We keep telling them, lol

EricJones comments on May 9, 2019:

It's like putting a tattoo on a plum, then turning the plum into a prune; It's gonna look different.

From the late, great Sir Terry....

EricJones comments on May 8, 2019:

Having a car is good evidence that keys exist

Y'all I am in a mood 🤣🤣🤣

EricJones comments on May 8, 2019:

The first and third are good ones, second is a real pisser, and a few ideas for number 4-Bolton, McConnell, Huckabee-Sanders, just for starters

Goldens are the smart ones

EricJones comments on May 8, 2019:

I use peanut butter-hides the pill better.

My downfall... cake.

EricJones comments on May 8, 2019:

Cake is fuel to work out harder.

My math skills are in the toilet!

EricJones comments on May 8, 2019:

My math is great and this gives me a headache. So to make it easy, I just steal it out of the mens room.:)

I love a stroll in the woods...

EricJones comments on May 8, 2019:

Are you using a shovel for a walking stick?

Cajun Spring.

EricJones comments on May 8, 2019:

Wear rubber gloves- problem solved.

This got funnier the more I looked at it.

EricJones comments on May 8, 2019:

Fun house mirrors.

It's that time of year for the daisy speedo dukes

EricJones comments on May 8, 2019:

If it's a speedo, it's an interesting pattern; but don't leave the pool area.

warning label

EricJones comments on May 8, 2019:

Too true. That needs to be put on the front of every bible- in large print.

business cards

EricJones comments on May 8, 2019:

Run the fishing business as a side-nobody will know.

Embracing my fluffiness....

EricJones comments on May 8, 2019:

Pooh had too much pecan pie and eggnog over the holidays-just like me.

In my best Forrest Gump voice....

EricJones comments on May 8, 2019:

Don't remind me...

I haven't posted a pun this bad in at least an hour....

EricJones comments on May 8, 2019:

I'm partly color blind -I don't see the "o"s.

The devil's music?

EricJones comments on May 8, 2019:

Different perspective and just might be right. But I think it's all in the clothes-you just don't wear a suit to a metal concert.

Someone can cover for me right?

EricJones comments on May 8, 2019:

It's raining, snowing, the sun is too bright,whatever- I can't make it in today.

had to share

EricJones comments on May 8, 2019:

We're the biggest loser-we're stuck with this idiot as the head of a now totally dysfunctional government of the wealthy,for the wealthy and by the wealthy.

2 Timothy 3:16-17 “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting ...

EricJones comments on May 8, 2019:

The bible is cherry picked and taken out of context so badly that almost any verse can mean anything to anybody.

Not much flavor

EricJones comments on May 8, 2019:

Churches have no taste.

It's going to be a tough one.

EricJones comments on May 8, 2019:

That's either sunrise or sunset. Either way I hope it was a good one.

Somebody wasn't interested in dinner.

EricJones comments on May 8, 2019:

Was the food that bad??

Nothing to see here. Keep scrolling.

EricJones comments on May 8, 2019:

Looks like my kitty peanut, except he likes to lay on his back for belly rubs.

Opportunity knocks!

EricJones comments on May 7, 2019:

The jelly ones and the powered sugar ones can really stain a blue uniform.

enjoy!!! LOL

EricJones comments on May 7, 2019:

Isn't getting old fun...

You cannot hang out with negative people and expect a positive life. -Unknown

EricJones comments on May 7, 2019:

Does that mean I should quit my job???

Spanky could not contain himself

EricJones comments on May 7, 2019:

I'm with him

All aboard!

EricJones comments on May 7, 2019:

Elmos mom is a very busy girl...

That shit is on for good.

EricJones comments on May 7, 2019:

I'll take my chances, thank you.

More often than not

EricJones comments on May 7, 2019:

What about politicians wearing diapers?

Had to throw in a cheesy one....

EricJones comments on May 7, 2019:

Some things sound good on paper, but just don't work in reality.

Speaking of which....does anyone know a good Bail Bondsman?

EricJones comments on May 7, 2019:

I dunno, it's bought the president lots of bimbos...

Alcohol and Fats👍😊

EricJones comments on May 7, 2019:

Makes sense to me.

need a refund !

EricJones comments on May 7, 2019:

Like when it rains all day on your day off...

Does this ever happen to anyone else? Ugh! Argh!

EricJones comments on May 6, 2019:

At that point my language usually sets fire to the computer or at least blisters the plastic.

Plans for tomorrow.

EricJones comments on May 5, 2019:

I used to, then I blew 2 discs in my lower back-no more running.

Paint 101..

EricJones comments on May 5, 2019:

Thats cute.

I think Steve's a little thick. No, not there.

EricJones comments on May 5, 2019:

He's too goody two shoes. If I were in his position, I would've looked for the nearest concealed spot-back seat of a car, bushes, port a john at a construction site, whatever- and taken care of business.

See that lion over there 🤣😂😅

EricJones comments on May 5, 2019:

"Objects in the passenger mirror are closer than they appear."

Like that's ever going to happen on agnostic.com

EricJones comments on May 5, 2019:

My ex girlfriend (a rabid catholic) keeps wanting me to help her financially and I keep telling her in her prayers tell god to make me give her money. After 2 years she's still praying and I still ain't paying.

Now that's destitution

EricJones comments on May 5, 2019:

Cute.play on words.

Why do we moan during sex? [psychologytoday.com]

EricJones comments on May 5, 2019:

Because if we started screaming, we'd make our partner deaf and the whole neighborhood would know what was going on.

The eyes have it.

EricJones comments on May 5, 2019:

The Idaho potato growers have a new theme song-"I only have eyes for you".Hey; If the raisins can do it, why not the potato people.

The time of truth!

EricJones comments on May 5, 2019:

PT Barnum was right-there's a sucker born every minute.

What can I say but “Duh”

EricJones comments on May 4, 2019:

That's the answer I'd expect from a blond.

Do you hold your tongue?

EricJones comments on May 4, 2019:

Sometimes if people could read my mind their brains would explode.

Big mistake😱😅

EricJones comments on May 4, 2019:

Mad magazine-home of some of the biggest crazies to ever put pen to paper. How I miss them.

Would you just look at the handle on that one...

EricJones comments on May 4, 2019:

I wonder where they put the handle on the ladies room-high up or down low?

Adult movies are getting so popular? ...

EricJones comments on May 4, 2019:

Well he hung out with prostitutes, so I guess adult video would fit.

.............

EricJones comments on May 4, 2019:

He needs to close his mouth and open his ears, he might learn something.

I went to the Doctor again yesterday and asked for a prostrate examination, she said, “NO, you do ...

EricJones comments on May 4, 2019:

I'll play doctor with her.....

The way he is portrayed is downright hilarious

EricJones comments on May 4, 2019:

He was a carpenter lugging around timbers all the time-so maybe he was built.

Do you remember when?

EricJones comments on May 4, 2019:

How many of todays youth have no idea how to write a letter, address an envelope, put a stamp on it, etc.

I paid my rent👍🙃

EricJones comments on May 4, 2019:

This should be in the introverts group.

Clean Alice

EricJones comments on May 4, 2019:

Actually, aside from his stage persona, he's about a clean as they come.

There are two seasons in Canada.Winter and construction.

EricJones comments on May 4, 2019:

Looks like the roads around here, you bounce from hole to hole. Besides with enough patching material the road gets repaved every few years

There are about 10 billion Ben Franklin's in circulation.

EricJones comments on May 4, 2019:

The tooth fairy will be stone cold sober for a while...

Nurse nurse...

EricJones comments on May 4, 2019:

Real physical therapy?

Be careful of cliches...

EricJones comments on May 2, 2019:

Sounds like my job.

Been there, and worse it also happened while looking in the mirror lol

EricJones comments on May 2, 2019:

At least they got a reply.

Proof positive of a round earth!

EricJones comments on May 2, 2019:

Somebody knows my cats.

I'm going to have to double check the math....

EricJones comments on May 2, 2019:

From the looks of her profile pic she's not a blond; should we tell her?

Seems accurate.

EricJones comments on May 2, 2019:

Yep, me too.

It'll be fun they said!

EricJones comments on May 1, 2019:

Hope he hasn't eaten lately.

For those of us who have USAA Auto Insurance. I laughed so damn HAAARD! Hahaha! 😅😂😅

EricJones comments on May 1, 2019:

The hospital I work in has dealt with a couple extremely overweight (1000+ lbs) patients and this is how we were forced to bring them in...

I might've laughed a little too hard at this one

EricJones comments on May 1, 2019:

As long as they're standing around laughing, you can get some distance on them.

Mom, why don't we go to church? I love her answer👍😊

EricJones comments on May 1, 2019:

You fall to your knees when the priest gets hard.

Single man, looking for life partner.

EricJones comments on Apr 30, 2019:

That's why the equal rights amendment still hasn't passed after 47 years,

This bumper sticker raises so many questions. What would a 2000-year-old Jesus look like?

EricJones comments on Apr 30, 2019:

Religious people have a tendency to not think.

I'm not going there😅😂🤣

EricJones comments on Apr 30, 2019:

Menopause causes weird shit to happen.

Well, that's redundant.

EricJones comments on Apr 30, 2019:

Voted for that idiot? You don't need the other sticker-it's obvious.

Catholic League On Predatory Priests: It’s Not Rape If The Child Isn’t Penetrated | Michael ...

EricJones comments on Apr 30, 2019:

Put the whole lot in prison, general population, and spread the word of what they did. Then just stand back and watch the fun.

Too many choices!

EricJones comments on Apr 30, 2019:

You can see where his mind is...

Is it too obvious?

EricJones comments on Apr 30, 2019:

Interesting concept.

To believe in something, and not to live it, is dishonest.- Mahatma Gandhi

EricJones comments on Apr 29, 2019:

A vast majority of religious people should read this because this applies to them.

Fortune favors the prepared mind. - Louis Pasteur

EricJones comments on Apr 29, 2019:

Very true. A mind open to possibilities will see things others will not. And will grow.

Yep, in many ways.

EricJones comments on Apr 29, 2019:

Too true.

Does anyone have a worm bin?

EricJones comments on Apr 29, 2019:

I just have a huge compost pile and it is full of them.

One more for that Asian Girls Fan Club!

EricJones comments on Apr 29, 2019:

Count me in.

This has been helpful advice in the past. 😀

EricJones comments on Apr 29, 2019:

Practicing what he's preaching

Groan.......

EricJones comments on Apr 29, 2019:

Starting this kid out early with the bad jokes

I guess there could be a bronze for a 3 way.

EricJones comments on Apr 29, 2019:

He's in a hurry to sweep out the garage.

Good idea?

EricJones comments on Apr 29, 2019:

And they're the ones laughing all the way to the bank.

Bob was kind enough to paint this for me! lol

EricJones comments on Apr 29, 2019:

Tell me something I don't know. He could've saved himself the time and paint and just gave me a piece of copy paper.

Earth is visited by aliens and they turn out to be really friendly.

EricJones comments on Apr 28, 2019:

He can visit them all he wants, he comes here and he's gonna have to fight me for the chocolate

At a crime scene

EricJones comments on Apr 28, 2019:

Animaniacs were a lot of fun.

Spaghetti o's in deviled eggs?

EricJones comments on Apr 28, 2019:

Paaaasss.

The corporate ladder

EricJones comments on Apr 28, 2019:

Somebody knows where I work...

I stumbled on Robert Brault's quotes! He has some great ones!

EricJones comments on Apr 28, 2019:

Good ones.

So very true!

EricJones comments on Apr 28, 2019:

True.

And Poof!

EricJones comments on Apr 28, 2019:

Cute one.

Sometimes you just have to prove people wrong!

EricJones comments on Apr 28, 2019:

looks like just one of those shitty days.

Quoits......

EricJones comments on Apr 28, 2019:

That's not how I remember playing quoits

A beautiful poem.

EricJones comments on Apr 28, 2019:

Getting old is no fun. The floor gets farther away and you start to ...um... uhhh..what were we talking about again?

I wonder, porn is basically fantasy of the sexual kind leading to a lot of porn parodies by ...

EricJones comments on Apr 28, 2019:

Watch some really cheap and poorly made porno films and you'll see that the parodies have been already been done. And for some real laughs add your own dialog. 40 years ago a college prof told the class to go to some cheap porno movie and do just that. So some of us did-it was like improv night at the comedy store. We were laughing from beginning to end with the audience doing most of the dialog.

Read, read, read.

EricJones comments on Apr 27, 2019:

Reading the greats and not so greats will give you the basics. Every writer started out not being very good, but kept going. With criticisms from friends and relatives they kept at it and got better.

I recently went to a religious a event with a family member at Easter time.

EricJones comments on Apr 27, 2019:

Because they're not normally intelligent people, they're unthinking, unquestioning, stupid people.

Listening, watching.

EricJones comments on Apr 26, 2019:

Close enough for me.

Beautiful and fit Asian girl: "Where did the ball go?"

EricJones comments on Apr 26, 2019:

I'll help her look for it.

What does everyone think of the Satanic Temple being granted tax exemption as a church recently?

EricJones comments on Apr 26, 2019:

A deity is a deity, just the other end of the spectrum thats all. Enough people felt the same way and got together as a community and began to worship a being they say is a higher power. The first amendment says that the government can't put one religion above the rest and if the judge had said no, he would have put satanism below the rest, which he can't do. So a religion it is.