Oh dear.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Too bad for her. I never liked the anorexic look. Like most men I prefer some curves. Makes you wonder what drove her to overslim so much. The ? is, what's considered beautiful BY WHO?

How would you like to repeatedly get the same canned message?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 7, 2019:

I agree with you. The opening message should be a whole paragraph and mention something that confirms they actually read your profile. The problem with some women I've run across on Match is that they really don't have much personal info in their profile essays or what they do have is all cliche stuff, ie. " I feel honest communication/chemistry/family/ is/are really important..." How do you comment on that without sounding insincere or offending them? My opening messages contain the following elements in a short paragraph: Hi_____ I noticed/liked ______________ in your profile. We seem to both like____ as well as have_# of common interests. Please see my profile and message me if interested. Thanks, Tom Considering that I send out a couple dozen of these a month and rarely get a response, I don't put that much time or effort into them. But using this method doesn't take much of either anyway. The opening message, as long as it has these elements in it, is not that important in whether you get a response from the woman, so it's not worth sweating over. What really matters is the profile essay and your pics. Those are what women use to decide whether to reject you or accept you for replying to for further study on their part. When I really think it thru, the most important thing for a man on a site like Match is their main profile photo, because if a woman is getting 100 messages a week from different men, as I've heard that some do, the pic determines if the woman even bothers to view your profile in the first place.

My 2 year goal.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 7, 2019:

A land yacht that stores a car, I wouldn't have believed it.

If you aren't happy single, you won't be happy taken.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 7, 2019:

What I know is that when I was young and single, I was happy some of the time, unhappy the rest of it. I had friends, hobbies, school, work. Then I met my late wife when I was 36 and we clicked. Liked most of the same things, got what each other were really about and shared many good experiences until she got dementia in 2011. Since then, and esp. since 2015, when she had lost her personality and most of her mind, I have been pretty unhappy. She died two years ago. Who wouldn't be unhappy in my case? I just know that my first 12 years with her were the happiest of my life. I would like to meet someone compatible, not a clone of her, and have that shared life again. I don't think that I am that unusual or that my being unhappy is some sign that I haven't finished grieving her death and moved on. I have. I started grieving her death more like four or five years ago, when she lost most of who she was. With all due respect for your lifestyle and happiness, Jolanta, don't assume that I am wrong or dysfunctional because I want to have a partner again. Neither you or anyone else on this site, none of whom have ever met me, know me well enough to make that judgment. Some are happier sharing their lives with someone special, some aren't. I'm the former.

After hearing horror tales from my daughters, friends, and women on here, I feel compelled to put ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

I'm glad to see the women on here who commented appear to have taken you at your word for this. I am the same kind of guy, but I have lost hope of meeting a woman from this site in my area. So that leaves me with Match. And, sad to say, I know damn well that even if I posted a copy of this for my profile on Match, the women on there are so cynical and/or shallow that it would do me no good. Most of them would assume I was lying about my character and personality qualities while the rest wouldn't care because I didn't have the looks and money (high value male) qualities they were looking for, among other traits, such as being family-oriented, drinking socially, liking country music and college sports, and being religious. And then, after instead of meeting and dating the men they rejected for other reasons, those same women likely sit around complaining about the character of the jerks they meet and end up dating......instead of ever taking a look at their own mindset.

Hi there, everyone.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

I can very much relate, but sad to say, at our age paid dating sites are really the only hope of meeting any compatible people if you are retired and don't go to a church. This site is only good for very long distance relationships, with a few exceptions. Local meetup groups, singles groups, volunteering and adult classes aren't going to work well either because, at least in my area, it's the same people who are on paid dating sites. May as well save the time, spend the money, and do it in one stop. Good luck. Your profile says you belong to a UU church. Don't worry, you can find a man there soon if you aren't really picky.

Social experiment.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

Seems too damn passive. Show a little guts. If you like a woman's profile, step up and send them a PM saying so and why if you're interested in dating or getting to know them. This wave thing is too much like the Wink or Like buttons on sites like Match. I don't bother with that crap because women are not going to respond to something as passive as that nor should they. It's not like this site is the same as Match, where there are lots of women in your area, so even if you send PMs it won't amount to that many of them or involve much time or effort. By the same token, I get about two or three Likes a month on Match and I almost never bother replying to them because it seems useless. Almost always it involves a woman who never even looked at my profile, but just clicked on Like after they saw my first name, age, city and main profile pic in their daily list of suggested matches. In other words they were just checking off that I was minimally acceptable to them. Also, in 15 months on Match, all but two of these likes were from women who were not at all physically attractive to me based on their pics. Of course, the two that were turned out to be women who were conservative and believers. Talk about fools gold......I did reply to them and told them why I wasn't interested.

Rant.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

I'm so sorry it's pouring on you at this time. Seems bad stuff does happen in batches. Wonder if the newbie at work is connected to the person who made the decision or is just a kiss ass that got it that way. I do know in my work experience it always seemed like loyalty, dedication, and performance never mattered much in who got what from the bosses. Sucks to get used by bosses.

How did your closest friendship occur?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

Occured at a Unitarian church in my area in the early 90s when we were both single and part of a social group for young adults.

Whats it like having not settled down with a family by the time you are 30?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

Didn't get married until I was 41, never had kids. Guess I never gave a damn about conforming or pleasing people who didn't know me. But to be honest, I wanted to be married earlier than that, just never had any luck with the traditional, conservative women of Iowa. None of them would have me for a long term relationship because I didn't want to have kids or date a women with kids.

Social experiment.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

I wish members on this site would always specify if they are referring to online activity on this site or some other site. Don't know which this guy is talking about.

This is me most days.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

People seldom wonder what I think or what I am saying, as I emphasize my points,

Evangelical Christians Helped Elect Donald Trump, but Their Time as a Major Political Force Is ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

The fact that so many fundys would vote for a man so clearly un-Christian, immoral, a pig in his relationships with women and a serial adulterer, a man who clearly worships only money, power and himself, and so vulgar in his language, shows that for all their piety they are just shallow hypocrites when it comes to their religion and that they would vote for Satan himself if he claimed he would push their agenda.

Where do you draw the line?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

I didn't vote because my answer doesn't neatly fit into that poll. My late wife was 16 years older than me, but at that time I was a lot younger than now. At my present age, 60, I will only date 8 years older than me because at this stage of life, I don't want to end up a caretaker again with a partner so soon after my last turn. But I realize also at this stage, that I could be the one needing a caretaker just as much as my partner or that a woman even ten years older than me could be in great health and well out live me. So, I'm leaving the range at 8 years older to hedge my bets and ten years younger, knowing full well that few women that much younger will ever give me a look in these days of widespread cougaring among women 50-55 yo.

If necessary to testify in court would you put your hand on the bible?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

I guess I would just tell them that I decline to do that because I don't believe in it and that also that I am the son of a judge and fully understand the importance of truth in courts, so they can each believe me or not.

I won the rat race! FuckingFlea (my petite tortie female cat) brought it into the house AND LET IT ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 5, 2019:

Learned something new. I always thought that all cats were killers of both mice and rats. Maybe it's just feral cats that actually live on mice, rats, and birds. I'd heard that feral cats are being captured these days and put to work as mousers to kill and eat mice and rats in buildings. Need to remember that, as a former friend of mine once said, " Even if you win the rat race, in the end, you're still a rat". Altho I think she was referring to the human "rat race". I'd like to see of photo of the cat.

We've had quite a bit of political sniping going on with our great community in the past two or more...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 5, 2019:

I have already said plenty on the boards to reveal my politics, but I'll start by saying I despise liberalism simply because, as Chris Hedges says, it no longer stands for anything besides identity politics and multiculturalism, instead of opposing capitalism or endless war for empire and oil. I support policies of democratic socialism such as Bernie Sanders only I also believe, unlike him, in opposing the military industrial complex. Liberalism doesn't go far enough to oppose and fight back against the class warfare of the rich and corporations against everyone but the top 10%. I would like to see the US have a form of socialism like Scandanvia, where corporations are actually regulated, the rich actually pay their share, and banks and corporations do not own the govt. Lastly, I would like campaign reform where campaigns are much shorter and regulated, like in the UK, to only last for a few months and that all campaigns for federal office, at least, are publicly financed for all candidates who can meet a modest threshold of support, say 15%, in polls. No corporate money allowed for campaigns, low limits on individual contributions and free air time on TV for all candidates who meet the above threshold. With election reform like this, we would actually have governments that reflected the will of the people instead of just the wealthiest and most powerful. In turn, they would serve the common good instead of just the interests of the elite. I am very pessimistic about the future tho. Before the rich and corporations would ever allow this to happen, I think the US would see martial law, a military crackdown with militarized police and troops in the streets, and a dictatorship running things while we waited to see if the masses would resist with general strikes and protests to demand an end to it. Still better than the violent form of revolution the fascists in charge are hoping will happen so they can mow us down with the tools they already have prepared, like the Patriot Act and militarized police forces. The Occupy movement and how it was crushed are a preview of what I'm talking about.

[youtube.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 5, 2019:

Too bad in my experience on Match, few women apply her method. They use the site like it's shopping on Amazon. My zero dates-coffee meetings in my term, did go ok because by then I had probably already screened out the kind of women that would use them as job interviews rather than real, honest conversations. The problem is finding women on Match that are not shopping and swiping like she advised against. Those women appear to be a very small minority and it's hard to get their attention and interest if you have just average looks and money. Tons of better -looking guys with more money, ie, high value guys in the terms of the modern paradigm of classes and leagues.

So.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 5, 2019:

Same shit, different day. But I did enjoy getting together last night at karaoke with two make friends who sing.

Elizabeth Warren: 'No To The Billionaires' Funding Politics | Rachel Maddow | MSNBC - YouTube

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 5, 2019:

Much as she would be an improvement as a nominee for the Dems or as a president than Hillary, I am skeptical about whether she can be trusted by progressives if she actually got power. Largely because she had her chance last time when she could have supported Bernie during the primaries, when it actually mattered and could have swung the nomination, instead of supporting Hillary like she did. To me that smacks of being a selfish opportunist who did the calculated thing to ensure her own chances later on rather than support the progressive at the time who shared so many of her positions. A few of my friends are going to see her today in my area and are acting ga ga like she's some rock star. I wish I could be that enthusiastic and illusioned, but I've seen this movie before. I won't be surprised if she deters Bernie from running again or even if he does, the two of them will split the primary votes of progressive Dems and we will once again end up with a corrupt, non-inspiring Dem nominee, namely Biden, who will lose to Trump. Having said all that, I would vote for Warren if she was the nominee, over Trump, but I would hold my breath about expecting much progressive about her is she did become Prez. She's too quick to compromise and sell out. I volunteered in Bernie's campaign then and I won't this time because he caved and endorsed Hillary after the primary instead of following his progressive values and taking the offer to run as the Green Party's candidate. So I won't volunteer for him or Warren this time around. Fool me once.....

What is your biggest pet peeve when going to the grocery store?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 5, 2019:

Country music being played at the Fareway store.

Women, how do you explain to others that catcalling isn't a compliment?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 5, 2019:

I've heard that in Italy-don't know if this is still true- men would clap or applaud if an attractive women walked down the street. That would seem more respectful, but I suppose even that would seem to rude to feminists who hate being objectified.

Whether be believe in a women choice or right over her own body, the republicans and their wealthy ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 5, 2019:

Call me a hopeless cynic, but even tho I am very aware and supportive of PP and abortion rights groups, I seriously doubt the Repubs will ever get Roe V Wade overturned because even tho they have had the votes on the Supreme Court to do it for a long time, they know it would kill the Repub party with female voters, so they just use the issue to fire up their base, raise money and get volunteers from Bible-thumpers, and get anti-abortion voters to volunteer and vote for them on that issue. If abortion were actually outlawed, millions of women would suddenly become single issue voters and throw the Repubs out of power for a long time or permanently. It would be like what happened to the Dems in the South after they passed the Civil Rights Act of 1964. They permanently lost the South and the Repubs know outlawing abortion would cost them the fed govt.

Has anyone ever thought about rediscovering religion or thought about going back to the Church?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 3, 2019:

I'm thinking of going back next Sun. to the Unitarian church that I'm still technically a member of, even tho I haven't been in there for over a year. Thinking of going because I'm just too isolated, even tho I am very turned off by some of the people and the interim minister. But this really doesn't count as the kind of church you all are talking about.

Just after I moved into my present location (2013) I started dating a gentleman.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 3, 2019:

Not surprising. I bet he literally died of a broken heart. He was nuts to try dating within weeks after being widowed and his behavior bore that out. I'm amazed you gave him a chance, no criticism meant of you. My wife died two years ago and I get the feeling that most women won't date a guy until he's been widowed at least two years, figure he's still grieving and not ready. Plus, it seems most women wait much longer than even that before they try dating, more like 5 years or more. I'd love to hear if these averages fit their experience.

If you are in a relationship and could have sex on the side and be guaranteed not be caught, would ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 3, 2019:

Wondering when we're going to hear from nick.......

Watch who you say Hello to.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 3, 2019:

No, the really scary situation for watching who you say hello to is that old cartoon in which everybody, including all the mouth-breathing yahoos, is carrying firearms. The caption reads, "An armed society is a polite society". Yeah, right...

If you are in a relationship and could have sex on the side and be guaranteed not be caught, would ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 3, 2019:

The vast majority of people are found to be operating at a moral level of conformity or just doing whatever won't get them in trouble. I used to be fascinated by this subject, which was best researched by Lawrence Kolhberg quite a while ago using different hypo ?s like this. His research, like Dave's point below, is not very encouraging...... In my local area, there's a guy that I used to really like as a political activist that even ran for governor, a real Green Party type and progressive. Then, soon after that, I and other lefties around me found out that he had started cheating on his longtime wife with a woman that was a fellow activist in an activist group they were both involved in while his wife was at home too busy with the kids for politics. He later divorced his wife and married the activist. After that, no matter how much I agree with his politics, I will no longer respect or trust that man on anything because he held himself up as having such superior integrity to the other pols about how he couldn't be bought or bribed, but in the end he was just another fraud, like John Edwards. Poetically just, he married the woman he cheated with and SHE divorced him about a year later. Nowadays, the lefties around here see him as a joke and rightly so....

If you are in a relationship and could have sex on the side and be guaranteed not be caught, would ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 3, 2019:

Here we go- let the posturing begin....I'm assuming nick, that you are talking about a relationship that is mutually agreed to be monogamous. If that's the case, for me the answer would be NO. One, I desire integrity in both myself and in a partner. So whether I got caught or not would not matter. I would know, would feel guilt (hey, I grew up Catholic and that part never left me), and it would soon affect my relationship, not worth it for all those reasons. I would hope that my future partner would feel the same about doing that to me and about being monogamous. I may not be rich, I may not be good-looking, I may not be the smartest person in the room, but damn, I love feeling morally superior to most Americans and I know in my heart that I am. Doing this selfish exercise in cheating would also cost me this perverse self-satisfaction. As my late wife said, I am as loyal and honest as the family dog. I make no judgment about relationships that are poly, open, or whatever else because adults have the right to choose what works and make their own agreements. The point is about living up to your agreements. Now I will read the members comments.....

And yet these folks still go to church and get nothing in return

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 3, 2019:

Not all churches are holy roller, or into faith-healing.

Well I'm scrolling around and figure this is a good place to express myself about feeling bad about ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 2, 2019:

Thanks for sharing. I read your profile and you have led an interesting life. As far as friends, it really does become a couples world socially at our age, when we no longer meet people thru work or school. I totally hear you about loneliness. Friends are hard to make. I'm lucky I met a male married friend in the last year from a local film discussion club, spend time with him often and a female friend from a singles group in the same year, see her once in a while. But that's been it since I made all the rest of my current friends from here back in the early 90s. Then they all got married around the same time as me and all had kids, which still occupies all of them a lot. So I rarely see them, not their fault, just the way it is. I never had kids and neither did my late wife. So now, I'm the first one widowed and here we are. Yup, I get it K. Making new friends is just not easy for most of us. You seem very intelligent and I am not going to waste your time giving you advice on making them or meeting people. You'll figure it out. I wish you better luck in the future. K- I did some thinking on this and am going to contradict myself a bit, hope it helps. You seem very passionate about art, as was my late wife. She made some friends by getting involved with a local art gallery's programs and maybe there is a local artist's group you could join. That way you are around people that share your passion as well an interest that is worthwhile to you, no matter what happens with finding friends or a partner. Also, same thing with groups that aid animals.

What You Need to Know About the Nice Girl Who’s Unbelievably Tough – Mind Activist

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 2, 2019:

Sounds like the unicorn of women, esp. if she's good-looking. Because people with great looks often don't get hurt as much as the rest of us and thus also don't develop as much depth of character or empathy.

Something happened the other day which upset me very much.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 2, 2019:

Your experience is very common, I'm now experiencing it some in the very rare times I spend with married friends. As a longtime single former friend once said to a group of married couples that included me then, those people at your gathering were all part of what this friend called " the smug marrieds". They don't get where single people are at these days because they were single too long ago and the scene has changed a lot since then. You won't get much empathy or support from them, so don't torture yourself seeking it from them. I'm lucky that I have a widowed woman my age, a married guy my age, and two other friends my age that are social workers (very caring and empathetic on all things) that I can discuss single life with and be validated and supported. But I am more fortunate than most singles in that respect. That's one thing therapists are for.

Ahhhh, I joined yet another dating site.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 2, 2019:

I was on OT for six months. It was worse than Match because there were not only way more scammers, but the site didn't seem to even try to get rid of them or watch for them. I may have to switch tho from Match to OT in the next couple years tho because it's starting to look like I'm getting too old for Match. Even tho I am willing to date someone 8 years older than me, which would be 68, Match seems to be running out of women in my area that are in their mid to late 60s. And I've had no luck with women in my area that are younger than 60, my age. So, like in foster care, I appear to be aging out of the program, at least as long as most women in my area and age range refuse to date men who are more than a few years older than them.

There's a saying I'm fond of that goes "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 2, 2019:

Most learning happens outside of it, I'm convinced of that.

Cheesus Crust the 'faithfools' are getting a bit desperate around here.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 2, 2019:

You could have quoted the immortal words of ZZTop and said, "Jesus just left Chicago". lol.

So you wouldn't mind meeting a guy but you only get to choose them online from pix.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 1, 2019:

With paid dating sites, we all choose based on a combo of looks and profile, but I suspect that with many people, esp. attractive-looking women, that if the person's main photo isn't attractive enough, the profile never gets viewed. I base that on my own experience as well as what others have shared on this site. By paid sites, I mean ones unlike this that are only about dating.

Happy New Year (and Jewish New Year!) from the Reno Sheriff’s Department - RENO 911! ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 1, 2019:

That show is just too funny! I miss having new episodes.

Well folks, for the first time in years, I'm going out tonight for New Year's Eve! And not to some ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 1, 2019:

You're living my dream. Wish I had a bunch of women to go hang with.

Anyone spending New Years alone?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 1, 2019:

I'm watching a Twilight Zone marathon and reading alone.

Why is it that a woman should be taken seriously about sexual harassment or assault, but a person of...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 1, 2019:

Esp. in cases of a white woman making the accusation, I guess you could chalk up the difference to white privilege. I know from experience that most white people are unaware or in denial of their privilege regarding race.

Just curious what everyone is doing on a Monday night New Years Eve.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 31, 2018:

Find someone compatible and physically attractive to date, even if it doesn't end up long term, tho I hope it would. Not holding my breath. What am I doing? I'm watching a Twilight Zone marathon on TV and feeling bummed that for a lot of years until a few years ago, my late wife and I would spend this night together with three other couples who all met around the same time my wife and I met and kept up the tradition for 20 years. It sucks to be in a couples world. All but one of my friends is married. Last year was the same for me. My wife was in her final year of suffering from dementia and she died two years ago next Sun.. Thanks for asking Misty.

How old/young were you when you realized you were atheist/agnostic?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 31, 2018:

Early to mid-20s, coincided with college education.

I just turned on the "open to dating " section of my profile.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 31, 2018:

I've had no luck at all with trying to meet any women from this site. Only a handful listed for my area in my age range and when I messaged most of them, they all ended up rejecting me without meeting. Have met several women who lived far away that seemed compatible and interested in me if we lived nearby, but all we've done is be Agnostic pen pals. Much as it sucks, Match is my only real chance at my age for at least the next few years or more unless I start attending the Unitarian church again. In my local area for my age group, the men outnumber the women 2-1 on this site.

One of the things I've always noticed about the bible belt is they have a grudge against "book ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 31, 2018:

That is mostly true and it is based on envy and fear of those with more education than them, tho the people with less education would probably not admit that either is the case.

Advice for the ladies. ?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 31, 2018:

I would love to meet a woman on Match that will write in real, meaningful paragraphs when they message me. When they don't it feels like they are too busy to actually communicate meaningfully, too guarded to be open, too selfish or arrogant to share equally, or too lazy to show a good attention span. So, to address AmmaRe's point, no, they don't need to be a talented writer to be compatible with me, but when they show these traits in their written communication it may well be a sign of personality traits that ARE a dealbreaker sooner or later. Which is why a phone call or face to face as soon as the other person is willing is a good idea because those two give you an even better read on them. Interestingly enough, whenever I have traded PMs with women on this site-as only platonic friends or pen pals- they always have communicated well by writing paragraphs and answering all questions, so that tells me that what I encounter on Match is more a matter of personality and attitude than gender or even age, because even tho women on paid dating sites get lots of messages and are busy trying to answer them, the women on this site are often busy too. So I think it's more an issue of whether communicating with you is that important to them or not.

And it's all true.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 31, 2018:

It was a great time to be a straight white Christian male, everybody else, not so much.

Elizabeth Warren anounces presidential run

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 31, 2018:

The Dems would be wise to nominate her and not treat her like they did Bernie or nominate some corporate Dem like Biden, because only a progressive candidate is going to beat Trump, unlikely as that may sound. People have seen thru the lies of the corporate Dems.

What the religious doesn’t understand that all of us would believe if the real God just showed up.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 31, 2018:

I always liked that old joke, "Jesus is coming, so look busy....and boy is he pissed off!".

SO why is the USA in Afghanistan?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 31, 2018:

The same reasons we have invaded any countries since Korea, empire and minerals, usually oil.

Religion based misogyny

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 31, 2018:

Hell yeah!

I was a Cable Guy. I saw the worst of America.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 31, 2018:

Very insightful article about how the elite and upper middle class treat the servant/service worker class as well as how corporate America treats its employees like machines or robots that are all expendable and replaceable. I have always, as a socialist, thought that workers in physically demanding jobs should have a lower retirement age, like they do in Europe, than those in desk or non-physical jobs. The reason being that death and disability often come earlier to people with a career in those jobs than the rest of us. So the fair thing would be to not penalize them for dying younger or having their bodies wear out sooner than other workers. Why should they have to spend all or most of their retirement years with already wrecked bodies? Unless of course, the intent of government is to save money on them by making them wait to retire later than they should and not having to be disabled first. I bet this woman's employer made it very hard to retire on disability for work related injuries or conditions. Electricians are another field that working in it as a career usually means your knees and back are shot by age 55.

Just now, listening to some awesome music, I realized that after losing my brother and my wife of 35...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 30, 2018:

What are you listening to? Just curious..

Advice for the ladies. ?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 30, 2018:

Goes both ways. I find it really irritating when I am trading messages with a woman on a dating site and they always reply in very short, text style messages with very brief sentences when I make it obvious I would like them to open up at least a bit more. Plus, they will ignore or fail to respond to much of the content I put into a paragraph length message. Double standard anyone? I doubt that in most cases they are too busy to actually write in paragraphs and reply to the whole message I write, or is this a double standard that guys are just supposed to accept?

Hi everyone! I’m in a dilemma and hoping that I can get some feedback.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 30, 2018:

Everybody is different. In my experience, with online dating, which I assume is how you met this guy, is that first you trade a few messages. Then you either meet for coffee or something short or else have a phone call before meeting in person. If you have had a few long phone calls, I'm suspecting something may be wrong with this guy. Maybe he is married and afraid of being spotted with you. Maybe his photos are old or bogus and is afraid you will be disappointed in his looks. It sounds like he knows you as well as he's going to before meeting you in person. It's not you, he's hiding something or he would be eager to meet you in person. I'd be tempted to let him go, but if you choose not to, look out. I would expect that this guy will stand you up if you push him into agreeing to meet you. Hadn't considered it, but others brought it up. A man who is reluctant to meet in person may be a scammer. If he asks you for money, you have your answer.

Signs You Might Be Middle-Aged

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 30, 2018:

Some, but pleasantly surprised I don't do most of them....yet...

Lesson learned: When a woman tells you not to date a man because xyz, find out if xyz is actually ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 30, 2018:

True, gossip (not saying this was the case with you) is not always true and can be motivated by selfishness, jealousy, etc., so be careful in acting upon it.

So, what kind of music does everybody like the best, I love a good musical discussion so please go ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 30, 2018:

Hate country, don't like classical or rap, like about everything else, at least in moderation. Favorites are classic rock and alternative rock.

Is this a dating site?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 30, 2018:

There are only five women my age who are listed as living in my area and one of them has been off the site for several months and another has been gone for over a year. No real options on here until the local pool of members my age doubles or triples. Not likely since no new women my age have joined in the last 12 months.

My ego’s sabotaging my spiritual success My ego’s sabotaging my financial success My ego’s ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 30, 2018:

Sounds like Daily Affirmations With Stuart Smalley (Al Franken on SNL). " I'm smart enough. I'm good enough. And, doggone, people like me".

To my fellow thinkers, the agnostics: Well, I spent the Xmas holidays with my daughters and ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 30, 2018:

I couldn't endure that kind of insanity without heavy use of alcohol and/or street drugs, neither of which I will use. Hopefully you won't need a vacation at the psych ward to recover.

I kind of lost myself this past summer.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 29, 2018:

I haven't done that and never would, but I can understand what motivated you to do that. We all want to feel attractive, wanted, and be with someone. All of that is healthy, at least in my mind and it doesn't by itself make you codependent or dysfunctional. I don't judge you and am glad you learned from this and moved on. I've often heard that your motivations in this are the same as most people who have affairs in a marriage, so you have a lot of company among us flawed humans.

I don't know if it is every state, but come Jan.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 29, 2018:

I had a minor cardiac proceedure done this summer that involved an overnight hospital stay that cost 65K according to the EOB. Imagine what an open heart surgery would cost.

I luv Stevie Nicks. Has anyone seen her or Fleetwood Mac in concert?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 29, 2018:

Late 1970s with Fleetwood Mac.

This comic is 80 years old. Nothing has changed.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 29, 2018:

I believe the saying is "I'll support budget cuts for social programs and infrastructure the day the Pentagon has to hold a bake sale for its weapons programs".

Political affiliation and religious belief

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 29, 2018:

Socialist and Atheist/Agnostic. The Dems don't represent me at all on issues of economics or foreign policy.

Upto No Good

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 29, 2018:

Sounds like a country song, "I go stalking, after midnight.." In all seriousness, don't go that route. Will only drag you down and hold you back from moving on from her, which it sounds like it's time to do. You are being serious here, right, or is this just a joke?

What are your plans for NYE?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 29, 2018:

Probably see a movie if I can find one interesting to see.

Everyone keeps telling me that I need to work on myself first before seeking a relationship.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 28, 2018:

If you are seeing a therapist, they can tell you when you're ready. If not, then I would go by when your oldest and closest friends think you are ready. Because in each of those cases, these are the people who know you best.

The dark side of Facebook: finding out what happened to your first/old loves I've heard of a lot of...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 28, 2018:

Haven't done it, don't really care. The past is the past. I hope all those from my past are doing well, but if I still cared about them they would probably still be in my real life offline. How they have been and are now doing has no effect on my life, so why would I be interested in looking them up?

Do people actually ever meet and go on dates from this site?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 28, 2018:

Yes, but my guess is that in most cases these are LD relationships because in most areas this site does not yet have the numbers to allow much for choices of partners or compatible matches.

2018 is ending soon, have you found love here?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 28, 2018:

No and I haven't even met anyone in person yet. This site will need to grow a lot more in numbers of women my age in my area before it will be a realistic option for finding someone to date without doing a LD relationship, which I refuse to attempt.

Could your thoughts make you age faster?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 28, 2018:

Have all those thought patterns. Check. I'm doomed. Thanks for sharing this. Ok, come to think of it, I may not have number four, so there may be hope for me?

Look what was in the drive-in lane at my bank in Shawnee, Ok.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 28, 2018:

Must be brave and have a budget he or she can spend on regular vandalism costs besides normal vehicle maintainence and repairs because auto insurance would be no help with this.

Where Have All the Music Magazines Gone?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 28, 2018:

I used to be a long time subscriber to Rolling Stone, back when it was great and would actually feel excited when each new issue arrived.

You can violate Title IX by asking another student out on a date?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 28, 2018:

I am skeptical of the reasoning of anything in The National Review.

Beto O’Rourke Is A FRAUD - YouTube

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 28, 2018:

I was cynical about this guy as soon as the Dems began touting him. Not surprised he turned out to be another fraud. I guess I will always be skeptical of new faces in the Dem circle that claim to be progressive after being suckered by John Edwards, the ultimate fraud, back in his time. Better to believe in someone like Bernie or another progressive who's actually been around a long time and has a proven track record on votes and policy.

America needs this wall...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 28, 2018:

I don't think we need a wall so much as need the South to want to secede again and this time let them go. It would vastly improve our politics. Or maybe just a wall on the Mason-Dixon line would do the same thing. (some sarcasm involved, consult your owner's manual).

Left Behind by Trump’s Boom: The Rural Americans Who Elected Him

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 27, 2018:

Neither party gives a damn about lower class Americans left behind. The reasons Repubs win votes from rural Americans is twofold: Repubs play to the fears of rural folks about minorities, immigrants, and gays, etc., in other words anybody who's not white and hetero. Second, unlike the Dems, Repubs actually acknowledge the anger of poor whites and give them someone to blame, which the Dems don't do at all. Dems at the national level shy away from anger in campaigns, it seems too uncivil or low class to them and might offend comfortable suburban voters.

What do you think about the connection between those who long to follow rules, who actually feel ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 27, 2018:

They all go hand in hand. Wanting to be told what to do and believe leads to seeking religion and strong authoritarian leaders. People on this site tend to be at least skeptical if not defiant of authority.

Age gaps are not that important -- when young.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 24, 2018:

That's something that really is up to the individual, but I can tell you what seems to be common on the paid dating sites. I'm 12 years younger than you, so I only am aware of the age ranges being used on those sites by men my age, which in most cases in something like 12-15 years younger and 3-5 years older. This sort of younger partner chasing trend understandibly and justifiably upsets most women who would like to date someone their age, but a lot of women my age seem to have responded by going the same route. On this site, Agnostic, it appears that most people do not openly state an age range in their profiles, but I do in mine. I am open to dating as young as 11 years younger than me and 8 years older. The bottom of my age range is not really very meaningful because few women that young would want someone my age, but I include it because I am open to someone that young and younger women, at least in my observation, seem more likely than women older than me or my same age to be fellow hipsters in their entertainment and music tastes. which are important to me. At least that's what I see in my local area. When it comes to women older than me, I am getting to the age that I worry about being widowed again sometime in the next decade if I date someone who is more than 8 years older than me. Once has already been hard enough for me. But if someone was a little older than that and in great health as well as being compatible, I might take the risk. In fifteen months on Match, I have only met women who are in their early to mid-60s, all older than me, which tells me the younger women, for all practical purposes, are a lost cause for me. Maybe not so much for your age, I dunno.

I really don't need say anything here.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 24, 2018:

This sounds a lot like the concepts used in addiction treatment. You can't save someone else. They will change or stop practicing their addiction either when they are ready to do so or when they die, hopefully the former.

Experts: Medicare-For-All Is Viable And Would Save The Gov’t Billions Annually

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 24, 2018:

The last time the Dems really did anything radical on healthcare to help the lower classes was Medicare and Medicaid in the 1960s. Since the 1970s the Dems have been bought off by the health industry lobbies from doing anything that radical again. Plus, in the 1990s the DLC was formed, Dems began getting addicted to corporate money for campaigns and quit caring about the poor or even the middle class on economic issues. They are united with the Repubs in opposing single-payer, Medicare For All or whatever you may want to call it. Some docs are greedheads, some aren't. I've met both kinds as well as some that aren't caring with patients and some that are. I think being a doc has got to be a very tough job and I want someone in it who is both very smart AND caring, but you won't always get both. But considering I have spent my whole life as a taxpayer having to at least partly fund the medical education of docs while all the while in the US I have NEVER been garaunteed health care as a right, I don't have much sympathy for docs who whine about how unfair it would be under single-payer or Medicare For All if they all had to become govt. employees. Where's the justice in having to fund their education if I have no right to use their services unless I can afford to pay? Let them be govt. employees like in the rest of the world, and the greedhead docs will leave the system. Good riddance, because I have met plenty of very smart people in my life who couldn't get into med school AND cared about people. A very kind, friendly doc I got to know a bit called himself a "blue collar doc" because he was a GP or Family Practice doc, not some high paid specialist. He also said that the AMA and its equivalent group for DO docs (non-MD docs) were actually greatly in favor of single-payer healthcare for the US. He said the real opposition is both the politicians in both parties that oppose it and the industry groups that are making so much profit off the 40% of the US healthcare system that is not under Medicare, Medicaid, or Tricare (the VA system).

Loneliness

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 24, 2018:

I'm very grateful I have a few local friends and they can spend some time with me during the holiday season as subs for a family. Not as good as having a partner or even dating someone, but enough to get me by. I have my father that I will visit on X-mas day.

Almost that time of the year again.......

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 24, 2018:

My wife died on Jan. 6th almost two years ago and the sadness and depression over it, along with the usual winter and holiday blues, began weeks ago. I am already dreading the anniversary and will try to make sure I am with people that day. It's always shittier when people die around a holiday, not that it's ever good.

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TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 23, 2018:

This song was in the movie Shallow Hal with Jack Black and Gwenyth Paltrow. Song was connected with Paltrow's character named Rosemary.

Is touch important?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 22, 2018:

I get a theraputic massage once a month and it's worth every penny for my physical and mental health.

“Fascism should more properly be called corporatism, since it is the merger of state and corporate...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 22, 2018:

Quarrel as you like about definitions, but I already think we have fascism here in the US and it's been driven by so-called conservatives or, as Noah Chomsky calls them, radical statists.

The article was authored by a woman, coincidentally: Studies of middle-aged people who had gone ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 22, 2018:

None of those findings surprise me.

Have you ever disliked someone for no reason?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 21, 2018:

Reminds me of the old joke by Bob Dole, the funniest politician I ever heard of and someone I liked a lot, even tho he was a Repub. He was the master of the dry humor and terse jokes. I think he was talking about Phil Gramm of Texas, but the joke went like this. Gramm asked Dole why people seemed to take an instant dislike to Gramm. Dole replied dryly, "Saves time".

It is said that true love never dies.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 21, 2018:

This reminds me of the last six months of my life with my late wife. She had dementia for 5 1/2 years, a lot shorter time than most with dementia, esp. Alzheimer's, which often lasts 10-16 years. She knew who I was until about the last six months, after that I think she knew I was somebody familiar, but not what my name was or my relationship to her. I'm not going to lie and say I saw her everyday because it was too depressing and I couldn't take that. I saw her about every other day and not for more than a couple hours as she slept more and more and was bedridden for the last 5 months. Anyone who's been thru this will think twice about ever saying til death do us part again. I have no interest in getting married again. It about killed me emotionally and I will never get involved again long term with someone who has a family history of dementia. My marriage was worth it, but I won't do it again. I just want a long term partnership with someone compatible. If they get cancer or have a stroke, I can deal with that, but not again with someone losing their mind and who they are. I have a hard time remembering the good times with her instead of feeling haunted by the bad times of her illness, but I still miss her.

The decimation of the middle class continues on schedule Study By MIT Economist: U.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 21, 2018:

Tell me something new. It's been a third world country for a while now with most of its citizens. Just have to look at things on the ground realistically and not with some dopey optimism or wannabee hope of getting rich someday. No wonder the vast majority of those who are living third world in the US don't vote. They know both parties have sold them out on economics. It's not that they are ignorant, it's that they are hopeless and also more realistic about things than the middle class who still votes.

Listening vs hearing

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 21, 2018:

Oh, that's true with anyone craven enough to make it to that position. As LBJ once said about Nixon when someone asked him how he knew Nixon was lying, he said "Because his lips are moving."

BANNING OTHERS IS BAD FORM.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 21, 2018:

Got to agree with Carin. I don't know about banning anyone from the site. Haven't seen anyone act so abusive that I would seek that from the admins., but I have blocked several people already and am glad I have that option. Some people harrass and others are just full of shit. Hence, I block. Spend very little time on FB, so I don't understand your comments about that.

I just feel people are getting emotionless currently.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 21, 2018:

It is, but after seeing the reception you got with your last post of this type, you are a glutton for punishment. And, no I am not being sarcastic or feeling any pleasure in saying this. Some people on this site have empathy and are supportive of those suffering in the dating wars and some are not like that. Post at your own peril. And as for the dating scene, it really does feel like a war sometimes. I guess that's why many years ago I used to read a wonderful dating advice column in the Chicago Tribune. Guess what it was called? Tales From The Front. (As in front lines of the war). And that was even pre-internet when people actually had way more manners than now.

I am 30, and am just now considering using my GI Bill to attend university.

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 20, 2018:

No clue at all and glad I'm retired.

Have you met anyone via this app/website?

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 20, 2018:

Nobody from here. Messaged four in my local area, two replied, one of them made a lame excuse for not wanting to meet me, the other traded a few PMs and then ghosted me. I'd like to meet someone from here in my local area, but it won't happen until the numbers of women my age in my area get a lot bigger and then maybe someone I find interesting and attractive will give me a chance. Until then Match will have to be my hope.

For all you that thought Beto O’rouke was a potential for President

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 20, 2018:

Glad he's being debunked. We've had more than our share of Trojan Horse Dems like Obama and both Clintons talking like progressives when it suits them, but actually just as much on the side of the oligarchs and corporations as the Repubs. I figured as much about this guy, glad he's being discredited early. I'm not even sure I would trust Warren and I won't trust Bernie either after he caved and backed Clinton.

If I have the intention of dating, should I reveal that I am unemployed, have learning difficulties ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 20, 2018:

I feel all those things are better left for when you actually meet someone, if even then. I also don't feel we owe someone new a medical report before we meet them either. Those things and what you shared should wait until the second or third time you meet. If you shared the things you've mentioned, of course all the women blew you off. No need to help your competition like that.

The Birth of the New American Aristocracy - The Atlantic

TomMcGiverin comments on Dec 19, 2018:

This article tells me nothing new. I had already met these aristocrats at the Unitarian church long ago. They were easy to spot with their indifference to social justice issues and economic inequality as well as their strong interest in knowing what your job was and then judging or socially ranking you according to that. Their classism and cliqueishness disgusted me and a friend described them very well by saying they cared nothing for Unitarianism's First Principle of Respecting the inherent worth and dignity of every human being, and that they were just stopping by for the humanism.