Laura from the South is coming for you

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 20, 2023:

I wouldn't worry about her much longer FAUX Gnus is about to lose 4.3 billion in defamation lawsuits... Plus lawyer's fees and court costs...

I bet they would sell a lot less of them to men if they did that.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 20, 2023:

Bilbo pants..... "What has it got in its pocketses?...."

State of the nation. People are just trying to feed their families.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 20, 2023:

Post a picture like that on your city's website and watch how fast they fill in those potholes....

It's raining here and I'm still in bed, sleeping off and on again, greatest weekend I've had in a ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 19, 2023:

"Does not work or play well with others" That has been me my entire life...

Just one guess

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 19, 2023:

The one on the left.... The one on the right joined the Army...

An everyday occurrence in England. 😅😆😂

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 19, 2023:

Every day here in the US as well....

[tiktok.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 19, 2023:

Compared to my cats he is a rank amateur...

You won't catch me in this situation!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 18, 2023:

I think they are synonyms anyway....

All muscled up...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 18, 2023:

Now that looks painful....

When you're looking for a muchables partner.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 18, 2023:

Looks like Homer is out to lunch...

When your badly out played.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 18, 2023:

I know exactly how she sucks those souls out of his body...

When your tasts are obvious.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 18, 2023:

I wonder how she got her name?....

That man was resourceful

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 18, 2023:

Next year Bob didn't make it back to camp....

A little 80 year old lady had always wanted to join a local bikers club.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 18, 2023:

Well her answer was direct and to the points....

Cleanup in Aisle 2

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 18, 2023:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p13yZAjhU0M=ChrisGladbach

Highway to the danger zone. [youtu.be]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 17, 2023:

Cruz is such a stupid putz he deserves this video....

Bored? Want to see an airshow? Spice up your skies!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 17, 2023:

Add a roil of aluminum foil and a cross bar to the bottom and watch the fun....

I would happily obey. 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 17, 2023:

Scary animals those.... not the dog.

She is in the history books

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 17, 2023:

Sent this to three people who will receive it when they wake up in the morning... I can see the sprays of coffee already.

It is true

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 17, 2023:

From what I heard about the goings on during filming there should have been half the crew and cast being charged with crimes...

Free shipping

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 17, 2023:

Put that screen down and get an instant nose job....

[tiktok.com] I am dead inside 😂😂😂😂

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 16, 2023:

Son in Law's home?...

You should see what happens to pescatarians.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 16, 2023:

I have heard of people getting corns but that is ridiculous...

Spoken in ALL CAPS for those that are hard of hearing.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 16, 2023:

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!................. QUIET!

I think tattoos have gotten out of hand!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 16, 2023:

Just imagine a woman so into dick she has to tattoo them on her face....

A reminder that a closer look is often required.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 15, 2023:

And right-wing media isn't even showing you part.... They are just shoveling bullshit.

Gasoline Car Review I recently purchased a Mazda Miata.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 15, 2023:

It may be funny now but it 20 more years most young people will think exactly this about gas powered cars...

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 15, 2023:

Gad I would have run too...

Long ago, when sailing ships rules the waves, a sea captain and his crew were informed by their ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 15, 2023:

What a pisser...

He is a slimy piece of work that needs to be retired to the trash heap of history

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 15, 2023:

Gym Jordan needs to be sent in front of a firing squad....

With the upcoming election, I'd like to propose the Republicans update their mascot

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 15, 2023:

I would suggest a huge pile of shit instead....

I think they are going to tie themselves in knots on this one.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 15, 2023:

You have to love the stupid.... Look at all the money you save buying tickets to a comedy club...

Well done.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 14, 2023:

Dog...

Tracey Ullman - Jerry Hall and Rupert Murdoch

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 14, 2023:

What some women won't do for money....

Cold hearted...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 14, 2023:

I can't imagine who this reminds me of.... oh wait yes I can.... "For @Tejas ."

Will this make a difference?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 13, 2023:

The "C" what a great spot to get wet looks like....

Large Marge, if she only had a brain.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 13, 2023:

It just goes to prove in my mind that McCarthy is a traitor as well....

Advanced World War I Tactics with General Melchett - YouTube

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 13, 2023:

Worst part is that they still hadn't learned in WW2 the lesson they should have learned in WW1 that standing up and charging an enemy position defended by machine guns is a BAD idea...The Germans had figured it out which accounted for their "blitzkrieg" tactics...

One of my favorite all time movies.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 12, 2023:

Should have put Trump's face on the sheriff and Dubbed in Moron.... "Don't move or I shoot the moron..."

With this I'll call it a night

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 12, 2023:

Where is that vomit emoji you keep promising us?...

Say 'tacos'. It'll increase the chance of getting her back.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 11, 2023:

I guess she farted...

I would have considered myself Chaotic Good but there's no damn way that I'm going to plain sausage ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 10, 2023:

Outside of the rules.... Polish sausage with ranch and dill pickles...

What's the difference between having sex with a prostitute, your girlfriend and your wife?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 10, 2023:

Times like that you wonder why get married...

I need this

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 10, 2023:

I will take one of each...

Lewis Black [youtube.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 10, 2023:

Could have been worse.... They could have had Justin Bieber....

You belong to me, Babe.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 10, 2023:

Put your baby brother's pajamas back where you found them...

Sign of the times...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 10, 2023:

Seems like people need instructions about everything these days... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLm3HMG8IhM=Dantheshan

A little poem from my book, "Food for Thought".

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 10, 2023:

Why I like cats so much.... They shit in the box not in your shoe....

I got the funniest look from my boss last night when he was telling me and my coworkers about a ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 10, 2023:

That's what he gets for dating his partner's wife....

Eating granny.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 10, 2023:

The Floraduh "littler free library" should be sealed with a "banned" sticker and the gun one next to it should be larger and mostly empty....

Get the rolled up newspaper.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 10, 2023:

Doesn't he mean 5th grade dropout conservative Christian on the Internet?

Christopher Titus [youtube.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 9, 2023:

Considering that Trump allowed the Chinese to steal battery technology developed by the Department of Energy.....

Lots of empty space down there…..

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 9, 2023:

That balloon is already at least a thousand times as intelligent as she is....

My new roll model...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 9, 2023:

Super Models....

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 8, 2023:

Be thankful it was just his fingers...

Feeling like spending big this Saint Valentine’s Day, boys? We know what women really want.😉

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 8, 2023:

Fuck Walmart I can get them cheaper than that at either Stater Bros or Smart & Final.... Better quality too.

😍😍😍　　　　　　　　

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 7, 2023:

This is just like the behavior of my cats...

One day at church, a priest delivers a sermon about the importance of forgiving your enemies.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 6, 2023:

I just hand my list of enemies over to Karma and she takes care of them for me... It started out as a very long list and every year it grows much shorter so I just keep adding the names and reading the obituaries. When ever I see one of those names there it brings a smile to my face, a song to my heart and peace to my mind knowing that there is one less piece of shit running around hurting people...

I'd give her a job!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 6, 2023:

Good for her I hope she never goes back... to any church.

Fair and square. 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 6, 2023:

I can't understand how idiots keep trying to claim that people aren't willing to work when the real issue is they aren't willing to pay...

Breaking news!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 6, 2023:

Did you hear?.... It was not a spy balloon which was pretty obvious when you use your brain and realize that a balloon can't carry tech good enough to out do what a spy satellite can do.... Also a balloon isn't controllable and is going to go where it wants not where you want it too so they are pretty useless for spying... But some dumbass ordered it shot down anyway...

Is it Monday morning yet?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 6, 2023:

Jesus is putting too much effort into it... Just hit him over the head with a baseball bat, tie a short rope around his neck with a concrete block attached and toss him into the drink about 5 miles offshore...

The Devils In The Phone Booth Dialing 911 - YouTube

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 6, 2023:

Religion is worse than meth...

Anita Plow.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 5, 2023:

There are times I love living in Southern California... Like when I look up at the mountains and see all the snow realizing I don't have to shovel off my walkways...

Way to insult Freddy.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 4, 2023:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvcpOY91eWs=TheHolyModalRounders-Topic

My wife thinks I don't give her enough privacy.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 4, 2023:

Well that is one place to look for any plans to bump you off for the insurance money...

Old habits die hard....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 4, 2023:

The only thing I want to hear about my ex-wife's life is her death...

Clint has aged well 1885-2023

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2023:

I wouldn't call talking to empty chairs in public as "aging well"

Disney Tales that Florida doesn't want you to hear

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2023:

Doing it doggy style.... woof woof.

Christopher Titus [youtube.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2023:

Yep that is about the size of it....

Another reason crows are cool.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2023:

Or maybe they are just feeling a bit.... er... peckish?....

Last call, not gonna call again

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2023:

Proof he existed found at an archaeological dig in Jerusalem..

Man does not need gold, diamonds or yachts

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2023:

Storage room for the ex girlfriends?...

He's in trouble

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2023:

I wonder who gets the maid in the divorce....

The reason ground hog day has to keep getting new "Phills"

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2023:

Did they remember the Fava beans and a nice class of chianti?...

I just found this one, and I knew I had the right audience here. LOL

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 3, 2023:

She is a dick....

Meanwhile back in Pennsylvania....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 2, 2023:

Already stolen, sent and getting responses...

Adult Humor: Taylor Tomlinson I've been watching her videos and she is hilarious! [youtu.be]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 2, 2023:

Damn I would love to date a woman who told jokes like that...

Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow and predicts 6 more weeks of winter I propose a meal for the ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 2, 2023:

I prefer mine roasted with a side a Fava beans...

Lewis Black [youtube.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 2, 2023:

Any sign saying "Republicans at work" is actually a joke... Not a very funny one but still a joke...

Speechless at this point. When my pets mess up

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 1, 2023:

Took me ages but my cat finally taught me not to leave toilet paper where he could get to it if I wanted to wipe my ass...

Better keep this in mind when the time comes.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 1, 2023:

Death: But you have to leave sooner or later....

Apparently this is old, but I hadn't seen it. [youtu.be]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 1, 2023:

Very old but still funny in its own way...

What do cannibals call a womb? A slow-cooker.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 1, 2023:

The reason so many Christians take communion is that they don't have to wait 9 months for blood and flesh....

Nailed it...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Feb 1, 2023:

Less than 4 years behind you....

Chilli stories “Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 31, 2023:

In short some fairly decent chilis.... Nothing to spicy but ok for clearing your sinuses when you have a cold....

Mrs. Betty Bowers [youtube.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 31, 2023:

I love Devin Green's work...

My friend found out that her dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the vet.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 31, 2023:

Pharmacist would have shit himself if she had told him her Schnauzer had hairy ears...

Just so you know...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 31, 2023:

Hell is a great place for a vacation.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfGggAGITwg=2CELLOS

Speaker of the House - Randy Rainbow Song Parody [youtube.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 31, 2023:

...

A thought: I was wondering about Superman, the man of steel.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 31, 2023:

"Poor Superman" By Fritz Leiber

Bark away!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 31, 2023:

Cats are smarter.... a cat would have run away from home and found a new slave by that point... After shitting in the instruments of course...

If only...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 30, 2023:

And if they had been beavers they would have eaten the tree...

I never knew polar bears had Indian accents.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 30, 2023:

If it was a Dodge em then Ram em or a Shovey they wouldn't be able to afford coverage....

We probably shouldn't name them until we've had them for a few weeks

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 30, 2023:

Typical dog... I just call most of them "Shithead"

from the mouths of quite literal babes

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 30, 2023:

Reminds me of many people I know or have had to deal with including most so-called "customer service representatives..."

Young fellow had no idea the size of the can of whoop ass he was opening.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 30, 2023:

Nice hot buns....

You're going to have to do some quick thinking

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 30, 2023:

Now that is some pussy...

Russian prime minister Medvedev comes to Putin and nervously tells him to abolish time zones.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 30, 2023:

Oops all that trouble to set up a hit and he accidentally told them about it...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 29, 2023:

....