I am in such a different place. I'm in my mid-50's and stayed away from dating, relationships, and even casual connections for over 30 years. A combination of trauma, mental illness, and personal setbacks where I would not even consider getting close to anyone romantically or physically. I had been slowly moving to overcome all this, when everything changed drastically a little over a year ago, an illness that turned my world upside-down and woke me up in ways I couldn't have imagined.

I'll pass on the vibrator bit, have no problem having a gay friend, and the rest of it, I COULDN"T AGREE MORE!!!!

The grandest relationship we'll ever have in life is with ourselves.

I have found all the same issues ! FleshLight works fairly well for me!

I turn 50 in August, it doesn't look promising.

I think after 50 is getting harder to find someone who appreciate better things in life
I am 54 and have trouble finding someone to share our journey together. I keep myself busy being active and keep trying knowing that the universe works in a mysterious way. If you are sincere honest hard working active individual and know how to respect others you will eventually find your other half.
I will keep trying and I know I will eventually find somebody to share our journey together.
Meantime I make sure that I keep helping others in any way I can and make a positive impact in life.
This group is awesome so feel free to freind me

It has been a nightmare... When my partner of many years passed away, I thought I would like to be alone, but just not my nature... So, on the advice of a friend, I decided to try a couple dating sites.... It is my belief that there aren't many men who would fit the bill that most women require for even dating... I guess I am an oddball....don't like sports, nascar, zombies, wine tasting tours or cigars...I do not have an athletic toned body or have a desire/ability to hike off into the wilderness for countless miles anymore....Most are looking for men with big salaries who like to jet set all over the Carribbean....After a while, am left feeling like a leper with nothing to offer... Having a big paycheck is cool, but not owing a dime to anyone & owning everything you have outright doesn't count for much...If you make $80K a year, but it takes you $70 K to pay all the payments, who is better off ? I have come to the conclusion that I am gonna live out my years alone, better to be alone than in a bad relationship...

To avoid kissing frogs might call for going out to sea.

By screening for sexual potential as prerequisite, I think we can miss knowing some fascinating people; while still keeping gay friends, being open to later possibilities for intimacy growing out of friendships and still keeping a vibrator.

Ha ha ha.. well, I am 54 and lonely like you wouldn't believe. Your post did put a big smile on my face. So, a gay friend and a vibrator is the option for a female, what is it for me then? A lesbian friend and a.....a....a... am out of words here. In a serious note, still hoping to find the right person to spend nice time with... Cheers

I’m pretty convinced that when people take responsibility for their own happiness, and can look at another human being and see qualities in them that inspire them to want to be with them, good things happen. Most of the time we are consumed with how another makes us feel and we get stuck and don’t adjust with the changes life brings. If one finds a place in life where they hit their stride run with it. As I continue to see my true self , I am convinced that I do want to come across a woman that I can be with that is a lover of life , that is transparent with conversation and their feelings. It took me two years after I asked the question: what is Love , what is it to be in love ? To see it. If I run across it great, if not than that is okay too . Any way I guess it is difficult to find people to date 50 and over ,but I keep myself open to the possibility, as I do other things in my life.

I do identify here. I'm 71 and think I am 50. Maybe younger even in my head. My last ex of 12 years is 38. My life consists of doing little things that I want to do and it is much like it always was except that I'm now getting older. I'm not into keeping up with neighbors, car or house, and if you don't like me that's fine. Move on. I'm a kid inside this body just like I always was but today I'm more responsible. I do not want to impress anyone. Maybe myself. If you are similar or maybe can go with this idea we might be a match.

It sure does seem to be a numbers game. Though I feel and act 20 years younger than I am, I am often surprised when I don't get a reply from a guy whose many interests I share. Moreah

I realized last year that I had been looking for a caregiver, and how wrong my expectations were. I think if you find a man like that, they can be cured... I was.

Practical.

I couldn't have said it any better myself. It's just so true.

Maybe you are trying to hard ? Just say f..k em all and see what happens ?

I have been widowed for 5 years and am just now getting used to it. I have dated a few men near here, but they are tied up in religion and don't like it when I am the one that makes the plans sometimes. There are about 5 agnostics and a couple of atheists around here. I have met a couple of them, but they don't seem to like the idea that I play music in bars. The musicians I date are not working out. The one that I really like was so in the moment that he lost the moment. LOL. I am fine single for sure. . . But I would like to hang out with some like minded individuals. Right now, I am not looking. I am open to a date, but I don't hold out much hope on finding anyone. But. . . . That's ok.

Damn baby girl. Please tell me that our situation isn't that hopeless? I'm 59. I happen to be a righteous fan of the over 50 crowd, so it works pretty well for me.

Crimson67, your concern is sooo right on. I just don't date. Instead, I focus on making friends. Good to meet others with the same dilemma.

I think you are 100% correct in your observations. I've often said the same thing about the gay friend - that really would be ideal. Sad to say, women over 50 do have a hard time because men that age are all looking for 35 yr old women. I don't blame them - I'm sure having a younger, attractive, vivacious partner at that time in their lives puts a little spring in their step....just kinda sad that a 50 year old woman gets called a cougar and mocked if she ends up dating a 35 yr old man. The more things change......the more they stay the same.

I don't go out with expectations so maybe it depends on what your goals are for dating. I just want to date, meet guys, hang out. I'm not out to judge and don't need a hookup, don't need a relationship. Mostly the guys I'm meeting so far seem to be decent people. If a guy has baggage (who doesn't) or issues or are having a bad day, then maybe our time together is therapy.

My one non-negotiable is prejudice: antisemitism and prejudice in any form. Who wants to hang out with THAT?

Anyway, I'm rolling with it and so far, happily, it's a good place to be.

It's totally a nightmare. I separated and then divorced my "last" wife ( the key word is last) shortly after I turned 50 12 years ago. I haven't had a serious long term romantic relationship or even casual sex in almost 13 years. So I'm getting a bit tense. I had a goodly number of single dates on POF but when they saw that I was driving a little Nissan instead of a BMW or Mercedes, I was history. In other words, gold-diggers. All I have to show for my upgraded fees is a lot of heartache and frustration. Although I did meet a few new friends. Sadly, they don't keep me warm at night. So yes, definitely a nightmare.

Dating is a nightmare at ANY age, lately. Our culture (or, lack of it) has distanced us from ourselves and each other. Our expectations for friendships and relationships are impossibly high, while opportunities for meeting people the old fashioned way are all but disappearing.

One nice thing about being over 45 is a reduction of that youthful, intense yearning to accommodate physical desire.

I'd get that vibrator soon - spring is gonna cause a rise in our hormone levels...

I am 63 but still in fsirly good shape and play with a rock band in Toronto. My wife and I have been separated for around 2 years. I get butterflies in the tummy even when I think of dating. Totally afraid of dating. Anyway I do not know enough people to be able to date. When I do live gigs I get to meet many women. They buy me drinks after performances and are very friendly to me. I want to pursue the friendship but draw the line with sex still. I do not know why. My ex already has a boyfriend and moved on. Not it is my turn. I first need to have female friendships in order to get to the point of asking for dates. Have a new band but it is in its infancy and we only rehearse. When we get booked gigs, that may be my chance to ask a lady fior a date.

Not a nightmare in my opinion, just way more difficult than it needs to be. Old photos, flat-out untruths and a person's imaginatively-constructed online image of themself make it pretty likely that you're not going to meet the person you expected in the rare case it gets that far. I think many people create the online virtual person they wish they were, never expecting to be called-out on it, or in some cases, even to ever meet someone at all. I meet ladies with the attitude that no matter what, I'm going to have a good meal, create enjoyable and humorous conversation, respectfully pay for the meal and only ask for a 2nd-meet if everything checked-out and we BOTH had fun. It's rare, but no disasters... just lots of funny stories! The worst part of the process is that ladies are often scared to step past the anonymity of their cloaked devices with the very guys who they will never have a problem with... so we often (usually) just give-up and move-on before we ever get a phone conversation, name, email, or meet.