TomMcGiverin's Profile

Got stood up again for the second time in four months, each time a different woman from a site that ...

Heidi68 comments on Feb 28, 2019:

My observation. Online dating is difficult because you don't know each other. You keep belittling the woman in this situation (and while I agree, since it was next to her work she could have checked but) - you continue to talk about your character. She doesn't know your true character because ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 28, 2019:

@Heidi68 Thank you Heidi- I never took offense to anything you wrote last night on this thread. What some of the others wrote, that's another matter. I knew you were genuinely sympathetic and trying to help. This thread was obviously the reason for Proud Merrie's post today about manners. I have calmed down some from yesterday's experience and don't feel as defensive about some, but not all, of the comments posted last night. Some people are empathetic and some are determined to blame the man for any conflicts with women no matter what the situation. I now know who those people are and will take their opinions with a grain of salt, as you say....

I'm boarding a plane and headed to Texas to spend face to face time with Jonado.

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 28, 2019:

I used to chat with her on this site and I really liked her. I miss her too on this site. Tell her hi and I hope it works out for you two.

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 28, 2019:

@Xanadutoo She had chatted with me about that. I agree with you on this.

Got stood up again for the second time in four months, each time a different woman from a site that ...

Heidi68 comments on Feb 28, 2019:

My observation. Online dating is difficult because you don't know each other. You keep belittling the woman in this situation (and while I agree, since it was next to her work she could have checked but) - you continue to talk about your character. She doesn't know your true character because ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 28, 2019:

@Heidi68 There are no rules on paid sites. Women can message men, a small minority even do, but women learn very quickly on those sites that men will do all the pursuing and they do. So the women quickly learn to sit back and wait for the messages to come in, which they do. That is the unwritten "rule" of how the game works in online dating on paid sites. The men pursue, women wait and then decide among the men who message them. That's just how it ends up for the most part...

Got stood up again for the second time in four months, each time a different woman from a site that ...

Heidi68 comments on Feb 28, 2019:

My observation. Online dating is difficult because you don't know each other. You keep belittling the woman in this situation (and while I agree, since it was next to her work she could have checked but) - you continue to talk about your character. She doesn't know your true character because ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 28, 2019:

You're one of the few women on this thread disagreeing with me that actually comes off as genuine and supportive, rather than just blaming me and bashing. Thank you and I will consider your advice.

Got stood up again for the second time in four months, each time a different woman from a site that ...

Stephanie99 comments on Feb 27, 2019:

If it has been a few days since the date was made, it seems reasonable, and has been my experience, to confirm the day before, or that morning.

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 28, 2019:

@Stephanie99 My point about honoring agreements still stands. People are either ethical or not. How common the practice you are pushing for doesn't change the ethical point. You never can stand me being right about anything Stephanie so I give you the same creedence as Wildflower, your tag partner that I blocked already.I see that you're carrying on for her.

Got stood up again for the second time in four months, each time a different woman from a site that ...

Stephanie99 comments on Feb 27, 2019:

If it has been a few days since the date was made, it seems reasonable, and has been my experience, to confirm the day before, or that morning.

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 28, 2019:

@Stephanie99 So because most people confirm plans around the time of meeting it excuses not honoring one's agreements?

Got stood up again for the second time in four months, each time a different woman from a site that ...

hippydog comments on Feb 28, 2019:

Heres the thing .. by texting them the day before.. you are showing interest.. its not "rule " or anything but i think many humans if they didnt hear from a prospective partner for a day or two , might feel ignored..

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 28, 2019:

@hippydog Feel free to block first, if you like..I can wait.....

Got stood up again for the second time in four months, each time a different woman from a site that ...

hippydog comments on Feb 28, 2019:

Heres the thing .. by texting them the day before.. you are showing interest.. its not "rule " or anything but i think many humans if they didnt hear from a prospective partner for a day or two , might feel ignored..

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 28, 2019:

@hippydog So be a man and come out and say, "You're wrong", instead of couching it in all your snark and sarcasm, Kerry....Your claim of trying to help rings hollow...

Got stood up again for the second time in four months, each time a different woman from a site that ...

Heidi68 comments on Feb 28, 2019:

My observation. Online dating is difficult because you don't know each other. You keep belittling the woman in this situation (and while I agree, since it was next to her work she could have checked but) - you continue to talk about your character. She doesn't know your true character because ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 28, 2019:

I understand the reasoning of my critics on this thread, but whatever happened to people simply honoring their word and living up to their agreements? I don't buy all these excuses for someone who could have taken maybe three minutes to stop by after their work and see if I showed up. As Kelvin said, she apparently wasn't that interested or she could have done so. I gave up trying to chat with this woman after Sat. thru the paid site because she seemed too busy to reach for another real time chat. Adults should act like ones and honor their agreed upon plans without being prodded and stroked. But maybe I am a bit old-fashioned about that Heidi. I was raised the son of a judge, so to me, it seems obvious that a person should keep their word and do what they said they were going to do, without a bunch of excuses, unless there is a very good reason for not doing so, like the other person having proved they are not trustworthy, honest, had lied to the other person, whatever. I did none of that here.......Jesus H. Christ, Heidi, the way things already work for a man on a paid dating site, we have to do all the initial messaging to women while facing a rejection/no-reply rate of over 90% and then on top of that I am now required to prod and coddle the woman who agrees to meet for coffee on top of that in order for her to show up? Com'on, where does the lopsidedness end? I get a little tired of having to make all the effort, including the women around my area wanting the guy to also make the plans for the first meeting as well.... It would be refreshing to get a turn as a woman on a paid site and be the one who sits back and waits for the messages to come in, then gets to sort and select who to meet for coffee as the men make the plans, then gets to choose whether to show up or not for said coffee meetings depending on whether the guy has been properly attentive prior to said meeting and still seems interesting enough compared to his competition.... Yeah, I could enjoy having that for a change....Not that women have it all easy on paid sites either, but it would be nice to play the passive role for a while....

Got stood up again for the second time in four months, each time a different woman from a site that ...

hippydog comments on Feb 28, 2019:

Heres the thing .. by texting them the day before.. you are showing interest.. its not "rule " or anything but i think many humans if they didnt hear from a prospective partner for a day or two , might feel ignored..

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 28, 2019:

@hippydog I do see your point Kerry and I don't disagree with it completely. Let's both be ourselves, as you say. I wasn't trying to tell you how to do you. I was trying to explain more about my perspective. Maybe there's a generational difference between you and me also, but in my mind keeping one's word and living up to doing what you say you are going to do is not something that should depend on whether I am stroking your ego by showing interest in you. It's something that I do because I take great pride in being a man of my word and living up to my agreements with people. I may not be great-looking or rich, but I have my integrity and nobody can take that away from me unless I choose to let them. From your viewpoint, getting ahead may count for way more than ethics or principles, I don't know you well enough to say. But I do know that for most people, of all generations these days, integrity doesn't seem to matter much. It's more about money, looks and fame. I'm not the only one posting complaints about my experiences on here, including the hypocrite on that score, Wildflower, but I have to give you props for coming up with clever snark to kick me while I'm feeling down. Just remember that should you ever choose to complain about your dating experiences on this board, I remember everything and will be glad to return the favor.......

What do you expect for the first date?

Qualia comments on Feb 27, 2019:

Seems like from the answers it's different for everyone. I freaking hate txtng w/a bloody passion. I want them to be able to give good "phone" first, barring that, be able to communicate in person. So much of this is like creating a relationship in a petri dish to me. sigh

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 28, 2019:

@Stephanie99 You are practically the same age as me, but like you said to Doraz, you are completely different than me on the texting vs. talking. It is clearly not a generational thing, but a personality thing as to what kind of communication is desired and valued. In my case, I hate small talk, for one thing...

Got stood up again for the second time in four months, each time a different woman from a site that ...

hippydog comments on Feb 28, 2019:

Heres the thing .. by texting them the day before.. you are showing interest.. its not "rule " or anything but i think many humans if they didnt hear from a prospective partner for a day or two , might feel ignored..

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 28, 2019:

Then maybe they are too needy or insecure to be my type, but it doesn't excuse their behavior. People either keep their promises and word or they don't. I am an extremely ethical, honest and moral person. If someone else isn't, I don't want to be with them, as a friend or a partner. My friends are just like me in their ethics, morals, and honesty and that's why we have been friends for over 25 years. So Wildflower can take her bashing of how I am so terrible, dysfunctional, and unwantable and shove it. My friends happen to about all be social workers and a doctor, so if I were such a jerk as she says, they wouldn't have stuck with me...... Also remember hippydog, that men must walk a very fine line with women when it comes to messaging them. Contacting them often or on the day before or day of may seem interesting and positive with some women, with others it may come off as too underconfident or even insecure on the part of the man. You don't want to come off as needy or desperate in any way......

Got stood up again for the second time in four months, each time a different woman from a site that ...

Cast1es comments on Feb 27, 2019:

I remembered my anniversary , and thought it would be nice if my husband did as well . I made a choice , I could remind him , and we could both celebrate , or I could allow him to forget it , and we'd both be hurt . I chose to remind him , instead of allowing the situation to go down hill .

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 28, 2019:

I would not settle for someone who was that inconsiderate. Your mileage may vary and no offense to you.

Got stood up again for the second time in four months, each time a different woman from a site that ...

Wildflower comments on Feb 27, 2019:

I always like a confirmation from my date. I've been stood up, so if he doesn't message me I don't believe it is happening.

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 27, 2019:

@Wildflower Enjoy the block..

Got stood up again for the second time in four months, each time a different woman from a site that ...

Wildflower comments on Feb 27, 2019:

I always like a confirmation from my date. I've been stood up, so if he doesn't message me I don't believe it is happening.

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 27, 2019:

@Wildflower I approach each one individually and I don't play games or penalize one for the sins of other women. You and me have tangled before on these boards and I'm not too impressed with you either. You want the block now or later Wildflower? I know plenty of women on here that don't agree with you about me. Ask Judy, Merrie, and others....Also, you dodged my ? about whether it was reasonable for her to have stopped by and checked. You just can't stand to admit that a woman was being unreasonable instead of the man in this case......

Got stood up again for the second time in four months, each time a different woman from a site that ...

Wildflower comments on Feb 27, 2019:

I always like a confirmation from my date. I've been stood up, so if he doesn't message me I don't believe it is happening.

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 27, 2019:

So if you didn't get the confirmation you are wanting and were getting off work right by the place of the meeting, wouldn't you have at least stopped by to see if he showed up? Like it would have taken more than a few minutes or a very short walk?

Got stood up again for the second time in four months, each time a different woman from a site that ...

Stephanie99 comments on Feb 27, 2019:

If it has been a few days since the date was made, it seems reasonable, and has been my experience, to confirm the day before, or that morning.

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 27, 2019:

No it doesn't seem reasonable or necessary. Why can't women be responsible and competent to remember, keep their word, and show up? I will not caretake someone who should be able to handle their own social calender. I am not traditional that way, I treat all adults as adults, I don't caretake them or treat them like irresponsible children. If women want to be treated like the feminists ask, they don't need to be reminded or confirmed with. Treating adults as adults also involves telling them the truth, whether they want to hear it or not. If they can't handle it, that's also not my problem....

Got stood up again for the second time in four months, each time a different woman from a site that ...

Wildflower comments on Feb 27, 2019:

I always like a confirmation from my date. I've been stood up, so if he doesn't message me I don't believe it is happening.

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 27, 2019:

That is not honest or fair on your part to men who are honest and honorable... Quit judging all men on the behavior of some. Own and deal with your own baggage....

Got stood up again for the second time in four months, each time a different woman from a site that ...

EyesThatSmile comments on Feb 27, 2019:

Definitely rude. As a FYI, I always try to touch base on the day of the date (or the day before).

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 27, 2019:

Why should I have to do that? I am not her parent and I am not responsible for what other guys have done to her..... You are a minority, but a good one. In my experience, the woman not only wants the guy to make the plans, they also never touch base with the guy soon before the day of to confirm. Of course, that may differ depending on where you live and the culture there, but here where I live, the woman who did that would probably be seen by most men as desperate, too eager or serious in the eyes of the man. So women in my area just don't do that.....

Got stood up again for the second time in four months, each time a different woman from a site that ...

KevinAverett comments on Feb 27, 2019:

She already screwed you...now she requires a 6 dollar cup of joe? Run Forrest, RUN!

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 27, 2019:

These two incidents were different women. Was that not clear in the post?

What do you expect for the first date?

KevinAverett comments on Feb 27, 2019:

Personally, I hate texting. I'd much rather call.

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 27, 2019:

@KevinAverett Exactly. Texting is too impersonal and less effective since there is not the context of voicemail. I want my communication as personal as possible as much and often as possible. If the other person is too busy for that or too self-important that they use texting for most of the communication when we are apart, then they aren't right for me....

What do you expect for the first date?

zesty comments on Feb 27, 2019:

If a woman cannot decide during the first minute of the meet that she'll have sex with the guy or not - forget it!

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 27, 2019:

I think there is a lot of truth to that and most men recognize this and agree with it, women, not so much. I think this is more true with women than most of them are willing to admit, for whatever reasons. I have always heard it takes two minutes, but your's is pretty close. For me I always know after at least the second date if I am going to want a physical relationship with the woman and why waste my time or theirs if I know that by seeing them again, unless both of us agree to be nothing but friends?

I posted about a guy I met for coffee a week ago tonight who wasn’t feeling it after meeting.

SleeplessInTexas comments on Feb 26, 2019:

I wouldn't necessarily call him a douche. Even if it took him 5 days to call you to tell you that he didn't feel any chemistry with you. He really didn't have to call you at all. Keep that in mind. At least he told you why he hadn't called you sooner. Personally, I would not have gotten upset ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 27, 2019:

@IrishTxJudy I always know if I am feeling any physical attraction for the woman when I meet in person and I'm sure they know the same on their end regarding me. I also think in most cases the other person, like you, is well aware if the other person is feeling it for them or not. It would be nice if we could all be adults about it enough to handle this info being shared in person at the time of the meeting, but most people aren't. So in my experience what usually happens is both people retire to their separate corners and share the news to the other thru a message, sometimes politely and kindly, sometimes not. With women, the message they send thru an e-mail is usually indirect about them not feeling any attraction. They usually just come up with some other reason to say they aren't interested in any more contact in order to spare the man's feelings. With men, I think most of us are too inarticulate and assertive enough to say it directly thru a message or hang it on some less sensitive reason, so many men just act like jerks and ghost the woman if they aren't feeling it.

I went on a lunch date yesterday for my birthday.

tinkercreek comments on Feb 27, 2019:

Oh, my dear, thank you for the clever narrative, and Happy Birthday, fellow Piscean! Your disappointment is our great giggle, and a learning for all on clarifying important details before meeting. Trying to be polite has no place in the vetting process, and neither does withholding information!

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 27, 2019:

I have to disagree some with you about politeness. I think that can be present in the vetting process and I wish there were more of it. I do my best to be polite with women I meet online while at the same time being very open about myself so they can do their vetting as well as save both of us some time rather than ending up meeting people that are incompatible when it could have been avoided with pre-meeting vetting. I totally agree about the witholding of info by others and when I have encountered that and it has seemed unfair on the part of the other person, I have been very direct and confrontational about it thru messaging to them after I discovered they were doing that. Witholding information that I have asked for regarding dealbreaker issues that I have or suspect they have is an unfair game of seeking to hold all the power yourself so you know all you need to about whether the other person is a match or not to you while keeping them in the dark. It is selfish, immature, and arrogant.

The cat trap I set up on my bed worked.

Mokvon comments on Feb 27, 2019:

You know she went in to make you feel better.

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 27, 2019:

I agree, most cats are too smart to fall for the trap....

Ive changed my dating site profile from the one I have on here to this.

ProudMerrie comments on Feb 26, 2019:

What are you singing?

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 27, 2019:

@273kelvin To me, as well as my late wife, Leonard was the man, right along with Bob Dylan...

Why do so many men include picture of themselves with small children on their dating profiles?

IrishTxJudy comments on Feb 26, 2019:

I don’t agree with pics of children on dating sites but I think they think they will appeal to women with these pics. That they love kids and if you are looking for that guy who loves children also ... well here I am. It’s a game

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 27, 2019:

Totally right on the money Judy. I even saw the profile of a guy in my area my age that is listed on the right of the page next to my profile when I view it that recently changed his profile to look like more of a good family man. He added a couple pics of him with his teenage daughter and also added some stuff in his essay about what a great dad he is. Of course I already figured out this guy is an ass from seeing all his fake nice guy phony humor with lots of self-deprecating corny jokes. He changed that stuff to different material of the same type and added the dad stuff. I pointed out this guy's profile to a woman from his town that I was chatting with on the site and she told me she remembered seeing his profile and caught on to him immediately, probably because she's a transplant from California and used to seeing his type. This guy works in corporate communications and comes off as your typical corporate weasel. He also is kind enough to date women a whole year older than him as well as 13 years younger, another thing he changed in his profile recently. His dating range had been 15 years younger on the low end and 5 years younger on the older end. What a guy, my competition...... So yeah, there are guys that use the kid pics as a way to be fake and play games. On the other hand, the rest of you live in places that must be way different than me because among the women my age on this site, not Agnostic, the profiles without pics of kids are a very small minority. Like I have complained before on these boards, there is such worship of all things family by the vast majority of women and the mainstream culture in general of my state, that I think a woman with kids or one who was childless, would look suspect or be criticized if she didn't have kids in her pics, even if they were nieces and nephews. It's a very warped culture in my state and I think women feel they have to defend themselves or prove something to everybody about how big kids and family are in their life because if they don't they are seen as weird or immoral.

Good Day Everyone.

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 26, 2019:

I have, but I've already discussed my family before here.....

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 26, 2019:

@sassygirl3869 My family has a lot of secrets, is pretty dysfunctional and was very unhappy when I was growing up. I have no contact with my siblings and haven't had for quite a while. They are not understanding or supportive and I am better off without them and replacing them in my life with my several longtime friends, which I have for the last couple decades. My mother is dead and my father will be likely in the next year. My younger sister, who is the worst of the bunch, boycotted my late wife's memorial service two years ago, even tho she was invited and all the rest of my family showed up. She did not warn me she was going to skip it nor did she give any apology or explanation later. I will never forgive her for this even tho the rest of my family thinks I should not have been upset or offended. Typical of them.....I have been visiting my father once a month for the last decade and we have a decent relationship because we both know he doesn't have a lot of time left so we both want to be on good terms.

I can't take in any feral fur babies because of my life situation, but I feed the cats in a local ...

RavenCT comments on Feb 26, 2019:

We had this conversation this morning. My roommate came in from getting mail and said "Tell me "No Sixx - that's not going to happen."". I'm all "Say what?". After some back and forth I found out about tiny cat prints in the snow. I happen to know there are two outdoor kitties in the ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 26, 2019:

What is TNR?

Looks like this is some good advice for meeting someone in the dating world: 'Don't call me ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 26, 2019:

To me, this is all bullshit. I don't text, don't know how to and don't want to learn. I prefer voice phone calls to e-mail. I know a lot of this is related to my age, but I will not date someone who has a lot of rules and restrictions over how I communicate with her. I mention this in my profile ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 26, 2019:

@Wildflower No I don't. They can call me anytime and if I don't have time to talk I will say so politely. I find the new methods impersonal and I won't use them. I also want someone who will put away their phone when I am talking with them or watching something with me like TV or a movie. If someone is too selfish for that, then they can date someone else. Same with having a phone on the table while eating with me.

She looks happy...

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 26, 2019:

That is funny, but I feel bad for the poor cat, hope it's ok. Poor surprised kitty....Still, I don't think a woman being single past age 35 automatically qualifies as a crazy cat lady. Needs to be much older than that and have at least 3 cats, lol..

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 26, 2019:

@Cutiebeauty I hope so. I read a true story years ago here in Iowa about some sick fuck in my state that never got caught, but he had attacked several cats over a period of a couple weeks in which the cats were all swung by their tails. Some of them lived, but a couple had to be euthanised because of the damage to their tails and bodies. Made me fantasize about the guy being caught and hung up by his balls for poetic justice.

It simultaneously cracks me up and makes me want humanity to end at the same time.

AtheistReader comments on Feb 25, 2019:

At the same time, I understand the basis for the underlying anger: it's easy to stand on a soapbox if one is rich. It is one thing for a rich person to preach, "we should share our meals" when the rich person would never have to worry about when the next meal would come from. When the working ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 26, 2019:

Well said. The Oscars is the ultimate expression of the stereotypical limo liberal rep of Hollywood. Notice how the Hollywood liberals will never say anything against corporate power or wealth inequality? With the exception of maybe Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon, but to me they are not mere liberals but more true progressives or socialists in their views, which made them pariahs in Hollywood.

A new study says that all men, regardless of age, will always be attracted to women in their 20's ...

zesty comments on Feb 26, 2019:

Don't agree with this statement. I like to have sex with guys in the 23 to 30 range. An older man may attract me intellectually - maybe.

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 26, 2019:

@Marcie1974 I don't know why that is either Marcie..

A new study says that all men, regardless of age, will always be attracted to women in their 20's ...

Kojaksmom comments on Feb 26, 2019:

Love sucks, hope is dead. Most men never grow out of club snatch. This is why homosexual relationships are more likely to be satisfying. The more I age, the more I realize that love may not be a thing at all, its a temporary mechanism of human breeding.

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 26, 2019:

You're a bigger cynic than me, that's saying something....

A new study says that all men, regardless of age, will always be attracted to women in their 20's ...

Mofo1953 comments on Feb 26, 2019:

Can't escape what's in your DNA.

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 26, 2019:

@Kojaksmom Not true.This male never wanted or had kids, so I never looked for that in women, consciously or subconsciously. How do you account for that with your theory?

A new study says that all men, regardless of age, will always be attracted to women in their 20's ...

zesty comments on Feb 26, 2019:

Don't agree with this statement. I like to have sex with guys in the 23 to 30 range. An older man may attract me intellectually - maybe.

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 26, 2019:

@Marcie1974 You are definitely a minority Marcie....

Looks like this is some good advice for meeting someone in the dating world: 'Don't call me ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 26, 2019:

To me, this is all bullshit. I don't text, don't know how to and don't want to learn. I prefer voice phone calls to e-mail. I know a lot of this is related to my age, but I will not date someone who has a lot of rules and restrictions over how I communicate with her. I mention this in my profile ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 26, 2019:

@WonderWartHog99 I wouldn't want to be involved with someone so prickly that they would regularly avoid conversations with me. Reminds me of that common explanation for divorce, irreconcilable differences... oh, what a fun relationship.....

Be careful what you ask for.

slydr68 comments on Feb 26, 2019:

Other countries have a service requirement for all youth...there is a lot of opportunity to learn in the military, not all involving being the boots on the ground. And, yes, we have even made military service about capitalism - want a college education? Join the military! Want healthcare and ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 26, 2019:

As one of my music idols, Elvis Costello said with his song Oliver's Army in the song's video, " Don't join!..".

Looks like this is some good advice for meeting someone in the dating world: 'Don't call me ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 26, 2019:

To me, this is all bullshit. I don't text, don't know how to and don't want to learn. I prefer voice phone calls to e-mail. I know a lot of this is related to my age, but I will not date someone who has a lot of rules and restrictions over how I communicate with her. I mention this in my profile ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 26, 2019:

@sweetcharlotte I don't have a smartphone either and I don't want one.

Be careful what you ask for.

Jnei comments on Feb 26, 2019:

Nobody should be forced to serve in combat.

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 26, 2019:

@WonderWartHog99 You have a point. I always loved the lyric from a song called Anthem For Doomed Youth by a New Wave band called 10,000 Maniacs (led by Natalie Merchant). It went " I think it's wrong to conscript our youth, against their will. When there's plenty of our citizenry, that really like to kill......". The song was from the early 1980s.

What's a "date"? I keep seeing the word.

tinkercreek comments on Feb 24, 2019:

I think we're experienced enough as a society to be done with the sexist patterns of the male, of a male/female interest, being responsible for asking, planning and paying for a "date". It can be fun and flattering, but I've found it uncomfortable to be on the receiving end of this, just doesn't ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 26, 2019:

@tinkercreek Sorry to hear that...

What's a "date"? I keep seeing the word.

tinkercreek comments on Feb 24, 2019:

I think we're experienced enough as a society to be done with the sexist patterns of the male, of a male/female interest, being responsible for asking, planning and paying for a "date". It can be fun and flattering, but I've found it uncomfortable to be on the receiving end of this, just doesn't ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 26, 2019:

@tinkercreek I have a feeling that if I lived in Portland instead of here, where I am so far out of the mainstream culture, that I wouldn't have much of a problem finding someone to date, even if I had to use a dating site to meet.

What's a "date"? I keep seeing the word.

tinkercreek comments on Feb 24, 2019:

I think we're experienced enough as a society to be done with the sexist patterns of the male, of a male/female interest, being responsible for asking, planning and paying for a "date". It can be fun and flattering, but I've found it uncomfortable to be on the receiving end of this, just doesn't ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 26, 2019:

@tinkercreek One of the best things about Portland is the transportation. It would be so nice to not need a car or at most rarely use one.

What's a "date"? I keep seeing the word.

tinkercreek comments on Feb 24, 2019:

I think we're experienced enough as a society to be done with the sexist patterns of the male, of a male/female interest, being responsible for asking, planning and paying for a "date". It can be fun and flattering, but I've found it uncomfortable to be on the receiving end of this, just doesn't ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 26, 2019:

@tinkercreek No, you are right. My late wife and I visited Portland and really loved it. We said it would be the best place to move to if we ever won the lottery and could afford to live anywhere we wanted. I even ran across a couple women my age on a paid dating site that had relocated to my area and told them in my message how much I liked the PNW and felt more at home there than in my area. But I was rejected by both women, who never replied to me, probably because I either didn't have their level of looks or money, because it costs a lot more to live out there than here, so they are a higher financial level than me. I've lived in Iowa my whole life and, yes, it is different, way different culturally and not in a good way. Much more conservative and traditional, anti-intellectual. Country music, worship of college sports, everything is about kids and family as far as cultural focus. I've never fit in with mainstream culture or norms of behavior for Iowa, but I've never had the guts or exceptional talent enough to risk leaving. So here I am widowed, alone and alienated from the mainstream.....No big surprise either that all of my friends are also not part of the mainstream culture here and most of them are in fact transplants who grew up outside the Midwest. Imagine that, no wonder I've always related better to transplants from the coasts than to native Iowans or Midwesterners..........My late wife was from Buffalo NY and that was a big reason we got along well and I was drawn to her...

Online dating has been an infuriating waste of my considerable efforts and hopes.

ProudMerrie comments on Feb 25, 2019:

Perhaps you should pay more attention to the women and their profiles and less attention to the boundaries of match percentages and distance. Why is more than 30 miles a deal breaker?

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 25, 2019:

@ProudMerrie Agreed. We're good Merrie.....

Online dating has been an infuriating waste of my considerable efforts and hopes.

ProudMerrie comments on Feb 25, 2019:

Perhaps you should pay more attention to the women and their profiles and less attention to the boundaries of match percentages and distance. Why is more than 30 miles a deal breaker?

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 25, 2019:

@ProudMerrie What works for me is finding out sooner than later, because I don't need a really long messaging process to have the trust to meet someone and a woman who needs that is probably, at least to me, someone too fragile or unready to date to be compatible for me in the first place. So I would rather meet and know if we're a match sooner rather than later....

Online dating has been an infuriating waste of my considerable efforts and hopes.

ProudMerrie comments on Feb 25, 2019:

Perhaps you should pay more attention to the women and their profiles and less attention to the boundaries of match percentages and distance. Why is more than 30 miles a deal breaker?

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 25, 2019:

@ProudMerrie The lengthy correspondence probably did have something to do with that and I'm happy you had that experience. But I don't join paid dating sites for the purpose of making friends, and I doubt most other people do either. I already have several friends who emotionally support me and spend time with me anywhere from regularly to occasionally. I want someone to date and later on hopefully share more than that. And in that search, I would rather get my disappointment, when it's going to occur, over with sooner rather than later....

Day 2 of plenty of fake fish.

Corvislover comments on Feb 23, 2019:

You were kind to reply when you had no interest. Many dont reply if there is no attraction.

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 25, 2019:

It's so rare that a woman from the paid site messages me first that I always reply, even if I am not interested in or attracted to her. However, if a woman only clicks on the Like button and I am notified of that, I will not bother with a reply, because in doing the Like option instead of messaging me, all I know is that she was presented with my name, age, city and main profile pic, which she clicked Yes to instead of clicking Skip to move on to the next profile. In most cases, women clicking the Like button haven't even viewed my profile. So how do I owe them a reply message for simply saying my main pic was acceptable for their standards?

Online dating has been an infuriating waste of my considerable efforts and hopes.

ProudMerrie comments on Feb 25, 2019:

Perhaps you should pay more attention to the women and their profiles and less attention to the boundaries of match percentages and distance. Why is more than 30 miles a deal breaker?

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 25, 2019:

@ProudMerrie I prefer to not trade messages more than a few times with women before meeting in person, but if the woman insists on messaging for longer than that before she's ready to meet I'll do that if I am interested in her enough. The reason I would prefer to meet within a week or two after she first replies to me is that I want to find out if there is any physical attraction there, at least on my part and hopefully hers as well. To draw it out over several weeks is just delaying disappointment and building false hope, at least as I see it. Photos are helpful on this issue but meeting in person is the real test. Women, at least some of them, may see the attraction process differently, but I know myself and have been dating a long time, both before my marriage and after, and I don't want to waste my time or hers. To my mind, there are really only two purposes served by messaging for quite a while before meeting in person. One is to build enough trust, at least for the woman, to feel comfortable meeting. The other, esp. for me, is to discuss any likely dealbreakers that were not already mentioned in either of our profiles. Doing that sometimes saves wasted time on meeting someone and finding out about it at the coffee meeting about a dealbreaker that could have been brought up in messaging with some simple info..

Online dating humor.

mischl comments on Feb 25, 2019:

I've met some wonderful witches in my life. Many of them are expert at getting on that stick and riding.

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 25, 2019:

Well spoken.....

What kind of "hidden agenda" do people have when they're searching for somebody to date?

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 25, 2019:

What are the first two requirements Eduardo?

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 25, 2019:

@mischl Well everybody's different.....I prefer women who are curvy or average build, but making any kind of comment about preferred body types is going to piss some women on here off, even if it's the truth and the way that not only most men, but also many women too, feel about the subject. Call me over-sensitive, but there are few worse experiences than meeting a woman you really like for who she is but have no physical attraction to her. Because I have done that and tried dating a woman hoping the attraction would happen later a few times in my life, and it's never happened for me later. I would rather spare her feelings and mine by not proceeding if the attraction isn't there after the first or second meeting and as far as online profiles, if the pics don't seem to hold any potential of that attraction, I'm not going to message her. I wish people were more honest and realistic about this issue because it's clear that women sort according to looks the same way, at least most of them do, starting with looking at the main profile pic to decide whose messages to reply to and whose they ignore and never read, much less bother to view the man's profile......

What's a "date"? I keep seeing the word.

tinkercreek comments on Feb 24, 2019:

I think we're experienced enough as a society to be done with the sexist patterns of the male, of a male/female interest, being responsible for asking, planning and paying for a "date". It can be fun and flattering, but I've found it uncomfortable to be on the receiving end of this, just doesn't ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 25, 2019:

I love your attitude. Why the hell is there nobody like you in my area?

What kind of "hidden agenda" do people have when they're searching for somebody to date?

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 25, 2019:

What are the first two requirements Eduardo?

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 25, 2019:

@mischl I think the vast majority of men, if they are honest, want a woman who is either slender or at most, an average body type, not noticeably overweight. I prefer someone with an average body type over slender, so I differ from you. Preferring someone passionate is also something you have in common with the vast majority of men. On both these issues tho, I can see how you can't come right out and state them in a profile essay because it will either offend or be misinterpreted by women if included in a profile essay.

Online dating has been an infuriating waste of my considerable efforts and hopes.

Stephanie99 comments on Feb 25, 2019:

Those sites are opportunities to make money for their owners. Any matching that they do is for hype purposes so that you will use the site and try to contact members and make their sites look good. That's how business works. There are too many sites so no single one has enough people in your area.

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 25, 2019:

That's why a lot of people end up joining multiple sites at the same time, but even that is mostly a waste of money. I've been on two paid sites since being widowed and when I joined the latest one, I noticed that many of the women on the second one were also members of the first site I was on. I recognized them from their pics and usernames.

Online dating has been an infuriating waste of my considerable efforts and hopes.

VertLyfe comments on Feb 25, 2019:

30 miles isn't that far. That said, my suggestion is reduce the reliance on online platforms, get some hobbies and meet people with similar interests in real life instead of online.

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 25, 2019:

@Markss76118 You're right, I've tried the whole "go out and do the things you like and you'll meet someone thru that" thing and it doesn't work. Also, for the most part, you end up running into the same women who are already on the paid dating sites at those IRL places...Doing the hobbies might keep you occupied while you are waiting to meet someone from the sites, but it won't help you meet anyone to date.

What kind of "hidden agenda" do people have when they're searching for somebody to date?

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 25, 2019:

What are the first two requirements Eduardo?

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 25, 2019:

@mischl My late wife was a social drinker and we had no problems with that in our marriage. In fact, we even went to wineries together. I even mention that in my profile essay, but it makes no difference with the vast majority of women on the paid site. Just like the family orientation issue, they are so defensive and judgmental about anyone who doesn't fit into or go along with the mainstream traits of the culture. My guess is they assume you are either a recovering alcoholic, unlike them, or that you are a judgmental teetotaler, neither of which is me. The other thing is that these women have plenty of men who are social drinkers to choose from in my area, so they reject me for someone who shares their social drinking and thus will fit in more with their lifestyle, friends, and family. It really comes down to that common habit of online dating where people see it more as shopping according to who meets their whole checklist than approaching it as encountering complex, whole human beings that might be very compatible in reality even if they don't meet every item on the checklist.....

What kind of "hidden agenda" do people have when they're searching for somebody to date?

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 25, 2019:

What are the first two requirements Eduardo?

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 25, 2019:

@mischl Well at least you are honest...Besides the family issue, one other dealbreaker, not on my part, but on the part of most women from the paid site, is the issue of social drinking. I don't drink, but the vast majority of women in my area do and they seem to be unwilling to accept a man for dating that doesn't share social drinking with them. I find that kind of shallow and insecure on their part, but I can't change their attitude. Another strike against me that has been very frustrating to encounter. I know there are plenty of cool women in my area that are non-drinkers, but most likely they are mostly recovering alcoholics who are not likely to end up using paid dating sites for two reasons. One is that they know the paid site will have almost nothing but men on it that are at least social drinkers, if not more. And two, they will instead find men to date thru their recovery meetings and social events within the 12 step programs they are a part of. I will not lie or pretend to have a drinking problem to meet these women, so once again, I strike out... The sad thing is we all know damn well there are guys out there that will troll AA meetings to meet these women and pretend they are alcoholics.....

What kind of "hidden agenda" do people have when they're searching for somebody to date?

HippieChick58 comments on Feb 24, 2019:

I don't hide my "agenda", I pretty much put it right out there. I have adult kids and grandkids that are the world to me. If you can't deal with that then we won't suit. And cats. If you don't want to live with cats, pass me by. Non smoking, I am plump but active. 420 friendly, non smoking. I read ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 25, 2019:

Except for the family issue that I discuss in my comment below, all my dealbreakers are discussed in my profile info or my profile essay, so the other person already knows full disclosure from my profile if we have dealbreaker differences on the issues that seem to matter, either to me or most women I encounter on that site. It pains me that so many of the women on that site seem content to waste their time or that of others by writing profiles that are less than a hundred words, often only a few sentences that say nothing really useful about the woman, so you don't know enough to tell if you have dealbreakers differences with them. But for me that kind of laziness or evasiveness itself is a dealbreaker and I won't message someone who does that.

What's a "date"? I keep seeing the word.

MojoDave comments on Feb 25, 2019:

JMHO I think many here are putting the cart before the horse. My idea of a date is 2 people agreeing to spend some time together. Period. The underlying purpose may be 1) to determine whether there's a basis to see each other again, or 2) explore the possibility of a friendship, or 3) explore the ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 25, 2019:

Totally well said..

What kind of "hidden agenda" do people have when they're searching for somebody to date?

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 24, 2019:

For me the really tough one to express is concerning how I don't want someone who is really family-oriented, which to me means that if we dated they would want to be visiting their family or grandkids very regularly with me coming along. I am just not interested in doing that with anyone more than ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 24, 2019:

@mischl I get and agree with that. The question becomes how much of the time the couple has together is spent away from family and how much is spent with them. If most if it is the latter, I don't want to be part of that. At least here in the Midwest, the predominant attitude is that the family of origin trumps any new partnership between the woman and her new man. I don't agree with it, but that seems to be the attitude of the vast majority of women in my area and age group, so I'm looking for a woman who is more of a non-conformist to the popular norms around here, as I also am. That means I'm left with a very small percentage of the women in my area to compete for with other men. It's very discouraging..... Even the women who don't have kids still seem very over-connected to their families of origin in most cases. So far I've had no interest from women without kids, probably because they know they are a small, highly desirable minority in my area and so they know they can do better than me on looks and money, so why settle for me? My godparents live in California and never had kids, even tho they grew up in Iowa and that is practically considered sacreligious here in the MIdwest, but they have always been very happy as just a couple who love being together and travelling. I envy them, but feel like a unicorn around all these family-worshippers here. I think another part of the problem for me is that in the MIdwest children are seen as the main reason for a marriage or partnership, so even if a widowed or divorced woman my age finds a new partner, to most women that relationship is seen as less valid or important than the earlier one(s) in which she had kids because the new relationship occurs after the kids have been raised. The society here as well as the woman and her family just don't see a later in life childless relationship as being as valid or important as the ones centered around kids. I chose to never have kids, so my values are obviously very different than these people.

What kind of "hidden agenda" do people have when they're searching for somebody to date?

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 24, 2019:

For me the really tough one to express is concerning how I don't want someone who is really family-oriented, which to me means that if we dated they would want to be visiting their family or grandkids very regularly with me coming along. I am just not interested in doing that with anyone more than ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 24, 2019:

@mischl That's exactly what I would fear getting into and here in the Midwest, with all these farmer's daughter types dominating the dating pool of women my age in the local area, I read their profile essays and so many times they seem to be saying they are looking more for an escort to their family visits than a real partner to spend most of their time with as a couple. I will not settle for a woman who fits the first type that is so overly tied to her family.

Major Study Finds the US Is An Oligarchy

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 24, 2019:

Why the hell would it change when both of the major parties are controlled by the oligarchs, the media is as well, and the masses about all believe that third parties are a waste of time to vote for while about half the eligible voters have given up on elections as a way of changing anything about ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 24, 2019:

@ATDayHiker You're still thinking within the two party box. Who says that Dem legislatures at the state level will help give us less corporate Dems at the fed level, much less third party reps at the fed level?

Major Study Finds the US Is An Oligarchy

webbew1 comments on Feb 24, 2019:

The notion that a third party vote is a wasted vote is the butter on these oligarchs toast. So long as 95% of the population walks in to the voting booth on election day and, like good trained monkeys, mindlessly pushes the button that says either "Republican" or "Democrat", nothing will change.

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 24, 2019:

True, Web, but even if voters woke up and elected third party candidates, there is always assassination or military coup available to the oligarchs. See my comment below..Don't forget how the media ignores or bashes third party candidates too.

Major Study Finds the US Is An Oligarchy

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 24, 2019:

Why the hell would it change when both of the major parties are controlled by the oligarchs, the media is as well, and the masses about all believe that third parties are a waste of time to vote for while about half the eligible voters have given up on elections as a way of changing anything about ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 24, 2019:

@ATDayHiker Label me a true cynic, but I'm doubtful that even elections can change anything if a third party prez was elected without much support in the congress. We would still have gridlock that would favor the oligarchs. And then if that was not the case, there is always assassination of a third party prez or even a military coup. Nope, I doubt I will live to see it, but I'm afraid if the oligarchy is ever to be thrown out of power in the US, we will have to be out in the streets fighting the cops and military in an ugly civil war. Think Chile in the 1970s. Unfortunately for us, they now have weapons and surviellence tools that Pinochet could only have dreamed of....

I believe most people on this site are liberal and probably democrats, not that it matters.

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 22, 2019:

I voted liberal-Democrat, but that party really doesn't represent my views very well as they are so corrupt and concerned only with the rich and corporations. I am more of a socialist in my political views and the only political party that really represents my views is the Green Party.

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 22, 2019:

lb@Grecio In the US the Green Party is also very socialist on economic policy, LGBT rights, civil rights, supports immigrant rights, anti-war, supports public financing of all political campaigns and an end to the buying of elections, etc. Besides its environmental policies, the Greens are everything the Dems aren't as far as actually caring about ordinary people and opposing corporate control of the US. Unfortunately, they are unable to get anyone elected beyond the local level because they have so little funding and so few members, as well as being totally opposed by the corporate media.

The music was better.

steveo270 comments on Feb 22, 2019:

Music was better when auto tune didn’t exist, and when singers wrote their own music and could play their own instruments...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 22, 2019:

@Sticks48 I don't like either of them, but then I hate country music across the board.

The music was better.

steveo270 comments on Feb 22, 2019:

Music was better when auto tune didn’t exist, and when singers wrote their own music and could play their own instruments...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 22, 2019:

@Sticks48 People that need AutoTune to sound on pitch have no business professionally singing, much less making studio recordings. I once heard a guy in a live band performance that was a fair guitar player, but couldn't sing worth shit and had no business doing any lead vocals. But he and his wife were both in the band and had founded it, so he got to sing a lot due to the band politics. So he compensated with Auto Tune and his voice didn't even sound human. I got up and left after a while. i don't know which is worse, someone using a ton of Auto Tune or someone singing off-key for every song.

Good Morning!

RobertNappi2 comments on Feb 22, 2019:

He don't look like a morning Cat!!!!

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 22, 2019:

I have a feeling Grumpy doesn't like mornings, except maybe for breakfast, or people very much.....

So fucking true!

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 21, 2019:

I volunteered for Bernie and have him money last time, but I won't get fooled again. He caved and supported Clinton instead of taking Stein's offer to head the Green Party ticket, which was on the ballot for either every state or almost every one. If he were really true to his principles and ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 21, 2019:

@Antidronefreeman Depends on the org.., you have to do the research before you give...

So fucking true!

Novelty comments on Feb 20, 2019:

I think Bernie has a much better chance this time than the last time. I was for Hillary because it would be a national crisis to hand over the country and it's still recovering economy to the likes of Trump. I was honestly mad at Bernie for splitting the vote so Trump would win. This time Bernie ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 21, 2019:

@Mortal Bullshit! The Dem leaders are rotten and corrupt to the core. And most people who vote Dem have caught on to that after 2016. They will not forget and neither will I. You can shove your bygones BS. The superdelegates and DNC leaders are who is responsible for Trump being elected, not progressives like me or Bernie for that matter. Bernie would have won if he's been nominated by the Dems. But what you are either too naive or dishonest to admit is that the Dem leaders really don't care enough about winning an election to nominate a true progressive, because that would upset their donors, so they would rather lose with a sellout like Hillary because even then they will have their jobs and cushy lifestyle for them and their kids, whether it's in govt., on Wall St., or on K St. as a lobbyist.

So fucking true!

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 21, 2019:

I volunteered for Bernie and have him money last time, but I won't get fooled again. He caved and supported Clinton instead of taking Stein's offer to head the Green Party ticket, which was on the ballot for either every state or almost every one. If he were really true to his principles and ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 21, 2019:

@KevinAverett Yup, we are alike. I moved over to Stein's camp after the Dem convention and I voted for her in the general. Fool me once.....I am also very skeptical about Warren ever since she backed Hillary over Bernie during the primaries, when it really would have mattered, because she wanted to preserve her own chances later on to run in 2020 and have the support of the party leaders. She clearly then was selling Bernie out at that time for her own ambitions and turning her back on all her progressive principles. So I will not likely support her either in the primaries. Who's left to trust, maybe AOC, but she's too young this time around.

So fucking true!

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 21, 2019:

I volunteered for Bernie and have him money last time, but I won't get fooled again. He caved and supported Clinton instead of taking Stein's offer to head the Green Party ticket, which was on the ballot for either every state or almost every one. If he were really true to his principles and ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 21, 2019:

@KevinAverett It's your money, so your choice. For me, I'd rather hold on to it or donate it to a charity for the poor. Both would seem to be a better use in my mind....

Is dating again after marriage like dating your mom or dad?

Deiter comments on Feb 20, 2019:

I'm now at an age, like you, that I associate with the age of my parents (RIP). When I entertain the idea of dating people of my own vintage, I can't help but think of old people like my parents. It does take some of the joy out of it. And I realize I'm framing it all wrong. As so for this reason I ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 20, 2019:

@Stephanie99 I dunno, I just think of traveling as sort of a yardstick for measuring how well we think we would get along with someone on a trip and how much we enjoy someone's company. Couples that travel together well are ones that really get along well and want to be around each other 24/7 for several days in a row. Other people and couples, not so much maybe because they need more along time or don't crave each other's company as much.

Is dating again after marriage like dating your mom or dad?

Deiter comments on Feb 20, 2019:

I'm now at an age, like you, that I associate with the age of my parents (RIP). When I entertain the idea of dating people of my own vintage, I can't help but think of old people like my parents. It does take some of the joy out of it. And I realize I'm framing it all wrong. As so for this reason I ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 20, 2019:

Seems to me you're overthinking things. Deiter's right. Focus on how your time with a man is. Do you make each other laugh? Does he make you feel better after you see him than before? Is conversation effortless? Could you see yourself traveling with him?

places to meet people?

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 17, 2019:

I'll make this simple. Most people, quite ignorantly but with good intentions, will tell you to get out and join a bunch of groups, hang out at a bunch of places, take a bunch of classes, volunteer, etc. I have already tried those things and in reality the chances of you meeting someone to date is ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 20, 2019:

@Lisamarie68 That's even pretty much true at the music club that I go to occasionally to hear a reggae band play at. The crowd is pretty much the same people every time. Most of them coupled up and the ones that aren't are usually with a clique and not interested in meeting anybody new. It's also that way with a dance bar that is very popular in my area that everybody says is a great place for singles to meet someone at. I went there once for an hour to observe things at peak time and it was just like the music club in these ways.

This showed up on my Facebook feed and everyone seems to think it's a scream.

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 19, 2019:

I understand why it is funny to most divorced people and their perspective is their right and probably usually justified. However, widowed people like me have a different experience and miss their spouses. Thus, it's not surprising that in my experience with online dating, women prefer men who were ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 20, 2019:

@ProudMerrie I did notice your wink, as well as the accidental double posting of your reply.....

What's the one line that made red flags pop up and your brain say... "deal breaker"?

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 10, 2019:

I actually have fewer dealbreakers than most below. 1. Fairly religious 2. Can't accept a non-drinker 3. Expects me to love watching college sports or has few interests other than same. 4. Is very family-oriented, as in wants to spend most of our time together with her family or grandkids. 5. ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 19, 2019:

@Rustee I can't speak about men on dating sites that are unaccepting of women who are non-drinkers, because my experience is with women, but there appear to be two reasons that women who are social drinkers (or maybe even more regular than that) will not date a non-drinking male. Reason one is that the woman may actually have an alcohol problem and does not want to be exposed as such or criticized about it. Reason two is that for many women social drinking is just something that is very important to them and something they require a partner that shares that interest with them, same as any other important interest, like hiking or watching college sports. Now I think that is kind of sad and narrow to be that way, but I can understand it as I have a few interests that I really like and would wish to share with a partner, like karaoke, but to me the important thing is that the person share at least most of my interests, not every last one of them. I would gladly settle for a woman who was content to just listen at karaoke, but if they didn't even want to do that, I could attend on my own if they were ok with that. Funny thing is, my late wife drank socially and we were both totally ok with that,even went to wineries together, something that I share in my Match profile essay, but that cuts no ice with the women who are social drinkers that really want a social drinker. And the vast majority of women on Match in my area who are my age are at least social drinkers if not more than that, so this is a very serious issue in meeting someone compatible. Just another example of how online dating ends up, for most people, being too much like shopping, in which the shopper will only consider people who meet every damn item on their checklist instead of being realistic and flexible. Reason three is that many women who are social drinkers like to spend a lot of time around their family and friends, who are also all social drinkers or maybe more than that, so any potential dating partner has to fit in with those crowds, and in their mind, if not reality, a non-drinker would not be acceptable enough. I also suspect that very few women who are recovering alcoholics, the ones who would gladly accept a non-drinking man, end up on paid dating sites because they can always find men who are fellow non drinkers thru their meetings and programs of the recovery community. I'm sure that's why the dating sites are so skewed to people who are at least social drinkers.

What's the one line that made red flags pop up and your brain say... "deal breaker"?

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 10, 2019:

I actually have fewer dealbreakers than most below. 1. Fairly religious 2. Can't accept a non-drinker 3. Expects me to love watching college sports or has few interests other than same. 4. Is very family-oriented, as in wants to spend most of our time together with her family or grandkids. 5. ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 19, 2019:

My above comment is too old to edit, so I'll do it here. On #2 I meant to say, women who can't accept dating a non-drinker, which I am...

What's the one line that made red flags pop up and your brain say... "deal breaker"?

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 10, 2019:

I actually have fewer dealbreakers than most below. 1. Fairly religious 2. Can't accept a non-drinker 3. Expects me to love watching college sports or has few interests other than same. 4. Is very family-oriented, as in wants to spend most of our time together with her family or grandkids. 5. ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 19, 2019:

@Rustee You may have misunderstood me and so I have corrected my comment. I am a non-drinker and the dealbreaker appears to be on the part of women who won't accept me as a non-drinker, same as the people you've encountered who appear to encourage you to drink alcohol so they can feel more comfortable. They are the ones with issues, not you or me.

This showed up on my Facebook feed and everyone seems to think it's a scream.

Lorajay comments on Feb 19, 2019:

I had a very good one and I don't want another. It would be nice to have a companion and lover but a husband is not needed.

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 19, 2019:

I agree and want the same thing too. I don't want or need to get married again.

This showed up on my Facebook feed and everyone seems to think it's a scream.

TomMcGiverin comments on Feb 19, 2019:

I understand why it is funny to most divorced people and their perspective is their right and probably usually justified. However, widowed people like me have a different experience and miss their spouses. Thus, it's not surprising that in my experience with online dating, women prefer men who were ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 19, 2019:

@ProudMerrie Thanks Merrie, but you don't know me well enough to feel that way. But it makes me happy if my comment seemed to express your feelings well....

Question: Have you dated someone who was outside your comfort zone in terms of things like age, ...

MsHoliday comments on Feb 19, 2019:

When it comes to finances, you are talking serious stuff. At one time I didn’t think so. I thought I didn’t care about it, my money was his money. Fast forward to a partner who can’t level up. That means you are paying for trips, food, and before long you end up staying home because he ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Feb 19, 2019:

That's why most people on paid dating sites are very picky about income level and won't message or date someone who is not at least the same income level as them. However, I can only speak with experience about the behavior on income that I have seen myself from women on that site. I cannot say what other men do on this issue.

places to meet people?