I heard a newsman use this scene to describe Trump finding excuses. [youtu.be]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 15, 2022:

Never his fault it is always someone else when he screws up.....

Why are white gangs the scariest in prisons?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 15, 2022:

Considering how many judges and district attorneys are Republicans that makes them even more scary....

She probably did

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 15, 2022:

She's already a hole in one so why worry?...

Damn shopping list....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 14, 2022:

Going to use that the next time some guy in a small penis truck pulls into the grocery store parking lot.... Let them try something stupid.... Sentencing for Elder Abuse The difference between battery and elder abuse is that elder abuse is a wobbler crime, meaning it may be charged as a misdemeanor or a felony. If charged as a misdemeanor, you can face up to 364 days in county jail and $6,000 in fines. These are additional punishments on top of other charges you potentially may face, such as a battery or assault. If charged as a felony, you could be sentenced to up to four years in prison and fined up to $6,000. The following additional penalties may apply: 3-5 years in prison if great bodily injury is caused 5-7 years in prison if the victim dies from the abuse

Happy Saturday Night!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 13, 2022:

And Re: #4 that is pretty much what you have to do today because they just spoof their numbers anyway...

Happy Saturday Night!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 13, 2022:

So is that the state breakfast cereal of Louisiana ?...

Trump criminal galore

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 13, 2022:

And what are we hearing from our Republican members lately?.... *crickets*

Don't tell me that the spare tyre is right at the bottom of the pile - that's gotta be frustrating.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 13, 2022:

I guess he finally figured out he should have bought a bigger truck...

I had to pass this on.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 12, 2022:

Surprised they haven't locked you up yet....

An odd collection, have at it.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 12, 2022:

Re: #2 no wonder the exhaust system was so noisy.....

Divided loyalties???

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 12, 2022:

That one picture should be enough to get the Catholic Church removed from 501c3 status....

That's the only problem.....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 12, 2022:

Lucky bastard....

Putin met with Zalenskyy and said "After I die, I bet you'll piss on my grave" And Zalenskyy said...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 12, 2022:

Going to need a raised walkway and an 3 meter retaining wall.... The guy selling tickets will be a billionaire overnight.

He predicted the Earth would freeze in 2014. We are in 2022 and it is hot in Texas.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 12, 2022:

The only thing I can say in favor of Al Gore is that he would have made a better president than George W Bush.... Other than that both he and his wife were morons. https://youtu.be/veoYcsH7Wrs

Thursday Night Meme Dump! 😂😂😂

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 11, 2022:

Just flush.....

According to ancient Japanese lore, a person’s aura takes a particular colour right before they ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 11, 2022:

Where is the barf emoji?.....

Denied coverage because of a bad pun. That hurts.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 11, 2022:

The state of Washington has already legalized composting human remains....

A few on the Orange Turd...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 10, 2022:

Just when he thought it was safe....

Two prawns were swimming around in the sea one day.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 10, 2022:

Gud what a horrid punchline....

I love the way this guy thinks! :-D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 10, 2022:

Problem with snow is you slip and fall on your ass then a cop arrests you saying you were "drunk in public" when at most you had 10 or 12 lousy beers...

I don’t know why I post this here. You know this.🙄

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2022:

Why?... Because the truth can be funny....

One day Boudreau and Thibodeau were fishing in their boats in the Basin Canal.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2022:

Hence the old saw.... "be careful what you wish for you might just get it..."

Not really into body shaming, but....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2022:

Must suck trying to find a pair of shoes that fit and aren't open toed...

It truly is an ill wind that doesn't blow some good.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2022:

At which point the girls who didn't want to kiss you suddenly all wanted to marry you....

I hate waking up just to go.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2022:

Better than pissing the bed....

Good night and good morrow

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2022:

Mom jokes you gotta love em....

You guys like what's going on in Mar-A-Lago?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2022:

We can only hope he and all those around him end up with severe cases soon....

Yes it is

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2022:

Karma is my best friend.... Seems like she pays a visit to everyone who pisses me off sooner or later.

Flogging a dead horse? :-D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2022:

He meant to say "I should have divorced you 30 years ago for finding mistakes in everything I say..."

It's on my list of places to visit now! :-D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2022:

My guess is the editor is having a real difficult time trying to find a new job....

Some changes are coming

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2022:

I have always loved the summer because women tend to wear less and show more....

Just like the French wine rules.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2022:

https://youtu.be/dgUbRpdUN1w

What can I say, it's true lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 9, 2022:

You forget we can see you....

In case you're tired of the dog days of August

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 8, 2022:

All my cats love having their bellies rubbed....

Plant tags (I need these).

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 8, 2022:

Sent this to a friend of mine who has a brown thumb....

I don't think Skynet is going to be self-aware anytime soon

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 8, 2022:

Looks exactly like Skynet thinking to me....

Don't you hate when you're looking for something and some else has already used it?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 8, 2022:

Now that will cause a flap....

I was thinking the same thing.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 8, 2022:

And this one killed James painfully after 3 weeks of suffering....

ExplosmEntertainment - Satanic Messages - Comic Classics [youtube.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 8, 2022:

All these years since the 1950s' Christians have been playing rock and roll music forward and backwards trying to prove these messages actually exist when you can find the real evil just by reading the bible....

Good deal if you need them. Even when they don't work, you can use them as a roach clip.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 8, 2022:

That would have to be one hellava big joint.... A real Cheech and Chong special.

What employee shortage?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 8, 2022:

Tried that place about 20 years back and it really wasn't that great.... Microwaves could only have improved the food.

Three soldiers get ambushed on patrol and get taken prisoner.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 8, 2022:

Talk about going out with a bang....

I think he means honest

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 7, 2022:

Kind of depends on what kind of job she is auditioning for doesn't it?....

Happy Sunday!!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 7, 2022:

Couple really funny ones in there.... Boston market learned a valuable lesson about the Internet and Alex Jones learned about reality....

It would appear that everyone taken in the rapture will be naked??

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 7, 2022:

Bunch of fat, toothless, rednecks forgot their clothes but took their guns..... Now I know heaven would be a place that I wouldn't go....

Aww! You poor lonely little soul .....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 7, 2022:

Completely the opposite of all my cats...

Two guys grow-up together, but after college one moves to Georgia and the other to Texas.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 7, 2022:

Well somebody is about to have a case of dejavu....

The 6th grade teacher, Mrs Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 7, 2022:

Some people can't help but brag because there is actually nothing to brag about....

Well, he told the truth...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 6, 2022:

Doggone funny...

Another 5 years in the can probably, how disappointing! :-D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 5, 2022:

I bet he was in prison for trying to dig into a bank vault and coming out in the women's bathroom....

Got to love it...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 5, 2022:

As pissed as that judge is getting he might be spending the rest of his life in a roach motel....

One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel and Clotile was ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 5, 2022:

https://youtu.be/MdJ1LwAjEY4

My thoughts on the matter....You?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 5, 2022:

A properly thrown bible can be accurate at distances up to 30 feet or more. The trick is taping the cover shut to eliminate wind resistance....

Never get smart with an officer of the law! :-D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 4, 2022:

Could have been worse.... He could have been dumb with the cop and said something like "thanks glad to know I am not ugly like you" then he would have needed a lot more money for bail and to pay hospital bills....

Oh, be a sport. Laugh!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 4, 2022:

I resemble that remark.... Most people my age are technologically challenged...

Holding on hard.🤔🤣🤣

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 4, 2022:

What a pair of swingers....

Mrs. Betty Bowers [youtube.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 4, 2022:

Sums up primitive superstitions nicely...

Know it but don't worry.... Lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 3, 2022:

Don't you just hate it when they are filming Mite porn and doing those messy facials all night?....

So true, so true...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 3, 2022:

More proof Elon Musk is a moron.... Anyone with half a brain would have brought in fill dirt to raise the level of the ground to prevent flooding.... Stupid fucking Libertarian jackass.

I have to use this one today.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 2, 2022:

Ouch.....

Leave me alone...I'm trying...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 2, 2022:

Maybe you just need a bigger door is all....

Living proof, you can get a golf ball through a garden hose!!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 2, 2022:

Tell her to lick her lips then stick her to a window at the mall.... See how long she struggles before someone calls 911 to get her loose.

So China has moved to Florida now... O...kay... 😶 You learn everyday, don't you? 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 1, 2022:

Florida is the limp dick of humanity....

These conversations are all one sided anyway! :-D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 1, 2022:

Then during that last moment don't forget to say... "Ah shit looks like nobody is there after all what a waste of time and money that was..."

Smart Woman...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 1, 2022:

The things we have to say just to get laid after we say "I do..."

I threw out my bingo card!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 1, 2022:

Ground beef coming down...

I threw out my bingo card!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 1, 2022:

My guess is when that sucker lands it will be leaving it's mark on the world....

Maybe there's a Ted Nugent tee available.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Aug 1, 2022:

Had to sue the insurance company because heavy rain damaged their ark?.... I guess the insurance company wouldn't cover it because "act of god"....

Nice to be above average on something

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 31, 2022:

When I was young 9 drinks were considered a good start to the night but these days I keep forgetting that I have beer in the house and still have a 12 pack I bought 6 months ago sitting around collecting dust.

I may have to start going to church. I have lots of demons.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 31, 2022:

As far as I know in many countries she did nothing illegal.... Here in the US even all she would have to do is claim it was a "sacrament" and sue for false arrest...

I'll let myself out...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 31, 2022:

...

Phew...That was close...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 31, 2022:

Seen that scenario play out before.... Dog(s) chase cat, cat takes ambush position, cat pounces on dog(s) from behind, dog(s) run howling and screaming down the street in extreme pain while bleeding profusely.....

For the record, I've been the problem more than once.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 30, 2022:

I have been the problem at times but most of the time I am accused of being it by the real problem....

What about your collection of old rockers?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 30, 2022:

Now these are OLD rockers.... https://youtu.be/7OF_Qm42lBQ https://youtu.be/zN0i5-EFDXo

I actually have that cast iron mold, I may try this to see the reaction,

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 30, 2022:

Don't forget to add corn....

Just a few funnies.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 29, 2022:

TPed Tee Pee?...I love it....

This chaps name just has to be George Washington! :-D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 29, 2022:

George Washington never said "I cannot tell a lie" nor did he ever chop down a cherry tree. All that crap was made up bullshit during the McCarthy era. His false teeth were made from animal teeth held together by lead. Abe Lincoln got the nickname "Honest Abe" for being the fairest referee at the cock fights... Thomas Paine was the actual author of the American revolution because without his radical writings the desire to be independent of England would never have overcome the fear.

Why Do We Stay? | Christopher Titus [youtube.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 29, 2022:

Why did I stick around my ex? My daughter was the only reason I married her to begin with.

Oh well, hope you all had a good day, I'm exhausted!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 29, 2022:

Re: #1 How? Super strength and sharp claws. Why? He is tired of smelling your fats....

Not saying I'm doing this, not saying I won't after it cools off a bit.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 28, 2022:

Redneck cupcakes?....

I guess it's not just Florida and Texas

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 28, 2022:

Figures that would be the case in a state where they are a few hundred deaths away from the 1 in 200 admitted dead from covid club...

If you notice another one trying to hold feet with you, run!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 28, 2022:

Someone needs a pedicure.....

Adam was returning home late one night at paradise after drinking with the dodo and the unicorn.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 28, 2022:

After we got married... (I said I do but she said "I really don't but if you feel like you have to just go ahead") I was working long hours and my ex-wife accused me of cheating. She started demanding to smell my dick but I didn't even get a blowjob out of it....

Don't believe the hype!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 28, 2022:

The only way to keep a toddler safe is a full body straight jacket....

''I'm offended''

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 28, 2022:

So many with butthurt here.... They know who they are two of them blocked me the same day a couple days back.... Should I name them and shame them?...

New life goal...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 28, 2022:

Also pissing them off and making them cry.....

Poor ol Clotile done went and died.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 27, 2022:

Sometimes it is best not to say anything....

I have entered stage 4.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 27, 2022:

I was born in stag four....

Taking his first byte

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 26, 2022:

They are both overpriced crap.... I run Ubuntu Linux and have for over 10 years now.

It started at an early age...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 26, 2022:

Wait until he does his report on his Christmas vacation..... https://youtu.be/6QNVe9Hbhwc

Mercury retrograde.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 25, 2022:

Why does anyone believe that crap to begin with?....

A woman goes into Cabela's to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 25, 2022:

Sounds like he needs a bit more practice with his duck calls and his sense of smell needs work as well....

What say you?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 24, 2022:

1960s' origins.... old jokes for old farts.

So, @Ryo1 & @jeshuey are gonna Post corny jokes??? Well, you asked for it...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 24, 2022:

What do you get when you cross a melon with cauliflower?... A melon/cauli baby....

You can hang out with all the boys.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 24, 2022:

They actually used to be some of my contacts on Y/A the guy in the middle was a big contributor to the ceiling cat bible project.... http://www.columbia.edu/~ldc2121/

Good morning!!! Taking my mom and my daughter out for brunch!!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 24, 2022:

How come I start my day with 12 and end up with 24?....

This has totally put me off shopping forever! :-D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 24, 2022:

One of many reasons I don't shop at Walmart....

Power of non-religious beliefs

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 24, 2022:

Funny they do that to me when I start sharing the facts about their religious beliefs....

A pregnant woman from Virginia was involved in a car accident and, while in the hospital, she fell ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 24, 2022:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFutge4xn3w

I'm not sure who needs to see this, or even why?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 23, 2022:

And as soon as the warning came out the latest Internet challenge was.....