Anti choice people are not trying to stop abortion, they are trying to legislate who can and cannot ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 4, 2018:

The greedhead and pro-business types in the Repub Party don't give a shit about abortion as their women will always have access to contraception and abortions, but the Bible-thumpers in the party do really hate abortion and want it outlawed for all if they had the power to get it done. But they never will because the first two groups in the Repub Party know that overturning Roe V Wade would kill their party with the voters. It would be just as epic as the way the 1964 Civil Rights Act lost the South for the Dems ever since then. That's why it's never happened even tho the Supreme Court has had the votes to overturn it on many occaisions. It's one small consolation looking at how right- wing the court is now and will be for a long time to come.

Have you ever done anything that would be considered sexual harassment?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 4, 2018:

Anyone who's ever watched the TV show The Office has probably heard someone at a workplace throw in the tagline from the show onto something else spoken innocently. The line was "That's what she said..."

I really hate when people come to work sick.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 3, 2018:

Most of my jobs were low wage and no benefits, so I often worked sick as did my co-workers, because we had no choice. But even when money was tight, I would stay home sick on days when I was very ill, figuring my long-term health was worth something to me even if my employer couldn't care less. Am so glad to be retired and not have to choose anymore. Also, I very rarely get sick with colds or flu anymore. Some people wonder why someone would retire early, well it's probably because they always or usually had better jobs than me that they actually enjoyed and were treated way better by their employers. To most of us, work is nothing more than a business transaction where you rent your body and mind in order to survive. When most of your work life is like that, who wouldn't get out as soon as they could afford it.

The only thing worse than women posting kissy faces in their dating profile is when guys do it.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 3, 2018:

Wouldn't say it's a pet peeve, but I would say it's a turn-off when all of or their only photo is of them with a very stern look on their face or with sunglasses covering their eyes. If they can't show a smile somewhere in their profile or they're hiding their eyes and much of their face, there's no way I'm interested in them. Those kind of photos make me think they are way too guarded and defensive. May also be very critical towards others.

This time of year, it sucks being single.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 2, 2018:

The movie theaters are always open, so I may go see one. Depends on the weather. Around here it's almost always very cold, snowy and windy on NY Eve..

It's sort of ridiculous that they give me random drug tests at work.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 2, 2018:

It's a sick joke. With most jobs that are low-wage and no benefits, drug testing is just an exercise in showing the peons who's boss and discouraging them from getting uppity and thinking of unionizing.

How are you supposed to date when everyone you go out with thinks that they are the only one you're ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 2, 2018:

When you join a dating site like I have, you just assume that everyone you meet on there is also seeing other people until such time as you have seen each other a while and one of you feels like bringing up the question of exclusivity. As others have said here tho, the exception to waiting on the talk about exclusivity is when things become sexual....

Saw this on a friend's Facebook page.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 1, 2018:

By this logic, God reminds me too much of that sadistic warden in Cool Hand Luke, one of my fav all-time films, where he says to Luke (one of the inmates) after the guards mercilessly beat him, "Now, Luke, I only do this for your own good". To which Luke says, " I just wish you'd quit being so good to me, captain".

Hope none of you women of child-bearing age live in Oklahoma! [friendlyatheist.patheos.com]

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 1, 2018:

I live in Iowa, where a fetal heartbeat bill was passed with the approval of both houses of the legislature under Repub control and signed by a female Repub governor. The bill is equally draconian as this in its attitude towards women. What keeps baffling me is how these Repubs keep getting women to vote for them in numbers that allow them to win in my state. Maybe one answer can be found in The Handmaid's Tale, where the society has the role of the Aunts available for those women who choose to sell out their gender sisters in order to score a better deal and more status in the society. Maybe that is what Repub women do in order to live with more money or status in the present system.

A friend of mine i was talking to yesterday said to me, Sometimes its better for some peo to get ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 1, 2018:

Worked for me. I got married first (and only) time at age 40. Was the right thing because I was not only mature enough but the woman had no kids, like me, and was too old to want or have them. Which worked out great because when I was dating before her it seemed like none of the women my age wanted me since they either wanted kids or already had them and I made it clear I didn't want to be a parent or stepparent.

Other than Agnostic, what social networks do you use and like?

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 26, 2018:

Facebook and only with a handful of people.

If I have to waste one more conversation on some ignorant ahole who wants to convert me, I think I ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 25, 2018:

I'm sorry about your experience, but I can relate. With families like ours, you need to replace them with a family of supportive friends whenever possible. Haven't had the experience of women trying to convert me tho, lucky me.

Hello everyone, i am having a very hard time finding men that don't stand me up.

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 25, 2018:

I've been stood up the last two times-different women over three months time-that I was supposed to meet women from Match. I have no advice, there are just some people out there that have no empathy or conscience. But I can tell you that in my case posting about it on this site ended up attracting a few troll bullies who blamed me for what happened, so watch out.....

I created a group, dating for real people feel free to join.

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 25, 2018:

Darien- Could you elaborate some more on what type of group this is meant to be? Is it focused on just being for average-looking people or what? I'm curious and possibly interested in joining it.

Pardon a boast: I preached and sang this morning at the Unitarian Universalist church in Montclair, ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 25, 2018:

I'm happy for you. I used to have that experience once in a while at the two Unitarian churches in my area. But that was when I was a decade or two younger and those in charge of the music would let me sing solos at services with an accompanist. Would sing pop or folk songs that fit the sermon. Now, that I'm not young and cute enough they quit asking me to sing, even tho my voice is still pretty good. Ah, church politics... Part of why I haven't attended in a couple years. I admire your confidence to write and present a sermon at a UU church. Even when things were more positive for me at the local churches, I never did try to create a service around a topic and present a sermon, even tho I am a good writer. It takes more guts to do that than to sing, in my book.

How is one meant to navigate their way through a dating site with lots of profile pictures and ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 24, 2018:

With lots of patience, a thick skin, and trying to be as polite and kind as you can. Because you are in for a long endurance test at best. Or you can blow off anything I've said because I've been on a paid site for a year and have only met 4 women in person, which I'm told is actually pretty normal for average guys. Also know that there appears to be a lot of lying by both genders on dating sites, so you have to expect a lot of cynicism from women towards you based on the behavior of other men and at the same time be skeptical yourself, until you learn more about a woman, about what most women say in their profiles. My comments above are more about paid dating sites like Match.com Were you talking about this site instead? I just noticed that you live in the UK, so your situation may be quite different. You might want to clarify more what site you're talking about. On this site, I do believe people are more likely to be honest and not play games than on most paid sites.

The more time that goes by the more I am starting to realize how important real communication is.

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 23, 2018:

It is ironic that almost all the women's profiles on Match in my area have all the cliches about honesty, open communication is a must, etc/, but so few of them will reply to me messaging them with interest. Even after they read my long, sincere, very open profile essay. Which leads me to believe that either they are lying about how important communication is in who they are seeking vs. looks, money, etc. or that they really have no idea what they are talking about in their platitude, cliche-filled essays of their own. They would not know someone who also values communication and honesty if that person's profile hit them in the face.

In loving Memory of JFK! 55 years ago this day our history was forever overtly changed! How ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 22, 2018:

I was only five years old and too young to get the whole picture, but not that many years later when I was in my late teens I realized that this event revealed the truth of how we no longer had a real democracy, if we ever had lived in one before.

Is it possible to fall in love with someone with opposing political views?

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 22, 2018:

I could not date a conservative at all, probably not even a middle of the road person politically unless politics was not very important to them.

Has anyone been to the botanical gardens in Des Moines since the renovation?

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 22, 2018:

Nope.

I am coming out to my boyfriend tomorrow! Any advice?

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 21, 2018:

Good luck, but from what you've shared it could go either way. I'm glad you have the courage to level with him and be true to your principles. If he can't respect that and your newly-revealed difference, then you'll have your answer about whether to stay with him. I've never been in a position like yours, so I have no ideas for what to say.

It's time to connect with an agnostic community! I'm looking to reach others that live in the SF ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 21, 2018:

I envy you living in your area. There should be tons of non-religious women in your area that are hip, liberal, educated, etc. and available. If I lived there I wouldn't need this site to meet anyone for dating, that's for sure. Good luck, not that you'll need it.

It sure seems like it sometimes.

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 21, 2018:

My brain usually worked fine during exams, not as well when in love..., still probably better than most since I never tried to remake myself or threw away my life for anyone with a doomed relationship. Never knocked anyone up either.

OH yea the reason I split up with her was the fact he was a fatter version of me but i was not ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 21, 2018:

The original post makes no sense as it is written. Needs editing before we can comment on its meaning.

Agnostic.com demographics

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 21, 2018:

I'm curious too. I keep hearing on the boards that they site is overwhelmingly male.

Practice safe on-line dating.

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 21, 2018:

I've had a few times on another paid site, not Match, where scammers kept messaging me for a little while without asking me for money. I let them keep doing it without blocking them out of a mixture of curiosity and amusement to see what their approach would be. Only had one scammer ever ask me for money and it was really quick after she or whoever it was began messaging me. Just told her no and she disappeared instantly.

Things you don't find acceptable.

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 21, 2018:

Never met anyone in the dating scene that had personal hygiene problems, so I'll stick to personality dealbreakers: Likes country music much. Everything RealHuman said below, Homophobe, Dishonesty, Conservsative politics, undependability.

Ohio judge who punched his wife 20 times and slammed her head against the dashboard of his car in ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 20, 2018:

My father was physically abusive to me and my mother while I was growing up. He was a longtime career judge. I'm not surprised by this story at all.

I've only ghosted 3 individuals in my life.

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 20, 2018:

I really doubt that many people who callously ghost others online have been thru what you have, so I will continue to condemn the practice. What you describe doing nowadays as you protect yourself does not seem to fit the definition of ghosting according to the article or my understanding of the term. So I'm fine with what you are doing for yourself these days to be safe. My beef is with people who do it simply because it's easy for them and they have no conscience, heart, or empathy. And I think the latter group would include the vast majority of those who ghost.

Why ghosting hurts. [psychologytoday.com]

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 19, 2018:

I have never ghosted anyone, online or offline, nor have I ever stood anyone up for a date. My friends have never stood me up for a meeting. If they did without working it out in a healthy way to regain my trust, we would be done. People can blame it on the online dating culture or, for all I care, how their parents never hugged them enough as kids. But to me, that's all bullshit because they are adults making individual decisions which, as the article says, end in an act of emotional cruelty. I know they will deny this, but to my mind and standards, if you don't have the emotional health and honesty to end things like a mature adult, you have no business on a dating site to supposedly seek someone to date. We all deserve respect and ghosting is an act that shows the opposite of that.

Dating past 40 question: your looks are gone, how do you find a mate in this ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 19, 2018:

When I was young and had better looks, I wasn't confident about them. Now that I'm older and widowed, I have some confidence that I can look and be attractive, at least to some women and was to one in particular. But I still have no illusions that my looks are anything but average so my attitude about dating is to approach the average and above average-looking women who interest me for their looks, personality and shared interests while leaving the great lookers alone, as they will only reject me anyway and be a waste of time for me to approach.

Psychologists Explain How to Deal with the Nightmare that is Thanksgiving Dinner

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 19, 2018:

I'm glad the group is in touch with the fact that many families are toxic and with those it's best to stay away from them and be with friends-if available-or go it alone if not. The local Unitarian church hosts a TG dinner event at someone's home precisely because they are aware of this issue as well as the fact that some of its members may not have any family to be with at all due to distance away or deaths. Also it is common among Unitarians for them to be estranged from their believer families of origin, so the church is filling in for those in that situation. I will be joining two of my siblings and their spouses on TG where my father lives, even tho we are not on good terms, because my father is 90 yo, in bad health and not likely to be around that much longer. Once he's gone, I doubt I will have anything to do with them or my brother. To read the women's profiles on Match, it sounds like all of them grew up with close, happy families and still have those kind of relationships with their original families and their kids. But since the vast majority of them are divorced, we here know that's not the case and better than that........Ah, but to admit the reality would seem so...un-Christian?.........If I were not seeing my father because it's important to him and me at this stage, I would be attending the Unitarian TG dinner even tho I haven't attended the church for almost two years. That's what I'll be doing most likely after he dies when they offer holiday events as all but one of my local friends is married and have their own holiday gatherings.

How do you handle when someone obviously lies to you?

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 18, 2018:

If the lie is about something involving me or them or our relationship, I confront the shit out of them and then, if they don't aplogize and own up to it, I cut ties. If it was an online dating situation, I would still confront them and then move on no matter what the response.

Why is it so damned important to post a profile pic on most all of social media, this site included.

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 15, 2018:

If I am looking for someone to date I don't want to have to take their word about their looks. Because, like you say, some people underrate themselves on looks, but just as many or more people lie and overrate their looks. Either way, I want to know and make up my own mind before I approach them thru the site. I don't want to waste my time or theirs or hurt anyone's feelings by contacting them if I don't already have photos to give me some idea if their looks are such that I could ever be physically attracted to them. As far as photos being required for anything, the fact is that on a paid dating site where everyone knows there is so much lying going on in people's profiles, both men and women, at least most, want to see both a close up head shot and a full body shot among the photos or they will not bother messaging that person. Nobody is going to just take someone's word about their body type or whether their face looks attractive and or healthy.

Do women prefer family men?

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 15, 2018:

The trend I've noticed on Match-no idea how it is on here-is that women who are in their mid-fifties or older who DON'T have kids seem to prefer men who DO have kids. I can only think the reason for that is they are thinking ahead and wanting to gain a family of support should the man die and leave them widowed. The hope is that the man's family would comfort and look after her when she is older and sick.

Tried Match.

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 15, 2018:

I've been on Match a little over a year. Price is a little higher than other sites like Our Time, but probably because Match has the largest membership pool of any US dating site. George is right tho, you have to be aware that Match. like any paid dating site, will keep using someone's profile long after they have actually quit the site just so the site looks like they have more actual members than they do have. Hell, I get profiles sent to me every day among the Daily Matches that are supposed to be picked based on who I have messaged or rated as someone I want to meet, but each time there are some profiles that are obviously long inactive, even some repeaters that I recognize as dead profiles. Honesty and integrity are not long suits on paid dating sites, but how else will one get access to such a large pool of single people?

Hi everyone.

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 12, 2018:

Sorry for your suffering and disappointment. In my case I was widowed two years ago after a marriage of 18 years. Would like to find someone for another long term relationship, but will not get married again at this age. Not even sure I will live with someone again. Marriage at my age is not a requirement (with no kids) and I can provide for someone financially just as well thru a will as being married since my SS will not likely be higher than my future partner. No need to risk a divorce for me. It might help if a future partner was similar to my late wife, but I'm not looking for a copy of her, as she was not perfect, hell knows I'm not, and neither was our marriage even tho it was a good one. I've changed for sure since we got married and my wife's illness and death made sure of that. So someone with a few differences from my wife might be a good thing. I'm in no hurry to get serious with someone.

Human Connection is fundamentally difficult.

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 12, 2018:

It's difficult to make it work even if you are compatible with someone and then, at least for me, there are these several ways in which I am so out of the mainstream for people in my local area that it will at least take a while to find someone right. I know that I am searching for a type of woman that makes up maybe a few percent of any available women at a given time in my local area. Not a needle in a haystack, but sometimes it seems like not a whole lot bigger probability than that. This site is both my support group and my focus group, as far as the women on it, for helping me find my way thru the online dating process. It took me 20 years of sporadic, unsuccessful dating to find my late wife, but it was worth it, much as I had given up hope at times or wanted to quit trying, so, yes, it's difficult but worth it.

Love and Relationships

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 12, 2018:

Yeah, but I don't have much hope. Very few women my age in my local area on this site.

Dan and I just returned from seeing "Bohemian Rhapsody" the epic awesome bio of Queen and Freddy ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 11, 2018:

I was never a big Queen fan, but I respected their unique sound and I learned a lot of new things about Freddie from the movie. I thought it was very well done and could have instead ended up very easily blown with bad acting from the one playing Freddie or bad writing of the story. It only took 25 years since Freddie's death for this movie to come out. I only hope an equally good film is made about David Bowie, someone I was a fan of, before I am dead. I know I don't have 25 years left.

I turned down a guy for a date late last night at the market.

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 10, 2018:

Makes me glad that I always zip in and out fast when I buy a bunch of Healthy Choice frozen dinners. If you caught me doing that would I be rejected on that basis? Some guys either don't know how or want to cook, but they still try to eat relatively healthy.

Hmmmm.

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 9, 2018:

On behavorial things and choices we make on what we do together and how we do it, yes, compromises can still be made and need to be made in any relationship at any age. But as far as personality, no, I believe by age 50 we are who we are and are not going to change after that.

The universe is surely having a laugh there's been new men in my life that are interesting, that's ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 6, 2018:

Maybe lefty political events might do a little better at finding non-Christians who are compatible. Music events tend to attract more of a mainstream audience for both politics and religion. See my post today about meeting a woman thru a dating site and having religion end up a dealbreaker thru e-mails before we even met.

Dating on this site

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 5, 2018:

Not yet. Messaged and talked by phone a little bit with one. Messaged a bit with another and got ghosted. Then ran across a third who I had seen on Match. Sent her a message on her welcoming her here and expressing interest, but she rejected me with a lame ass lie about not dating non-drinkers ( even after I informed her that I was married 20 years to a social drinker with no issue there ) because past non-drinking men had been judgmental about her social drinking. So I took another look at her profile and saw it said she has let go of the past and tries to look to the future, etc. So lying is part of the game here too, just like on paid sites, at least with some people. My guess is her real reason was her being much better-looking than me.

So. Beside sex. What are your thoughts on maintaining a good healthy relationship?

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 5, 2018:

Communicate, clean the home, make food, travel, laugh, and share affection.

Can we talk about communication and "ghosting" for a second?

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 5, 2018:

Maybe I'm imagining things, but didn't some woman post a comment strongly disagreeing with Pepper's original post and saying Pepper's viewpoint seemed a little abusive? That comment seems to have vanished. Can someone tell me who it was from? I had to leave before I could read it all the way thru. If I find out who it was from, I can message them and get their viewpoint. I feel sort of in between Pepper and her critic because while no one owes someone else a response in online dating, there is a huge gap between great-looking folks like Pepper and average-looking folks like me and the woman who posted her criticism of Pepper's view. The former get barraged with messages and interest while average folks get a fraction of each. So neither group probably understands that well what the other group is going thru and feeling, which is sad. But I can see, as a member of the latter group, how being told by a member of the privilaged group, which Pepper is part of and the other poster is not, could feel hurtful to someone who is way less privaleged. In online or offline dating great looks provide a much greater amount of power and choices to those who have them compared to those who don't. I think Dieter made this point a while back and it's the same with life in general as having a lot of money vs. having little, money provides more choices if you have it. Even if you clearly know intellectually that no one owes you a response to your interest or e-mail on a dating site, and you also know and constantly get told, esp. by better-looking people that you just need to get a thicker skin, etc., it still can hurt in your heart to continually get ghosted or rejected.Same with being told by someone with way more privalege and power that you just need to suck it up or grow up when you know damn well in your head that those with privalege suffer far less rejection and have way more choices than you. Yes, they still suffer it from time to time, but it's way less frequent. I almost feel like I am discussing racism and the way most whites have no idea how much more privalege and choices they have compared to black folks. Anybody see the parallel or agree? I guess we could all use more and better empathy for others who are way above or below us in the looks marketplace. No one owes us an answer to the "why" of their choice to reject us, but it's easy to see why someone who experiences almost nothing else but that on a dating site would start to wonder why and wish they had some more insight into the why.

Question goes for men or women

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 4, 2018:

In a word, yes. My late wife was 16 years older than me, but we just were a good match and were together 22 years. But I was a lot younger then. Nowadays finding a 70 year old in good enough health who would give a younger man a chance would be a challenge the same as finding a 50 year old woman who would give me a chance. The vast majority of 50 year old women on Match are pure cougars based on their stated age ranges. They'll date men who are 35, but won't go above 53 for themselves. Like I said before, they must be assuming all men over 50 have ED, lol.

Anyone from the tri-state area, SD, IA, NE?

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 4, 2018:

Iowa, been here all my life, for better or worse...

This isn't relationship related.

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 3, 2018:

I had a job with a union for several years in the early 2000s. The union got us good contracts and benefits, but was no help in preventing favoritism, micromanaging and other bullshit, etc. on the job. Still glad I had one and proudly, gratefully paid my dues. Am now retired young and so damn glad that no employer or co-worker can ever fuck with me again in the job world. Plus, I never have to look for a job again and deal with the ghosting and mindfuck that are now standard practice by employers in the job market. Much better for one's mental health as long as I can keep busy enough.

Why am I getting some guys viewing my profile? Is there something I should know here??? LOL

TomMcGiverin comments on Nov 3, 2018:

I could be a bit wrong and forgetful about this, but I think I have only viewed one guy's profile on here and it was today. I viewed it because he made a post that talked about his pluses and minuses as a single man. He concluded by saying he was "quite a catch" even tho he didn't have much money. I viewed his profile to see if I could find a decent photo of him, because my experience says that without great looks, no man with little money is usually seen as that good a "catch" by women. As to the other point, other men viewing my profile on this site, it seems to happen frequently and I suppose it's simply men reading my posts and comments, then being curious to learn more about my personality. Same reason women who are no where near my age might view me. On Match.com, I occasionally view a few male profiles simply because I want to know what some of the competition is doing in their profile pics and essays. I'm sure that other men probably do the same from time to time because no man on there has ever messaged me to complain or inquire about me viewing him since the reason for me viewing him is so obvious. And trust me, on Match there really is an element of competition. I saw one guy's profile that made me about gag. He seemed like some sleaze who probably works in sales or advertising because his whole profile essay was a long series of "don't you just hate it when they" examples of common profile essay cliches in which he would then go ahead and say something smug or bragging about himself on that point. A classic example of what an old salesman friend of mine used to say about how most women just eat it up when a man is good at using non-threatening humor to charm them. Except this guy was so transparent and smarmy about it. On Match, I have no doubt it works like a charm, but on here I think most of the women are way too smart and savvy to fall for it.

Just had a very interesting exchange on Meetup.

TomMcGiverin comments on Oct 31, 2018:

He sounds dishonest and creepy. You did the right thing.

Do people actually find dates on here? A relationship would be nice. Even short term. ?

TomMcGiverin comments on Oct 31, 2018:

I actually ran across two women on here who were around my age and had compatibility %s over 80, but neither one wanted to meet me. One traded a couple messages, then ghosted me. The other told me she wasn't interested and gave me a lame excuse that simply because I was a non-drinker (who was married to a social drinker for 20 years w/no problems) that she couldn't date me because other men were "too judgmental" about her drinking. BS, I think more likely my looks were not in her league and she didn't feel like saying it. My point is that even on this site, should you find other local atheists, it doesn't mean they won't play the same games or lie the way believers do on paid dating sites.

Did popularity ever matter to you throughout High School Years?

TomMcGiverin comments on Oct 29, 2018:

Never gave a damn then and still don't now. Realized even back then that what mattered was the quality of friendships and having at least enough of them to give me the support and companionship that was lacking in my family. As an adult, it seems like what I really need is about a half dozen good friends offline and local to meet my needs and cope with life's knocks, not hundreds of FB friends or followers.

Just to bring everyone up to speed: [youtu.be]

TomMcGiverin comments on Oct 29, 2018:

Maybe I'm just showing my age and my inability to compete with others in the online dating game (due to their having more looks and than me), but I watched the video and all it seems to amount to is how to use slang terms to trivialize and cutely name behavior that is selfish, impersonal, arrogant, and hurtful to others who have done nothing wrong or hurtful to others, but have only committed the sin of being interested in you. Everyone has feelings, maybe even sociopaths, so it would be nice if people would keep that in mind when choosing their response to someone's online interest in them and try to treat it more like they would a compliment given to their face offline, namely with some politeness, grace, or appreciation. even if the person giving it is not compatible, wealthy, or good-looking. If they've done nothing to hurt or insult you, why be harsh or cold? I have a hard time believing that all people dating online, except maybe the most attractive-looking, are so busy offline that they can't take the time to be kinder to those who contact them on the dating sites.

The intolerance of the left.

TomMcGiverin comments on Oct 14, 2018:

I agree too, plus the fact that, at least in the US, it's the racists, the rich, and the other conservatives like gun nuts and anti-abortion folks who end up using violence and preaching the destruction of the poor and minorities. If anything the right is way more "intolerant" when it comes to hurting people, but I guess that's to be expected in a country that, as Malcom X once said, "respects violence (and power). In fact, I think it;s the only thing it respects". That man was such a prophet! Since his time, it's clear to me that the only time the left has actually accomplished anything has been when they decided to stop just playing nice in their activism. Sometimes I wonder if violence has a place and will be necessary to ever reverse the class war that's been going on one-sided since the 70s. Probably will happen once most of the jobs have been sent overseas or automated.

Meeting a woman

TomMcGiverin comments on Oct 14, 2018:

I've long suspected that the dating sites tend to have more men on them than women, tho that ratio varies some with the age group involved. Were you talking about online dating, offline dating or the dating scene in general?

In honor of the month and in homage to Miss Borden I give you the Villisca Ax Murder House.

TomMcGiverin comments on Oct 14, 2018:

I would like to be notified by Donna if any group events are organized for the Des Moines Iowa area. Thanks!

I'm sort of at a loss with Match.

TomMcGiverin comments on Oct 13, 2018:

PS- I would love for the women of this site, especially the ones in their 50s and 60s, to visit my profile and give me feedback on what they think of it. Thanks, Tom

Would you move for love?

TomMcGiverin comments on Oct 13, 2018:

No, and the simple reason is that good friends are hard to come by in the first place, at any age, and at this point in life, when I am older and not working, I want to hang on to my longtime friends and not lose them by moving to be with some woman, who, may eventually die or split from the relationship with no warning. Plus, I've already moved plenty in my life and I'm sick of it.

I don't use online dating sites but for those who do... [m.top10bestdatingsites.com]

TomMcGiverin comments on Oct 13, 2018:

I've been on Match a year and only met 4 women in person. It's not that I'm that overly picky. It's that I'm childless and not family-oriented along with being average-looking, a non-drinker, hates country music (in Iowa that's a big thing), not into college sports,not into redneck stuff like Nascar or motorcycles, not into outdoorsy stuff like camping, and politically liberal. That last one is not the problem with most women, but it seems like even the liberal, hipster intellectual women won't give me a chance even when they don't have kids. Guess I just don't have the looks and money to compete with other men for that small, highly-desired group of childless women who are average-looking or better on Match because in one year not a single one of them have replied to my e-mails expressing an interest in them.

Do all men want babies?

TomMcGiverin comments on Oct 13, 2018:

Speaking only for me, hell no. However from my experience on Match.com, it appears that either I'm a minority or most men are lying. I can't get anywhere with women who have kids and are family-oriented, even tho I make it clear in my profile that I'm willing to spend some family time with them after several dates, but not the majority of my time with the woman being family time. But what's really puzzling is that the minority of women on Match with no kids, will never reply to any of my e-mails expressing interest in them. My guess is that they reject me for guys who have better looks and more money. Or possibly they are looking for a guy with kids who will care for and comfort them when they are widowed and sickly.

Online dating is so awful that people are paying virtual dating assistants to impersonate them — ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 28, 2018:

Fascinating and creepy article. Well worth reading.

The last of my grown up children have flown the nest.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 24, 2017:

I hope you have more luck than me. I was widowed a year ago and with that I also became financially secure for the first time in my adult life. Unfortunately, even with being on Match.com, women don't seem to be attracted to that status or interested in giving me a chance. Probably because I'm not physically attractive enough nor mainstream enough in my personality and lifestyle. I don't think that my age is an obstacle for finding women to date, but you may find that since most men your age seem stuck on dating only women younger than themselves.

They say that married people live longer. I think it just seems that way.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 23, 2017:

I seem to recall research studies in the past in which at least them married men, if not also most of the women, seemed to live longer than their single counterparts. I am guessing that the cause for that is that women tend to be more nurturing in general than men and so the married men's health tended to benefit from that. I think most of the studies concluded that married life was equally stressful and beneficial for married women, so they didn't get as much of a longevity benefit as the men from marriage. These theories and trends seem to match my experience from my one marriage, which seemed to improve my own health until my wife became ill and then the stress of that began to affect my health. I don't want or feel the need to get married again at my current age with no kids, but I sure would like to find a committed relationship sometime in the next few years. I know that I am healthier and happier that way as long as it's not with someone that is wrong for me, which is always worse than being alone....

This site is more facebook for non-beleivers than a dating site.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 17, 2017:

I would agree, having been on two commercial dating sites so far, Our Time and Match. It seems to me so far that on this site the members are way more smart and savvy to scams and, therefore, would probably not be worth the effort of scammers who can find far more easy marks and bigger numbers of victims on the commercial dating sites.