Trump-endorsed Madison Cawthorn loses reelection bid for NC 11th congressional district ...

zeuser comments on May 18, 2022:

He had to shuffle around different districts and beat a lawsuit just to be able to run, so that was a problem for him, but he never stopped being a publicly embarrassing jerkoff with no legislative achievements whatsoever. Then he tried to carry a gun onto an airplane, simulated some guy blowing him, showed up in lingerie, claimed he went to hookers and blow parties with other republicans. I mean, western NC is pretty conservative, but they ain't stupid.

Robin Williams knew

zeuser comments on May 17, 2022:

There is serious humor in mundane practicality.

My bet is from the looks of his background in the picture is he is living in his mommy's basement ...

zeuser comments on May 16, 2022:

I feel for the guy. But fuck him, in the figurative sense.

A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?

zeuser comments on May 16, 2022:

Scuse me. *writes this down *

I’ve pretty much been single since my ex wife wandered off in 2009.

zeuser comments on May 16, 2022:

It's a big disincentive, that's for sure. For me, it's looking grim for any sort of romantic endeavor, religious or not, but my non-religious dating pool is absolutely bone dry.

"People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do." Isaac Asimov

zeuser comments on May 16, 2022:

Asimov actually did.

The ultimate Sunday snack!

zeuser comments on May 15, 2022:

The one with the foreskin in it is extra.

Happy Sunday!!!! 😂😂😂😂

zeuser comments on May 15, 2022:

My cat allergy clearly stifled my career on science. 🤣

I recently met with an old friend of the last 59 years.

zeuser comments on May 15, 2022:

My best friend and I went to catholic school together, grades 7-12. We went to mass, went to confession, all that stuff. We went two different ways as we matured - I became a fully fledged atheist and he became a Jesuit(!). We stayed best friends - he was the best man at my wedding years ago (he was nowhere to be found for my divorce, LOL), And just 2 weeks ago at my request he conducted a wonderful and moving graveside service when we buried my dad's ashes. We would never try to proselytize each other, that has kept that friendship strong. You can be religious and not be a prick.

I ended up indirectly blocking @FrayedBear by reporting him for a private message he seems to have ...

zeuser comments on May 15, 2022:

I bagged his ass a while ago, so I didn't see the message you are talking about - which is good!

kIND OF HITS THE NAIL ON THE HEAD

zeuser comments on May 15, 2022:

And that is just scratching the surface.

TMTG+: Trump media company hiring producers for ‘Maga version of Netflix’ | The Independent

zeuser comments on May 15, 2022:

The mouth-breathing knuckle-dragging network - sounds like a financial powerhouse, a sure bet, a clear winner, just sign here, you stupid rubes.

I was that nerd

zeuser comments on May 15, 2022:

Uh oh.

It is not the same Where is Voice of America?

zeuser comments on May 15, 2022:

Can't say as I blame 'em.

Melania Trump attacks Vogue for putting Jill Biden on the cover | Daily Mail Online

zeuser comments on May 14, 2022:

Now that she doesn't have to worry about the fucking white house xmas decorations she has a little time to mull things over, you know? I bet Larry Flynt would have given he a cover shot if he was still around. LOL

Now we know....

zeuser comments on May 14, 2022:

That is very thoughtful.

Heads up folks, I am different

zeuser comments on May 14, 2022:

Maybe some finger-lickin'?

I’m not saying who, but a friend called this morning and asked if I would loan her $1300 to help ...

zeuser comments on May 14, 2022:

Lucky he had some counterfeit money laying around, am I right?

He has the right to bear arms🤔 and to bare arms.

zeuser comments on May 14, 2022:

No itchy trigger finger. I wonder how....well, never mind.

How'bt this Evangelicals?

zeuser comments on May 13, 2022:

Yeah, I guess if any of that horseshit was true, this would follow. Mmmhmm.

Either here or music, guess who won

zeuser comments on May 13, 2022:

Why I oughta....

Todays Shit Show! Lol 😂

zeuser comments on May 12, 2022:

Outstanding!!

That's how kissing cousins started

zeuser comments on May 12, 2022:

Never wanted to kiss my cousins. I'll take a pass on this one, Noah. 🙄

The geography of a woman as she ages: Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa .

zeuser comments on May 12, 2022:

LLOL...Literally laughed out loud. 🤣

A picture is worth a thousand....

zeuser comments on May 12, 2022:

Yeah, I did that for a while. I stopped a couple of years ago. It was fun right up until it wasn't.

The Last Temptations of Mona Lisa

zeuser comments on May 11, 2022:

Nothing enigmatic about that smile. ouch

Yep Susan Collins called 911 for someone politely asking her to do her job and fix the mess she ...

zeuser comments on May 11, 2022:

She's a fucking republican pretending she is different than all the other yahoos in that party. She is not different.

She's just upset because they know where she lives.

zeuser comments on May 11, 2022:

She's a fucking republican pretending she is different than all the other yahoos in that party. She is not different.

Wednesday! 😂😂😂

zeuser comments on May 11, 2022:

Waldo's in a bit of pickle there, isn't he? LOL

Do you fear this?

zeuser comments on May 11, 2022:

Assault with battery.

BACKLASH People are getting really pissed off at the Repugs and their antics.

zeuser comments on May 10, 2022:

OK, that got my dander up! We all need a pragmatic pep talk now, I think.

Never, ever ask a question you don't want to know the answer to.

zeuser comments on May 10, 2022:

So *then* you ask yourself, "Where exactly do I fit in here? "

And suffer shitty consequences, too. 😅

zeuser comments on May 10, 2022:

Me too. It always winds up like that, so why fight it? 😉

Not the usual fast food.

zeuser comments on May 10, 2022:

Haggis McNuggets, anyone?

This is for sure the last time until next time.

zeuser comments on May 10, 2022:

It's nice to be recognized.

This new generation

zeuser comments on May 10, 2022:

He could hit the deep, deep notes all right! 🤣

U had 2 ask....

zeuser comments on May 10, 2022:

Well, if you turn its knob the wrong way with cold hands....

Another fucked up Monday!!!! 😂😂😂

zeuser comments on May 10, 2022:

Where can I get a subscription to Shat?

If it is the second or third, please contact me.

zeuser comments on May 10, 2022:

I love short stories.

Budget bondage.

zeuser comments on May 9, 2022:

Choke the turtle, choke the turtle!

Trump has lawsuit against Twitter tossed out for failure to meet his burden of evidence.

zeuser comments on May 9, 2022:

He sues reflexively because he can afford it and it makes him feel like he is satisfying his lust for vindictiveness in the short run. His attention span is so short, he generally forgets the lawsuits he initiates, unless it's to prolong and delay the lawsuit to drain the resources of whomever he chooses to sue. He is also an ignorant, narcissistic, sociopathic prick, which maybe has nothing to do with the twitter lawsuit, but which I also enjoy saying as much as possible.

“Capitalism was the only system in history where wealth was not acquired by looting but by ...

zeuser comments on May 9, 2022:

Seriously?

He is saying somethin

zeuser comments on May 9, 2022:

Sounds like a line from an HDS movie!

And so it begins.....

zeuser comments on May 9, 2022:

Unless he later decides he likes it better walking on the wild side.

Some morning's....

zeuser comments on May 9, 2022:

Just today, in fact.

Ted Cruz spreads 'left-wing law clerk' conspiracy following leak of Supreme Court draft seemingly ...

zeuser comments on May 8, 2022:

If moldy smegma was a person....

Not sure if he's right about this, he himself is an example of someone who is intelligent and ...

zeuser comments on May 8, 2022:

I guess spending 8 years in a Siberian gulag can make you a little prickly no matter how educated you are. I think his point stands in spite of his personal demeanor.

“I’ll be darned.

zeuser comments on May 8, 2022:

Harry didn't take any shit from anybody.

Little boy’s mission is to keep mom on her toes.😉

zeuser comments on May 8, 2022:

Happy mother's day, Calvin's mom. :)

Something every parent should know!!!!

zeuser comments on May 8, 2022:

But you can save some time if you wash them both at once. ;)

Like, no shit!

zeuser comments on May 8, 2022:

Next lesson, cracking an egg.

Trying to teach diplomacy (FAIL) While chatting with my buddy Paddy, I suggested he be a little ...

zeuser comments on May 8, 2022:

Paddy's next whiskey is on me.

You have a choice

zeuser comments on May 7, 2022:

Once again I am in the forefront!

Been there?

zeuser comments on May 7, 2022:

Don't forget where this all starts.

Ted Cruz Declares To The Nation, “I’m Not A Moron.

zeuser comments on May 7, 2022:

Republicans have a way of telling you the truth by telling you the opposite. I am not a crook. - Nixon I am a stable genius. - Talking Yam Read my lips, no new taxes. GHW Bush I am not a moron. Rafael Cruz

Naughty is in the eyes of the beholder

zeuser comments on May 7, 2022:

Shouldn't it be illegal to encourage....tailgating like that?

Don't overdose please

zeuser comments on May 7, 2022:

You can fertilize at the same time.

Greeting cards is a ridiculous idea

zeuser comments on May 7, 2022:

The ultimate gift card. 🎁

Oh. Now I get it.

zeuser comments on May 7, 2022:

Time for the hawk to make some perspectively large bunny fazoo. LOL

[vm.

zeuser comments on May 7, 2022:

Love is blind. Lust, on the other hand, is a completely different story. ;)

Excuse me, but did Anthony Fauci tell us about this?

zeuser comments on May 7, 2022:

I need some configuration details here.

Red state girl, she's been living in her red state world.

zeuser comments on May 6, 2022:

Maybe I'm not marketing it correctly, but that's not how it works in my case.

Poorly describe what you do/used to do for a living. 😆

zeuser comments on May 6, 2022:

Kept track of all the ways to say stuff that everyone in the company had to use.

I could almost believe it.

zeuser comments on May 6, 2022:

That wasn't god, that was the whole world talking at once, you decrepit, ignorant, hateful old butthole.

Sitting in bed w coffee and boys and contemplating my stupidity along w other things .

zeuser comments on May 6, 2022:

You can only help someone so much before they have to take care of their own selves. Don't doubt your instincts to help, but be aware that some will take you for a ride. Sounds like Rita came under a bad influence when she was very vulnerable. You shouldn't judge, but neither should you enable. And when you say you are not nice, I for one don't believe you. ❤

Our county fair has lots to do

zeuser comments on May 6, 2022:

WT actual F!?!

Not creepy at all...

zeuser comments on May 6, 2022:

When your tinder date has kids...

Who the hell is your dealer?

zeuser comments on May 5, 2022:

I dunno. You get what you pay for.

More on bananas and monkeys -

zeuser comments on May 5, 2022:

I stay away from bananas, so by that metric, monkeys need not fear I will consume them. Hah!

She is differently abled

zeuser comments on May 5, 2022:

I get this. Plus, consider that "crazy" is commonly just a value judgment.

Trump says he took widely-mocked cognitive test because people kept calling him stupid! ...

zeuser comments on May 5, 2022:

That didn't go quite as well as he thought it did, did it?

Happy Drunko de Mayo!

zeuser comments on May 5, 2022:

The cat will always rat you out.

Heads up, I will be out next week for training

zeuser comments on May 5, 2022:

Wow, you could also crack a couple of walnuts with THAT equipment!

It is now clear that Putin the Putrid will not have Ukraine by May 9.

zeuser comments on May 5, 2022:

You think he keeps a running total? I doubt it.

Living the dream requires surviving the occasional nightmare. ...........paraphrasing @hippydog.

zeuser comments on May 5, 2022:

You need the bad to fully appreciate the good.

Jokes on you... Eh Abbott..... [dailykos.com]

zeuser comments on May 5, 2022:

Isn't it illegal for states to conduct anything resembling negotiations with foreign countries? What am I missing?

Goodnight!!!!! 🤣😂🤣😂😂🤣🤣

zeuser comments on May 5, 2022:

Hah! I bet Frankie is ecstatic!

I broke up with a girl once because she was having hallucinations.

zeuser comments on May 5, 2022:

You can't fix crazy, you know?

Very informative

zeuser comments on May 5, 2022:

Should be required reading. Also, there ought to be some reference to vasectomies. That's one sure way to be able to blast it on the inside with no abortion needed afterwards.

One more reason why I love Egyptian mythology.

zeuser comments on May 5, 2022:

Ya know, it's not too late for a revival of the old ways. I can host. ;)

Before google there was Mr. Britannica.

zeuser comments on May 5, 2022:

I always like Calvin's dad's approach. LOL

No prescription needed

zeuser comments on May 4, 2022:

Looks like a great stocking stuffer.

Confession Guidance

zeuser comments on May 4, 2022:

When I was 14, spanking the monkey was pretty much an identity issue for me. When they made a big deal about it in the booth, that's when I stopped going to confession, and my spiral into atheism began!

Beer sounds better than hear... Lol

zeuser comments on May 4, 2022:

While your up, some peanuts would be ni..WHAM

For everyone that says the president doesn't matter

zeuser comments on May 4, 2022:

Well all you Bernie voting sore losers who wanted to teach the democrats a lesson when Hilary was nominated (which was admittedly a shady political theft) by not voting for anybody, you sure showed us! That taught us a lesson all right! Grrrr.

I'm broad minded but this may be a too fruity for some! :-D

zeuser comments on May 4, 2022:

Wait until the one on top spills its seed.

Inventive scrawl

zeuser comments on May 3, 2022:

Oldie but goodie.

Ugh!!!! The day I had!!!!! ...

zeuser comments on May 3, 2022:

Nice! 😜

Good Monday Morning!

zeuser comments on May 2, 2022:

I might wanna get me some of those jebus butt plugs for xmas presents to give to my religious buddies. LOL

Can you feel his pain?

zeuser comments on May 1, 2022:

Are you in the right place at the right time with the *right size* like the bicycle is? Are you?!?

Dater beware

zeuser comments on May 1, 2022:

When you said this was going to be a surprise party, you should have said what kind of surprise!

Damn it, jammed again! (Does this potato masher look like Trump to you? 😆)

zeuser comments on May 1, 2022:

The long spatula give the masher a high five. ;)

Happy Sunday!!!

zeuser comments on May 1, 2022:

DickDash, har har har. :)

Remember, signs are here to help you

zeuser comments on May 1, 2022:

I'd rather have redundant signage than no signage at all.

Ain't Physics grand?

zeuser comments on May 1, 2022:

AS Woody told Buzz Lightyear, you're not flying, you're just falling...with style.

chiv·al·ry /ˈSHivəlrē/ noun the medieval knightly system with its religious, moral, and ...

zeuser comments on May 1, 2022:

Calvin is SUCH a butthole.

Don't believe stories you are told

zeuser comments on May 1, 2022:

Depends which Goliath you are talking about.

The unacceptable face of Russia.....supercilious looking smug bastard!

zeuser comments on May 1, 2022:

If dick cheese was a person....

“Your habitually unhappy person resents it when you try to cheer them up, because that means they ...

zeuser comments on May 1, 2022:

I know people who aren't happy unless they are miserable.

Happy Saturday!!! 😂🤗😂🤗😂😂

zeuser comments on May 1, 2022:

Nicely done!