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How do you deal with Door-knockers?

Whether they be Witnesses, Mormons, or another proselytizing religion, how do you deal with people coming to your door to spread their religion?
I just had my first experience since getting a place of my own and had a decent conversation through the crack in my door. After I told him I was an atheist he tried to use apologetics; when I told him I was familiar with his arguments and didn't find them convincing further explaining that I take a scientific route of belief and chose not to believe until there is evidence for a god. He understood and thanked me for explaining and listening to him and he left with a handshake. I was surprised at myself for how civil I was to him but how does everyone else usually respond?

Nicsnort 6 Oct 14
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785 comments (301 - 325)

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3

It depends if im high I might come to door in underwear smoking a jay. robe open. gun in hand playing porn loud

Bwahahahahahah!!!!!

3

Well if the righteous religous folk come a knocking on my door I tend to humour them with some quotes from their good book before informing them that scotland is the birth place of the age of reason and that I am a dangerous athiest .

3

I live in a mobile home park which is entirely private property so if/when they venture on the property the are legally trespassing so if they make it to my door they are in for some shit. Often times I just start by telling them that they are trespassing and if that doesn't make them turn around then, while I am talking to them, I am on the phone to park management or the police and let them know to come on down to catch a trespasser.

If they are trying to sell me shit, I take their literature and business card then tell them that they are trespassing. It's at that point they try to ask for the paperwork back, to which I decline and I tell them I have to had it to park management so that he can call their boss and explain the trespassing statutes.

3

Because you asked the question I have to share this joke:
(it's a visual joke so just go with it)
Why are Jehovah's Witnesses all flat chested?
(repeated pushing motion, chest high) "Get off my porch! Get off my porch!"

lerlo Level 8 Feb 25, 2018
3

I politely tell them I'm not interested and send them on their way. I once had a roommate who opened the door to a couple of guys with bibles, and was like, "WHAT? THERE IS NO GOD! GTFO of here" etc.

I was about 20 years old, and thought it was hilarious.

Answering the door naked usually does the trick.

@Wrytyr Hahahahaaa! You're the 2nd person in as many months who has told me the same thing. Although he said, "... naked with beer in one hand and a joint in the other." 😮

@MollyBell One I read on another board to this subject.
The lady was preparing dinner, and she was getting ready to cut up a chicken. she said she took the chicken with her to the door. when she opened it, she said, "Oh good, you are just in time for the ceremony".
She said she had never seen that type move so fast.

3

Here in NOVA the kids and I watch for the first sign of spring. The little mormon boys out in pairs cruising the hood.

Candy Level 4 Feb 25, 2018
3

I say very calmly, first let me discuss with you Wicca, Druidism, Hellenistic paganism and of course the church of Satan since all of them are trying to convonce me to believe in their God. Do many gods, do little time. Frankly, with all due respect to you personally, your religion is just as fucked up. Thank you for your time.

3

I usually tell them that there is a sign directly outside the building stating no door to door salesmen. If they persist, the manager will charge them with trespass.

3

A black cat in one hand, and a butcher knife in the other. I have a pentacle to wear, but sometimes they catch me off guard. I have tattoos all over my limbs, so I look scary enough without black clothing...besides I also have a white cat.

3

I don't get them any more as I live in sheltered accommodation, my granny used to let them in make them tea and cakes and nod in all the right places and when they had gone say -"I have done my bit for the day they left some other poor soul in peace whilst i had them here

3

I leave them standing at the door and simply tell them I am an atheist and thank them for their time and close the door.

3

I have a sticker on by my door saying religious groups and door to door sales persons not welcome. Amazingly it works! Now I just get crap posted through my letterbox (not literally)

3

I ask them if they’re from the religion that doesn’t believe in hospitals and inform them that they’re going to need one if they don’t get the hell off my porch.

3

I keep a shotgun leaning against the outside of my front door. A door mat that says "GO AWAY". I added the "or else". The gun isn't loaded & there is no trigger mechanism. I take no joy in guns. I would rather use my hands. They are registered. =0}

3

I simply do not answer the door. I really can't be bothered.

3

You tell the Mormons that you are possessed, and need a priest. And tell the Christians that you are Mormon, and need more wives.

3

Politely. just the same way I would deal with anyone?

3

I tell them than unless they're bringing Starbucks or delivering my Amazon packages, they need to go away.

3

Wow a few stories here. In my old neighborhood (growing up) once one neighbor got the knock - every other neighbor was phoned and told "They are on their way" - we'd watch TV and ignore the door. Which is annoying. - My mother once answered the door and said "I have a religion of my own I follow - thanks!". Nice straight forward. - Now you know if Prince had showed up at your door you'd have let him in right? (Yup he dressed up and went door to door that was his religion which boggles my mind). - I have a friend of about 15 years who is JW. She waited a full year to tell me. She does not go door to door - it's an independent choice in her Church. Not to say it's that way for all JWs. - And when I worked security in college I met some young JWs - we had great conversations. And they really didn't try to convert me especially after I told them I couldn't give up dancing. They kind of wanted to go dancing too. 😉

3

I opened the door to see two ladies, both dressed conservatively. The older started with the standard are you saved speech. I interrupted saying that I was a scientist and she said, "so you should know how statistically unlikely evolution is?"
"Well. I am not a biologist but I do have a few books on the subject shall I get them?"
They took off for the next house.

Doug Level 5 Jan 29, 2018

Hahaha I love that response

3

I blast Marylin Manson's Antichrist Superstar before I open the door!! Works like a charm!

Type O Negative, Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, or Body Count also work.

I worked for MM for awhile.

3

My ex-husband is Hispanic. When we first moved here some came to the door and he told them "I no speakin english" so they would leave. They were back a few hours later with Spanish speakers. I thought it was hilarious when he told me, but then I was mad that he let them in and talked to them. Admired their persistence though..

MsAl Level 8 Jan 24, 2018
3

I also try to be civil, as much as possible. Usually when I say, "no thanks, I'm an Atheist" they politely move along. No hard feelings.

One Witness didn't want to stop bothering me so I just told him that his day would go a lot better if he didn't try to have a conversation with me. Their promotion of sexual abuse just sickens me.

3

NAKED is how I deal....I must be on their "list", NOBODY cums anymore....

3

I take off my clothes, put a towel around my waist, tell them I have just finished showering and invite them in for tea.

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