zeuser's Profile

A ducky and a horsey, maybe?

silverotter11 comments on Sep 6, 2022:

🤣🤣🤣God of Slapstick🤣🤣🤣!

zeuser replies on Sep 6, 2022:

Piety is a necessity. Heh.

And they never had to be recharged...

glennlab comments on Sep 5, 2022:

That would be hell, no coffee.

zeuser replies on Sep 5, 2022:

Grounds for a lawsuit?

Cartoonish in just about every way.

DenoPenno comments on Sep 5, 2022:

I don't believe this because Trump would want something in return. LIke maybe money.

zeuser replies on Sep 5, 2022:

Or, like, a golf tournament?

And they never had to be recharged...

Garban comments on Sep 5, 2022:

No coffee in hell? Perhaps I should reconsider Pascal’s Wager?

zeuser replies on Sep 5, 2022:

That would have to be Folger's wager. ;)

And they never had to be recharged...

phxbillcee comments on Sep 5, 2022:

You always come up with good ones, bro...

zeuser replies on Sep 5, 2022:

I've got a secret pipeline. LOL

What would one do with a second mustache?

Kynlei comments on Sep 4, 2022:

No nerds allowed in heaven? Oh thank god 😂😂😂

zeuser replies on Sep 5, 2022:

I know, right? LOL

What would one do with a second mustache?

AnonySchmoose comments on Sep 4, 2022:

good group

zeuser replies on Sep 5, 2022:

Thanks!

Mad Magazine has been onto TFG for a LONG time.

OldGoat43 comments on Sep 4, 2022:

I'm sure the FBI has figured out how the trump clan distributed the Top Secret files to their buyers. The family mules are very handy.

zeuser replies on Sep 4, 2022:

I'm guessing the saudis are in the crosshairs here. Thanks Jared, you fucking tool.

Kinda sorta somewhat good.

glennlab comments on Sep 4, 2022:

Another good set.

zeuser replies on Sep 4, 2022:

Thanks, Glenn.:)

Maybe more than two. Plus, labels can be counterproductive.

glennlab comments on Sep 3, 2022:

Widow is an new take on an old one, but it's still funny, good set.

zeuser replies on Sep 4, 2022:

The classics never die!

I vote for the big hoosegow in east Kansas.

alliwant comments on Sep 3, 2022:

"Driving Miss Lindsey" is WICKED! I like the idea of Supermax myself (Florence, CO). Whoever goes there just disappears until their obituary.

zeuser replies on Sep 4, 2022:

I've heard of that place. Sounds ok to me.

Deep breath, now breathe out.

Garban comments on Sep 3, 2022:

All good, but being a fisherman I must go with the “other bowls with intelligent life”.🤣

zeuser replies on Sep 3, 2022:

@AnneWimsey No, of course not! LOL

A few for the weekend…

zeuser comments on Sep 3, 2022:

I'd go with "orgy".

zeuser replies on Sep 3, 2022:

@phxbillcee And what, Bill, you wouldn't? ;)

Deep breath, now breathe out.

Garban comments on Sep 3, 2022:

All good, but being a fisherman I must go with the “other bowls with intelligent life”.🤣

zeuser replies on Sep 3, 2022:

It's a legitimate fish philosophical question.

Deep breath, now breathe out.

phxbillcee comments on Sep 3, 2022:

Nice mix...

zeuser replies on Sep 3, 2022:

Thanks, man.

I vote for the big hoosegow in east Kansas.

JackPedigo comments on Sep 3, 2022:

How about a straight jacket (orange of course) in solitary confinement in the countries top insane asylum.

zeuser replies on Sep 3, 2022:

I can see some benefits from that method.

That look is not extinct, even if the diplodocus who sported it has been long since fossilized.

glennlab comments on Sep 2, 2022:

Live music, sure.

zeuser replies on Sep 3, 2022:

@glennlab Most guys don't show their asses, Glenn.And the ones that do probably aren't aware of it. Heh.

Barricaded at work because there was a robbery at the bank next door and the suspects ran away! ...

zeuser comments on Sep 2, 2022:

Nice! My money is on Sheen, FWIW.

zeuser replies on Sep 2, 2022:

@phxbillcee Wow, I’d pay to see THAT snort-off!

That look is not extinct, even if the diplodocus who sported it has been long since fossilized.

phxbillcee comments on Sep 2, 2022:

Some good ones here, but I love the "Identify it" one,...

zeuser replies on Sep 2, 2022:

Hits a little close to home, but yeah I like it too. LOL

That look is not extinct, even if the diplodocus who sported it has been long since fossilized.

glennlab comments on Sep 2, 2022:

Live music, sure.

zeuser replies on Sep 2, 2022:

@Beowulfsfriend Hey, goatees are always in fashion. They have through the centuries traditionally been a symbol of rugged masculinity. ;)

I vote for the big hoosegow in east Kansas.

racocn8 comments on Sep 1, 2022:

As a foreign agent, he should go to Guantanamo so he and his USSS buddies can keep their relationship going.

zeuser replies on Sep 2, 2022:

I really like this idea.

We are now at DEFCON 1.

racocn8 comments on Aug 31, 2022:

Trump's main argument is "Where will you find a jury to convict me?" (My experience is that judges have several ways of avoiding jury nullification.)

zeuser replies on Aug 31, 2022:

That's not an argument, that's a threat. Jury tampering, well, I just have to assume that he'll try that. Gonna be messy no matter what.

I'm still your number 1 source for bathroom humor. Heh.

Lorajay comments on Aug 31, 2022:

You are definitely the king of the bathroom.

zeuser replies on Aug 31, 2022:

And proud of it too!

We are now at DEFCON 1.

glennlab comments on Aug 31, 2022:

Terrible thing to happen to him, terrible I tell you. Part of me hopes he stokes out before he's indicted, part hopes it's after and part that he lives a very long life to suffer all that he is guilty of.

zeuser replies on Aug 31, 2022:

That is a conumdrum!

We are now at DEFCON 1.

Lorajay comments on Aug 31, 2022:

It is definitely ironic that Trump May finally be brought down by a lawsuit especially since he loves to sue people.

zeuser replies on Aug 31, 2022:

And the fact that it will be about the same things (but much much worse) he accused Hillary of doing in order to get elected is the cherry on top of the irony cake.

MSNBC - Watch Rachel Maddow Highlights: Aug. 29 [youtube.com]

silverotter11 comments on Aug 30, 2022:

The average citizen wouldn't see it but if people the U.S. has out there gathering info or 'spying' are pulled out I think you could make a case that those people were outted in those top secret documents that trump stole. That is a really bad thing.

zeuser replies on Aug 31, 2022:

That very thing has been happening. Did you know that 45 had over 20 private phone calls with Putin over the course of the last year of his admin, and that none were recorded or memorialized in any way? Gee, I wonder what they were talking about?

Cut the cord!

glennlab comments on Aug 30, 2022:

Loved Nancy!

zeuser replies on Aug 30, 2022:

That one seems to be the clear favorite.

In his own words, and yeah, the smell of flop sweat is pungent and palpable.

Redheadedgammy comments on Aug 30, 2022:

I wonder how often he has to change his depends every day? 🤔

zeuser replies on Aug 30, 2022:

We'd have to ask Lindsey, I believe that duty falls to him for the month of August.

Someone deserves some ice cream. 😄😔

phxbillcee comments on Aug 29, 2022:

Let me guess, he lives in her basement...

zeuser replies on Aug 29, 2022:

She tryna get rid of his ass.

You have to read the signs, then heed the signs.

glennlab comments on Aug 29, 2022:

I find the wood one hard to believe.

zeuser replies on Aug 29, 2022:

I know, right? Who actually uses that old piece of wood? LOL

Discombobulated

zeuser comments on Aug 29, 2022:

Should be incarcerated.

zeuser replies on Aug 29, 2022:

@NostraDumbass Yeah, I can get behind that idea.

And these aren't funny, either.

ThinkingFree comments on Aug 28, 2022:

I didn't "get" the princess one ?? 🙃

zeuser replies on Aug 28, 2022:

It is a take-off on the fairy tale "the princess and the pea".

Natural mood enhancement for carnivorous big lizards.

ThinkingFree comments on Aug 28, 2022:

I liked "So long" and irritable vowel. Z , you're the laugh-maker !! 😂

zeuser replies on Aug 28, 2022:

I just steal 'em and post 'em. Y'all pick out the ones your like. ;)

Marjorie Taylor Greene’s home swatted a second time in two days | The Hill

zeuser comments on Aug 28, 2022:

Keep that Glock loaded, oiled, and ready Marj, and point it right at the cops the next time they come by. Then they will know not to mess with you again. I'm just jivin' you, hon. Just resign from congress and live under an alias in a different place. That will be safer for you.

zeuser replies on Aug 28, 2022:

@Garban I'd be ok with that.

Hmmm, I think I can dope out the rest of this one in spite of the redactions.

glennlab comments on Aug 27, 2022:

Was he eating it, throwing it, or demanding that some one get it off his tie?

zeuser replies on Aug 28, 2022:

We'd need to go see the judge for that clarification. All of those scenarios are well within the range of plausibility.

Speaking of redactions...

glennlab comments on Aug 27, 2022:

And most claim to be christians whose whole faith is based on someone else paying their debt.

zeuser replies on Aug 27, 2022:

@Redheadedgammy You could come up with some of your own, I am sure!

Natural mood enhancement for carnivorous big lizards.

glennlab comments on Aug 27, 2022:

I need to teach my dog to shake like that.

zeuser replies on Aug 27, 2022:

I know, right?

Speaking of redactions...

glennlab comments on Aug 27, 2022:

And most claim to be christians whose whole faith is based on someone else paying their debt.

zeuser replies on Aug 27, 2022:

I bet you and I could go back and forth for a couple of hours just trading contradictions that xtians indulge in every day without any sense of irony or shame, nor any inclination to listen to why their contradictions are in fact contradictions. That actually sounds like a fun parlor game.

Watch your own self!

Austin-Cambridge comments on Aug 27, 2022:

A workplace for masochists? :-D

zeuser replies on Aug 27, 2022:

Looks like you have to supply your own gear.

Watch your own self!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 26, 2022:

Factory warning signs in the Deep South because "Hold ma beer an watch dis...."

zeuser replies on Aug 26, 2022:

@Lizard_of_Ahaz Yeah, I know. I run into them from time to time myself here in North Kackalacky,

Watch your own self!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 26, 2022:

Factory warning signs in the Deep South because "Hold ma beer an watch dis...."

zeuser replies on Aug 26, 2022:

@Lizard_of_Ahaz Sweet sea mother.

Right wing lunatic accidentally makes a sexual reference while spewing hatred [youtu.be]

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 26, 2022:

This guy looks, talks, and sounds just like the MAGA yahoos that I have seen around my town. I agree they are nuts and there is no point wasting breath or energy on them. They certainly have the authorities here intimidated and in my town, they are also part of the majority view, unfortunately. Most...

zeuser replies on Aug 26, 2022:

If you can, get outta there.

Watch your own self!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 26, 2022:

Factory warning signs in the Deep South because "Hold ma beer an watch dis...."

zeuser replies on Aug 26, 2022:

There are dumbasses all over the country. This is not region-specific.

Looks like the patriarchy wins this time.

ThinkingFree comments on Aug 26, 2022:

Maybe I shouldn't say this, but I didn't get the toaster one. 🙃

zeuser replies on Aug 26, 2022:

It's a premature e-toast-ulation. With a toaster, you can just push it back down, but the analogy to guys, well, bread is not toasted. :(

Watch your own self!

AnneWimsey comments on Aug 26, 2022:

Apparently there was an incident.....any info?

zeuser replies on Aug 26, 2022:

@Lizard_of_Ahaz I think they call him Stumpy.

Listen to Uncle Joe. Take notes, fer fuck's sake.

glennlab comments on Aug 26, 2022:

great set

zeuser replies on Aug 26, 2022:

Thanks, buddy.

Oh those wacky confederates, er, I mean, republicans.

Garban comments on Aug 25, 2022:

Melania has the Victoria Secrets, but she only shares with the pool boy.🤣

zeuser replies on Aug 25, 2022:

You mean the tall one that Barron sort of looks like?

Farts and broccoli, a naturally nutritious combination leading to clouds of phosphoric emissions.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 24, 2022:

Optimistic pessimism at its finest.....

zeuser replies on Aug 24, 2022:

You can be an optimist and still hedge your bets.

Excellent point....

zeuser comments on Aug 24, 2022:

Jersey boy trying to be a PA senator. Just such a wrong decision. Belly flopping Oz, tone deaf, proven charlatan, and a fucking Jersey boy. Holy shit, what was he thinking?

zeuser replies on Aug 24, 2022:

@Lizard_of_Ahaz That's him all right.

Excellent point....

zeuser comments on Aug 24, 2022:

Jersey boy trying to be a PA senator. Just such a wrong decision. Belly flopping Oz, tone deaf, proven charlatan, and a fucking Jersey boy. Holy shit, what was he thinking?

zeuser replies on Aug 24, 2022:

@Lizard_of_Ahaz Yep. He is a shameless huckster, which is why the talking yam decided to endorse him.

Uh oh, seven years bad luck, starting now. LOL

ThinkingFree comments on Aug 24, 2022:

Love the spoiler alert !! 😂

zeuser replies on Aug 24, 2022:

Yeah, keep your mythology chronology straight.

Uh oh, seven years bad luck, starting now. LOL

glennlab comments on Aug 24, 2022:

The phone contract hit a little close to home.

zeuser replies on Aug 24, 2022:

Right, was that "free" iPhone worth it?

Don and Hersch, quite a pair.

glennlab comments on Aug 24, 2022:

They made their beds, now they can sleep in them.

zeuser replies on Aug 24, 2022:

Herschel evidently doesn't sleep in beds, he breeds in them.

Ribs for Lucille.

AnneWimsey comments on Aug 23, 2022:

Oh, finally a proper description! I am sarchotic!

zeuser replies on Aug 24, 2022:

I have to agree. LOL

Boxed up and ready to burn.

glennlab comments on Aug 23, 2022:

He needs to be charged, convicted and sent away.

zeuser replies on Aug 23, 2022:

I am thinking revive the stockade. In the ellipse. With Rudy next to him.

Ribs for Lucille.

ThinkingFree comments on Aug 23, 2022:

OMG, Z, these are way too funny. I also love sarchotic!! Had tears in my eyes from laughing at all of them. Esp. laser pointer. Thank you once again !

zeuser replies on Aug 23, 2022:

I’m glad you enjoy them. 😉

Meanwhile, somewhere in Asia.....

glennlab comments on Aug 23, 2022:

You laugh but that may be the world's next food source. America: ...Crickets

zeuser replies on Aug 23, 2022:

I hear they are pretty tasty with garlic butter and curry.

"How on earth can religious people believe in so much arbitrary, clearly invented balderdash?

Garban comments on Aug 23, 2022:

Fear of the unknown, fear of being alone, and fear of the outsider have proven to be an effective yoke and collar for religious leaders to harness their flocks.😕

zeuser replies on Aug 23, 2022:

@MsKathleen Just one of the many FABULOUS contradictory things these guys accept without thought or question.

Traitor-related material for y'all.

OldGoat43 comments on Aug 23, 2022:

Great combo. Thanks.

zeuser replies on Aug 23, 2022:

My pleasure, OG.

"How on earth can religious people believe in so much arbitrary, clearly invented balderdash?

Garban comments on Aug 23, 2022:

Fear of the unknown, fear of being alone, and fear of the outsider have proven to be an effective yoke and collar for religious leaders to harness their flocks.😕

zeuser replies on Aug 23, 2022:

The bribery of paradise and the open ugly threat of damnation have a good deal of currency with the gullible as well.

Traitor-related material for y'all.

AnneWimsey comments on Aug 23, 2022:

I thought this was all parody until I read the "help wanted" pic which is Obviously a real thing

zeuser replies on Aug 23, 2022:

Yeah, that one cuts a little close to the bone. LOL

We need to stamp that out.

glennlab comments on Aug 23, 2022:

Puns have been breeding violence for centuries.

zeuser replies on Aug 23, 2022:

Pure jealousy that someone came up with it first.

We need to stamp that out.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 23, 2022:

I know of very few men who would complain if their wives gave them "the silent treatment..." in fact most of them would rather enjoy the peace and quiet for a change....

zeuser replies on Aug 23, 2022:

I'd be ok with "trapped in a box", assuming I was still married.

Traitor-related material for y'all.

glennlab comments on Aug 22, 2022:

That's about how he hires lawyers, all the smart ones ask for payment up front

zeuser replies on Aug 22, 2022:

That's why he doesn't have any smart ones.

Some makeup examples.

Redheadedgammy comments on Aug 18, 2022:

trumps before is so much more attractive than his after!! 🤣🤣🤣

zeuser replies on Aug 22, 2022:

The same horseshit comes out of each of them.

It's fast too!

glennlab comments on Aug 20, 2022:

#1 The reception is out of this world.

zeuser replies on Aug 20, 2022:

The satellite signals are SO clear!

It's fast too!

phxbillcee comments on Aug 20, 2022:

Some good ones, here, but my top vote will almost always go to Calvin & Hobbes...

zeuser replies on Aug 20, 2022:

You can never go wrong with Calvin.

I remember...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 20, 2022:

4 comics at 15 cents each = 60 cents 3 candy bars at 10 cents each is another 30 cents trading cards with gum 5 cents each bag of chips was 5 cents and soda was another 15 cents... All that work for $1.20....

zeuser replies on Aug 20, 2022:

Take it back to my day and comic books were only 10 cents. The extra nickel that I didn't get charged times 4 is the extra 20 cents I needed to make it work out. ;)

"Stroke, Natasha, stroke!" "I'm stroking, Boris, I'm stroking!"

phxbillcee comments on Aug 17, 2022:

You'd think Rocky & Bullwinkle would be in the van...

zeuser replies on Aug 17, 2022:

Only if they were there to thwart the scheme. Rocky and Bullwinkle didn't put up with Boris and Natasha's bullshit.

Russian State Media Calls Trump 'Our Agent,' Believes Mar-A-Lago Raid Is 'Persecution'

zeuser comments on Aug 17, 2022:

Of course it's real. He has been in the pocket of the russkies for a loooong time. I can understand why they want to help him out here, they've invested a lot in using him as an asset.

zeuser replies on Aug 17, 2022:

@OldMetalHead Good question. My guess is that the russkies know that his "base" doesn't care and that a significant part actually supports Russia. All the people who do not support Russia or Trump's collusion, well those guys aren't going to vote for Lardo regardless. So nothing to lose for them, really.

Denied coverage because of a bad pun. That hurts.

MerlinZap comments on Aug 16, 2022:

Ralph doesn't work and play well with others.

zeuser replies on Aug 17, 2022:

That's why he's somebody's X.

Help us, Obi Wan, you're our only hope.

NostraDumbass comments on Aug 15, 2022:

Trump and Jabba the Hutt. Separated at birth.

zeuser replies on Aug 15, 2022:

Yeah, I noticed that too. Quite a family resemblance.

Susannah likes it.

ThinkingFree comments on Aug 14, 2022:

😂😂😂, love 'em !! Thanks, Z !!

zeuser replies on Aug 14, 2022:

My pleasure. :)

Trump speech at conservative conference dubbed ‘most frightening’ of his career so far

zeuser comments on Aug 13, 2022:

This one was a dandy. He advocated building tent cities and relocating the homeless into them. Think about that for a minute. A camp, concentrating the homeless (to start out), a concentration camp if you will.

zeuser replies on Aug 13, 2022:

@OldGoat43 Yeah, the historical precedent is pretty obvious.

Y'all like golf? 😉

glennlab comments on Aug 12, 2022:

Love the rat tail.

zeuser replies on Aug 12, 2022:

yeah, nice touch!

I literally cannot stop smiling...

zeuser comments on Aug 8, 2022:

Defund the FBI? Really? I just..I dunno..This is a bad time in our history.

zeuser replies on Aug 9, 2022:

@mcgeo52 Or an irrational number, either way.

I literally cannot stop smiling...

Redheadedgammy comments on Aug 8, 2022:

Can you imagine all the repub heads exploding over this? 🤣🤣🤣🤣

zeuser replies on Aug 8, 2022:

With these tactics, they know what they were lookin' for.

I literally cannot stop smiling...

zeuser comments on Aug 8, 2022:

Defund the FBI? Really? I just..I dunno..This is a bad time in our history.

zeuser replies on Aug 8, 2022:

@OldMetalHead Oh my word, yes we have. These are the ones we have now, though.

I'd give it a try.

chalupacabre comments on Aug 8, 2022:

Think they'd much rather keep their asset where he is. They've paid good money to maintain that weapon

zeuser replies on Aug 8, 2022:

Well, the premise is "in a perfect world".

Poetry, anybody?

Lorajay comments on Aug 3, 2022:

I love the poem but since I also love ballet the picture is disturbing.

zeuser replies on Aug 3, 2022:

Sorry. You have to take risks for satire.

I always said there wasn't a lot of difference between a golf course and a cemetery but this might ...

zeuser comments on Aug 2, 2022:

He only needs one body to call it a cemetery, so Melania probably just gets a pine box in Potter's field.

zeuser replies on Aug 3, 2022:

@Lizard_of_Ahaz Then he uses the 20K he *would* have gotten as a charitable contribution.

The guy who owns the Lambo deserves it for leaving it parked in the street.