Dirty minds...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 19, 2022:

Pervert sticking his pecker into an underage ash....

I'm terrible at job interviews because.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 19, 2022:

My answer would have been "If I did you wouldn't believe me anyway.."

A quick reference chart for all the civilians out there

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 19, 2022:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCACcvH_G7I

A quick reference chart for all the civilians out there

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 19, 2022:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oL8O2Cfc2P4

Don't it make you wanna just scream?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 18, 2022:

Like Elon Musk tweeting about declaring bankruptcy..... and instantly getting a million likes....

It's like god picks sides in sporting events. haha

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 18, 2022:

Like the Germans during WW2 "Got Mit Uns" .... If he was then their god is a huge loser....

This really is a thing, so many jokes, so little time.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 18, 2022:

It's a Redneck thing..... Safer like that trying to shit outdoors when you are drunk.

Damn, they are stealing the plumbing out of the walls

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 18, 2022:

He is holding a yard sale out front trying to make money....

I hear you people up north got some of that white stuff, you know solid rain

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 18, 2022:

30 minutes up the road from me are the ski resorts and there is snow up there already...

The bane of long haired dogs

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 18, 2022:

It's all fun and games until the vet tells you he is diabetic.... 1,000 a year for his insulin, another 100.00 a year for universal pen tips, and another 600.00 a year for vet bills....

He does have a knack for fucking things up

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 18, 2022:

Elon Musk could fuck up a wet dream....

I bought a new hoover the other day.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 18, 2022:

Hoover sucks....

An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 18, 2022:

Don't forget the quickie he got from one of the stewardesses...

Always got to make fun....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 17, 2022:

Damn racist photoshop....

Yabba dabba do....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 17, 2022:

Creationists call this proof dinosaurs lived in harmony with man just like in the Flintstones....

I know I bought one about 1975, where it is now, I have no Idea.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 17, 2022:

I did have it.... The ones before it didn't last long and were something like these.

He's doing his job

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 17, 2022:

Not so..... Sometimes they do tell the truth.... just in a way you won't believe it is true.

Eating out is an organic experience.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 17, 2022:

Actually QR codes are a bad idea to scan unless you can be absolutely positive that it hasn't been tampered with. Since the QR codes are so redundant they can be up to 70% destroyed or rendered illegible and still be read they have been targeted by scammers for editing so they can get control of your device without your knowledge....

Being Thankful.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 17, 2022:

For a holiday that celebrates something that never happened yet...

Hurry before it's gone...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 17, 2022:

In the other version of (Genesis2.1) creation they were both made at the same time out of dirt...

Happy Wednesday, been busy!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 17, 2022:

Extremely slow please.....

GOP Heckler Owned - Steve Hofstetter [youtube.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 16, 2022:

Hopefully the little bitch saw this and got butthurt...

His brand of comedy will be missed.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 16, 2022:

By fans in rain coats wearing safety glasses at comedy clubs everywhere...

I always say if you can't say something nice....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 16, 2022:

They are no longer considered a world power either militarily or economically...

I got a black panther in my happy meal!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 16, 2022:

Still not going to eat what they try to pass off for food...

Adorable to a fault. :D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 16, 2022:

I have 12 in my yard if anyone wants a couple....

City that works

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 16, 2022:

Yeah that is pretty much the kind of idiocy I see where I live.... and exactly the slogan they use...

Buyer beware, No refunds, No returns

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 16, 2022:

Probably going to live forever now....

Me (looking in the fridge): No, it's not in here.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 16, 2022:

And can't find it either....

New career opportunities for brave dental staff at Metropolis Dental.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 15, 2022:

I always found it amusing that a being as powerful as that was 6'2" and 190 pounds....

I agree with it, and You?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 15, 2022:

Just shave first so there are no complaints about rashes.... or hairballs.

Well they should have foreseen the results of their surgery.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 15, 2022:

Clear vision is the main cause of divorce....

He was the smart one starship Enterprise

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 15, 2022:

Spock was the real brains of the ship's crew....

Elon, It will get worse.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 15, 2022:

With enough money in hand you can buy success for the short term but you need experts to stay on track. Elon has decided he is now an expert and look what it is getting him....

Phew...That was close!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 15, 2022:

Exercise should be a four letter word...

I had a rather heated discussion with my mother a few years back on a road trip from Florida to ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 15, 2022:

Happiest day of my life was the day they told me I was adopted....

Thrill me, don't bill me!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 15, 2022:

Coffeeeeeeeeeee......

This could be the biggest screw up in finance since the Hunt brothers failed to corner the silver ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 15, 2022:

Lyft is hemorrhaging money as well and just laid off about 5,000 employees... And the Hunt brothers pretty much did corner the silver market until the Feds stepped in and they lost it because they were forced to sell their silver at a controlled price. A lot of people lost their asses but I got in early and made a few bucks...

Of course we have internalized discussions in our head but it doesn't mean that 'the lord' is ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 14, 2022:

Her: The Lord told me to tell you... Me: Your Shrink told me to tell you to get back on your meds....

Join Starfleet, they said. It'll be fun, they said.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 14, 2022:

Red means dead in Starfleet.... It's almost as if they wanted them to be targets.

He buried his candidates and sunk the cause of conservatives too. Wouldn't you agree?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 14, 2022:

Unfortunately McCarthy was reelected because the people in his district are morons....

The Elon Musk Show BBC I-player Episode 1 ELON : "A company is a bunch of Vectors .

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 14, 2022:

Elon Mush is just another rich carnival barker trying to fool the world into thinking he knows what he is talking about. He was born to money and so far gotten away with his scams no different than Trump, Bill Gates and many other of his type.

Not what I had in mind...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 14, 2022:

I don't know why he is complaining he did after all get screwed....

Monday morning blah!!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 14, 2022:

Dogs are such assholes

Cat: Ah, you've finally woken up.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 14, 2022:

I have seen cats take human poses a lot. It is amazing how flexible and intelligent they can be.

I don't how scientific this is...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 14, 2022:

Well coal causes acid rain which is dilute Sulphuric Acid and there is a lot of Semen raining down on Pornhub....

He had a plan

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 14, 2022:

Known around town as "The Handyman..."

His fans demand it

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 14, 2022:

In far better mental and physical health than some we could mention....

It's crazy

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 13, 2022:

Fucking stupid meme made by a Trumpanzee who couldn't solve that problem on their own.... https://www.bestcolleges.com/news/analysis/2022/04/11/where-did-aoc-go-to-college/

Lucky dog 🐕

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 13, 2022:

Lucky bastard....

For Physical and Mental Health

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 13, 2022:

Urinate my ass I am going to take a huge ripe shit....

300 years from now

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 13, 2022:

Is this the presidents shot for treason series bill?....

Take it in and take you time to process. Coz more ass kicking is coming in 2024

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 13, 2022:

...

When times get tough...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 13, 2022:

The way Fred eats she is going to be spending a lot of time at work...

I'm going Turkey hunting this Thanksgiving because prices are too high.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 13, 2022:

Going to shoot your turkey of a boss in the ass for being a cheapskate?...

Seems like they start christmas music earlier and earlier every year .

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 13, 2022:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t039p6xqutU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTx-sdR6Yzk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSs3FyeThM0

I really don't miss hanging around with people that would spout stuff like this

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 13, 2022:

In the words of an old Sgt Major I served under when some kid was threatening to jump off a 4 story barracks.... "Go ahead and jump mother fucker"

You never see this on CSI.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 13, 2022:

Probably see it on pornhub though....

China for special occasions

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 13, 2022:

One way to keep unwanted friends or relatives from coming back...

Ever seen a traffic cop begging?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 13, 2022:

The real India... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDLCd70iTeE

Talking about me?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 13, 2022:

Nibbles a bit...

I'm gonna splurge...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 13, 2022:

Do they want extra for the termites?....

It can do wonders

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 13, 2022:

Looks like a good place for a stick up....

Keep your moggy happy. 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 13, 2022:

Cats are just like humans in so many ways....

It really seems fitting

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 13, 2022:

So then death by drowning is your preference.....

Some sympathies to spare?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 12, 2022:

Don't you mean "Quasidildo?"

They don't get it

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 12, 2022:

And only an inbred is too dumb to see it...

Ugh..... It was her after all

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 12, 2022:

Fuck off Karen Trump nobody asked for your opinion...

Three nuns are gossiping about a priest.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 12, 2022:

So that is how they got the DNA evidence out of the altar boy's ass....

Have you felt special yet?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 12, 2022:

Pretty sure I was during the Dumpster administration....

Moscow Mitch nervous?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 12, 2022:

The cannibal clown car....

Won the job on cutness alone.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 12, 2022:

Annoying yappy little bastards are sure to keep the bad guys at bay....

I find chopper ride very exciting.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 12, 2022:

All the time I used to work on them...

Congratulations America... you did it

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 12, 2022:

The world's biggest losers...

I am totally dumb founded. Anybody knows?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 12, 2022:

Because every time she brings a guy home and he meets the kid he runs off screaming into the night....

Sometimes he sings...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 12, 2022:

Kanye the Ass?....

Ramma lamma ding dong vobiscum.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 12, 2022:

I just drink the contents that works for me...

Sadly Simba was to find out the hard way.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 12, 2022:

Sums up the human race quite nicely don't you think?...

Give back to the community

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 11, 2022:

Excellent answer....

The answer is not "to 72 virgins"

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 11, 2022:

We should require all suicide bombers to have a license.... Of course the final exam (pardon the pun) would be to go on a live ammo test run out on the range...

Lucky he found out, many don't

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 11, 2022:

Punched him for being a lousy lay?.... I can accept that.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 11, 2022:

All of the above...

Elon is already talking about bankruptcy. When you find yourself in a hole,stop digging.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 11, 2022:

It should be amusing this next year when he figures out that he lost everything and now has to work at McDonalds ....

Christopher Titus [youtube.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 11, 2022:

What can you expect from people who are inbred...

What a feeling..... but

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 11, 2022:

You're....

Right analogy but...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 11, 2022:

.....

Listen, he is very good.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 11, 2022:

Finding a pet that can save you money is a real feat these days....

For neighbors you don't like...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 11, 2022:

Should do that with a Chucky doll....

I'm with you, mate. Couldn't possibly miss that delivery. 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 11, 2022:

Well you are SOL then....

I have a guess. Guys, what say you?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 11, 2022:

The scenery?....

Nobody reported this

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 11, 2022:

His wife better hurry up and divorce him while he still has money....

Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what: A little boy and a little girl attended the same ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 11, 2022:

Maybe he should have switched to hotdogs instead....

Did you see it?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 10, 2022:

Yes... when I was stationed in Tennessee and North Carolina....

A sixteen year-old boy came home with a brand new Ford F150.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 10, 2022:

Bad planning he should have sold the truck before he left....

The animals are back, part II!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 10, 2022:

#5 is my cat Panther.....

Looking for a job?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 10, 2022:

Biggest noodles in town....

That was then

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 10, 2022:

Not broken just broke because you cleaned him out....

Unbelievable!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 10, 2022:

I see stupid people... What are the stupid people doing?... They are playing militia trying to keep people from voting in person by threatening them with guns....

A Twitter Love Story

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 9, 2022:

All political figures have verified accounts.... But now you can buy one too for only $8 a year...

The billionaire and the mermaid whisperer A billionaire is sailing his yacht past a lighthouse, ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Nov 9, 2022:

Ahh in true "tis bottle style" except much much shorter...