy me most are the ones looking for a nurse with a purse.

Go with the vibrator. Give it a name and live happily ever ! After

I only know that my divorced and widowed friends have been paired up again with amazing speed. Gives me hope that if I became single again it wouldn't necessarily mean being all alone forever. Some folks of the opposite gender are in the same situation as you are. In my twenties I was a late bloomer, so I experienced dating pretty much the same way you describe dating at 50 plus. Meeting someone that you find attractive and compatible isn't guaranteed. Then I think they'd need a probationary period just in case there was more than met the eye. The odds may not be in your favor, but I hope you can enjoy staying curious and interesting in the meantime.

You have a lot of filters. You eliminated a lot of people. I am married and 61 and not looking to date... but its not dissimilar from making friends. If i eliminated all religious, or republican or friends with health issues, i don't believe i would have any friends. My wife broke her shoulder 6 months ago, she is in therapy.

I think you answered your question with your filters.

You nailed it! Its zombie land. And good luck even finding someone in good enough shape to take a walk in a park - despite the zillion sports they supposedly participate in. The topics of conversation always seem to devolve to 3 things - their health, their food fetishes, and their ex. Rinse and repeat. I mean, you've been on the earth 50 plus years and that's all you have to talk about? How boring.