‪Can’t wait to drive around my Bible Belt town with my Planned Parenhood sticker on my car ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 12, 2020:

They are going to call you a baby killer.... Tell them that babies are delicious and nutritious....

Stoner fairy tale

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 12, 2020:

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He sure knows how to hurt a fella

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 12, 2020:

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Why would someone that willing to strip get a concealed gun license? 🤔

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 12, 2020:

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My toxic trait is that I think I need to pee before I do anything.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 11, 2020:

Obsessive Peeing Disorder?...

People are so fucking stupid

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 10, 2020:

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Asking for a friend.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 10, 2020:

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Is this a Dad Joke?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 10, 2020:

About all the damned things are good for... That and a real expensive door stop...

Good thing she's wearing those heels.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 9, 2020:

I'd buy that for a dolla....

Yes, it does.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 9, 2020:

Oh Buffy.... Who names their fucking kid "Buffy" anyway?...

Is that where it all started?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 9, 2020:

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Everything is precious.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 8, 2020:

Tweakers are the bane of the storage industry... and people who buy those units as well.... One hard and fast rule you learn to never break is never buy a unit full of boxes sealed with duct tape....

Circa 1940.. new trending cactus wear

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 8, 2020:

Looks like a prickly situation...

carry the one...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 8, 2020:

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What was that charge for?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 7, 2020:

I'll take four of those please....

Way too many of these going around.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 7, 2020:

I love how those same chain emails all seem to mention all the people who had bad luck or died a horrid death because they didn't forward that email that would have made them rich...

Prevent mistakes

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 6, 2020:

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Pay attention and remember

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 4, 2020:

You mean like Trump and McConnell?... I thought they were still alive....

It's a calcium-enriched Miracle!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 3, 2020:

Slightly less than she needs for the recipe I guess her god shorted her again...

Can't be unseen.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 3, 2020:

Since YUM brands took them over the pieces are so small they need to change the name to Kentucky Fried Pigeon anyway....

Nice title combos.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jan 2, 2020:

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Take that Kirk!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 31, 2019:

Capt Jerk is more like it...

Maybe they could just do all the priests proactively. You know they're never going to be convicted.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 31, 2019:

Maybe they could do that with Roy Moore....

Woah!!. Mind blown. ROFL.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 30, 2019:

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Buckwheat is smarter than Trump 😉

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 30, 2019:

Not saying much a pet rock is smarter than Trump.... The only real jobs he is creating are comedians because they have so much stupid to work with it is incredibly easy to make people laugh...

I swear I have seen weirder.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 27, 2019:

https://youtu.be/ss_BmTGv43M

Getting ahead of the game

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 25, 2019:

I thought he always left lumps of coal?.....

What's that noise?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 25, 2019:

I have 4 doing that all night.... Panther my 11 year old, Rocket my 3 year old Siamese, Stashe my 1 year old Tux cat, and his sister Bella the other black cat...

Brie, swiss and provolone

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 25, 2019:

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No it's not.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 24, 2019:

Poor Grandpa....

Papa John's is better

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 24, 2019:

Better than what?... Papa Johns is shitty pizza... But then all the chains are shit these days...

We're going to build a wall, and the Chinese will pay for it.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 24, 2019:

I am so sending this to my granddaughter Celeste's father.... He is Hispanic and hates Trump with a passion....

Such a nice name for him....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 23, 2019:

Every where he goes people need to put up huge banners saying "Welcome Peachy Cool Arrow".... I bet he would be bragging in his speeches about it....

Christmas Smudge - Ha ha ho ho ho...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 23, 2019:

That first one is FEDEX dropping off the Chewy order at my house...

Not awkward or anything...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 23, 2019:

I would have used the last line "Because I wanted to know if you were the fuzz..."

I guess somebody doesn't want to lose their pants.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 23, 2019:

Looks to me like he got belted...

Jubus is in a Margarine Tub??

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 22, 2019:

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Fun Christmas sweater.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 22, 2019:

Walmart where you can find the ultimate in Redneck fashion.... and back to school bargains....

Maybe he is recycling.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 22, 2019:

He has to warm up those frozen burritos when he goes out to pick up the mail....

Rare moments.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 22, 2019:

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In Florida?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 22, 2019:

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Must be a Trump voter

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 22, 2019:

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Happy winter solstice everyone..

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 21, 2019:

And a happy Saturnalia to you too....

Do it.. dare ya.. double dare ya.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 21, 2019:

An elf swirly?....

Maybe a few rednecks

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 21, 2019:

Most likely a bunch of guys with oxygen tanks sitting on their porches chewing tobacco and coughing up chucks of their lungs while their relatives who weren't smart or ambitious enough to work in the coal mines were out poaching reindeer....

I recommend anyone questioning religion on here or just interested in learning a little more ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 21, 2019:

Any belief should always be questioned ... If it can't be questioned it isn't worth believing..

I know it’s the holidays and everyone should be happy for each other but my work has pissed me ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 21, 2019:

It's ok sweetheart I know this time of year is very hard for most people. This time of year has the highest rate of suicide outside of Valentines day....

This is a U caption contest

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 20, 2019:

At least he didn't try to take it on the bus....

They always are listening

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 20, 2019:

That is why it is called the Idiot Operating System..... Face it Siri is whoring with every guy who owns an iphone so she has no call to be jealous....

Sounds like a big win

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 20, 2019:

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Yep. It's time.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 20, 2019:

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Sad.........

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 20, 2019:

Largely because less attractive men are less likely to be assholes and cheaters...

Sargasm.....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 19, 2019:

This is so me....

Bas-turds [cbsnews.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 19, 2019:

I imagine these are already being installed in every Amazon warehouse in the country.... And will soon be outlawed in CA so Bezos the clown will be forced to replace them again... Of course if the DNC doesn't snatch defeat from the jaws of victory again by committing election fraud in the primaries like they did in 2016 Sanders will make sure his shitty polices on bathroom breaks are at an end... *pardon the pun*

Air Drop is wonderful

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 19, 2019:

Nigerian Air and Space Administration?

The worst is when the battery is almost gone and you have to drop a deuce

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 18, 2019:

No worst is when you have a bad case of the runs and the phone falls into the bowl while you are shitting.....

I guess it does happen.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 18, 2019:

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Nailed it!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 18, 2019:

Are those 20mm cannon shells in her bra or is it just cold out?

Nerd humor

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 18, 2019:

Math nerds are a lonely breed... time is running out for them you rarely see them reproducing in the wild anymore...

And that's the way it is...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 18, 2019:

Actually I used to work as a janitor for a while as saw far worse in the women's room than the men's....

Christian Youth Minister: We Need to Tell More Kids They’ll Be Tortured in Hell | Hemant Mehta | ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 18, 2019:

Guy needs to be arrested for domestic terrorism .... A few decades in Gitmo would do him some good...

Hello friends, I shaved my head 😍

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 18, 2019:

Awww so cute it makes me want to give you noogies all day long....

Kitties Killing Christmas Trees... or trying to...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 17, 2019:

With 4 cats in the house putting up a tree would just be an invitation to a disaster....

A couple .

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 17, 2019:

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Extra hell

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 15, 2019:

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For the most part....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 15, 2019:

Welcome to my world....

Snarky appropriate comebacks

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 15, 2019:

I just tell them "please don't reproduce...

Ok, who ate the christain again.. spit em out.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 15, 2019:

I cannot tell a lie .... it was a babby and was delicious... https://youtu.be/Ll-lia-FEIY

And that's how that happened.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 15, 2019:

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Just a little penis humour....(pun intended😉)

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 15, 2019:

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Breaking News: US Evangelicals send help to Australia

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 15, 2019:

Trump said it is your fault for not raking the leaves....

More dangerous than a JW

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 15, 2019:

Love them cookies...

yup

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 15, 2019:

I went out of my way to piss them off....

🐈🐱🐈🐱🐈🐱

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 13, 2019:

They just want to preserve their place in history....

Sounds personal to me.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 13, 2019:

Be a cut up and ask him if he would recommend his Rabbi with a 2, 3, 4, or 5 star rating....

This handle placement makes me uncomfortable.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 12, 2019:

Imagine that same placement on the women's room in one of those red states....

Groot enjoys!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 12, 2019:

Groot's root....

The new pipe that my mom got me for my birthday. 💛 it!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 12, 2019:

Pretty and it suits you perfectly I hope it lasts you a lifetime. Take good care of it!

War Hero

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 12, 2019:

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Ba-dum tsh 🥁

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 11, 2019:

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Seems accurate.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 11, 2019:

Gad I remember those days.... Woke up with a coyote woman once and I quit drinking after that...

None given...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 11, 2019:

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Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 11, 2019:

Been trying online dating lately.... Seems all they want to do is send me pictures of porn stars saying it is them.... "Send me 200.00 a week and I will send you videos and pictures of me naked..." What the fuck haven't these morons heard of pornhub?

Where it stops, no body knows.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 11, 2019:

Guilty...

Praise be to Bacon!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 11, 2019:

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A Jebus twofer

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 10, 2019:

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Alexa i said ....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 10, 2019:

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It's mean, but I laughed pretty hard.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 10, 2019:

Nobody laughs at a pretty girl unless she says something stupid or slips on a banana peel... https://youtu.be/Hn-N26u4-eg

Took me a minute to get this one

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 10, 2019:

We really need a face palm emoji here don't we?

double entendres ... Oh look - BBQ!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 10, 2019:

Re: #1 Here I thought they specialized in Altar boys... #2 Professionally or just with their sons?.... #3 Stocking up the walk in freezer now...

I almost swiped right on this guy on Tinder than I saw where he said “follower of Christ” in his...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 9, 2019:

Ran into a lot of those hitting on me on several sites.... WTF don't those dumbshits understand about "anti-theist?..."

I'm not surprised with that name

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 9, 2019:

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Canadians can own four ''Christmas trees'' per residence.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 9, 2019:

6 in California... Mature ones that is the immatures don't count....

Is this why my family doesn’t visit?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 9, 2019:

What no Hookah on the top?

It's a constant battle -

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 9, 2019:

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Smudge the shopping cart wheel. LOL

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 8, 2019:

Should have been the screamer as the squeaky wheel...

It's not about the protest, he's making money

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 8, 2019:

What an ignorant thing to say... He LOST money for protesting and was just listed as a "no show" when they canceled the practice he was supposed to attend.... FYI in todays world Christians own as many or more slaves than Muslims do.... https://www.freetheslaves.net/our-model-for-freedom/slavery-today/

Anybody?....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 7, 2019:

Big fucking pigeon....

Anybody?....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 7, 2019:

Carry an umbrella...

This all fell on me at work and the Mikes Harder hit me in the face.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 7, 2019:

Be more careful please.... Such a nice face it would be a shame to make it hard.... "Did you know?...." "When she is single at 30.... yet you figure...."